1. Reese

CHAPTER 1

Reese

“ C ord. Just give me the info and I’ll take care of the rest myself,” I huff out.

“I’m trying to explain to you that this is not a damn dating app. Not exactly anyway. These women want a book boyfriend that’s gonna take them on the perfect date. I’m not sure that you understand that.”

I nod my head but then growl under my breath, knowing that he can’t see me. “I get it. Why don’t you understand that I’m interested in getting back into the dating game?”

“Because the last time I talked to you you were still pissing and moaning about the last time you saw Angie with her new, soon-to-be ex. So….”

My heart shrinks in my chest and I have to suck in a deep breath. Why the fuck does it still hurt? It’s been a year since my fiancé decided to fuck my future best man behind my back in our bed and I walked in on it.

A year since I told her to get out and take Ryan with her. A year of dodging bad memories and the two of them wandering around town holding hands and giggling like they’re fucking schoolgirls talking about the cute guy with the locker next to them.

I just want to be able to wake up in the morning and not think that I’m an idiot and I should have seen it coming.

But Angie was my best friend. The girl that I grew up with and slowly but surely fell in love with.

So now I’ve lost two best friends and a fiancé. And a future. That’s a lot to lose without losing your mind. If I hadn’t met Cord up here on the mountain in Wildwood, I might have completely lost my mind.

Except he’s all wrapped up in his one. And I’m so damn jealous that I occasionally fantasize about smacking him in the face even though he hasn’t done a damn thing except smile at me like a loon.

The bastard!

“Tell me something, Reese. Do you really think that you’re ready to get back out there? It’s only been a year.”

I don’t know if I am ready. But I do know that I need something. I’m not ready to jump into being with a woman, really. But this is just a date. Just a book boyfriend. A girl who wants a romantic date with a mountain man.

I think I can manage that. And hopefully that will give me the impetus that I need to get the hell out of my head and start enjoying life a little bit more. Because right now I feel like all the fun is being sucked right out of me. But maybe if I focus on something else for a little while, it will all start to make sense to me.

And I’ll finally be able to move on.

I sigh. “I do need this. I’m not saying that I’m ready to get serious about somebody. But I do need to move on. And I’m hoping that this date is going to kickstart my…I don’t know, my recovery.”

Now it’s his turn to sigh. “I’m not sure if I should recommend you to this but I want you to feel better about yourself than you have this last year. And if you think doing one of these dates will help to bring back your joy, who am I to stand in your way?”

My heart skips a beat. Realistically, I think that’s all this is. But somewhere deep down in my soul, I wish I had a shot at getting what Cord has. He’s got the whole shebang. A woman he loves and a kid that he’s always wanted.

I’m jealous as hell. But I don’t know if I’ll ever have the strength or power left in me to go after what he’s got…I mean, with someone else! Dixie’s great and she’s smart as a whip. But I absolutely know that she’s not for me. She belongs with Cord. But I’d like the chance to try. I’m not sure if that’s something I can hope for though. Deep down in my heart though, my secret hope is that this means more than just the one date, the one night. I’d love to find my forever but that wish is going to stay buried way the hell down in my soul because I know that Cord isn’t sure that I won’t lose my mind if I don’t keep that hidden.

“I’m not gonna get wrapped up in this woman. I don’t think I have it in me. But I feel like everyone is acting like they need to shield me and keep me wrapped up in bubble wrap. I don’t need that. I want to get my ass out there and see what the world is like without my best friends in it. I want to experience what it’s like to date without expectations for the big “L” word because I haven’t known them for my whole life. I just want to be me with someone and maybe not have them hate my guts. Maybe act like I’m a little interesting.” Maybe act like I’m someone important to them. Instead of someone to walk all over their feelings and not giving a shit.

Which sounds pathetic, I know. But our whole town is acting like I was the problem. Like I’m a bad person and I’m tired of it.

I didn’t cheat. I was faithful. The only thing that I did wrong was I didn’t realize what was going on right under my nose.

For that, I definitely feel shame.

“You want someone that doesn’t know you, has no expectations that you’re damaged and just wants to have a little fantasy come true. Right?”

“Yeah.” I clear my throat roughly. Because that’s exactly what I want. Something that’s not real. I’ve had enough real. For two lifetimes.

“Okay. Here you go.” He sends me the link to sign up for the Book Boyfriends matching service. “But if you chicken out or don’t feel like it’s right for you, don’t feel bad about backing out.”

“I’m not backing out. I need this.”

More than he knows. Because the other day I got another kick in the teeth. Angie coming out of the obstetrician with Ryan, both of them beaming like crazy.

It didn’t take a genius to realize that they’re expecting. A fact which they quickly made sure that everyone in town found out about.

So Happy Holidays to me! More looks and acting like I’m pathetic. Just the Christmas wish I was hoping for.

“Take this for the new start it is. And quit moping around over those two! They’re not worth your time or energy.”

Easy to say but hella hard to feel sometimes. But he’s right. This is my new beginning.

I hang up the phone and pull up the app, filling it out quickly and smiling when I hear the cheerful little chime that says that I’ve turned in my new beginning.

Now all I have to do is wait for Ms. Right Now to be matched with me. And just hope.

How long could that possibly take? Christmas is the season for miracles, right?

Famous last words.