Chapter 10

Ten

Gabriella

T he next few days went a lot like the days before it. Except now I was aware of the little fissure in my world. Still happy and I still had that tiny seed of hope planted. But I had to admit a cloud of fear kept the sunshine from hitting it too hard.

I brooded over it when Mac dropped me at the Kratos offices. I had plans to help Trinity sort through the ten tons of paperwork she was drowning under and Mac and the guys were meeting with a local business owner to discuss his security needs.

"If I knew just how much red tape and paperwork was involved in getting a business like this going, I might have said no when Mac offered me this job," Trinity said when we were elbow-deep in files.

"Mac offered you the job?" I asked.

"Yup. At the time, I thought he was trying to be nice." She turned and grimaced at me. "Now I'm wondering if I did something awful to him in a past life."

I laughed. "I bet he had some selfish motives behind the offer. Can you picture Mac here sorting through files?"

She snorted. "No way. None of the guys. I guess I should be thankful I got here when they were just starting. I can only imagine what this place would look like if I walked in a few weeks after they opened and had to do this stuff themselves."

She shuddered and we both groaned at the mere idea.

I had to admit, I loved this. It felt so normal. Never in my life had I fallen into such an easy friendship with anyone. Even Amber and I had put each other through the wringer when we were kids before we'd fully forged our friendship.

Now I knew Amber and I would walk through fire for each other. We had walked through fire for each other. I wouldn't give her up for the world, and I knew she felt the same about me.

But there was something nice about the easy flow of friendship that sprang up between Trinity and I. I hadn't gotten the whole story yet, but from a few things I'd heard here and there over the last few weeks, I got the sense her childhood hadn't been much better than my own. I figured she'd tell me what she wanted me to know when she was ready to share and vice versa.

In the meantime, I enjoyed a friendship with a woman that didn't involve coal walking or jumping through flaming hoops. Instead, it was formed over complaints about paperwork and girl talk about the guys in our lives.

Trinity turned and handed me a stack of papers. "I think this goes with the file you were working on. The Barren contract."

As I took the pile from her, my gaze landed on a ring on her right hand. I had noticed it before, but now it stood out. And it made a weird sense of yearning grow inside me.

I drew my eyebrows together and a warm tingling grew inside me. A sensation I associated with feeling Mac nearby. And sure enough, a few seconds later he walked through the doors, threw a wink at me, grabbed a file, and was gone.

I turned back to Trinity and my eyes fell to her ring once again.

Catching my stare, Trinity's hand came up and she turned the gold band with a single red teardrop ruby on her finger before pushing her hair back from her neck revealing the edges of a dark hickey hidden under a high collar.

I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stare. It's just, Sawyer has done so many things to mark you as his and it's something I wish..."

"...that Mac would do with you?" She finished for me.

"I'm being silly, aren't I"

A giggle escaped Trinity. "No sweetie. You're in love."

"I don't know about that, but I know you are."

Trinity nodded with a laugh.

"Guilty. These guys are crazy protective and possessive. You should see Dyson and Eeli with Clara. I guess I should be happy Sawyer doesn't feel the need to pee in a circle around me."

This time Trinity brushed the tips of her fingers over the mark on her neck again and the love that entered her eyes made me yearn for something as soul-deep as what she shared with her man.

I laughed along with Trinity, but I knew mine was hollow.

A cold, sick knot formed in my stomach. When I closed my eyes, I could feel Mac's mouth on my neck, relive every moment of his attention. But not once had he ever put a single mark on my body for others to see. No matter how caught up in the passion of the moment.

"You okay?"

I pasted on a bright smile and shoved my sadness and fear down deep before I opened my eyes and turned to Trinity. "Fine. This little one just seems determined to keep me on my toes."

Trinity laughed and we chatted more about my pregnancy and how much she was looking forward to starting a family of her own.

When there was a lull in the conversation, something occurred to me.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course. What's on your mind?"

"I wanted to ask you about Sawyer." I bit my lip for a second before pushing on. "This is so new to me so if this is too personal, I apologize. I'm just wondering, but does Sawyer talk to you about his past? You know, his days in the military?"

She smiled at me. "That's not too personal. I thought you were going to ask if we did anything kinky in bed or something."

I snorted. "I didn't even think of that. Consider that part two of the question."

She laughed at my teasing before she got down to answering my question. "Sawyer only just started talking about his past. The thing he's gone through as a soldier. I guess he was afraid it would freak me out. That he would be too dark of a soul for someone battling their demons like myself."

