Chapter 10

"Ihonestly don't know how people didn't put it together sooner," I say as the woman on the TV talks.

"Huh?" Chloe mumbles as she tosses more popcorn and Peanut MM's into her mouth.

"The guy dressed up as a clown, and everyone thought that was normal. They didn't find it suspicious at all."

"Yeah, they had a giant red flag waving in their faces, and they turned a blind eye. Then again, I'm sure not all clowns are serial killers."

Only in this instance, the killer clown was a serial killer whose real name was John Wayne Gacy Jr.

It doesn't matter if they are serial killers or not. Clowns are creepy as fuck. Both of us have such a fear of them that we almost skipped this episode of our favorite show because of it. We decided we needed to be adults, though, and watch it anyway. Let's just say it reaffirmed why we hate clowns.

I pick up my phone off the comforter and check the screen again.

"Has he texted you?" Chloe asks as she takes a drink of her wine.

I shake my head. "No."

"That's probably because he has it under control," she reminds me.

"I'm sure he does, but that trust doesn't appear overnight. He is earning it, but it's not fully there yet. I mean, I only ever leave her with you or day care, so it's hard to not check in a million times," I confess as I put a piece of cheese and meat on a cracker.

Chloe picks up the remote and pauses our serial killer documentary.

I'm sure when Mason offered to stay at home with Ari so I could have a girls' night, he thought that I would go out to a bar or somewhere. That's what most girls mean when they say girls' night. Going out and partying the night away.

When, in reality, I'm eating a girl dinner and getting wine drunk while watching serial killer documentaries with my best friend in her bed.

"Has he asked about what he missed?"

I shake my head. "Not really, no. I brought it up, but he told me he wasn't ready yet. He feels cheated knowing he missed things but thinks it would be worse if he knew actual details. I told him to ask when he's ready."

I sigh and check my phone again. Still nothing.

"It might be weird now, but you'll get used to it. It's for the best."

"I know." I sigh.

Chloe turns toward me, giving me her full attention. "He has put in effort. I mean, even I have to admit that I was skeptical at first. I wanted to nut punch him the moment you told me that he knew about Ari. Especially since he seemed to want to be in her life after abandoning you all those years ago. Only, all of that was a lie. Something his mother did in order to push you out of his life. Tell me, do you honestly think that if he knew about you back then, he would have left?"

I chew my lip for a moment. "Since the moment he found out about her, he has wanted to be here. He would live with us if he could, I think. He's all about being a dad. I think he would have been back then too."

"Exactly. I can see that, and so can you. So as hard as it is, you need to work on moving past the past."

"It's hard to when those words from that vile woman have played over and over in my head for years. It's like being told the sky is purple for so long but finding out it's really blue. It's a shock. You don't believe it right away. It takes time to see it being blue over and over for it to sink in."

"That's true. You aren't going to get over it overnight, but you can remind yourself that it was a lie every time you question him. When you have doubts, you can talk to him. Let him dispel them. Give him a chance to be the man you want him to be."

"I just need him to be a good dad for Ari. Everything else doesn't matter."

"Psh, like you don't want to get under him again," she teases.

I can feel my cheeks turning bright red.

"Wait? Did you? Are you fucking him?" she gasps.

"No. We aren't fucking," I say confidently.

She rubs her chin. "You have done something, though. Spill, hooker."

"He kissed me at work."

"Oooh, how was it?"

"Okay, I guess?"

Chloe rolls her eyes. "Okay? Come on, the guy blew your mind years ago, I'm sure that hasn't changed. Especially now that he has the daddy factor."

I raise a brow. "The daddy factor?"

"Come on, tell me that watching him interact with Ari doesn't do something to your ovaries. There's just something about a good dad that gets every woman's engine running."

"It's so freaking hot," I confess.

I have found myself distracted by him more often than not when he's with Ari. Something about the way he loves and cares for her gets my body ready to give him another one. That's not what we need at all.

"See! So that kiss was more than okay. Why haven't you tried to turn it into more?"

The old me would have made a move by now. I was never one to wait for the guy to decide what was going on with us. I took the relationship by the horns and led that bitch.

Not anymore. Things are different now. I have to consider more hearts than mine.

"I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"What am I not afraid of?" I laugh dejectedly. "Our lives are so intertwined now. We spend so much time together, it's not even funny. He's over every night and constantly in my space. Dammit, Chlo, when he leaves, I miss him and I have to stop myself from calling him and begging him to come back. Add in Ari, and god, she's a goner."

