14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Z’Ree

I’ve just begun dozing off when the door swooshes open. Startled, my heart picks up the pace but I force myself to calm down. It’s just Nikolai. There’s no danger. Nobody’s coming to punish me.

His smile is strained. “I’m glad you’re here. I’m sorry to tell you this but you can’t return to the maintenance walkways. You will have to come with me. You’ll be safe,” he adds quickly. “I’ve prepared a room for you away from the others and it will only be coded to your biosignature. No one else will be able to get inside. You can hide in there and nobody will bother you.”

Have I ever met anyone so kind and thoughtful? I can’t remember anyone, not since my parents died. I open my mouth to thank Nikolai but my throat constricts again, not allowing the words to come out.

Tears gather in my eyes and this time, they’re tears of frustration. I don’t want to be this stupidly damaged! I want to be able to thank Nikolai, to ask him about himself and his planet, to say his name.

Seeing me begin to cry, Nikolai drops what he is doing and approaches me. “Hey, it’s okay,” he soothes. “I’m sorry to do this to you but this section of the ship is unstable right now and staying here is too dangerous. I promise I’ll keep you safe.”

I shake my head. He thinks I’m crying because I’m scared of leaving my hiding place but I’d already decided to leave anyway. It really is too dangerous to stay down here.

With a frustrated sigh, I reach for the datapad. “Thank you,” I type, grimacing at the smears my hands leave on the device. I really ought to wash up. “I’m not scared.” I consider the words for a moment before deleting them. “I trust you,” I type instead.

His cheeks turn a rosy hue. I wish I knew more about humans to figure out what it means but if I had to guess, it almost seems as if he’s embarrassed? “Thank you for trusting me, Z’Ree. I promise I won’t betray that trust.”

Nikolai’s voice lilts up and down like a melody, his breath fanning my cheeks. He’s standing so close I can feel the warmth emanating from his body. My fingers itch to touch him. My crystals humming their new song. Only for him. Holy geodes, I’m screwed. Liking someone is the last thing I need right now, especially someone who won’t ever like me back. Why is my body going crazy?

Nikolai raises his hand as if to touch me, then jerks it back. “I, uh…I should pack up my stuff.” His voice is strained as he clears his throat. “I won’t be able to return here for a while, it seems, so I’ll have to move back to my old room.”

Nikolai steps away and I forcefully clench my hands around the material of my dirty coveralls so I don’t reach out and pull him back to me. His absence grates at me, almost causing physical pain.

I follow him as he picks up his supplies. After my earlier food raids, there isn’t much left. Then Nikolai turns his attention to the fabric cocoon I’ve been so curious about. I type my question then tap on his shoulder to show him the datapad. “How does this work? This…” I strain my brain to remember the word he used. “Hemlock? The cocoon. Does your kind go through some metamorphosis?”

Nikolai stares at the screen, his brows drawn together in confusion. “Hemlock? Cocoon?” He taps the screen to display other potential translations but he’s still none the wiser as to what I mean. Only after I point at the stretched fabric in front of us does realization dawn in his eyes. “Oh. OH! The hammock!” Laughter bubbles through his chest. “Even with advanced alien tech, the language barrier is still an issue. So, you don’t have hammocks in space?”

“Some species have cocoons they wrap themselves in to advance into the next stage of their life cycle.” Is Nikolai going to turn into something else? Sprout wings or antennae? Whatever he will become, I’m sure he’ll be just as beautiful as he is now.

“Oh, that’s not what this is. It’s just a bed. A rocking bed you can set up anywhere, like… When you’re trekking through the woods, you just spread it between two trees and you’re set up for the night.”

Trees. I tap on the word and bring up some pictures, just to be certain I have the right idea of what he’s talking about. Nikolai watches me, surprised. “You didn’t have trees where you come from?”

Sadness clouds my smile as I remember my home, lost so long ago that only scattered memories remain. “No. We had rocks, cliffs and lakes, but little to no vegetation.”

“Hmm, that must have looked a little dull, without colorful trees and flowers.”

“Not in the slightest.” I shouldn’t be telling him about my home planet. If I want to keep me being a Silithrae secret, I shouldn’t be telling anyone anything. But I’m about to live with the rest of the crew. They’re bound to figure out what I am sooner or later. “Our planet was more colorful than you could imagine. We had crystalline growths everywhere.

“When I was five, my mother gave me three crystal shards, and assigned me an empty spot behind our dwelling. She told me to make it beautiful. It took me months to grow a garden there. I spent every spare moment singing to those three little shards, urging them to grow and form shapes. I combined their sprouts to make every color imaginable. My parents were so proud of me.”

