Chapter 17

MIKE

Istayed awake to watch television on the set that Tammy had brought from Austin. It had been so long since I had a working TV, I almost forgot what it was like. I watched a handful of nature shows and something called Naked and Afraid. There was nothing in the fridge and only a couple of slices of pizza on the counter, so I called it a night. As I was brushing my teeth, there was a knock on the door. I opened it curiously to find Tammy in her pajamas.

"I didn't get to brush my teeth," she said.

I made space for her at the sink, and we tried not to laugh as we shared a ritual familiar to intimate couples everywhere. I spit before she did, rinsing my mouth and stowing my toothbrush in its cradle. I eased out of the room, giving her privacy. I went to my room but left the door open. Back home I had been religious about my privacy, but that was because my mom was so intrusive. I didn't mind if Tammy came in unannounced; in fact, I would prefer it.

I climbed into bed and set my alarm. I looked up to see Tammy standing at the door. Her pajamas weren't sexy, just a top and bottoms made of comfortable fabric, but I couldn't help thinking she looked even cuter than usual in them.

"Are you up?" she teased.

"Do you want to text each other?" I asked.

"Sure." She came over and hopped into bed beside me, pulling out an imaginary phone. "I moved into my new place today."

"Really?" I left my real phone on the bedside table and picked up an invisible one. "Me too. What are the odds?"

"I really like my new roommate," she said, still looking down at her hands.

"Me too."

She gave up the game and grabbed my extra pillow, fluffing it before lying down. "I know everyone's telling us to take this slow."

I draped an arm across her belly, lying sideways so I could study her. "We can take it as slow as you want."

"I don't think we're in any danger of getting hurt," she continued.

"I don't think so," I agreed.

"I hate car shopping." She changed the subject, turning toward me and snuggling against my chest.

"Everyone hates car shopping."

"Hmm," she mumbled, unconvinced.

I looked down to find her dozing, somewhere between dream and reality, curled up in my arms. I turned the bedside light off and lay back, fighting waves of exhaustion. I just wanted to stay awake a little longer to savor the feeling of her in my bed. But all the moving and the driving, combined with pizza and television, made for a long day. I finally succumbed and slept like a rock.

The next morning my alarm went off, waking us both up. I checked the time and cursed.

"What's wrong?" Tammy said groggily.

"I set my alarm," I said, rolling over to pull her against me. "I forgot I was taking the day off."

She snuggled her perfect body against mine, undisturbed by either the alarm or my reaction to it. "Two preschoolers make much more noise than a cell phone," she explained.

I kissed her ear, propping myself up on an elbow so I could kiss one of her eyelids. "I like this. You don't need your own bed. I'd rather sleep together."

She turned to face me, tilting her chin up for a kiss. "I like it too."

We lay circled in each other's arms and fell back asleep for another hour. Tammy woke me up when she crawled out of bed, ducking from the room. I rolled over onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. Had I just convinced her to abandon her own bed? Could life get any better? I rolled out of bed and got dressed. We had a whole day of car shopping ahead of us and no food in the cupboards. I found Tammy eyeing the leftover pizza.

"Let's go get brunch," I suggested. "We can pick up a few groceries and hit up a few of those cars afterwards."

She nodded, smiling gratefully. "One of the guys texted me back. He can show us the car at one."

I sidled up to her, wrapping my arms around her and kissing her on the nose. "Maybe that will be the one."

"I hope so," she sighed.

"Let's get something to eat," I decided.

We drove to the diner. I decided to chance seeing Polly if she was working. Gina would help me explain that the timing just hadn't been right and that there were no hard feelings to be had. Besides, I couldn't avoid the place forever. They had the best food, and they were one of the only restaurants in town.

As soon as we walked in, I knew I had made a mistake. It wasn't Polly waiting to ambush me. Sitting in a booth next to the door, where he could observe all the people entering the establishment, was Porter. I flinched.

Here was yet another reminder that I hadn't told Tammy all that she deserved to know. The very last person I wanted to introduce her to was Porter. My dad's offhand comment the night before had been bad enough. Tammy hadn't brought it up again, though I was sure she must be wondering about it. Now Porter, with his drunken invitations to buy drugs, was sitting right in front of us.

Porter waved right at us, and I had no choice but to play along. I put on my best "reunited with an old friend" smile and steered Tammy toward the table.

"Mike!" Porter stood up.

"Porter." I tried to summon the same enthusiasm. "Tammy, this is Porter. He's an old friend. Porter, this is Tammy."

"Nice to meet you," Tammy said, offering her hand.

Porter took it and shook with an appropriate amount of vigor. "Sit with me," he demanded.

I couldn't think of a way out, so I sat down opposite my old friend, making space for Tammy beside me. Thankfully it was one of the other waitresses assigned to our table, so I wouldn't have a double helping of awkward conversation.

"So how did you guys meet?" Porter asked.

"We met at the Lucky Lady," I said.

Porter grinned. "Good place. It's been a while since I've been there, though."

I looked up from my menu. Something about the way he made that last statement gave me pause. His words were clear, his energy normal. Did he mean he was staying away from bars in general or just the Lady? There didn't seem to be a polite way to ask him in front of Tammy, so I kept my questions to myself.

"What do you do?" Porter asked Tammy.

"I work at the Wood Rose Salon. I'm a receptionist," Tammy said. "What do you do?"

"I work at the grocery store, night stocker," he said.

Another difference: I had never known Porter to have legitimate employment. Was he turning his life around? I relaxed. It seemed like my friend was sober for once and that maybe he had been sober for some time now. The chances of him messing up and saying something rude had decreased significantly. I put in an order for eggs and toast with a side of bacon and actually enjoyed myself.

