Chapter 16

I shouldn't have done that.

I shouldn't have fucking done that.

Every single cell in my body throbs with need. My dick is like a missile, one that needs to go off right fucking now. But I meant what I said; this isn't about me. It's about Charlize.

Sure, I punished her and spanked her for disobeying me, but she liked it. She wanted it. Fuck me if she didn't want more. But as hard as my dick is for her, I need to keep this strictly to touching only. If I fuck her, all Hell's gonna break loose and I can't do that. I can't push this any further than it already has.

Thinking about her sugar baby comments has me reeling. She was fucking negotiating the terms of being my paid little whore. And the fact is; I can't deny that I liked it.

I like the idea of her being mine, at my beck and call. Answering only to me. Fucking only me. Spending all her time with only me. I can deny it all I want but the proof is right there. I want her.

I press my forehead against hers. She wants me to kiss her, but I can't. A kiss is so fucking intimate. I know how her lips feel, how they taste, and if we go there — I know there's no going back.

"I can't kiss you."

Her voice is soft when she whispers. "Why not?"

I sigh. "A kiss is so much more intimate than sex, Charlize."

"No. It isn't. What you just did is intimate. Don't screw with me, please."

Her begging tugs at my heart. I don't want to make her upset, in fact, that's the last thing I want.

"I'm not purposely trying to screw with you. I'm trying to work out what the hell to do with you."

Silence hangs between us.

"You know what you can do," she breathes. "I can be whatever you need me to be. It's a win-win for both of us."

"And when we're out, what happens if someone recognizes you and puts two and two together?" Not that I give a fuck what people think. It would still cause a scandal though, and I worry about how Charlize would handle that.

"Nobody knows me here. I can go by Charli when we're out. That's if you want to be seen with me."

I lift her chin. "It isn't that I don't want to be seen with you," I say. "Don't ever think that. I'm worried if this gets out, the press would be brutal. You've suffered enough. I don't want to cause you additional pain."

"I don't care what people think, or what they say."

"You say that now, but it could change."

"So, are you saying you agree? I'll be your sugar baby?"

I can't even believe I'm entertaining the idea. Every single warning sign in my head goes ignored. I don't want to hear it.

"I hate that word."

"Your little bitch then."

I chuckle. "You always did have a mouth on you."

"All the better to suck you with, Daddy."

My cock hardens at her words. But I'm also not going to fuck her in this car.

"You just can't help yourself, can you?"

Her lips quirk as I pull back. "Answer the question."

"I don't want you to sleep with any other men. If I let you go, eventually it will happen even if you're not at élégance."

Her breath hitches slightly in her chest. "You don't want me sleeping with any other man, ever?"

I swallow the lump in my throat. What am I saying, exactly? It's not clear even to me.

"Let's just take it one day at a time."

"You haven't even asked me my going rate."

I tuck her hair behind her ears. "What is your going rate, Princess?"

Her hands clutch my biceps and I want so badly to take her in my arms. "Ten grand a week."

I don't even baulk. She's worth far more than that.

"For your complete loyalty?"

"Yes, of course."

"There will only be me."

"Duh."

I nip her chin. "I can see this smart mouth is still getting you into all sorts of trouble."

"That's because I was raised by a pack of wolves."

I roll my eyes. "Not funny."

"So we have a deal?"

"You got five grand for one night; this seems a little cheap."

Cheap is probably the wrong choice of words to use in this particular scenario.

"Fine. Twenty then."

"Done."

Her eyes go wide with shock. "Holy shit. You're going to pay me twenty grand a week?"

"Yes, but you'll have to sign a contract."

"So I don't sell all your secrets to OK magazine?"

"It's to protect both of us." I can't believe I'm even saying this. "So we both know exactly what the deal is."

"And what is that exactly?"

I take a breath. I wish she wasn't everywhere; permeating every single cell in my body. I know I need distance, to get my head out of the haze, but I also know the drum in my chest isn't just by chance. I can't help how I feel.

"We have an arrangement." This is all because I don't want her with another man, I realise . It bugs me that she'd sell her body for money. I can't stand the idea. I realise that I'm a contradictory son-of-a-bitch, but that doesn't matter right now. "I won't mistreat you, and you don't have to do anything you don't want to." I don't tell her right away that sex is off the table because I'm piss weak. "You'll also get extra spending money for outfits and whatever it is women spend money on these days."

I'm fucking dying for her to take my credit card and spoil herself.

"You'd seriously let me loose with your credit card?"

"Material things mean nothing to me. It's just money, Charlize."

She looks down at her hands and for the first time, I see the vulnerable side that lurks beneath. She's just so fucking adorable.

"Twenty grand?"

"If you quit both your jobs. Yes."

"That's a lot of money."

"You're worth it."

A small smile creeps across her face. "This is insane, you do realise that, right?"

"I'm actually fully aware of the idea that we're both fucking nuts."

"Then we have a deal."

I lean up and kiss her on the forehead. "Good. Now I need to get you home."