My tears clatter on the floor as I sniffle at the distant memory. “I’m sorry,” I type quickly, tempted to delete the whole thing before Nikolai reads it. But he’s already peeking over my shoulder, scrunching his nose as he tries to identify the Omnispeak symbols and form them into words. “So no, it wasn’t dull even though we didn’t have trees,” I conclude, hoping he won’t start asking for more details about my personal sob-story.

I watch as his eyes shine brightly in awe as he reads, his smile wistful and dreamy. “I meant no disrespect,” he says as he finishes reading. “Your home sounds beautiful. I’m sorry you lost it.” And then, instead of demanding to know about growing crystals or singing to them, which I’m sure must sound strange to him, he grins and offers, “Do you want to try out the hammock?”

Taken aback by the lack of questioning, I just nod.

Nikolai holds the fabric and waves me closer. “Jump in. Just be careful, though, it’ll swing when you land in it. It takes a bit of practice to do it right.”

I eye the hammock with suspicion. I don’t get the point of having a dangerous bed, but perhaps it’s part of Nikolai’s culture. He’s eager to share it with me, so I’ll try it, even if I very much prefer a stationary bed to one that rocks back and forth.

I’m giggling as I try and fail to climb into the damned thing because it keeps moving away from me. I’m a lot shorter than Nikolai and it looks like I’m going to need a stool just to get inside the hammock. He laughs along with me, then wordlessly offers to help me up.

With bated breath, I watch as Nikolai’s hands hover an inch away from my waist. I’m not afraid. Not one bit. I crave his hands on me, even if it makes no sense.

I look up into Nikolai’s spellbinding eyes and nod my consent. He’s grabbing me before I’ve even finished the motion, as if he too is struggling to keep his hands away.

I squeal as he easily lifts me off the ground and sets me down in the hammock. The fabric immediately swallows me up and wraps around me like a true cocoon. Every time I try to sit up, the hammock sways, threatening to spill me out onto the floor. I should probably be scared, but I’m laughing so hard I can barely catch my breath. There’s no space for fear in my mind at the moment.

Nikolai’s laughing, too. He expertly steadies the fabric and helps me to sit up. “Sorry,” he apologizes between bursts of laughter. “I guess you’re a little too short and light for this thing.”

I cock my head, giving Nikolai the “you think?” look before erupting into another round of giggles. He watches my face with an expression I can’t really decipher. There’s glee and giddiness, but also something…more. Desire maybe? Something that should scare me but is only fueling my own desire for him.

It looks like I’m not just a nutjob anymore. I’m a horny nutjob.

“Scoot over,” is my only warning before Nikolai sits down beside me. The hammock rocks again, the fabric below me dipping, sending me sprawling sideways and against his body. Nikolai wraps his arm around my shoulders to help me hold still then hesitates. “Is this alright?”

I nod, even though “alright” is an understatement. It feels amazing. I can’t remember the last time I was this close to someone without being hurt. It’s nice just being held and comforted by a friendly soul. Scratch that, it’s alluring.

Nikolai pushes his foot off the floor, causing the hammock to rock softly. He keeps holding me, not saying anything. Words feel unnecessary.

I have to admit, I get the appeal of the rocking bed now as we sway back and forth a little. It’s comforting. Or perhaps the comforting part comes from the person beside me rather than the gentle rocking of the hammock. My crystals hum along to their strange new frequency. I really have to find out what it means and what it does to the people around me. Some frequencies can have unpleasant side effects and I don’t want to be walking around hurting anyone.

Nikolai isn’t hurting, though. He pulls me closer, resting his chin on the filthy scarf covering my hair. Now more than ever I regret pasting all of this filth on myself. Fuck, I must stink to the deepest caverns. It’s a wonder Nikolai can bear to be in the same room as me, let alone hold me like this.

He stretches his other arm out, his body tensing up slightly as he does. I think he even winced in pain.

Is he hurt? I shift to look at him, the question clearly written on my face.

“I’m fine,” Nikolai says, waving his hand dismissively. “I banged my elbow earlier and it hurts a bit. I…” He trails off. I wait for him to continue, to find different words for whatever he was about to say, but he doesn’t. He just shakes his head. “It’s nothing.”

I frown at Nikolai. When he looks away I gather my courage, then reach out and touch his chin, encouraging him to turn back to face me. I don’t have the datapad at hand to type my question, but I don’t need it. I give his chin a gentle squeeze, telling him I’m not letting him go until he tells me what’s going on.

Honestly, I have no idea where this bravery came from. Just yesterday, I wouldn’t have dared to touch him without permission, let alone demand anything from him. Now, it feels like the right thing to do.