"You love him," she says plainly.

Something about what she says resonates inside, but I refuse to acknowledge it.

"No," I deny it.

Chloe huffs. "Fine, then you're on your way to loving him. Better?"

"I can't love him."

"Why not?"

"Because what if he hurts me again? It's not just me that I have to think about, you know?"

Chloe's eyes soften as she grabs my hand. "Babe, he's not going to hurt you like you think he will. Yeah, he might fuck up and make mistakes, but he's human. I have a feeling he's going to prove you wrong."

"How do you know that? You haven't met him."

"Because no man who owns a home worth several million dollars willingly sleeps in an apartment that's not even a thousand square feet in a less-than-stellar neighborhood for any reason other than love. Besides, from what you've said, he is head over heels gone for Ari."

"You don't know that."

"I do. Come on, Liv, pull your head out of your ass. You have a guy sitting here waiting to give you and your daughter the world. Take it. With both hands, grab it and don't let go. Stop playing the what-if game. It never helps."

"And if he breaks my heart?"

Chloe shrugs. "Then I'll be here to pick up the pieces like always. Always baby daddy number one."

I chuckle, wiping the tears that had formed away. "I love you."

"I love you too, but I'll love you more once you let that sugar daddy start spoiling you and me by proxy."

I roll my eyes and laugh. "He's not going to spoil me."

"We'll see about that."

I have no doubt that she will have Mason spending money on both of us in no time. I hate accepting money from people, and she knows it. She will make me do it, though. It's why she's a good friend. She reminds me of what I deserve.

"What about you?" I change the subject.

"What about me?"

"Have you been on any dates lately?"

Chloe groans as she sinks further under the covers, knocking over the popcorn bowl.

"Dude, it's brutal out there. Be thankful you don't have to go on dates to try and find a man. I've been kissing nothing but frogs."

I cringe at the analogy. "That bad?"

"So, so bad. I went on a date the other day where the guy brought his parents." Chloe's eyes widen. "His. Parents. Liv. To our first date."

My eyes widen. "Seriously?"

"Yes, they wanted to interview me to make sure I was a good fit for their son before the night continued."

"That's…" I say, at a complete loss for words.

"Insane. It was insane. They asked me for a report from my doctor because they wanted to make sure I could have children." She scoffs, shaking her head. "I think I'm done swiping left or right for a while."

"I don't blame you. That sounds awful."

An evil smirk covers Chloe's face. "It wasn't all bad. The waiter ended up giving me his number outside of the ladies' room. When I got home, I called him, and we met up."

I crinkle my nose. "Please tell me you washed your sheets."

Chloe laughs. "I went to his place, don't worry. Besides, sleeping on sex sheets for more than one night is fucking gross. I'm a lady, dammit."

"Sure you are," I tease, making her laugh.

Chloe winks. "Only when I want to be."

"God, I love you." I laugh.

"Back at you, sister. Now do you have anything else you want to talk about, or should we get back to our show?"

"I'm good."

"Cool. I'm going to go grab another bottle of wine from the kitchen. How about you text your man and check on him and Littles?"

I roll my eyes. "He's not my man."

"Not for the lack of trying," she singsongs as she gets out of bed.

I watch as she walks out of the room with a smile on my face.

Fuck it.

I reach down and grab my phone.

Me

How's it going?

Mason

Good. Ari passed out while watching a movie about twenty minutes ago. How's your night out going?

Me

Fine.

Mason

Good. Let me know when you're ready to come home.

Me

Thank you.

Mason

For what?

Me

Being you.

Mason

You're welcome. Now get back to your girls' night. I'll see you when you get home, Livvy.

"Everything okay?" Chloe asks as she walks back into the room.

I set down my phone. "Everything is perfect."

* * *

My phone vibrates on the arm of the couch, and I see it's a message from Thomas.

Thomas

Miss Olivia is on her way up.

Me

Thank you.

I set my phone back down on the arm of the couch and get up.

Olivia wanted to take a rideshare over to Chloe's place so that she could drink, but I refused. There was no way I was letting her get into a car with a stranger when my driver is on hand at all times. It took some pleading, and I will admit I fought dirty. I brought Ari into it and asked what she would do if her mother was kidnapped and murdered, all for a little bit of pride. She conceded after that and took Thomas.

It was a small win, but I took it.

Quietly, I walk over to the door and open it. When I hear her drunken giggle, I can't help but smile.

