Chapter 33

Thirty-Three

Kyleigh

It's Wednesday, and there's still been no word from Rowan. Every day I tell myself that he just needs time, but I'm starting to think I'll be waiting forever. Since he's at training, I go over to Peeper's Alley to check on Ruby. I brought reinforcements in case I run into Rowan, even though I'm not expecting him to be there.

"You could've warned me. I'd have worn my rain boots." Alara steps into the bar behind me.

The windows are boarded up, and for the first time that I've seen, the Peeper's Alley sign isn't lit up.

"Ruby?" I say, walking farther into the building.

She pops out of the back room. "Hey. Can you believe this?"

I frown. "I'm sorry I haven't come earlier."

She waves me off. "Please, I couldn't get in until yesterday, and then it was filled with insurance people. The restoration people are supposed to show up sometime today too."

I want to hug her, but Ruby isn't really a hugging kind of person.

"Hi, Ruby, I'm Alara." Alara puts her hand out between them, and Ruby stares at it.

"Who's this?" she asks me. Always on guard with new people, this one.

"This is my best friend, Alara. She came in case…"

Ruby's lips press into a thin line. "Yeah, Tweetie really lives up to his name. He was down here yesterday telling me what went down. I'm sorry." She genuinely looks upset.

"Well, ultimately, it's my fault. I lied." I give her a sad sort of shrug.

"Landry still giving you the cold shoulder?"

I nod.

"If it helps, a big birdie with blond hair told me that he's sucking it at preseason training. That he's got that same droopy look on his face you do." She points at me.

"I really wish he'd talk to me."

"He's a tough one. Has some issues deep down. Hell, a psychologist could buy a beach house in the Hamptons if he was their patient."

"Ruby!" My mouth drops open.

"Damn, maybe I should work with adults, not children," Alara says.

My head whips her way.

"I'm kidding." She raises her hands, but we both know she's thinking about the money.

"You were helping him get past his issues. And if he can't see that, it's his loss." Ruby pats me on the shoulder.

"What can we do to help?" I ask, wanting to change the subject.

"Leave."

My eyebrows draw down. "What? Why?"

"Because this one looks like she's ready for brunch at Tiffany's, and you're heartbroken, which means you're going to take it out on what's left of this place."

Alara raises her hand slightly, with a look as though she's afraid to speak. "In my defense, had she told me where we were going, I would've dressed appropriately."

"You're not in grade school, stop trying to be the teacher's pet." Ruby walks behind the bar. "Come here." She points at me, then her finger shifts to Alara. "You stay."

Alara looks like a disciplined puppy who got too excited and jumped on the guests.

"I'll be right back," I say.

"Yeah, I'll just, um, stand here on the wet wood floor, swollen from the water, and hope the electricity is turned off. Don't worry about me."

She pulls a small laugh out of me. At least it's a baby step from being depressed all the time.

I follow Ruby past the bar, and I don't look into the private room for fear I'll see a hologram of Rowan taking me on the table like he did that one night. We walk past the storage room and the empty keg is still there, triggering the memory of him asking me to spend the night with him. How perfect it all seemed then. Why didn't I tell him sooner?

Because you're a chickenshit conflict-avoider.

At the loading dock by the alley, she pulls over two empty kegs and pats one for me to sit on. She sits on the other, putting her ankle on her opposite knee and her forearms on her thighs. "Listen. I'm not selling the bar."

"What? Why?" I'm surprised, especially after the fire. I get that she'd have to use the insurance money to make it decent again, but we could be partners and make it something new.

"Seeing it destroyed made me realize how much I'd miss it. It's like a husband—it drives you crazy, but at the end of the day, you love it, and it's been good to you. A lot of people find solace here, a comfort they can't find anywhere else. That was obvious to me when our regulars reached out to me after the fire. So, you're off the hook."

She stands as if that's the end of the conversation, but what am I supposed to do now?

"Off the hook?"

"Yep. Go find another hobby." She waves me off.

"Ruby…" I'm set to argue even though I feel a sense of relief set in. I was going to honor my commitment to her, but working the bar late at night and serving the same beers to the same men wasn't really doing it for me. It was fun at first, something different, but I can see it getting old quickly. And I think maybe she knew that.

"Oh, stop it. I'm not going to apologize. This is my bar. Find something else."

My throat tightens, and my nose tingles. I want to cry because there's so much more to Ruby than what she shows the world. "If you ever need someone to cover a night shift?—"

"I'll call someone else. Now go. I don't need a lawsuit when your friend slips and breaks an arm because of those ridiculous shoes she's wearing." She shoos me away.

I nod, and we walk back out to the main bar.

"It was nice to meet you, Ruby," Alara says.

"Get your lips off my ass," Ruby says in response.

Alara crinkles her eyes at me, surely confused as to why Ruby is so mean. I laugh because it's just her way. You learn to love her though.

"Hey," Ruby says before I turn to leave. "Don't give up—he hasn't."

I smile, and tears well in my eyes. I've cried more in the last month than the five years previous. If this thing with Rowan isn't fixable, I might never see her again because it would hurt too much to come here and run into him. All the memories that would float to the surface would crush me every time.

"Bye, Ruby." I raise my hand.

"See ya, Leigh." She winks and circles back around, walking toward the back hallway.

"Well, she's a peach," Alara says once we're outside.

"Yeah. She is."

"I'm starving. Let's go eat," Alara says, already on her phone and probably calling an Uber.

I look at the security gate. I can almost see him there, standing with his back to the brick wall, head buried in his phone, waiting for me.

