34. Tommy

Chapter thirty-four

Tommy

W e laze around my mom's house for the rest of the afternoon until my mom makes us a huge roast beef dinner. Sitting around the table, everyone is digging into the food like it's their last meal.

"Holy shit, Tommy's mom, this is delicious," Greg says. With one hand he's shoveling mashed potatoes into his mouth while the other rocks a fussy TJ. Sam has her chin in hand and seems to be half asleep, her meal untouched. But no one bugs her. After the long drive up the mountain, they both probably need a good night's sleep. Our plan is to stay here until tomorrow, then we'll all make the drive back down to San Diego.

I'm not exactly thrilled to be leaving so soon. But Miranda needs to speak with Detective Parker, and Tilly needs to have a meeting with her aunt. If we're going to turn on the family, the sooner we do it, the better. As much as I would love to stay here, where my mom cooks and cleans for us, and our friends are nearby, reality is already knocking on the door.

"Thank you, baby. And call me Enri or Ma," my mom says.

I groan. "Stop with the baby stuff, Ma."

Sam snores and falls off her chin, only to wake with a start and snap her head up. "What's wrong with the baby?!" she shouts to the table.

With a gentle hand, Greg pats her back. "Nothing's wrong. Go back to sleep, hun." God, they're a fucking circus these days. Is that what I'll be like when our little nugget is born?

As Sam settles back into her dinner nap, Tilly clears her throat. "If you guys want sleep, Tommy and I could watch TJ tonight," she says it like she's unsure. After our short talk this morning, I know she's not too sure about babies. Maybe this is just what she needs. TJ doesn't seem like he cares who's holding him, and I've been known to rock the kid to sleep a few times.

Greg starts laughing. "Uh, no offense, Til, but he's kind of a terror at night. I don't think you—"

"Dude," I say and give him the stink eye.

He clams up, his face going serious. "That'd be awesome."

Sam is snoring loudly now, and my mom starts to gather plates. When she gets to Sam, she sighs. "Oh, I remember those days. I couldn't eat, sleep, or pass gas without a kid in my face." She sounds wistful, like the memories are cherished, but I have to be real, that doesn't really sound all that fun.

Of course, Sam is oblivious to it all. Chuckling a bit through his own yawn, Greg hands the little tyke to me. I gaze into the bundle of blankets in my arms. TJ is awake, his wide, hazel eyes scanning me with low brows. He looks content, if not a little judgmental. I stay in my seat as Greg wakes his wife and they walk to the guest room while Sam mumbles something about ‘dancing hotdogs.'

"Yes, babe, you tell those hotdogs," Greg says with a snicker. Tilly ignores all of them to come to my side. She looks down at TJ and then at me. Her face is unreadable, and that makes me worried. "What's up?" I ask.

She sighs and kisses my cheek. "Good thing we're already pregnant cause this is putting my ovaries into overdrive."

I laugh loudly but immediately realize my mistake. TJ lets out a wail and my face drains of color. Every other time, Greg would save me from the crying.

Tilly takes a step back from me. "What'd you do?" she asks like I punched the kid.

"Just laughed! I didn't know he hated joy."

"Well, make it stop." She's gesturing at TJ like a rabid dog. Uh oh, maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

***

Hours later, we're not doing much better. For all the love I have for this kid, I'm starting to believe he's some sort of demon.

Tilly has mastered holding him, which is a huge step in and of itself. The first time I handed him over, she looked at him like he was about to attack. But like a pro, she now has him against her shoulder, lightly patting his back while shushing as she paces the floor.

I'm lying on the couch, my forearm over my eyes. "Wake her up," I groan out.

But Tilly is shaking her head. "No way. This is our bootcamp, Thomas Jonah Hillcrest, and I will not give up."

"Well, I'm going to sleep then." I'm half on my feet when I spot her glare. Oh boy, if looks could kill, I'd be six feet under. "Or not," I add and sit back down.

She walks by me, and I perk up with a sniff. "Uh, Tilly, was that you?"

"Was what—" I can see the minute the smell hits her. First her eyes widen, then her face pales. She rushes over and gently hands me TJ before sprinting down the hall. I can hear her throwing up from the living room. Huh, never would have thought she could sound like a dinosaur getting a prostate exam, but there you go.

I look down at the fussy boy as another whiff of feces hits my nose. "Good for you, champ." I'm half chuckling as I grab the diaper bag. There's a little mat thing that I lay down on the living room rug first before setting TJ on his back. He's squirming and screaming now, his tiny fists pumping almost as fast as his legs.