She had a good time. I'm happy that she did. She has had to do the single mom thing for four years. I can't imagine how scary it was for her to be pregnant and then give birth. Then to know she has kicked ass by being such an amazing mom? She's a damn superhero.

Caring for Ari so she could go out tonight was the least I could do. If she'd let me, I would do it more often. I want to be her partner in this. For her to know she's not alone anymore.

We have a long way to go, though.

When she comes into view, I chuckle. "What the hell are you doing?"

Olivia has her hands on the steps in front of her as she half crawls, half walks up the stairs.

"Shh, you'll wake everyone in the building." I think she means to whisper, but it comes out at normal volume.

"My bad," I say quietly as I go to help her.

Olivia places her hand in mine as I pull her up.

"Hi." She smiles shyly.

"Did you have a good time?"

"I did." She sighs. "I went to Chloe's, and we sat in bed and ate food and drank wine while watching true crime. It was amazing."

"As long as it made you happy."

Earlier, when Thomas told me he dropped her off at her best friend's place, I thought that they would just be getting ready there before going out. Clearly, I was wrong. The girls stayed in and had a girls' night.

I can't exactly explain why that makes me happy, but it does. It's nice being with someone who would rather do something low-key than go out on the town. Something I've had to do my entire life, even when I don't want to.

Olivia is pleased by the little things, and I fucking love it.

Another reason why she is far above the women I am used to. With her, I don't need to be on all the time. I don't need to watch what I say or do. I can just be me.

It's addicting.

"Come on. I'll help you wash your hands and get ready for bed. Sound good?" I say as I pull her into the apartment.

"You're the best," she says as I lock the door behind us.

"I'm glad you think so."

Olivia drunkenly spins to face the living room. "I really hate this place, and what's that?" She points across the room.

I look at the air mattress I set up after she left. I love being here, but the floor is hell on my back. I would never take the couch from Olivia, though. So this is my compromise.

Hearing her say she hates the place she considers home bothers me, though.

"That is an air mattress, and why do you hate this place?"

When she turns to face me, she loses balance, and I catch her, pulling her into my arms.

"You caught me," she says breathlessly as she stares up at me.

"I'll always catch you."

"Why did you get an air mattress?" she asks, ignoring my first question.

"I brought that air mattress so I don't have to sleep on the floor, and you don't have to sleep on that couch and get poked by that spring anymore since you won't let me buy you a bed. Now tell me, why do you hate this place?"

A little crease forms between her eyebrows. "This place is so small and old. It makes me sad. I wanted to give Ari more. I plan to, but it's not working as fast as I had hoped."

"You could always move in with me," I remind her.

Livvy shakes her head slowly as she blinks up at me. "I can't do that. You might leave one day, and moving in makes it seem like we are dating, and we really aren't. I mean, we kissed once, but you haven't made a move since. Besides, if we moved in and kept it platonic, I think it would kill me if you brought some other girl home." She gasps. "Or if some woman wanted to parent Ari. I don't think I could handle it, so no, I need to stay here. Yes, here is sad, but safe."

Her babbling is usually adorable, but not right now. Not with what she just admitted. She still thinks I'm not here to stay. That I would ever dream of leaving her and Ari.

My heart breaks. That she is that damaged, and it's all because of my mother. The same woman who calls me every single day and always has, yet now I can't bring myself to answer her call.

"I won't leave you, ever," I say as I tighten my hold on her.

"Everyone leaves." She shrugs as she eyes my lips. "You have really nice lips."

I want to cry at her admission that everyone leaves. Of course she feels that way. With her parents gone, Chloe and Ari are all she has.

"Thank you," I say with humor in my voice at her change in topics. "I promise you, I'm here to stay."

Livvy sighs. "Time will tell."

"It will. Now let's get you ready for bed."

I drag her down the hall and into the bathroom. First, Olivia washes her hands, getting the germs from the stairs off her. Next, she brushes her teeth and follows that up with washing her face. When she's done, she spins to face me and smiles.

"All done!"

I can't help but reach out and run my thumb under her eye to wipe away a leftover smudge of mascara. "Perfect. Do you want to sleep in that or do you want to change?" I ask as I eye her leggings and T-shirt.

"I'm changing. You can't sleep in the clothes you wore all day. That's gross."

I chuckle. "Okay, I'll meet you in the living room."

I leave her in the bathroom to finish getting ready for bed. I lay down on the air mattress and sigh. The thing isn't comfortable at all, but it's better than the floor.

