Chapter 13

L ooking around the garden, Marina felt frustration begin to set in as she wondered where her husband had gotten to. He had left so abruptly after breakfast, that she had spent the rest of her day trying to track him down.

Why had he reacted so strongly, even toward her? She still was not certain if it had been the scandal sheet or his brother's sudden appearance that had placed him in such a bad mood. Either way, she was beginning to lose patience with him.

Spotting his valet entering through the backdoor that led to the kitchen, Marina quickly flagged him down and approached with haste. "I am so glad I have found you; do you know where His Grace has gotten to?"

The tall, distinguished man with grey hair and a matching moustache, bowed respectfully with one arm over his chest. "Good evening, Your Grace. His Grace is in his chambers, preparing for his evening bath."

How did he slip past me again?

She almost began to tap her foot impatiently when she realized that he had been under her nose the entire time. "Thank you, would you mind waiting a while before bringing up the hot water? There are a few things that His Grace and I need to discuss in private."

"Most certainly, Your Grace, I shall instruct the footmen to wait until they are called." The valet bowed respectfully again and backed away.

Having bought herself some time, Marina lifted the hem of her skirt and hurried into the house, climbing the stairs as quickly as her legs would allow her. She did not want to give the duke a chance to escape again if he caught wind of her coming.

Crossing the gallery, Marina neared the door to his chambers when she was almost out of breath. Her heart suddenly raced when she realized that she had never been inside his chambers. Not knowing what to expect, she swallowed hard and rapped on the door.

"Come in," Aaron's muffled voice carried through the door.

Taking a deep breath, she readied herself for a fight before turning the handle and stepping inside. The sharp gasp that escaped her throat when she caught sight of her husband's bare back filled the air with a quiet unease.

"I thought I told you that there is nothing more to be said between us." He spoke to her quietly without turning around. His large frame was leaning against the mantle of the fireplace as if he had been staring into the non-existent fire.

"I… Aaron, I did not realize that…" Her voice suddenly became choked with emotion as she took in the full extent of his scarred back. The thick map of knots looked as if someone had repeatedly beaten him with a whip.

Turning around, he faced her with a distant look in his eyes. "Did not realize what? That I am a deformed monster all over? Well, now you know." His eyes grew even colder as he reached for the cotton shirt that had been flung over the back of a chair.

Shutting the door behind her, Marina quickly came forward and stopped him from lifting the shirt over his head. "You are not a monster, Aaron, I just did not know why you kept pushing me away. I understand now that you never wanted me to see those scars, but they do not frighten me." The sound of his name on her lips felt completely natural to her as she held his gaze.

He swallowed and took a deep breath. "I should never have trapped you into a marriage with a monster like me." His voice sounded vulnerable for the very first time since Marina had met him.

Reaching up, she placed her hand over his scarred cheek, refusing to back away when he flinched. "You did not trap me into marriage. I needed this marriage as much as you did, and I do not regret it."

A strange look of compassion clouded his eyes as he lowered the hand that he had intended to stop her with.

"How did you get those scars? Was it from war?" Her mind filled with grotesque images of torture as the sound of men screaming in pain rang in her ears. Had he been captured by the enemy? Her heart broke for the hours upon hours and anguish that he must have endured.

Shaking his head, Aaron placed his hand over hers, cupping her fingers against his cheek for a second before lowering her hand. "No, these scars were not from war. They were a gift from my father. An ever-present reminder that competition was far more valuable than Adam and I ever were to him."

Dread filled her body as an icy chill ran through her veins. What kind of father would do that to his sons? "Aaron, I am so sorry." She shook her head and lifted her hands to cover her mouth, utterly shocked at what she was hearing.

"I told you; I do not desire your pity." Turning away from her again, he walked back to the fireplace and rested his arm on the mantle. "My father would constantly pit us against one another as boys. Whoever lost, got the end of his whip." The distance in his voice made her want to pull him into her arms, yet she knew that he would likely push her away. There was still a barrier between them that needed to be broken down.

"Does your brother have the same scars that you do?" She asked him gently, wanting to reach out while respecting his boundaries. The man she had married was a far more complex individual than even she had realized.

"No, I would let him win most of the time so that I would get the beating. He wanted nothing more than to please our father. Pitting us against one another only served to cause a rift between us. Adam and I have never been able to see eye to eye on any matter." His voice held a note of bitterness that had not gone unnoticed by Marina.