I unsnap the onesie and tumble back on my knees at what I see.

Poo. Everywhere. None of it is contained in the actual diaper. "Holy hell!" I say just as Tilly comes back. But at the sight of the yellowish-brown mess, she's rushing back to the bathroom.

I don't blame her. This is apocalypse level poo, and apparently, diapers are just for show. With my head turned to the side, I grab a handful of wipes and get to work. I have to practically hold him upside down by his legs to get everything off his back.

Just as I'm grabbing his fresh diaper, Tilly slowly approaches. "Is it safe?"

Quietly, I chuckle. As God as my witness, I will never laugh in front of this kid again. "Yes. He's all clean." Right as I say it, little TJ stops fussing. He's looking at me with, dare I say it, happy eyes. I smile at him. Guess the kid just needed to let the brown devil out. "See? All happy," I say, pointing down. But right as I do, something wet hits me in the cheek. I turn my head only to have what I now know is a stream of urine hit me in the nose. "Oh shit," I say, jumping up.

Tilly isn't losing her dinner now. No. My traitorous baby momma is laughing so hard, she's doubled over. Something I have learned tonight, babies with penises have entirely great aim. Yes, you heard that right. Great aim. He hit me in the nose, and it dripped down into my mouth. I'm sputtering and spitting like a fool while Tilly continues her loud laughing fit. "Go get me a shirt, brat," I say. She leaves the living room, and I turn my glare on TJ. "Not cool, man." Brows furrowed, I take my shirt off and toss it in the same pile as the poo-filled onesie TJ was wearing. Then, I use some of his wet wipes to clean myself up a little and finally get the fresh diaper on him. By the time I am done, little man is fast asleep.

I get him in some footsie pajamas as Tilly comes back to our side. I offer him out, and she trades me for a new white t-shirt. At least she's taking him without protesting; seems I've earned that much by dealing with the nasty diaper. "You feeling okay?" I ask.

"Oddly hungry," she says. My girl needs food? Say no more. I peck her cheek, but that earns me a frown. "You smell like pee."

I roll my eyes. "See if that gets you my banana," I say. By the look in her eyes, I can tell she knows it has two meanings.

"Well, you do! Don't punish me because TJ has a great sense of humor."

"Too soon, babe. Too soon." Despite my threat, I get into the kitchen and start making her some toast. It went over well this morning, and I'm hoping it does the trick at two am too.

When I come back out with a plate, Tilly is lying on the couch with TJ on her chest. They're both asleep. I lean against the wall and grin like the lovesick fool I really am. We're going to be just fine. If we can make it through TJ's dramatics, pretty sure we've got this parent thing in the bag.

Instead of waking her to eat, I pull the ottoman over and lie next to Tilly. Many nights as a teen were spent on this couch. Falling asleep with my brothers while watching a movie or enjoying a game night with the family. The brown microfiber feels even more comfortable tonight than it was back then. I try not to let my mind wander to what we'll be doing come this time tomorrow, but it's difficult. Tilly's family is this ever-present threat that consumes my mind every time I have a spare moment. Worry that they won't agree, or they'll figure out what we're trying to do is always a little tickle in the back of my thoughts. But it is late, and TJ has done a great job of wearing me out. Within a few minutes, I'm asleep too.

***

The next morning, light filters into the living room. It's a glorious spring day, I can already tell by the sounds of birds chirping and the smell of fresh air. I turn my head to get a look at my girl. She's sleeping soundly, her hands tucked up under her head. We remained on the couch after TJ fell asleep, and I have to admit, I slept like the dead.

TJ. Wait! I look all around Tilly and me. He's nowhere to be found. I shoot up to a sitting position and hear a chuckle behind me.

"He's right here," Sam says. I let my head tilt back and sigh loudly.

"Thank Jesus." I get to my feet and stretch my arms over my head. When I finish my loud yawn, I smile at Sam. Little TJ is happily nursing. It looks so… weird. See, the thing is, Tilly's boobs are mine. I've nibbled, flicked, sucked, and all around played with them every chance I've gotten.

Should I not do that anymore? Seems like our baby kind of has a claim on them now. My brow furrows as Sam chuckles. "Tommy, you're staring at my chest."

