Chapter 31

Thirty-One

Rowan

I knock on Henry's door at six in the morning, unable to sleep and tired of walking the streets of Chicago.

He opens the door and runs his hand through his disheveled hair. "I expected you earlier." Stepping out of the way, he holds the door open for me.

I'm sure Bodhi is sleeping, so I try to be quiet, toeing out of my shoes, and stepping into his family room.

"She's Conor's sister." I shake my head and run my hand behind my head, tugging at my strained neck.

"Unreal."

"I'm not even upset about that. I mean…I'm shocked, but she lied. For a long time."

He sits down and extends his legs, resting his feet on the ottoman. Bodhi's toys have all been put in their designated bins, and books are stacked on a shelf under the television in the console. "Yeah."

"You know how hard trust is when you're in this profession. I was a fool."

"I wouldn't say that."

I look at him. The bags under his eyes show how little sleep he got. I probably shouldn't have come here, but I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts. "I've never opened myself up like that. I told her things I don't tell anyone. I?—"

"Let her in?" He arches an eyebrow.

I nod and collapse into a chair. "And she took all that with her lie and tossed it in the garbage."

"Mehhh…" he says.

"She did."

"I think she got caught up. I think you both did."

I lean back in the chair and rest my ankle on my opposite knee. "That's no excuse for lying."

"No, it's not."

Jesus, could the guy give me more than just a few words, maybe offer me some advice?

"How about we have a conversation?"

He chuckles. "We are."

"No, I'm spilling my guts, and you're just giving me one-word answers. Tell me what I should do."

"And what good would that do?" he asks. "It's been what…four hours. You think you're ready to be done with this? Make a decision? Have you even talked to her?"

I shake my head. "Conor took her home." I nibble on my bottom lip. "I couldn't talk to her after I found out. I'm angry, and I don't like to talk to people when I'm pissed. I like to be by myself."

Another practice I picked up because of my father, just like the not drinking thing.

"Makes sense."

I point at him. "See, shit like that. Say something else."

"What do you want me to say?"

I grow more irritated. "You're smart. You clearly have a good head on your shoulders. You adopted Bodhi. Have somehow figured out how to be a great single dad and play hockey professionally."

"Aww, thanks. You think I'm a good dad?" He smiles.

I pick up a stuffed elephant in the bin next to me and toss it at him. "I'm serious. This is why I don't get this deep. I hate feeling all this shit stirring inside me."

"Feelings? Yeah, they can suck." He clucks his tongue.

I grab a stuffed turtle and chuck it at him. He catches it. Asshole.

"I should just break it off, right? I mean, it's going to fuck up the locker room dynamic. Conor's and?—"

"Why are you thinking about Conor?"

I give him a duh look. "He's her brother."

"But you said that didn't matter to you. It was the fact she lied. Conor isn't a factor in your decision."

He's got to be on something. Took a sleeping pill after the fire and is still out of it even if he looks all right.

"Of course he matters. It will affect all of us. Maybe the damage is already done, already splintering us, who knows. She's hurting now, and if we don't get past this, I broke her heart. If we do get past this, he'll be pissed that I'm with her, probably just waiting for me to fuck up and break her heart. Either way, I'm screwed."

"Conor's a smart guy."

I look up and throw my hands in the air. "It's that kinda shit response that's only making me angrier."

"Sorry." He shrugs.

"Henry," I say, growing more and more irritated.

He chuckles and sits up. "Listen. It's only been hours, and it's six a.m. on a Sunday. Give it a day. Or two. Whatever you need. Time and distance can change a lot in your head."

"You want me to feel like this for days?"

He rolls his eyes. "I hate to break it to you, but if you don't get past this with her, that feeling of dread and longing and yes, heartbreak, is going to last a lot longer than twenty-four hours."

I slouch down into the chair with a groan. "That girl you were saying had to find herself…how long did that feeling last for you?"

He huffs and shakes his head. "It's still there. Sure, it's dulled a little. The edges aren't quite as sharp. But it can resurface with a vengeance at the mere mention of her name or a flash of her picture."

"I'm screwed then!" I scrub my hands down my face. "You should've warned me."

"Warned you?"

"Yeah, friend to friend."

"What would you have done?"

What would I have done? I'm not sure. Stopped seeing her. But looking back, I never would've listened to him anyway.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," he says.

A bedroom door creaks open, and Bodhi comes out wearing the same pajamas I saw him in in the middle of the night. His new firefighter hat is on his head.

"Did I wake you, buddy?" I ask, earning a death glare from Henry.

"I can't sleep." He climbs onto Henry's lap, laying his head on his chest.

Damn it, what is this new feeling in my chest? I've never wanted kids, but I wouldn't mind a little cuddle right now myself.

Henry points for the blanket behind my head, and I pick it up and toss it to him. He lays it over Bodhi. "If you want my advice?—"

"It's the reason I'm here."

"Give it a little bit. You'll get the clarity you need. Let the anger simmer down so you can think rationally." He runs his hand over his son's shoulders, and he kisses the top of Bodhi's head.

We sit there, him watching his son and me watching the two of them. I have to give it to Henry. Who adopts a kid who needs a home when he's a young professional hockey player? An amazing person, that's who.

Bodhi bolts up, his eyes open, and the blanket falls to his lap. "Where's Leigh?"

Just when she wasn't at the forefront of my mind.

"She's…" I start, but what do I tell him?

"She was sad when the fireman was here. Did you make her sad?" His blue eyes stare at me, and I hate the feeling of disappointing him.

"No, he didn't," Henry answers for me.

"Did you break up?" The worry lines on Bohdi's forehead just about do me in.

"Bodhi, not our business," Henry says.

"I like her," Bodhi says, like a declaration. "She taught me how to draw a sun on the sidewalk. She gave me a kiddie cocktail downstairs. With extra cherries!"

Henry looks at me over his kid's head.

"If you broke up, does that mean Daddy can date her?"

Henry laughs, but quickly tries to stop, failing miserably.

"No," I answer.

"Why not? Mrs. Brewster says you have to share. That sharing is the nice thing to do because you want to spread happiness. If something makes you happy, it would probably make someone else happy to play with it too."

I raise my eyebrows at Henry, and he tries to hide his smile.

"I'm not sure it's the same with people," Henry says. "Right now, Rowan likes to play with Leigh, and until he puts her back on the shelf, we have to wait our turn. You wouldn't like it if I took your favorite toy out of your hands while you were playing with it, right?"

I roll my eyes. "Just when I complimented you on being a great dad."

He flips me off behind Bodhi's back.

"Put her back on the shelf, Rowan, so Daddy and I can have her."

Even I can't hide my laugh, although thinking about casting Kyleigh aside doesn't sit well. Actually, it doubles that sinking feeling in my stomach, then turns into a jealous sort of anger thinking about her being someone else's.

Henry is right. I need to give this some time.

"I don't think Rowan is a good sharer." Henry can't fight his smile.

I pick up a Falcon stuffed animal and throw it at him.

But he's not wrong. When it comes to Kyleigh, the only thing I know for sure is, there's no sharing.