Nikolai huffs, grabbing my chin in response. His touch sends sparks through my skin. “I don’t want to impose on you. It’s not really important but I’m a little curious. When we were locked in here together earlier, did you do something to ease my pain? Not that I want you to do it again if you did,” Nikolai corrects immediately. “It doesn’t really hurt that much and I can survive just fine,” he says with a smile, “but I’m really curious about what, if anything, you did do. You don’t have to tell me, of course. I absolutely respect that. I don’t want you to think I’ll use you for entertainment or experiments or anything terrible like that. You’ve been through enough already. Actually, forget it. I’m not—”

I place a finger over his mouth to silence him.

He’s right. Back when we were locked up here, I had been singing to myself, mostly to self sooth and alleviate the headache from the translator update. At the time, I didn’t even realize he could sense it, but of course he could.

By now, he probably knows exactly what I am. His request that I come to the main ship area with him could be a trick to capture me. Except…I know that it’s not. That’s just the frightened slave part of me talking. The rest of me trusts Nikolai implicitly.

I usually close my eyes to tune my crystals to the right frequency but here with Nikolai, I don’t need to cut myself off from the distraction of seeing terrible things happening around me. I start humming, feeling the vibrations increase until they resonate through my body. The other tune is still there, low and content, and it feels as if Nikolai’s body is returning it, even though that’s impossible. Silithrae are the only race that can sing like this.

His body relaxes as a contented smile slowly takes over his beautiful face. I’m still holding my finger over his lips, one of the few fingers that aren’t bandaged. The plump softness of his lips is alluring. I yearn to explore Nikolai more.

He surprises me by opening his mouth and nipping at the tip of my finger, holding it between his teeth briefly before letting go. There’s mischief in his eyes but also that dark, carnal desire from before, the same one I’m sure must be visible in my eyes too.

My breath hitches at the unexpected warmth of Nikolai’s hands as he cups my face, his eyes hypnotizing me.

“I shouldn’t,” he whispers, more to himself than to me. “I don’t want to take advantage of you. You’re traumatized and vulnerable…”

I am. I’m also desperate to kiss him.

Nikolai swallows roughly, my eyes tracking the movement of his throat before returning to his lips. The pull to him is irresistible.

I inch closer, looking into those rich umber eyes, stunned by the raw desire I find staring back at me. Desire for me. Z’Ree, a real life person. Not the gluttonous craving to own a Silithrae so he can make money from my abilities. His apparent desire to kiss me, touch me and do so much more than that is a heady feeling. I’m shocked to see Nikolai as desperate for me as I am for him.

“I shouldn’t,” he repeats, clearly not believing his own words as he tips my head back. “I really shouldn’t.”

“Ni…ko…lai,” I beg, my voice little more than a hoarse whisper, barely audible.

Nikolai’s eyes widen at the sound of his name and in the next moment, his lips are slammed against mine. There’s no gentle caressing, none of the teasing or playful half kisses I’d imagined. This is a full-on assault which I happily surrender to, my lips parting to let his tongue explore deeper.

A moan reverberates between us as we move the kiss deeper. It might have come from me, it might have come from Nikolai or who knows, maybe we’d both moaned. I’m not about to stop kissing to ask.. My crystals thrum louder, the new frequency filling my body with need. It feels like I’m floating.

Then my stomach churns and I realize I really am floating and so is Nikolai, along with everything else in the storage room. Before comprehension sets in, the room seems to tip sideways, sending us crashing into a wall.

My feet get tangled in the hammock and I crash into Nikolai’s stomach. He reaches for me, but in the next moment, gravity shifts again and we’re flying toward the ceiling. The dizzying experience ends abruptly as the gravity generator resets and everything crashes back down to the floor.

I shake my head, trying to figure out what just happened. The lights are blinking and there’s an alarm blaring from the hallway.

Something’s wrong. Something’s terribly wrong and we need to get out of here fast.

I shove aside a small crate that lies broken next to my feet and pick myself up off the floor. It’s a good thing all of the larger containers are magnetically secured to the ship’s floor, otherwise we both could have been crushed to death. Regardless, we need to leave the storage room before the gravity generator fails again or something worse happens.

With shame, I realize I’ve been so entranced by Nikolai that I haven’t even told him about the insects. I need to remedy that but first, we need to get somewhere safe.

I look around for Nikolai, but don’t see him anywhere. My attempt at calling his name comes out as a croak, drowned out by the noise of the alarms. Damn it, where is he?

A gasp escapes me as I round the corner and see him lying on the floor. His body is crumpled in a corner and he isn’t moving.

He isn’t moving.