As if he's offended, TJ stops his nursing and turns his head my way. I swear to God, he smirks at me. Probably remembering how he peed on me last night. It takes a second for me to realize that Sam's boob is just… hanging out. Well, how 'bout that. I've now seen Sam's nipple. Not as great as I thought it would be.

"Tommy!" I hear Greg shout from the kitchen. Whoops. Caught.

"Uh, sorry, dude. It wasn't perverted or anything," I say, rubbing my neck. Greg leans over the island and narrows his eyes. "Then what was it?" he asks. Sam is looking at me too, but she's picked TJ up and is now burping him. She has a smirk too now, and I promise it's the exact look TJ gave me.

My face fills with warmth. I guess if anyone knows the deal, it's probably Greg. "It's kinda… kinky." I admit. Greg's face goes beet red, and I realize I've said the wrong thing. I wave my hands. "With Tilly! Can I still play with her tits?" I blurt out.

Greg and Sam are silent. Probably because both my mother and Miranda have walked into the room. Miranda is the first to break the silence. "Ugh, nasty. Read a fucking book if you're curious."

But my mom chimes in with her wisdom. "Dealer's choice. Your father didn't seem to mind a little lactation on his chin."

Hear that thud? That's my stomach falling out of the spot where my balls used to be. I say used to because they've now shriveled up into nothingness.

"Ma!" I yell out. The noise from my shout doesn't sit well with TJ or Tilly. TJ is now wailing as Tilly sits up.

"Did you just ask them about my boobs?" she asks, rubbing sleep from her eyes.

Greg's anger is gone as he booms out a roaring laugh. Even Sam is chuckling as she gets TJ reattached to her opposite boob. "Yes, you can still play with her boobs. But your mom is right. It might get a little… wet. And it could put her into labor toward the end."

This conversation has taken a very unfortunate turn. I don't want to think about leaking boobs, or my mom and dad being intimate. And honestly, I don't want to think of Greg getting freaky with Sam either. She's the closest thing I have to a sister.

I hold up both hands. "Forget I asked."

Miranda scoffs. "If only I could." She goes to the coffee pot and pours herself a mug before filling one for my mom. "So are we leaving or no? Cause someone said I had to be ready by eight am and it's now…" she makes a show of checking her wrist even though there's no watch. "Eight forty-five."

"Oh hush, Andy. They needed sleep. I know you heard that handsome man crying all night."

"Better they get used to it now since Tilly doesn't know how birth control works," Miranda says.

"Andy!" Tilly says and Miranda shrugs. "Our baby was not a mistake." All eyes go to Tilly with a ‘get real' look. "Okay, so he was unplanned. But that doesn't mean he's unwelcome. And can we please, please, never talk about my boobs again?" There's a collective agreement around the room. "Good, cause it's bad enough I have to deal with all these ‘magic' changes to my body." She uses air quotes around the word magic. "I'd really like the rest of you to just ignore them. Especially you," she points a finger at me, and I nod eagerly. The message is loud and clear. Ignoring changes means her boobs are still on the table for my pleasure. Cool. "I've got enough to worry about with my Tia trying to ruin my life. Now, if you don't mind. I'm going to shower so we can get this shit show on the road. Tommy?" It takes me a second to realize she's talking to me.

"Yeah?" She arches an eyebrow. I know what that means; she wants me to join her. Gladly. I get to my feet and point at my woman. "I'm gonna—"

"Wash her boobs?" Miranda asks. The room laughs and Tilly throws up two middle fingers but walks out with her chin held high. I watch her go, my mouth already watering, but I'm still frozen in place. So much is happening that I'm having a hard time keeping up.

"Do you know if it's a boy?" Ma asks, gaining my attention.

"Til thinks he is," I say even though my mind is definitely elsewhere.

"Cool," Miranda says but it's dripping with sarcasm. "But you should really get moving. I don't want to wait around all day for her to get her jollies off." Lord, Miranda is blunt.

With that, everyone agrees. I follow Tilly into the bathroom, where I do, in fact, play with her boobs. By the time we're done fooling around, everyone is packed and ready to go.

With our hair still wet, we walk out of the house. As we close the door behind us, I take a final look at the house. It was nice while it lasted, but the real test of our future is still on the horizon. It really doesn't feel right to leave the safety of our little retreat in the mountains, but we have to move on. Turning on Tilly's family—the fucking mob—is the only way I can truly have what Greg and Sam have. It's going to be a hard road, one I never had any intention of traveling. But at this point, I will do anything to get there for my family.