12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Z’Ree

Like the coward I am, I run. Not because I’m afraid of Nikolai, I think I’m well past that point now, but because I’m terrified I might do something stupid if I stay in that room with him. I don’t understand what’s happening to me. When Nikolai touched me, my hormones went into overdrive. Now, they’re trying to convince me to kiss him...and more.

After everything that’s happened to me, the only thing I know for sure is that I’m broken, inside and out.

Here I am. A stowaway caught hiding on this ship after escaping a life of slavery and abuse. I should be focused on getting stronger, regaining my sense of self worth and a mental aptitude that will help me escape my new captors and live a life of freedom somewhere new.

This is what I tell myself I should be doing. But what does my body actually want to do? It wants to fuck Nikolai. I think I might be a little more broken than I thought.

I’m not saying he isn’t attractive. He definitely is. I’m tempted to smack myself as I remember the stupid message I’d typed into his datapad. I do think he’s handsome but good geodes, did I have to tell him that?! Now he’s going to think I’m crazy. Well, crazier than he already thinks I am after seeing me completely freak out.

He’s been nothing but nice to me. Nicer than I deserve really and now my body is mistaking that niceness with something more. It’s ridiculous.

I’m the weird, mentally unstable person who stalks the underbelly of his ship covered in filth. How could he ever see me as desirable? With his looks, I bet he has dozens of females clinging to his every word wherever he goes. And no, I’m not jealous of them. Really, I’m not.

Groaning, I rub my forehead. The headache from the node update is long gone, but something else has replaced it. An unfamiliar low humming, as if my crystals have decided to sing on their own, at a frequency I don’t recognize. Perhaps I really have lost my mind.

I should be focusing on the future. If what Nikolai keeps telling me is true, then I’ll be free. That’s a nice word, but what does it mean for me? Even if they’re nice enough to drop me off at the nearest station, how long will it take before someone comes after me again? The UGC would offer help if I approach them but I still vividly remember how well that worked out for my parents.

I have nowhere to go. No money and very few ways to earn it. No friends or allies to turn to.

Nikolai said he would be there for me but was that the truth or just a figure of speech? Besides, even if he was willing to help me, what could he do? There’s no way out for me, no happily ever after in sight. I’m beyond help. Perhaps I should have just died with the rest of my family and ended the suffering of the Silithrae once and for all.

I swipe at the tears gathering in my eyes and giggle a little crazily when they clatter against the wall. Everything about me gives me away. I’ll never be able to blend in. No amount of fake identities, disguises, or plastic surgeries can hide what I am.

The only way I can find any semblance of peace seems to be to find a good, kind master and live under his protection. Too bad kind masters happen to be in short supply.

For the first time, I regret that Nikolai isn’t a slaver. If he was, then perhaps he could keep me. I’d be his perfect slave.

I don’t want freedom. I want safety, stability. I want to wake up everyday knowing that no one’s going to hunt me down or beat me unconscious. That nobody’s going to toss me into a water tank and leave me there for hours. Dear geodes down below, is that too much to ask for?

I finally make my way back to my hiding spot, mainly because I’m not sure where else to go. I’m not planning on staying here much longer, though.

Based on what the ship’s AI told Nikolai, there was a loss of pressure in this area, which means that either there’s a structural integrity problem with the ship, or the life support system is failing. Neither is good and both could cause this entire section of the ship to be sealed off to protect the inhabited part. If that happens, I don’t want to be stuck down here. I might not have much to live for, but that doesn’t mean I want to die.

I’m not scared of the crew anymore. Actually, scratch that. I’m still terrified but I’m not paralyzed by fear anymore.

They’re not slavers or mercenaries. I’ve been watching them through the ventilation grates, listening to their conversations and I’ve discovered they’re just…people. They argue, especially when the short-haired Zyderi female or the ever-grumpy Krestilian male are involved, but they also laugh and seem to respect each other.

I spotted three humans on board, including Nikolai, and none of them are wearing collars. None of them are acting like slaves, either.

I watched the fair-skinned human female with red hair teasing a rather muscular Syndoran in front of the others for a long while before he eventually tossed her over his shoulder and carried her off. The female kept laughing the whole time, not even a little bit scared of the consequences.

The dark-skinned female with black hair seems a little more austere than the redhead. I saw her arguing with a red-skinned hybrid. She was blaming him for something I didn’t quite catch, something about someone having a sugar rush? In any case, she yelled at the huge hybrid and instead of backhanding her, he apologized before gently kissing her.

Then a child rushed over to them. A child! I haven’t seen one in years, because my latest master didn’t trade children. It was pretty much the only good thing about him, though he claimed it was because child slaves were too high maintenance and impossible to train properly.

The girl was half Syndoran and half probably human, definitely not the hybrid’s progeny. Yet, he picked her up into his arms, whispering something that made her giggle. The human female smacked both their heads playfully and then they all left together as one big happy family.

I haven’t seen any violence or mistreatment, let alone torture. All I’ve witnessed was friendship and love.

Determined to be brave and finally emerge from the maintenance walkways, I collect my meager belongings, along with the empty water bottles and food wrappers. I wouldn’t want to be accused of littering.

As I head back to Nikolai’s storage room, I hear a distant skittering. The insects are back.

They are standing in front of a control panel, chirping at each other, their voices growing louder as if they’re having a heated argument. A smaller insect reaches for the panel, but a larger one stops him. Their chirps turn into hisses.

The larger one seems to be in charge and they chase the others away from the control panel. They scatter, grumbling to themselves in their insect language. The leader looks in my direction, nods as if saying “how do you do”, then disappears after their friends. I hear them claw on a pipe somewhere down the corridor.

It’s only when the lights flicker that I realize the obvious. Of course, I’m such an idiot! It’s the insects causing the system malfunctions. I mean, they’re literally tearing the ship apart from inside. Of course that would cause trouble. The crew must not know about them, otherwise they would have stopped them already. I need to tell them.

I make my way back to the storage room, a little disappointed to find it empty. But I understand. Nikolai has other duties than just sitting around in the dark storage area all day and waiting for his messed up acquaintance to show up.

I make myself comfortable in a corner of the room, determined to wait for him. I need to tell someone about the insects but that doesn’t mean I’m about to race through the corridors and hope I run into a random crew member who won’t attack me on sight. Talking to anyone but Nikolai still scares the hell out of me.