Chapter 40

Forty

Kyleigh

Well, there was no teasing last night between Rowan and me when we got back to my place. There was just me crying and him holding me because pretty soon, I fear he and Conor will be rolling around on the ground, beating the shit out of one another.

The news Conor shared about our mom didn't sit well, especially since I agreed to have lunch with her today. Knowing she cheated on my dad at least twice makes me want to cancel. Knowing Rowan will be there with me is the only reason I haven't canceled yet.

"I know this is hard, and the decision is yours." Rowan slides closer to me in bed, his fingers running down my arm. "But she's the only mom you have, and coming from someone who lost his, I think you should give reconciliation a chance, whatever that looks like."

Rowan's been patient and not offered a ton of advice on the matter of my mom.

I turn and bury my head in his neck, clinging to him. "We're so happy, I just want to stay in our little bubble."

His calloused palms run down my back, and he kisses the top of my head. "I wish I could take all the pain away. I hate that you're hurting."

I see it in his eyes—he hates all of this as much as I do. This should be the happiest time of our lives. We're embarking on a new beginning, we love one another, but my family is slowly draining all that newfound happiness away.

"I guess I should get ready." I groan.

"Probably."

I kiss his collarbone and slide out of bed. He doesn't try to grab me or get me in the mood, but rather remains my constant center of support.

I take my shower and slide into a dress suitable for brunch at the restaurant my mom picked. Rowan wears a button-down and a pair of slacks that make him look like the sex symbol he is.

We walk into the restaurant, and my mom looks up from a corner table that overlooks the Chicago River as we make our way over.

"Kyleigh, I love this color on you," she says, standing and putting her hands on my upper arms, looking me up and down, then she hugs me. "Love looks good on you." She smiles over my shoulder at Rowan. "And Rowan, how nice to see you again. You've really grown up and turned into a man." She hugs him. I watch Rowan stiffen before relaxing when she lets him go. "Sit, you two." She gestures to the empty chairs with her hand.

We sit, leaving the fourth chair empty, and watch the water traffic on the river.

"Thank you for meeting with me," she says, placing her hands on top of mine on the table.

I slide mine out and place them in my lap. "Sure."

She sits back and positions the linen napkin over her lap. The waitress comes over, and I order a mimosa while Rowan orders a coffee.

"We do love our mimosas," my mom says, smiling at Rowan. "So, I hear Conor isn't playing nice." Her lips turn down in a weird fake frown.

I'm not sure why she's acting so fake. "I don't want to talk about it."

"You know he's always been so protective of you, but that's what a big brother should do."

"He's taking it to the extreme," I say, unwrapping my silverware and laying my napkin in my lap.

"You can't really blame him." She looks at Rowan. "When Kyleigh started to go from little girl to all grown up, the boys noticed. They'd say things to Conor about Kyleigh's…" she leans in over the table, "boobs and stuff. You know how boys can be."

Rowan doesn't say anything but looks at me.

"I was four years younger. That's kind of gross."

She waves me off. "Not in high school. Once you were in college and we'd go to his games. Rowan knows what I'm talking about."

"Let's talk about something else," I say.

The waitress brings over my mimosa, and I take a large sip, wishing I hadn't agreed to this brunch.

Even if the guys Conor played with were saying things about me, it doesn't excuse how he's acting toward Rowan and me. He hasn't even taken the time to see us as a couple, to see how much we care for each other.

"What do you want to talk about then?" my mom asks.

Since the brunch is a buffet, we don't have to order and can go up and get food whenever we want.

"How about you cheating on Dad? Twice."

Her fake smile falters, and she looks at Rowan and back at me.

Rowan places his napkin on the table, sliding his chair back. "I'm going to be outside. I just remembered I have a phone call to make. It was nice seeing you, Mrs. Nilsen."

"Oh, please call me Val."

"Nice to see you, Val." He leans over the table to give me a kiss on the cheek. "I'll be right at the bar," he whispers in my ear.

I nod. I probably should've come by myself, but I would never have walked in here without the encouragement and support of Rowan.

"I really wish you'd keep our family affairs private," my mom says once he's out of earshot.

And there's my real mom.

"Rowan is a part of my life."

She rolls her eyes. "For now, but come on."

I shake my head, not wanting to get into a fight about this. She doesn't have the first clue about anything regarding Rowan and me.

"You want to say your piece, so say it." I sit back in my chair, cross my legs, and set my hands in my lap.

She brings her mimosa to her lipsticked lips and lowers the glass after she takes a sip. "I understand you're upset. Obviously the fact that you and Conor aren't talking didn't stop him from letting you in on our secret."

"Aren't secrets the problem? I didn't know this family had so many of them."