If only I could convince her to move in with me, and then I could sleep on my memory foam mattress every night.

I feel the bed dip, and I open my eyes to watch Olivia crawl into bed with me. I'm surprised since she's been avoiding getting too close to me so far. I suppose the alcohol is to blame.

"Will you hold me?"

Her voice sounds so small. Like she's afraid I might say no.

As if I would ever deny her. She has no clue what an impact she's made on me. Even four years ago, she left a lasting impression. I compared every woman I met afterward to her. To the way she made me feel. I knew she was special. That's why it killed me when she had left without a word. No matter how much money I offered the dating app, they wouldn't give me her information. With what little I had, I was stuck.

I tried to move on, but I never forgot her. I think subconsciously, I knew we had a connection.

"Always," I say as I hold out my arms.

Olivia lies down next to me, resting her head on my chest. She throws her leg over my hips. My hand moves down and grabs on to her thigh.

Perfect.

"Why haven't you kissed me again?" she asks after a moment of silence.

"I didn't know you wanted me to."

Olivia makes a little noise in the back of her throat. "I want you to."

"Good to know."

I feel her tilt her head back to look at me. "Well, will you kiss me now?"

I smile and shut my eyes. "No."

"No? Why not?" she asks in outrage.

"When I kiss you again, Livvy, you will be stone-cold sober. I know drunk words are sober thoughts, but I want you to be a hundred percent sure."

"What do I have to be sure of?"

My hand that's on her back moves down her body, and I squeeze her ass. "I intend the next kiss to be the one that lets you know that you are mine. If I kiss you, that means we're together, and I want you to be sure you're ready for that."

She shakes her head while confusion swims in her eyes. "Together? I'm not sure I know what that means."

I sigh, running my hand over her thigh. "You're drunk right now so it's not clicking. We can talk more about it tomorrow, but for now, it means I intend to be the only man you kiss from here on out."

"Oooh." She drops her mouth open dramatically.

She really is an adorable drunk. I wonder when the last time she was able to truly let go like this was. Probably not since before Ari.

"So you want to be my last kiss."

I nod. "Exactly."

Her little tongue peaks out and runs over her bottom lip, making my blood run hot. "You know, I haven't kissed anyone since that night. Well, besides you at work."

"What night?"

"The night we made Ari…"

"You mean…"

She nods.

Groaning, I pull her body tight against mine.

Fuck.

"You can't tell me things like that right now, sweetheart," I whisper against the side of her head.

The urge to flip her over and worship her body is riding me hard. It wouldn't even be about me. I wouldn't need to get my dick wet. I could just devour her pussy until she screams.

She's drunk, though, so I won't touch her. I'll remain a gentleman. She's making it damn hard to be, though.

"Why not?" The innocence in her tone has my cock jumping in my sweats.

"Because it makes me want to do things to you and your body."

Her eyes flare. "You can do whatever you like to me." Her leg presses over my erection, making me hiss.

"Oh, Livvy baby. I want to. I have since you came back into my life, but not tonight. Not like this."

I press a kiss to her temple.

Livvy pouts as her words start to slow down. "You're no fun."

"I know, baby girl, I know. But Livvy?"

"Hmm?" she says as her eyes flutter closed.

"Just know I'll make you feel so good."

"I know you will," she murmurs sleepily. "You did back then. It's what I've always imagined since then."

I swallow hard. Knowing the night with me has been her spank bank since then is a heady feeling. As she falls asleep in my arms, I think about all the years we missed out on. All the times we could have made more material for her. Hell, how she didn't need to have material. I would have taken her as mine immediately. I haven't been looking for a wife, but I know we would be married by now. She would be in my bed, and my daughter would be in her room down the hall.

I can't come to terms with missing out on so much, but I know I will not take a single moment for granted from here on out.

Tonight, for example, I could be angry that Olivia got so drunk that she stumbled home, literally. That because of her condition, we didn't do anything even though we both wanted to.

I'm not, though. I'm grateful that she felt comfortable enough to let me stay with Ari. I might be her father, but Ari is still getting to know me. Olivia could have said no, but she didn't. She trusted me enough to not only go to her friend's house but to come back having drank more than I knew she would have before because she knew I would take care of her and Ari.

I'm grateful that I got to spend some one-on-one time with my little girl before falling asleep with my woman in my arms.

As far as I'm concerned, it doesn't get much better than this.