Chapter 33

33

SARAH

B ack in Columbus, I finally felt like I could breathe again. I'd passed my survival training. It had been every bit as hard as I expected. Even more so after the fight.

I was exhausted but I made it. Kylee had passed as well, and while it should have been a moment of triumph, it was bittersweet. Rolley, who'd fought so hard alongside us, had to go back next term to complete his training because of the injuries he sustained defending me. A sprained knee and a broken wrist meant he wasn't flight ready, and he was out for the rest of the term. He was pissed, and rightfully so. His setback weighed heavily on my conscience.

It was my fault and I didn't know how to make it up to him. The guy was probably never going to talk to me again. I hated making enemies. It seemed like that was all I was doing lately.

I unpacked my bag and put my uniforms back in the dorm room closet. Kylee did the same, straightening her things and taking a moment to get our room back in order.

"It's my fault, you know," I said, voicing my thoughts. "If I hadn't intervened, Rolley wouldn't be sidelined right now."

Kylee shook her head. "Sarah, it wasn't your fault. If anything, everything that went down was eye-opening. You're an absolute badass, and you're exactly the kind of person I want to fly with. I think everyone respects you."

Her words meant the world to me. "Thank you. I just feel so bad for Rolley."

"Honestly, Rolley is disappointed, but I know he's pretty proud to have been the guy that defended you," she said. "So many people were calling him a hero for jumping in. Trust me, he's not feeling all that bad."

"He is a hero." I smiled. "I still feel so bad."

"I know you do and so does Rolley." She smiled. "Just maybe report it to our superiors next time first."

I laughed. "I think I've learned a lesson. Follow protocol."

I'd been scrambling since that night, replaying every moment, every decision, every punch. I'd been deeply vulnerable with Dean afterward, and though I hadn't seen him since, I thought about him every waking minute of the day.

My father's fury made the situation so much worse. He'd been icing me out, refusing to talk to me. All I wanted was an hour to explain myself. I wished he could see things the way Dean and Kylee did.

But he just saw me breaking the rules and making a rookie mistake. My attempt at doing the right thing made him look bad, in his mind. My father refused to listen to my reason for getting into the fight at all. He said it didn't matter. His reputation was tarnished. I said if his reputation was tarnished so easily, maybe it wasn't that shiny to begin with.

Our conversation ended there.

"Have you talked to your father again?" Kylee asked.

"No." I sighed. "Not since he hung up on me. When you disappoint my father, it's for life."

"But you're still going home for the long weekend?" she asked.

I laughed. "Trust me, I've reconsidered it. My dad is going to ignore me."

"And that's worse than him yelling at you?" she questioned.

"Yes. I don't care what most people think about me. I'm pretty much going to do what I want. But my dad is the one person on this planet whose opinion I do care about. I think I prefer to just stay here and hide. He's shutting me out. If he would just let me explain, maybe he'd understand I'm not just a fuck-up."

I sighed. Despite everything, I knew I had to face him. As much as it would pain me, avoiding the confrontation would only prolong the inevitable.

Kylee gave me a sympathetic look. "You've faced tougher challenges than this, Sarah. You'll get through this too. Your dad loves you. He's probably just a little upset you were put in danger."

"Yeah, I suppose."

"It's pretty cool Ryker showed up, right?" she said as she stretched out on her bed. "That's a loyal commanding officer."

I hesitated. I hadn't told Kylee about hooking up with Dean that night, or how I stayed in the hotel with him. If it had been anyone else, I would have told her about hooking up with him. But it was different now. I knew I could trust her to keep my secret, but it was something I wanted to keep just for me.

That night had shifted something for me. I needed to see him, to talk to him, to make sure his care and attention weren't something I'd made up in my head because I was punch drunk and sleep deprived.

I needed to know what we shared was real.

"He's a good guy," I finally said, managing a weak smile. "And I think he was worried about Rolley."

"He'll be okay," Kylee assured me. "He's tough. And so are you. I think Ryker thought he was going to be dealing with a bunch of washouts."

I forced a smile. "Kind of funny it was us out of our little group that made it."

She laughed. "No kidding."

"That was wild," I said. "But if I'm being honest, I thought it would be worse."

"You did?" she asked with a laugh. "I thought it was pretty bad."

"I don't know. I had totally imagined the worst possible scenario."

"Mental gymnastics," she said. "Prepare for the worst and hope for the best."

"Exactly." I nodded.

After finishing unpacking, I looked around our small room. After our time in the great outdoors, I felt caged. Trapped.

"Want to go for a walk?" I asked her. "Maybe Sac Lake? I need to replenish my toiletries. We can go to the store."

