Chapter 22

Things had been gentler between us since the picnic when he'd told me about his parents, and I was striving to show him that I appreciated how much he'd revealed to me. Things were settling into a more settled, almost couple-like dynamic between us, and I couldn't deny that I was enjoying it.

We'd seemed to fall into our roles without a word. We didn't seem to need a conversation about it, but as comfortable as it felt between us, the fact that we hadn't talked at all about what things would look like down the line made me extremely nervous. Ever since my childhood, I hadn't liked assuming anything, and that had become doubly true since Alex. I'd need to talk things through with him, and soon. Alex wouldn't be here for much longer, and I wanted to know where I would stand with him when that happened. I was rapidly approaching the point when leaving would feel painful, and call me crazy, but I wanted to avoid any more pain than I needed to take on.

Regardless, things between us settled into more and more of a routine, which was how we found ourselves on the couch a few nights later, flipping through the different streaming services. I was shocked that he had Netflix and Amazon Prime subscriptions, but he'd laughingly told me that even though he might not have an Instagram account, he was still human, and he'd wanted to watch Good Omens when it came out like everyone else.

We learned we had a lot in common when it came to TV, but it took us forever to settle on what to watch. Finally, we decided on The Empire Strikes Back, of all things, since both of us agreed, wholeheartedly, that it was the best Star Wars movie.

As we sat on the couch together, I brought my legs up and swung them onto his lap, enjoying the way his fingers played over my legs.

The nostalgia of the movie had me entertained, particularly since I'd seen it so many times I could quote it by heart. But there was something about the combination of the old film, Dillon's fingers that I could feel through the thin fabric of my pants, and the vulnerability he'd shown me in the last couple of days that was outright alchemical… not to mention the fact that he knew it as well as I did. I loved finding out that he was as big a nerd as I was.

And then there was the fact that we hadn't had sex lately since I hadn't been feeling well. But in that moment, everything was feeling right.

I wanted to be subtle about this—sneaky. He almost always took charge, and this time, I wanted to be the one to take control.

Just as Han came up behind Leia on the broken Falcon, I turned into his body, pressing my face into his neck and breathing in deeply. He pulled my hair away from the back of my neck so that it was open to the air and pulled me up so I was lying perfectly along him, all of our angles lining up perfectly.

My legs parted on top of him so that I was straddling him, our bodies lining up so perfectly that, if we'd been naked, he would've already been inside of me. I writhed around a little bit on top of him, hiding my smile as I felt him start to harden.

"What are you doing?" he said, tilting my head up to meet his eyes.

"Just trying to get comfortable."

"Well, you're making me uncomfortable."

I looked up at him, resting my chin on his chest and blinking innocently up at him. "Sorry."

He stared hard at me before looking back at the screen, where Han and Leia were very slowly coming together for their first kiss. I rested my head on his chest for a second before sliding even more slowly down his body as I brought my hand to his inner thigh, dragging it up toward his hardening cock.

I'd just slid my hand into his pants when he reached down and grabbed my hand, pulling me up to him. "I knew it."

I grinned up at him. "Dammit. I was counting on Star Wars to keep you distracted."

"How much do you think Star Wars can keep me when you're working on me like that?" He pulled me back up and kissed me hard. Leaving the TV on, he picked me up and carried me to the bedroom as I reached down to pull his shirt off, continuing to kiss him hungrily. I'd planned on taking control, this once, but he handled me with so much gentleness, and I'd trusted him so deeply that I found myself diving headfirst into his dominance, allowing him to bring me to levels of arousal and pleasure I'd never experienced before.

In the room, we ripped off each other's clothes with so much avarice that someone walking by might think that we were devouring each other. When he'd gotten my shirt off, I bent forward to press my lips to his chest, peppering kisses down his body as I pushed him back toward the bed. Soon enough I found myself on my knees in front of him, my hands working quickly to undo the buckle on his jeans.

I'd sucked him off before, usually as a way to wake him up in the mornings when I felt him pressing into me, but I hardly ever got the chance to enjoy him, to take my time with it before he was pulling me up and practically jumping on me. Not that I complained, but I loved every part of fucking him, and sometimes I just wanted to enjoy this part.

When I took him into my mouth, my eyes fluttered closed at the heady, musky taste of him, and he groaned as he thrust in. He reached down and wove his fingers into my hair, and I wrapped my hand around the base of his cock—the part I couldn't get into my mouth—as I massaged the head with my lips and gums and tongue. He moaned deeper at that, and I opened my mouth to try to take him even deeper, feeling him tickle the back of my throat. He was big enough that it took effort to continue working him with my mouth, but there was no way I was going to admit defeat.

I reached down with my other hand to play with myself, moaning around him when I felt how wet I was. Giving him pleasure had become as much of a pleasure for me as having him any other way, and I wanted him to know that.

Too soon, I was being pulled up to face him, and he spun me around so that I was lying back on the bed with him backing me up, slowly. My legs parted for him automatically, and we found ourselves back in the same position we'd been in before, but with his comforting weight on top of me.

"I need to feel you around me when I come," he said into my ear, his voice lowered into a growl. If it were possible to get even more turned on, that sentence had just turned me up to eleven.

I wrapped my ankles around his back, and he thrust into me so hard that I almost came at that second. As it was, I knew it wouldn't be long.

There were no words for the way that my body responded to him and the way he always seemed to get these reactions for me without fail.

He stilled inside of me, allowing me to adjust, but even though his size was something that always brought me to the edge of the good kind of insanity, I knew I'd go insane if he didn't start moving soon.

