Chapter 50

50

DEAN

I grabbed another box and started the tedious process of wrapping the new dishes I had just bought. If I would have known I was going to be packing in a couple of weeks, I never would have bought the stuff.

I didn't have much, but it was certainly more than I'd arrived with. I wished I would have stuck with the duffel bag way of moving. It would be a lot easier. I actually believed I was going to settle down for a while. What a na?ve chump.

I finished the kitchen and grabbed another box. I carried it into the bedroom to pack up the bedding. I could still smell her lingering in the air, a sweet scent that would always make me think of Sarah. My thoughts drifted back to her for the thousandth time that day, but they were bitter and sweet.

As I methodically boxed up my belongings, each item seemed to hold a memory or a piece of a life that was now transitioning. I checked the time and knew I needed to pick up the pace. I had arranged for everything to be shipped to a storage locker. The movers would be here soon. I sealed the last box and took a final look around my empty place.

I hadn't really been in the place long enough to make it feel like home, but the memories I had with her were special. I looked at the stripped bed and remembered our last night together.

With a deep breath, I picked up my duffel bag and walked out of the duplex. I needed to return the key and sign off on the paperwork and then I was on my way.

I tossed my bag into my truck, feeling a little sad to be leaving my wheels behind. Just as I was about to climb in, I heard the sound of someone pulling in behind me. I looked to see Jude getting out of his truck with a look of concern and disbelief on his face.

"I just heard. Is it true?"

He didn't need to clarify what he was talking about.

I nodded. "It's true."

Jude looked at me like I was batshit crazy. I probably was a little off my rocker, but I felt like I was on the right track. I had made my choice and that was that.

"You quit the Air Force? Just like that? Done?"

"Done," I confirmed, though it hadn't been just like that for me. I'd thought it out long and hard. My contract was up, and the mess with London had left my paperwork in limbo. So, my leaving was still considered an honorable discharge. No harm, no foul. But it did mean I wasn't an airman anymore. That part stung—it had been a huge part of my identity for so long—but the decision had also made me feel a lot freer.

Jude seemed to be struggling to understand. "Why didn't you want the London transfer anymore? A few months ago, you'd have given your left nut to live overseas and start fresh after your divorce."

"You were right all along," I said, pausing to let the words sink in. "Going to London was just running away. I've got more going for me here than I realized, and I'm not ready to give up on it all just yet."

"But you just quit it all!" Jude exclaimed.

"If I remember correctly, you made the same decision," I reminded him.

"That was different." He shook his head. "I wasn't some hotshot pilot on the track to be at the top. You didn't do the full twenty. You're not going to get full retirement."

"And that's where you're wrong, Jude," I fired back, a smile creeping across my face. "I didn't need the full twenty. That was never part of my plan. And being at the top? That was never my ambition. I just wanted to fly. We both know I would be pushed out of the cockpit soon enough. Younger, brighter, and smarter pilots are coming up for their turn."

I could see the disbelief in Jude's eyes, the questioning look that said I was making a mistake. But I was doing what felt right.

"I think you're afraid," Jude stated bluntly.

The accusation stung. "Afraid of what?"

"Of Mo sending you to the bottom," he said.

"No. I just decided my life has changed. I've changed. What I wanted when I was a wide-eyed kid at eighteen isn't what I want now."

"And what do you want?"

I grinned. "Her."

"And you think you're going to get her?" He laughed. "Mo might not be able to bust your balls in the military, but that doesn't mean he's going to be okay with you messing with his favorite daughter."

I shrugged. "Maybe not, but there is no conflict of interest now. I'm not her superior."

Jude shook his head with a hint of resignation in his eyes. "You're still a fool if you think it's that simple."

"There's nothing simple about her, Jude. But she's worth it," I affirmed, patting his shoulder. "I'll take my chances."

He sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair. "Man, you're not just jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire, you're diving headfirst into a damn volcano."

I laughed at his dramatic analogy. It was far from the disapproval I'd expected from my oldest friend, but I didn't have time to ruminate over it. The movers pulled up. "Need to get out of the driveway," I said. "These guys are hauling my stuff to storage."

"And where are you going?"

"Well, I need to turn in my key and then I was going to swing by the bar." I shrugged.