She was quiet for a minute. "Sure, may as well. After the nonstop action, it does feel weird to just be sitting here. Mission accepted."

As we walked toward Sac Lake, the breeze carried the scent of damp earth. Families that lived on base were enjoying the nice day. We slowly walked in no real hurry to get anywhere. Calm washed over me. For a moment, I allowed myself to forget about my strained relationship with my father, about Dean, and the secrets I held close to my chest. The only thing that mattered was the beauty of nature surrounding us and the peace it brought to my troubled mind. I took a deep breath, inhaling the earthy scent of the water and trees. Birds chirped in the distance, creating an idyllic atmosphere.

I felt better. After the last couple of weeks, it was nice to not have to get in the mud or feel hungry. I was looking forward to sleeping in my own bed. Even if it wasn't exactly the most comfortable bed in the world, it was the Four Seasons compared to wadded-up leaves in a damp hole.

"Loosening up a bit?" Kylee asked as we wound our way back toward the store.

I laughed. "Yes. Thank you. I'm sure going for a walk was the last thing you wanted to do. But the fresh air is nice."

"I don't mind getting out," she said. "It's less humid than usual."

"Thank you, Kylee. The night that all happened, I thought for sure you were going to ditch me."

She laughed. "Not a chance. I have your back. And you're a leader. People are going to be following you. Including me."

We made our way to the store, indulging in a few extra luxuries after roughing it. I bought myself a new blanket that was softer than a kitten's whisper. I got some lotion that smelled divine. It was fancier than I would usually get, but it would help get the stink of the wilderness off me. I needed to feel like a woman again.

We took our goods back to our room and unpacked. I spread the blanket on my bed, cuddling into like it was hugging me.

Kylee was staring at her phone, rapidly texting. "Hey, some of us are going out later tonight. Want to join?"

"Where are you guys going?" I asked, already suspecting the answer.

Kylee laughed. "The only place to go. The Fly Trap."

The mention of Dean's bar sent a thrill through me, but it was mixed with anxiety. I hadn't seen him since that night, and the idea of facing him now was both exhilarating and terrifying. What if things were different now? What if he didn't feel the same way?

But I had to know. "Sure," I said, trying to sound casual. "I'll go."

"Great!" Kylee grinned. "We'll leave around eight."

"Let's go eat and then I want to take a shower," I said.

I didn't tell her I wanted to use some of the new frou-frou stuff. I wanted to feel girly and pretty. We walked to the cafeteria where I discovered the situation at SERE had made its way back to base. A few people were shaking my hand and calling me a slugger. I was a little embarrassed. Kylee and I carried our trays to a table. It wasn't long before we were surrounded by people asking about the fight as well as our experience in the survival training.

Kylee and I answered their questions, trying to downplay our heroics in the situation. I didn't want the attention or any more rumors spreading about what had happened out there. It was sure to get back to my superiors and that would get to my dad. He would be pissed to know I was being praised for my bad behavior. I could just hear his lecture about trying to be a star instead of a pilot, or how breaking rules was breaking trust.

As we finished our meal, I excused myself and headed back to our room, eager to freshen up before heading out later.

The warm water of the shower felt like a soothing balm on my tired muscles. It had been a couple of days since training ended, but I was still sore. I took my time, letting the tension melt away with each drop that cascaded down my body. Using the new lotion, I pampered myself, reveling in the feminine scent that enveloped me. It smelled like vanilla, a stark contrast to the usual scent of sweat and dirt that clung to me after the days in the wilderness. I dressed carefully, choosing an outfit that made me feel confident yet approachable. I applied a touch of makeup, feeling slightly self-conscious yet excited for the night ahead.

I couldn't shake the nervous energy building inside me. I kept replaying that night in my head—Dean's gentle care, the way he'd looked at me, the kiss that had felt so real, so right. I needed to see him, to talk to him. I needed to know if what we shared was as real to him as it was to me.

I was worried about what it meant if he did feel the same way. What then? How could we have a relationship? I didn't know if my father would ever approve of me dating a pilot. And Dean Ryker in particular was especially off limits.

By the time eight o'clock rolled around, I was a bundle of nerves. I took another look in the mirror, debating putting my hair up. I wanted to look good, but I didn't want to seem like I was trying too hard.

Kylee gave me an approving nod when she saw me. "You look great," she said. "Hubba hubba!"

"Thanks," I said with a laugh. "You too."

We met up with a few other pilots and made our way to the Trap. The familiar neon sign came into view. My heart skipped a beat at the thought of seeing him again. I wasn't even sure he would be here, but I hoped so.