"Does Adam know what you did for him?" She swallowed hard at the thought of all the beatings Aaron had endured on his brother's behalf. There was something worse about knowing that the beatings had come from a man that should have protected his sons, rather than an enemy at war.

Pushing himself off of the mantle, Aaron drew the tip of his finger over the scar on his cheek. "I would never burden him with such a debt. The burdens I carry are far too heavy for anyone else."

"But if you tried… You would no longer feel the need to push us away. Any of us." She shook her head and came forward aching for the pain and loneliness that he must have been enduring for years.

"I have handled it on my own this far, there is no reason to change things now." He raised his gaze to meet hers. The stubborn look of resilience in his eyes matched the icy indifference of his tone.

He has been hurt so many times.

She recalled the fact that he had once been betrothed before they had met. Had the girl rejected him after learning the truth?

"The scar on my face is not from the beatings." He held her gaze as if he could read her mind, and Marina suddenly realized that she had been staring.

"None of your scars bother me, Aaron. I hope you believe me," she pleaded with him as he made his way to a chair, slumping down in the cushions.

Her words did not seem to have an effect as he ran his fingers over the lengthy scar. "Adam and I used to live to win. All we ever cared about was who could be the best at riding or badminton. We even went as far as enlisting in the war against the French."

Feeling compelled by the story, Marina chose the chair opposite Aaron and sat, listening intently to what he had to say.

"War was nothing more than a game to us. Who could kill the most enemy soldiers? How many battles were won solely because of our valor? An unfortunate result of my father's teachings. Had I known then what I know now, I would have taken things more seriously. War is no game, and neither is there honor in taking another man's life."

The tense way that he stared past and into the empty fireplace, sent chills down Marina's spine.

"I still recall the battle as if it were yesterday. Adam and were both junior officers, more so because of privileged births than anything else. The battle had just started when Adam declared that he had gotten the most kills of the past week. Being the stupid child that I was, I let it get to me as I forged a path ahead with my blade."

The slicing motion that he made through the air, made her throat feel dry as she pictured what, or rather who had been at the other end of the blade.

"It was not until much later in the day that I realized Adam had been missing. I had gotten so caught up in the game, that I had failed to check on him. Panic-stricken, I charged around the many dead bodies. Some of our own men, but mostly those of the French. It took me a while, but I finally found him, laying in the dirt on his back with an enemy blade pointed at his throat."

"And you saved him…" Marina suddenly felt the tears stinging the back of her eyes as so much of his cold personality made sense to her.

"I jumped in with my sword just as the enemy was about to drive his sword into Adam's throat. The fatigue of the battle had gotten to me and misjudged the step, pushing the man out of the way but landing on Adam. The man of course sought revenge, and I got the sharp end of the blade."

"But Adam was safe."

He raised his head and met her gaze as if he were seeing her for the very first time. "Adam was safe, and I was scarred for the rest of my life. I came home to a betrothed who saw me as a monster rather than the future Duke of Harper."

"Aaron, I can't imagine what you must have gone through." It took all of her restraint not to cry as she stood and came to his chair, kneeling in front of him.

Aaron looked down at her, more vulnerable than when he had started talking.

"I want you to know that I do not see you as a monster, on the contrary, I think you are rather brave as well as handsome. I do not know a single man that would have made it through half of the things that you have endured in your life." She took his hands in hers and kissed them before laying them back on his lap.

The look of vulnerability in his eyes suddenly clouded over with anger. "Don't pity me, Marina, I have lived with these scars for long enough to know that I am a monster." He gripped her hands and pushed them away, making her sit back on her haunches.

Marina suddenly felt even more confused as she watched him move away from her, placing enough distance between them to make it feel like a void.

"I have dealt with my younger brother up until now, there is no need for you to interfere." He gave her such a cold look that Marina felt like fleeing.

Why won't he listen to me?

She suddenly felt more hurt and rejected than the night of their wedding. He had opened up to her, and she in turn had tried to make him feel safe. Had none of what she had said even made a small dent in the wall he had built?

"I know that look of pity in your eyes, and I will have no part of it…" He looked her over one last time before leaving the room and shutting the door firmly behind him.

Pity?

Is that what all of this was about? Did he hate the pity that he saw in other's eyes when they gazed at his scars? A mixture of anger and hatred suddenly hit the pit of her stomach. Curling her fingers into a fist, she pressed against her abdomen, trying to will the pain away.

She needed to do something that would make him see that she was not the enemy. Far from it, she wanted to help him.