He shook his head. "I cannot believe you actually tapped out. We're not done with this. I'll buy you a beer and I'll decide if I need to have you committed."

I flashed a grin. "I'll see you in twenty minutes or so."

I strolled to my truck, glancing back at Jude, who was still shaking his head. Climbing into the cab, I took one last look at the duplex that was almost empty. Soon, two families would be moving in and starting their journey in Columbus.

I started the engine and waved goodbye to Jude as I maneuvered out of the driveway. The movers went about their business, efficiently packing up the remnants of my life. With one final glance at the house in my rearview mirror, I drove away.

I turned in the key, signed the paperwork, and headed out to the bar. I wasn't sure what I was going to be doing, but if I wasn't coming back to the bar for a while, I was looking forward to one last cold beer.

Business was slow. Jude and the young guy he hired to work with him were behind the bar. The smell of spilled beer and stale smoke greeted me.

Jude gestured to a table. I quickly sat down. Jude carried two beers to the table and sat down.

"This is some shit," he said. "I can't believe I'm looking at a civilian."

"Believe it," I responded, lifting my beer for a toast. "To new horizons."

Jude grumbled but clinked his bottle against mine regardless. "Don't say I didn't warn you. It's not easy being out here."

We sipped our beers in silence for a while. "It'll just be different."

"You haven't been outside the military since you became an adult. You don't know what life is like on the outside."

"I wasn't in prison." I laughed.

"What the hell are you going to do? Do you have a job lined up? Somewhere to live?"

"Nope." I shook my head.

"Are you staying here?"

"No."

"Where are you going to go?"

I smiled. "Colorado."

Two weeks had passed since I last saw Sarah. I missed her every day, but I was trying to make peace with the fact that it was over between us. It was for the best, I kept telling myself. When Mo removed me as Sarah's mentor, I got lost in the shuffle and it was time to find my way again.

"Do you really think this thing with the general's daughter is going to work out?"

I smirked. "The general's daughter?" I echoed, trying to keep my tone steady. "Sarah is more than the general's daughter."

"It's not that easy," he said. "You and I both know it. This is far more complicated than that."

"I'm just a guy that wants to be with a woman who wants to be with me."

"Really?" he asked. "Are you sure about that?"

"I'm pretty sure." I nodded.

"And what if she doesn't want to be with you?" he asked. "Now that you don't have those shiny wings, you might not be so appealing. You're an old fart. Are you sure it wasn't some weird infatuation?"

I frowned at him. "If you're trying to make me question my worth, thank you. It's working."

He laughed, raising his beer to his lips. "That's not what I'm doing," he said after a gulp. "I'm trying to remind you that life is difficult and unpredictable. I don't want to see you get your hopes up. I know you. You're the kind of man that's all in. You don't do the dating thing. You don't do flings. When you meet a woman you like, you commit. I just don't want to see you get your heart broken."

I sighed, staring down at the worn wood grain of the table. "You know, sometimes I think about how easy things were when we were kids."

Jude snorted. "Easy? Speak for yourself."

I understood what he was saying. Jude had a rough life. The military was really his only option. I had a good family home. I had chosen the military.

I finished my beer and checked the time. "I should probably get going. I've got to fly the normal way, like a sucker."

He chuckled. "Stay for another. I have a feeling I'm not going to see you for a while."

"The way you're talking, I'm going to be right back here with my tail between my legs," I reminded him.

He winked. "Just trying to keep you honest."

He got up to get us a couple of fresh beers. I checked my phone and decided I had a little more time. I was taking a red eye to Colorado. It was one of the crazier things I had done, but it also felt like the right thing to do.

Jude returned, two frosted beers in hand. He slid one across the table to me and leaned back in his chair. "To the unknown." He lifted his bottle.

I lifted my own. "God help me."

We clinked the bottles and both took long swigs.

"You'll be fine," he said. "I know you. You always land on your feet. I was just giving you a hard time. I saw the way that young lady looked at you. I just want you to be ready for anything. I would hate to see you give up your whole career only to get dumped on your ass."

"I know, I know." I nodded. "But I didn't do this just for her. I couldn't do it for her. I did this because I think it was time. I was stunted. This is the right move. I'm ready to try something new."

"Alright," he said. "I wish you all the luck."