She twirls her champagne glass at the stem. "I don't expect you to understand. You're still in the beginning phase of love. Where you're his entire world. But there will come a time when it feels as if you're invisible to him. When you're no longer his shiny new toy. When you have kids and he only sees you as a mother and not a woman. Your father worked all the time. Cases took him away from our family for months at a time. I threw myself into my work once you and Conor were old enough." She glances toward the river at a tour boat going by with tourists staring at the skyscrapers, snapping pictures.

I watch a family of four getting their picture taken. The dad is secure in the back with his arms around his wife and his son, the little girl standing in front. The mom's hand is on the daughter's shoulder. Picture perfect. I had that once too, but now that image is gone, ripped away from me.

"Then you leave him. Or work it out. You don't cheat on him. How many men were there?"

She exhales an annoyed breath. I take that to mean more than the two I know about. "For someone who kept her own secret, it's a little unfair you can't put yourself in my shoes."

"You're honestly comparing my lie to you cheating on Dad?"

"It's the same thing. You were scared, so you kept a secret from him. Despite what you might think, I didn't want to hurt your father. It's not so easy to tell the man you once loved that you're not happy. I didn't want to blow up our life. You and Conor are my everything."

I scoff and roll my eyes.

"You are. But I lost myself in being a mother and a wife. You guys left home, and I didn't know who I was. I thought after you left, your dad and I would reconnect. That we'd find one another again, fall back in love. But while I tried to book vacations and date nights, your dad threw himself into his work. And I get it. It was the easy thing to do for him. The house was empty. There were no more practices to carpool to. No more footsteps running down the stairs. It was just silence."

"Still, Mom…"

"It's not an excuse for what I did. Not at all. I'm not saying that. I'm just trying to tell you a little of what I was struggling with. I know this isn't an easy fix, and I want to do the work to fix my relationship with you kids. I love you, and I love Conor. Sadly, your dad and I have decided to get a divorce, but I think we'll both be much happier, and in the end, it's the right decision."

"Says you." I grip the napkin in my hands.

She extends her hand toward me, but I don't take it. "In time, you'll realize it too. I know you only see us under the lens of your mom and dad, but we were once like you two." She eyes the empty chair to my right. I open my mouth to respond, but she quickly continues. "That isn't me saying you'll be sitting in my seat down the road. It's just to tell you that we were once two young people very much in love. And maybe we didn't nurture that love but ignored it and let it die. And then we didn't take the time or effort to try to bring it back to life." She shrugs. "Those are what-ifs that I can't keep thinking back on. I have to move forward with my life. For myself. You and Conor are all grown up. It's time for me to figure out who I am."

Hearing her confession is hard, but I am happy she's finally being real, even if I still don't agree with what she did.

I reluctantly move my hands up to the table and let her take them.

"I know that hoping you'll come back and work with me is futile, but I do hope you find your love for design again. You're exceptionally talented. And if you ever do want to come back, the door is always open." She squeezes my hand and retracts hers, picking up her mimosa and sipping it. "I love you, Kyleigh, and I'm sorry you had to see me with someone other than your father. I can't imagine how painful that was."

I push back the tears and nod. I'm not sure what to say.

"Thank you for hearing me out," she says.

"Thank you for being so transparent."

I am thankful she told me where her head was. Why she did it. Every other time I talked to her, I felt like she wasn't taking ownership for her actions, and she was being impulsive and immature and selfish, but I understand a little more now. I'm not sure how we'll ever get to the place we were before, but it makes me want to at least have some sort of relationship with her.

I'm just not ready to think about what the future looks like for us. One day at a time, I suppose.

"I know I've been hard on you, tried to direct you to live the life I thought you should. Not that there's a blessing in this, but I think all of this coming to light has really helped you find yourself. Figure out what you want in this life. And it's something I should've allowed you to do a long time ago."

"Thanks, Mom," I say, really looking her in the eye for the first time during this brunch.

She glances over my shoulder. "Will you stay for brunch?"

I'm not sure I want to honestly, but it would be a step in the right direction.

"Let me go get Rowan." I slide the chair back and leave her, weaving through the tables.

Rowan slides off the stool when he sees me coming and opens his arms. I step into them, and he envelops me, squeezing me tightly. Tears sting my eyes.

"Are we leaving?" he asks.

I pull back from our embrace. "I think we're going to stay."

His easy-going, sweet smile tips the corners of his mouth. "Okay."

I take his hand and guide him back over to the table.

And we have brunch with my mom. It's awkward and uncomfortable at times, but it's also a little comforting and a step in a new direction.

I'm not sure where it will take us, but I think I'm okay with that right now. She's right—I'm finding myself, and it feels really good.