Chapter 7

Seven

All sense of time was lost to her as Elizabeth walked and talked with Mr Darcy, her gloved palm curled round his arm.

Hesitantly at first, the gentleman spoke of his sister, his parents, and his upbringing. "My father instilled in me the importance of honesty, of self-command, and of strong moral principles. I have strived to live up to his expectations."

"You mention honesty." Elizabeth's curiosity would not be conquered. Her dignity and vanity demanded satisfaction. "So, at the Meryton assembly, were you being truthful when you said I was not handsome enough to tempt you? If so, why would you have wished to make me your wife? Or was it all a scurrilous falsehood?" It had been something of a scandal throughout Longbourn village and Meryton, but that had been her own fault for spreading word of the insult.

Mr Darcy's voice lost much of its power. "There is no adequate excuse for that callous remark, but I did not know you when it was uttered. I barely glanced at you or anyone that night." He touched the fingers resting upon his sleeve and indicated they should stop walking. Turning, he caught her eye. "The truth, madam, is that you?—"

The look he bestowed upon her made Elizabeth blush.

"The truth is that the better I came to know you, the more your beauty, like a rosebud, blossomed before my eyes. It is greater than the sum of its parts."

"My parts ?"

"I mean your appeal is a combination of—" He seemed to struggle for a compliment. "What shall I call it? Your, um?—"

"You must mean my je ne sais quoi , for I certainly do not know what you mean." She did, but a vindictive part of her wanted him to squirm. Though less out of favour, he was still in her black books.

The gentleman's words spilled forth in a rush. "I mean your appeal is a combination of intelligence, compassion, and loyalty. I even admire your defence of the supposedly downtrodden, even when they do not deserve it. And I admit I am strangely attracted to your temerity. Mostly, though, it is your exuberance. Even here and now, despite the enmity you feel towards me, your enjoyment of life shines through like the sun through these clouds. You, I think, are not formed for petulance. Unlike me, your manners have all the recommendations of ease, good humour, and unaffectedness. I wish—for your own sake and for that of others—that I had your amiability amongst company. And how I dearly wish I could undo all my past mistakes."

Slowing his speech, he seemed intent on articulation. "I once told you that I have not that talent you possess of conversing easily with strangers. I cannot appear interested in their concerns, as I often see you do so admirably."

When he touched on the matter of Wickham and Miss Darcy, Elizabeth asked thoughtful questions and expressed genuine concern for his sister and for him, and she was thanked for it.

"Mr Darcy, you know I never hesitate to express pert opinions. Now that I comprehend your circumstances, it is easier to be forthright with you, a gentleman I previously held in contempt and treated with irreverence. How could I be less than completely frank when you were so brutally candid in your revealing letter? Your entrusting me with Miss Darcy's secret speaks of great faith in my discretion. If I am to be honest—not only with you but with myself—your candour and trust are earning you a claim on my good will."

"I am very glad to hear it." He smiled then, quite handsomely, but it faded into a frown as he mentioned his abysmal offer of marriage.

Remorseful about her response to that proposal, Elizabeth clasped her hands in front of her and studied them, not him. Such blunders! Such blindness of head and heart!

"I utterly misconducted myself that evening, sir, and my conscience will not acquit me." A sting formed in her eyes as they watered not from cold but from shame.

She raised her chin to look him in the eye. "I did not behave in a ladylike manner." Her voice cracked, and a tear fell unheeded. "How despicably I acted, and how aggrieved you must have felt!" A sob broke free. "Will you ever find it in your heart to forgive the harsh words I spoke?"

"Hush now." Mr Darcy stepped closer and gently dabbed her cheek with a pristine handkerchief. "Every word you just said, I repeat back to you." He smiled. "With the exception of ladylike . We both know I did not behave in a gentlemanlike manner. So, let us agree to absolve one another, and let us look not backwards but towards the future."

Sniffling and smiling, Elizabeth nodded her head in hearty agreement.

Of Mr Bingley's leaving Netherfield they spoke at length. To Elizabeth, it was evident her elder sister was very much in love with Mr Darcy's friend, but she admitted it was not likely to be discovered by others.

"Charlotte told me that being so very guarded would be disadvantageous, and if Jane concealed her affection from the object of it, she might lose the opportunity of fixing him."

Mr Darcy nodded his understanding. "I know a foolish man, blinded by pride, who mistook a lady's assurance of manner for coquetry. He unknowingly concealed his burgeoning love from her—the most worthy of women—and thereby lost any opportunity of ever securing her affection. Were he not already desolate, he should be tarred, feathered, and pilloried." With her pensive regard fixed upon his face, he asked whether her expression was one of solicitude or of pity. "The gentleman would not want your sympathy, madam. He still wishes to secure the young lady's affection."

Oh dear! Several retorts made it as far as the tip of Elizabeth's tongue but remained unvoiced.

By unspoken agreement, they walked on in awkward silence. When a few minutes had elapsed, Mr Darcy promised to send Mr Bingley back to her sister.

"It was very badly done of me to have interfered as I did, poking my nose in where it had no business."

"What of my family, sir? Have you changed your stance about them? I might argue that you as a gentleman and I as a gentleman's daughter are equals. But the truth is that you are infinitely Jane's and my superior in consequence and wealth."

"True, but that is not so for Bingley. He is not of the gentry. Your family holds higher standing, though your father's wealth falls far short of my friend's. At any rate…" Mr Darcy paused until she looked him in the eye. "None of that should matter a jot when a man has fallen in love."

When a man has fallen in love. A blush overspread Elizabeth's cheeks, and a tingle shot down her spine as she turned away. Without confirmation, she sensed the gentleman's heated, penetrating gaze fixed upon her profile. Despite her refusal of his marriage offer, it was increasingly evident he remained attached to her.

It was all too much. She needed time to think. "Mr Darcy, what is the hour? How long have we been walking?"

He consulted his pocket watch. "A quarter of eleven. Are you fatigued or in need of sustenance?"

Elizabeth admitted she had, once again, not yet eaten breakfast. "I must go, but I very much enjoyed our conversation." She curtseyed. "Good day, sir."

"I shall escort you to the parsonage."

The authority with which he had spoken rankled. "Whatever for? I am perfectly accustomed to walking hereabouts unaccompanied and have been doing so off and on for a month now. Besides, have you forgotten my answer from the other evening? We may have put aside our differences and are learning to be civil towards one another, but you are not responsible for my welfare."

The instant the words were out of Elizabeth's mouth, she wished them unsaid. Mr Darcy's crestfallen mien caused her a degree of shame. Of course, a true gentleman would consider himself responsible.

Just then, there came such a cacophony of rattles, squeaks, and the clatter of hooves on gravel that both of them turned in the direction of the lane.

"That is Anne's phaeton approaching with undue speed," said Mr Darcy. "And from the wrong direction. She was to confer with Gilchrist about her herbarium, then directly return home. Where the dickens has she been all this time?" He apologised for the outburst but took no pains to conceal his vexation and concern.

"Make haste then, sir, and ascertain Miss de Bourgh's welfare. I shall pray there is no need for such apprehension."