"Did it? Freak you out, I mean?"

She tipped her head to the side. "No. To be honest, I was a little afraid that what he would share would make me see him differently. But it just made me see more of the man I love. Understand him better."

"So you don't feel any differently about him?"

"I guess I do feel different." She smiled at me. "I feel…closer to him. Like I got to see a part of him he'd been keeping from me all this time. Knowing he trusted me made the bond between us stronger, you know?"

I nodded, but my mind was screaming that no, I didn't know. Because Mac was keeping that part of himself from me. And I didn't see that changing anytime soon.

Fear we would never get to that level of trusting one another twisted through me like an insidious vine climbing through my insides.

And I swear I could hear it as this new crack formed in my happy little bubble.

"Hey, how about if we take a break and go grab some lunch. You're a little pale. I think getting off your feet might help," Trinity offered with a grin. "Plus, Mac would kill me if he thought I wasn't taking care of you."

"Sure." But my thoughts were on Mac and where we went from here. If there was no trust, there was no us. Right?

Mac

" T hat went even better than I expected." I jumped into the passenger side of Sawyer's truck. "I figured old man Henry would hem and haw for at least six months before he agreed to a security set up."

Sawyer shrugged. "It's tourist season. Guess he hates them more than the thought of parting with his money."

"True."

"How's Gabriella doing? She still dealing with morning sickness?"

"At least three times a day." I shook my head. "I swear, I don't know how she manages. But she just rolls with it and then goes on with her day like she doesn't have our little Slugger doing a number on her. "

I hated the thought of my woman feeling so sick. Especially because it was the one thing I couldn't protect her from. At the same time, pride burst in my chest at how well she handled everything.

"Has she started making the house over yet? Trinity hasn't stopped putting all her feminine touches on the house and it's been months since she's moved in."

I nodded. "Yeah. I came in the other day and found her mapping out the nursery room. She's a pretty good artist. Her doctor doesn't think it's a good idea for her to be painting or anything so I've promised to start this weekend."

I studied him, and I knew he was thinking of what all this would mean for his wife. "Don't worry, man. Trinity will be fine when you two finally start your family. She's just as tough as Gabriella."

Sawyer rubbed his hand over his short hair. "I guess. She keeps surprising me. I did what we talked about. Shared some of the lighter stories of my past with her. I thought she'd…I don't know. Look at me like I'm some monster."

"She handled it okay?"

A grin grew on his face. "Shit, if anything it made the bond between us stronger."

His shit-eating grin told me what he wasn't saying—Trinity probably jumped him.

My thoughts turned to Gabriella. The way she reacted when I slipped and let my past show through. The horrors of being a soldier never leave no matter how long you've been off the battlefield.

Gabriella's tenderness had surprised me and I'd blown a great opportunity to gain her trust by giving her my own.

But like Sawyer said, if she knew the truth would she look at me like some monster? After she knew I was capable of pulling the trigger and ending another person's life would she trust me with her own? With our child's?

"Have you shared anything with Gabriella yet?"

I shook my head. "No, man. I want to hold off until she's had the baby first, ya know. You had the right idea to wait before talking with Trinity."

"I don't know if I had the right idea. The more I think about it, the more I think I should have shared all this with my wife sooner."

"But Trinity grew up around all of us. There was already a level of trust there. With Gabriella, I know her parents dumped her, her foster families also dumped her. I can't risk her thinking I'm a danger to her or our baby."

"Have you given her one?"

"No."

"Then it's all in your head and you're getting all worked up over nothing. Does she know how you feel about her?"

"That my soul feels like it's being ripped out at the slightest idea of her leaving? Nope."

We were quiet for a few minutes as we made our way back to the offices and our women.

Sawyer broke the silence as we were turning into our parking lot. "Don't wait to tell Gabriella how you feel, I almost lost Trinity because I didn't tell her."

I stared at Sawyer for several long seconds. Heartfelt conversations weren't his thing. He must feel pretty strongly about it to even bring it up.

"I hear you," I said finally, but then I couldn't resist teasing him just a little. "This hen party over? Or you going to braid my hair next?"

He threw me a dark look and swung the truck into the parking lot. I grinned, knowing I'd gotten under his skin.

"Let's go see what kind of trouble our women have gotten up to while we were gone."

The thought of Gabriella inside waiting for me brought the grin right back to my face.