There's a lurch in my chest when I think about her going back to that flat.

I don't want her living there. Maybe I could offer her more to move… woah, cowboy.Slow down.

We haven't even signed a contract yet and I'm already making plans for her to move out. I have plenty of properties around London.

I've made up my mind.

"Home?" She sounds disappointed, the frown on her face matching her tone.

"I can't do what I want to do here, and it's getting late." That's an excuse. "You can come by my office tomorrow and we'll discuss the contract."

"I need to give work notice."

My anger boils. "No, you don't. You're not to go back to élégance again."

"I meant the bar." She bites down on her lip and it goes straight to my dick.

"They'll live. Quit tomorrow."

"Now I have to do everything you say, like you're my Dom?"

"I'd never make you do anything that isn't pleasing."

Her eyes bug wide. "So you are a Dom in the bedroom?"

I run a hand through my hair. "I have specific tastes, Charlize. I like sex. I like rough sex. And I like a lot of it."

"Except you haven't had any in ages; you've been too busy and stressed with work." She repeats my earlier words like she doesn't believe me.

"It's not unusual for me to abstain for a while — when I'm not feeling it. Women tend to bore me."

Her face falls. "Do you think I'll bore you?" I hate how small her voice sounds when she says it.

I lift her chin with my finger. "Not a chance. But you have to let me do this my way."

She frowns. "What way is that? Do you have a red room of pain in your basement?"

I chuckle. "I have no idea what that is, but I do like to tie women up if that"s what you"re asking."

"Holy shit," she whispers.

"Which is why we need to discuss boundaries tomorrow." The more I think about it, the more ridiculous it sounds in my head that we can't have sex.

Using a dildo on her would drive me insane, and I'd want to burn the fucking thing for going near her. Her pussy is mine. Mine. But if we fuck, it'll change everything. It already has and I haven't given her half of what I want to yet.

"Fine. Nothing like a mid-morning chit-chat about what sex positions we like to get the juices flowing." She puts herself back together and I turn back to the front, adjusting my dick. I'm gonna have to deal with that later. If I'm honest with myself, I'm pleased I made her squirt. What's more? I want to do it again.

I start the car.

"Do you really not want me to give you a blowjob?" She blurts out just as I pull onto the street.

I chuckle. "Not everything is about me, Charlize. You'll come to realise that."

She frowns. "Are you one of those Doms who deprives himself?"

She's perceptive. "Sometimes, yes. I also like to control when the woman I'm with comes." I give her a pointed look. "Which you didn't follow, by the way."

"After what you were doing to my clit with your tongue, can you blame me?"

"That's something you'll have to work on."

"Does it turn you on?" I feel her looking at me in my periphery.

"Yes," I say simply. "I like to deprive you until you can't take it anymore."

"Holy shit."

I hear her intake of breath. I know how much this turns her on when we talk like this.

"Anything else you'd like to know?"

"Uh yeah. Everything. When you tie women up, how do you do it?"

"I like to use something soft, like my tie, or a silk ribbon. I don't like to hurt or mark women. I only like to spank." I'm hard just thinking about her reddened ass. "Speaking of which, you'll need to put some cream on your ass when you get home, for the redness."

"I think I like the idea of feeling where you've been." She says it quite proudly.

The sight of her with her ass in the air, red raw from my spanking and then sucking on her pussy until she squirted all over my car, might just be the hottest thing I've ever witnessed. There is no way I'm letting her go.

"I mean it. Aftercare is important."

"And here I was thinking you'd be reading me a bedtime story." She laughs to herself.

As we near Blakefield, I begin to change my mind about dropping her back here. I know she isn't mine, and it was only a few hours ago at the restaurant where I had my plan in place to shut her down and say goodbye forever. That plan clearly set me up for failure. And here we are.

"Change of plans," I say quickly.

She turns again, quirking a brow when our eyes meet.

"You're packing a bag and coming to mine tonight."

I see the delight in her eyes and my heart pounds in my chest. I realise I fucking love making her happy.

"I am?"

"Yes."

"Why, because you don't like Blakefield?"

"Yes, mainly. I've got a guest suite, you can stay there until we arrange a more suitable apartment."

"Come again?"

I sigh. "I don't want you living there."

"You're being a snob, Alistair."

"It's called having superb taste, Charlize. I'm well known for it around here. Living lavishly is something you'll have to get used to if we're going to really do this."

"That's because you live in South Kensington."

I earned every single penny I have, I won't apologize for it. "And it's a beautiful part of the city. Which parts of London do you love?"

She closes her eyes as I shift my eyes back to the road. "I love all of it." I love how she sighs like she's remembering something really great about old London Town.

"But living somewhere posh? I don't honestly know, it seems like a lot to fork out. You might not even like me yet."

I highly doubt that's possible. "Think about it. I'll need an answer tomorrow."

And with that, it's settled.

I'm racing into unknown territory with her and all I can think about is how good that feels.