Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen

What is Love?

Could you love me?

What a stupid question, I seethed as we returned to the castle. Of course the creature never could, never would love me.

Despite being desperate to touch her, I curled my fingers into fists, refusing. I could not let myself fall deeper into this well—into the hope that she might find me somehow enough.

I thought I would feel some sort of relief when the castle came into view, but I would find no such reprieve. Instead, this feeling of distance created turmoil in my chest.

Balthazar halted, and I dismounted, only to turn and help my creature dismount, my hands closing around her waist.

Once she was safely on the ground, she turned to me.

“G,” she said.

My brows lowered. “What?”

“A letter from my name,” she said, and then her eyes fell from mine as she added, “You will never know how grateful I am to know my sister lives.”

Without another word, she whirled and left the garden. I stared after her, even when I could no longer see her, my mind a chaotic mix of emotions I did not understand, and the longer I felt them—the confusion and strange affection for this mortal woman—the more frustrated I grew. And so I found myself again outside the mortal prince’s cell.

“What is love?” I demanded.

I was not certain what he had been doing before I arrived, but he had his face pressed between the bars of his small window so hard that when he turned to me, I could see their impression on his face.

His eyes widened. “Wh-what?”

“Love,” I said. “What is it? What does it feel like?”

His mouth opened and closed, and then he cleared his throat.

“Well, it is a feeling,” he answered. “It…uh…it feels nice.”

“Nice?” I repeated with a click of my tongue.

“Yes, you know…good,” he said, rubbing his palms on his clothes as if he were sweating profusely, though it was cool in his cell. “It’s good.”

I drew my bottom lip between my teeth, nodding.

“Tell me your greatest desire,” I said.

He stared. “Is this a trick?”

“It is not,” I said, and when the prince did not speak, I added, “You have my word.”

Though that promise felt like glass between my teeth.

“My greatest desire is not so simple,” he said. “While it is to be free, if I do not return to my kingdom with a golden apple from a tree that grows in the depths of the Glass Mountains, I cannot marry my beloved.”

It was the most articulate he had been since I began seeking his help.

I raised a brow. “Must you marry her?”

The prince balked. “Of course! If I do not marry her, she will marry someone else.”

“Then she must not love you.”

“She loves me,” he said. “But she is a princess, and all princesses must marry.”

“Who says?”

The prince hesitated and then answered, “Her father.”

“And if her father is dead?”

“If he is dead and no one has married the princess, then there is no king.”

“So you wish to be king?” I asked.

The prince said nothing, and I knew I had hit at the root of his desire.

“So all this advice you have offered…?”

“I did not lie,” said the prince defensively. “You asked how to make a maiden fall in love with you, not how to fall in love with her.”

My face felt hot with frustration, but the prince was not wrong.

“So…has she fallen for you yet?” he asked.

“Would you be here if she had?”

The prince paled, but he was not deterred. “But you have fallen for her?”

“That is what I am trying to figure out,” I gritted out.

“Well, how do you feel?” he asked.

“Insane,” I said.

“I think you were insane before her,” said the prince.

I glared.

“I cannot describe it,” I said after a moment. “I only know that I do not wish to know the world without her.”

The prince hummed softly and then replied, “Well, if you are not in love, then that is a promising start.”

I met his gaze and scowled. “You are most unhelpful.”

I vanished, returning to my room. Naeve, who had been making my bed, yelped as I landed on the mattress. I ignored her, reached for a pillow, covered my face, and screamed.

“Feeling better?” the mirror asked when I was finished.

“No,” I said, the pillow muffling my snappy response.

Naeve yanked it off my face and then hit me with it. I scowled at her, and she hit me again.

“Why are you here? You should be wooing your creature! You have only three days to make her love you!”

“I have done all I could!” I said, sitting up.

“You mean you have fucked her?” asked Naeve.

“I did more than fuck, you naughty little sprite!”

“And you think that is enough?”

“I cannot make her love me, you idiot! Love is a choice, and she has not chosen me.”

There was silence, and then I heard Naeve’s sharp inhale.

“Well, we have finally made progress.”

I stared at her, confused.

“What are you talking about?”

“If love is a choice, then you can choose it too,” she said.

“She is supposed to fall in love with me, Naeve, or have you forgotten?”

She shook her head. “You have one day to live however you desire before you forget yourself forever. How do you wish to spend it?”

I was silent.

“How?” she demanded.

I growled, my teeth clenched together as I answered, “With her, you frustrating thing! I would spend it with her!”

As those words left me, I suddenly felt exhausted.

“She makes me feel like it won’t matter if I have a name or not. So long as I know her, I will know myself.”

A choked cry erupted in the silence, and I looked toward the mirror.

“Are you…crying?” I asked.

“Of course not,” he said, voice quivering. “I am only a mirror.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Perhaps instead of worrying over whether she loves you, you can spend these last few days loving her.”

“What if she doesn’t want it?” I asked.

“She seemed accepting from my vantage point,” said the mirror.

I scowled. “Could you…not for once in your life?”

“It is not as if I have a choice. I am only…”

“If you say ‘only a mirror’ one more time,” I warned, the words slipping through my teeth.

“Focus!” Naeve snapped. She lifted her hand as if she were going to slap me, and I bared my teeth. “Don’t let this woman forget you, Casamir, even when you do not know your name.”

I looked at her and then at my hands. “What should I do then?”

“May I once again suggest a picnic,” said the mirror.