"How's Millie?" I asked tentatively, curious but anxious that asking would open up a discussion of drugs and partying.

Porter seemed to understand that Tammy wasn't clued in and gently avoided the dangerous topics. "We parted ways," he said.

"I'm sorry to hear that," I said sincerely.

He shrugged. "To each his own."

Our food arrived, and we ate in friendly silence. Or rather, Porter and I ate. Every time I glanced over at Tammy, the same amount of food remained on her plate. She had ordered fruit salad and a muffin, a tiny brunch to begin with. In fifteen minutes, she had picked a few bites off the muffin and swallowed one strawberry. She had told me she thought she was coming down with something but had seemed fine yesterday. Maybe she was just nervous about car shopping or meeting Porter. I wanted to ask, but there didn't seem to be a way to introduce the topic with other people present.

Porter and I finished our meals without incident. We reminisced about the past, but only the sanitized version. He never once mentioned drug use or any of the sketchy situations we had found ourselves in. I couldn't thank him enough. I wanted to, but in fact, I couldn't thank him at all. The only thing I could do was smile and hope Porter knew how grateful I was for keeping our secret.

"I gotta go," Porter said finally, peeling a ten out of his pocket and leaving it on the table.

"I thought you said you worked nights," I reminded him.

"I do. But I'm meeting some friends for a… discussion." He slid out from the booth.

"Like a book club?" Tammy wondered.

More like AA, I thought. But Porter just nodded. "See you around."

When we were finally alone, I wanted to ask Tammy how she was feeling, but I didn't want to say the wrong thing. We hadn't actually shared that many meals together, and we had never eaten breakfast or lunch in each other's company. What if she had no appetite before noon? I didn't want to put the spotlight on her if she wasn't comfortable. She would tell me herself if she wasn't feeling well, so I let it be.

"He seems nice," Tammy said.

I nodded.

"I haven't met any of your friends."

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. How could I explain that all my friends had deserted me when I went to jail? Any attempt to dance around the subject just seemed hollow or painted me in a bad light. I had grown up in this town; surely, I had friends.

"They've all moved away," I lied.

She seemed to accept that, putting her hand on her belly. I wanted to ask her again if she was feeling well, but she said nothing. She excused herself and went to the bathroom while I paid the check. When we reconvened, she looked pale but more energetic than she had in the booth.

"I'm ready to look at cars," she said.

It took us only one try to find the perfect little sedan. Perfect might have been a stretch, but it was within her budget and only had 60,000 miles on it. It was a grey Mazda 3 with cloth seats and four doors. Tammy got in and drove it around the seller's neighborhood. It was wonderful to see her face light up, comfortable in the driver's seat. She paid in cash fully, $4,000.

"I'm officially broke," she confided in me.

I gave her a reassuring hug. I would have chipped in if I thought she would let me. Instead, I decided to pay rent for a couple months and to deliberately forget to ask her for her contribution. We stopped at the grocery store, me driving my truck and her in her new car. She seemed better than she had in the diner and possibly even hungry. She loaded the cart with some strange items like pickles and string cheese. I paid for it, and we drove separately back to our shared house and put the groceries away.

There was still a little bit of unpacking to do, so we worked separately for a while. I screwed some shelves into the walls and hung pictures. Tammy arranged things in the kitchen, cleaned out the junk drawer that the last tenant had left full. We had an animated discussion about what should go in the basement. I thought we should get a pool table and a couple of bar stools. Tammy argued, correctly, that neither of us had money for a pool table right now, and that if we wanted to take advantage of the space, we had to use items available to us.

In the end, we put our computers down there, each on its own desk, each with its own chair. It seemed like a waste of a good rec room, but Tammy promised that we could move the computers out if and when we found something better. By the time we had the "office" arranged, it was six o'clock.

Even though we now had some food we could cook, I wasn't the most proficient in the kitchen. We hadn't shopped with a menu in mind. Mostly we had each gotten snack foods and quick lunches we could pack for ourselves.

"Do you want to order out again?" I asked.

"Sure," she agreed.

We went back upstairs, and Tammy stretched out on the couch while I placed an order for subs from the pizza joint. I joined her in front of the television, gently lifting her legs so I could slide under them, replacing her feet on my lap. She grinned, rotating to lay her head against my chest instead. I dropped an arm across her shoulders and picked up the remote.

"Do you want to watch a movie?"

"Sure," she said. "How 'bout a romance?"

I usually wouldn't watch a romantic movie, but since I had the most beautiful girl in the world on my lap, I decided to oblige. We turned on some silly rom-com starring an actress that I knew I had seen in some other film. Our subs arrived, and we ate them in front of the television. I was pleased to see that Tammy's appetite had returned. Maybe she just wasn't a big fan of breakfast. Some people didn't really eat until lunch or dinner, so I tried not to be worried.

"I have work tomorrow," I told her as we settled back down.

"Don't forget your alarm," she joked.

I laughed. She sighed happily.

"This is all new for me," I said, stroking her hair. "I've never lived with a woman who wasn't my mom."

Tammy perked up, fixing me with a cautionary stare. "This will be very different."

"I hope so," I said.

She laughed and lay back down, her head on my chest. We finished the movie and debated watching another, but it was late. Tomorrow would be my first day commuting to the lumberyard. I couldn't wait to arrive and leave like any other employee. Just like Tammy had said, things were looking up. I couldn't believe my good fortune, but a nagging voice that sounded suspiciously like my mom wouldn't let me rest. I had to tell Tammy about my misfortune and soon. It was better for her to hear it from me than from some unkind townsperson. She couldn't live in Singer's Ridge forever without running into someone who knew my past. I resolved to find my courage and tell her soon. I just didn't want to spoil the heaven we had built together, and I was terrified that she would leave me when she found out.