Alara tugs on my sleeve. "I knew this was a bad idea. Come on."

Twenty minutes later, we're entering our favorite place to go for cheesesteak sandwiches.

Alara goes right to the crane machine game in the waiting area, next to the poker machines. I'm guessing it's so the kids can try to win a stuffed animal while their parents gamble.

I drag her away by the sleeve. "No, you don't. You waste so much money on those things."

"You're right, but just once isn't going to hurt."

"We're eating first." I walk over to the hostess. "Two please."

The place is a bar-slash-restaurant, heavy on the bar.

We're seated in a booth dangerously close to the crane machine, and I groan knowing she's going to leave me to go play that game at some point. I purposely sit so I'm facing the machine and not her.

The waitress comes over and takes our drink and meal order. Alara waits until after the drinks are delivered before bringing up what I know she wanted to. I'm surprised she had the patience.

"So, you're free of the bar. Let's toast to that." She raises her glass.

"What am I going to do now? That was my future."

She raises her eyebrows. "Um…no, it wasn't. And you know it."

I shrug. "Okay, I ended up not really caring for it, but I'm not qualified for anything else now."

She hems. "You're qualified to design clothes."

I down my lemon-lime soda, ignoring her. "That's not me anymore."

She rolls her eyes. "Okay, we'll save that topic for later."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing." She shakes her head. "Let's talk about you getting caught. How are you? I'm thinking you just hang up the towel if he hasn't reached out yet. Maybe he wasn't who you thought he was."

I sigh and frown. "No. He was. I know it. He never made me feel like just a piece of ass. He was sweet and?—"

"Which could just be his thing until he's done with you."

"You weren't there," I say. "You didn't see his face when he found out I was Conor's sister. Hell, when he found out my name is Kyleigh." I cringe at the memory.

"Conor is an ass, and you can tell him I said that. Leigh is part of your name."

My head sways right and left because I fought Conor on it too, but he's right. I've always corrected people when they shortened my name to Leigh.

"Well, he's not really talking to me either, so…there's that too." I shrug.

"If I cared, I'd say he's busy with preseason training, but I don't. Fuck Conor."

I laugh, which feels really good, although once I'm done, that same gruesome terrible feeling resurfaces.

"Ruby is right. It'll be his loss if he chooses to not talk to you at the very least."

I love Alara, and I couldn't ask for a better friend, but the night Rowan admitted to me what his dad was like and the fact he doesn't drink because of it, I saw how vulnerable he was. How uncomfortable it made him to share that with me. How deep that hurt was burrowed inside him and that we were only scratching the surface with his admission. And I repaid that trust by continuing to lie.

Sure, it was because I was afraid to lose him, lose what we had. Every time I thought about confessing, I thought just one more day, one more time, one more moment with him before it all fell apart. But it was selfish, and I don't blame him for not wanting to hear me out.

Our cheesesteaks come out, and I drown my anxiety and sorrow in the deliciousness of meat, cheese, and bread.

"God, I love these things," Alara says with a moan. "One final treat."

I put down my sandwich and wipe my mouth. "Final treat?"

A strange look crosses her face, but she waves me off. "You know me. I'm always starting a diet."

"You don't need to. You're taken. I'm the single one." I push my cheesesteak away from me.

"Shut up." She pushes it back.

We continue eating. The last thing I want is to feel this way again, so I won't be looking for a man any time soon. When we finish, she grabs a dollar bill from her purse and slides out of the booth with a mischievous smile.

"Alara!"

"Just once." She puts up her finger without looking back at me.

I watch from the booth. Sure enough, the metal crane picks up the stuffed animal, but it drops it almost immediately.

"No!" she shouts, and more than a few pairs of eyes turn toward her.

She comes back over to the table, but I grab her purse. "You're done."

"Just one."

I clutch it to my chest.

"Please. It's right there. Taunting me." She looks back at it.

I open her purse and grab her wallet. "You need to join a support group." I slide my fingers into where she keeps her bills, but I feel something else.

"Come on, before someone else gets to it." She holds out her hand.

"What is this?" I pull out a ring. A diamond ring. A new sparkling ring. "Alara, what is this?" My mouth drops open.

She sighs, and her shoulders sink. "Nothing."

I just stare at her without saying anything.

"It wasn't the time to share my news. You're hurting, so I'm hurting."

My eyes widen. "Is this an engagement ring?"

She nods.

"Oh my god! You were keeping this from me?" I stand and wrap my arms around her, filled with joy and excitement for my best friend. "I'm so happy for you."

"But—"

"No." I step out of her embrace and grab her left hand, sliding the ring onto her finger. "Don't worry about that. You're getting married!"

She nods, a big smile transforming her face. "I am."

"Sit." I gesture for her to take the seat across from me as I get back in the booth.

She glances at the machine but sulks and slides into her side of the booth.

"Tell me all the details."

Apprehension is visible in the lines of her face. "First, now that you know, I have a favor to ask."

"It's fine if you want my mom to design your dress." I would never stand in the way of Alara having the dress she wants for her big day.

She shakes her head and grabs my hand. "I want you to design my dress."

My stomach flips. "Oh."

"Think about it, okay?"

I think about it for a moment and nod before wiggling forward in my seat. "Now tell me everything."

She does. And I'm truly happy for my best friend. She deserves all the happiness in the world, and although my belief in marriage has faltered, I was hopeful that my feelings for Rowan might be leading in the direction of conquering that disbelief.

I'm not sure I'll ever get there with anyone else though, so I'm going to enjoy this moment through my friend.