I brought my hands up, pushing on his shoulders so that we were rolling over. With me on top of him, it brought him even deeper, and I groaned into his mouth at the feeling. I began to ride him, leaning forward and placing my hands on his shoulders for balance.

Without warning, he sat up, clasping me close to him as he kissed me, telling me without words that he planned on devouring me every way he could.

In that moment, as he held me to him, burying himself in me as deep as he could, the climax I'd felt building shattered through me, and I gasped into his mouth as I felt my muscles clench around him.

He flipped me over again, running his jaw along my neck as he said, "I'm close. I'm so close, babe."

For a brief second, I thought about how I wished he'd call me that outside of bed, but the building strength of his thrusts pulled my mind off it.

I heard his groan in my ear as I felt him spill inside me, the heat of his cum filling me so deeply that the sheer possession of it made me climax again all on its own.

I was surprised, but he held my gaze as I came around him, leaning down to kiss the skin that had flushed rosy with my orgasm, and cradled me to him in my aftershocks. He rolled off me, pulling me with him so I lay on top of him, and I rested my hand on his heart to feel it slowing down. There had been something different about this time, and when I tilted my head up to meet his eyes, I knew he felt it too in the way he reached down to touch my jawline.

I didn't know how long we lay there, our breaths and silence constant, but eventually I pushed myself up, feeling a pressing need on my bladder.

"No. No, I'm not done with you," he said, pulling me back down.

"I need to use the bathroom." He let go of me promptly, and I stood up, laughing. "Yeah, thought so."

"You're taking too long," he said, his voice whiney.

"Dude, find a way to occupy yourself. I mean, the movie is still on!"

He sat up, his eyes getting wide as he heard the sounds of lightsabers and Yoda's voice. "Oh shit." He stood up and walked over to me, kissing my shoulder before pulling on a pair of shorts.

I didn't bother to pull on clothes as I went to the bathroom. I just couldn't stop thinking of the toe-curling sex we'd just had, and even more than that, how cherished he'd made me feel throughout it. I finished and grabbed my toilet paper, thrilled at the promise of another round that he'd alluded to.

When I stood up to flush, though, I felt a deep sense of dread that filled me as much as if I'd just chugged a jug of ice water. My mom's joke about whether I'd slept with the handsome guy I was staying with came rushing back to me, and at the time, I'd brushed it off. I'd been a couple of days late, and it wasn't uncommon for stress to throw my period a few days off here or there. But now, we were almost ten days after when I should've gotten it, and I started doing some quick calculations in my mind, the nausea starting to come in the wake of the cold certainty.

Iwalked out of the bathroom and headed for our room as quietly as I could, pulling on my clothes in the near silence.

"Do you want something to eat?" he called from the kitchen.

"I'm okay. Thank you!"

I walked out to the main room, and the sight of his naked torso with my fingernail marks took my breath away.

"Why would you get dressed? I have plans for you," he said, glaring at me playfully.

I shrugged. "Maybe because I like the feeling of you undressing me."

He rolled his eyes but laughed. "You're so weird."

"And you love it."

His eyes softened for just a second before he looked away, and I cursed myself for using that word. He came out from around the island, kissing me quickly as if to acknowledge my statement before heading over to the bathroom.

This was my chance. I ran over to the table next to the door and grabbed his keys, sunglasses, and hat before slipping my feet into the shoes next to the front door and closing it. I didn't bother to hide the noise, since there was no chance he'd miss the fact that I'd left, and I ran out to his truck, jumping in and starting the engine just as he ran out to the porch. I mouthed, "Sorry," through the windshield and tried not to think too hard about the death stare he fixed on me as I pulled away.

* * *

Iknew it was a risky choice to go to the gas station at the bottom of the hill, but at least the owner of the shop was a known quantity, so I walked in with my sunglasses on and my recognizable hair hidden under the hat that was too big for me.

I knew I hadn't fooled Hank when I walked up to the counter to pay for the pregnancy test, but he kept a straight face and didn't say anything other than, "Good evening," and "Just this for you?"

I grabbed a water bottle and some candy from the counter—some mini Reese's Peanut Butter Cups for me and a giant KitKat for Dillon—and paid, grabbing my plastic bag and the restroom key and heading over, chugging the water on my way.

In the bathroom, I sat down on the toilet and unwrapped the test, moving robotically as I followed the instructions and praying for the first time in years that it came out negative. I set the stick down on the paper dispenser and waited as I washed my hands.

After what felt like a few minutes, I went back and picked up the stick, feeling my stomach drop again when I saw the two lines.

I tossed the test and walked out in a haze, pausing for a second to say to Hank, "Please don't tell Dillon I was here."

He raised his eyebrow at me but said nothing as I walked out. The night was quiet, with only one other car parked at a gas pump. It wasn't until I was back behind the wheel that I finally allowed the first tear to fall.

* * *

I'd wiped all the evidence of tears from my face by the time I got home and got out, walking up to the cabin. Dillon was sitting on the porch seat, refusing to look at me.

"I'm sorry. I just really needed a few minutes to myself," I said, heading over to him and pulling out the KitKat bar. He just stared at me as I set it down next to him and raised his eyebrows before snorting and shaking his head.

I knew him well enough to know that I was in deep, deep shit.

He didn't talk to me for the rest of the night. We'd flipped a hundred eighty degrees from what we'd felt in bed an hour ago, but I didn't know how to navigate this moment in time.

I had no idea how to tell a man I barely knew, who I was ninety percent sure I was coming to love that I was pregnant with his child.