Chapter 33

Chapter Thirty-Three

Allison

In the days following Russell’s funeral, life returned to normal. Jackson’s parents went home to Nashville, and we settled back into our routine of texting throughout the day and eating dinner together every night.

The ease of our friendship had returned, but sometimes I’d catch him looking at me and wonder if he was rethinking our pact. Things remained completely platonic, but his touches lingered longer than they had before—his hand on the small of my back when he’d open the door for me, the way our fingers would brush when I passed him something at dinner. Our goodnight hugs had grown a little longer each night, and when he’d wrap his arms around me, it felt like he never wanted to let go. He’d look into my eyes with so much feeling that he seemed to be saying what he was terrified to speak aloud.

Somehow he made me feel deeply loved without ever actually saying it. It felt like we were characters in a Jane Austen story, expressing our devotion through finger grazes and longing looks. My inner romantic had awakened, and this unspoken courtship was making me fall head-over-heels in love with him.

And when Beverly bustled into my office Friday afternoon carrying a bouquet of roses, I thought my heart might burst.

“Looks like someone has a secret admirer,” she said, her eyebrows shooting to the roof as she placed them on my desk. “Or maybe not so secret…”

I picked the card up and smiled. Jackson had left his name off of it, signing it only “devotedly yours.” It was almost funny that someone who had such confidence at work could be so timid when it came to this.

“Do you know who they’re from?” Beverly pressed again, always looking for the newest tidbit of gossip.

“A friend,” I said simply. I wasn’t ready for her, or anyone else for that matter, to know about what was developing between me and Jackson—especially when we hadn’t even spoken it ourselves.

She looked annoyed. “I meant to tell you I got those meetings you requested scheduled this morning. They’re all added to your calendar. You have two drug reps coming next week to talk to you about options for your new program, and Dr. Johnson is scheduled to meet with you Monday.”

“Thank you, Beverly,” I said, barely hearing her. I was too busy burying my face in the roses, daydreaming about what it would be like when Jackson finally kissed me again.

She cleared her throat. “I also ordered the supplies you requested.”

“Great work,” I said, still barely paying her any attention.

“Do you need anything else?” The irritation in her voice made me look up.

“No, I’m good,” I replied, giving her a warm smile. “Thank you. Enjoy your weekend.”

“You too,” she said, a strange look on her face. She turned on her heels and walked out.

I sighed, realizing my romantic raptures had put a fresh fracture in my relationship with Beverly. It seemed to be two steps forward, one step back with her. Part of me still wished I had someone easier to manage working for me. Someone who didn’t take things so personally, who didn’t have to be handled with kid gloves.

On the other hand, my schedule had been almost completely full ever since I had taken care of Trudy. I knew that was largely due to Beverly’s influence. She clearly had the power to help me turn this clinic around, and if I wanted to stay here, that’s exactly what I had to do.

I’d have to find a way to bridge the gap again—without divulging anything about Jackson. That secret was still mine.

When 4:15 hit, I decided to try a morale-boosting tactic. I went up to the front and addressed Danny and Beverly both.

“Exceptional work, guys,” I said, even though I only meant it when it came to Beverly. Danny was still showing up late, screwing up basic vitals, and being generally lazy. We’d have to address it sooner rather than later, but not today. Today was for building the team. “We’re finished with patients, so I vote we close up early and have a team meeting at O’Malley’s. We need to discuss the new program, and I thought we could do it there instead of here. I promise to wrap up by five so you aren’t stuck working late, and you can have a drink on me. Deal?”

Beverly looked from me to Danny then back again. The expression on her face said she clearly disapproved of my plan. But Danny was beaming. So she reluctantly gave a little nod.

“Great! I’ll meet you there in ten minutes.”

When I arrived at O’Malley’s, Danny was already in a booth with a pint in front of him, but Beverly was nowhere to be found. I slid in across from him and pulled out my meeting notes.

“I saw you got flowers today,” he said, giving me his weird little grin. “Did you like them?”

“I did,” I said, glancing at my watch. “Hey, where’s Beverly? It’s not like her to be late.”

He shrugged. “You know how she is. She’s got to make sure everything’s perfect before she leaves.”

I hesitated, then decided maybe it was time to have our talk after all. “Yes. That’s one reason why she’s so good at her job.”

He stared at me blankly, like he didn’t understand what I was getting at.

“Danny, I’ve noticed a lot of your assessment information is incorrect. What do you think is going on with that?”

He blushed furiously. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, half the time the blood pressure information isn’t even in there. Medication lists aren’t being updated. The rooms aren’t getting cleaned properly in between patients. Basic things that fall under your purview simply aren’t being done. ”

His blush turned to a glare. “If you don’t like the way I’m doing my job, then maybe you need to find someone else to do it.”

“Maybe I do,” I said calmly. “But I know you have a long history at that clinic, and I’d like to make this work. I should have talked to you in the beginning about how I prefer for things to be done, and I apologize for not doing so. If you need to brush up on any skills or need any assistance, we can make that happen.”

He picked up his drink and downed it. Then he stood up and walked off without saying a word.

After a tense meeting with Beverly, who still hadn’t forgiven me for not dishing to her in my office, I dismissed her and waited for Jackson to arrive for dinner.

The moment he walked in, I felt half the tension I’d been carrying melt away.

“Hey,” he said, flashing me the grin I loved so much as he slid in the booth across from me. “You look like you’ve had a long day.”

“You have no idea,” I groaned. “And my attempts at building team morale this afternoon were a complete failure.”

“Hmmm. You know what you need?”

“A new staff?”

He laughed. “Nah. To blow off some steam. You free tomorrow?”

“I am. What do you have in mind?”

He grinned. “Just trust me.”

Saturday morning came and I discovered that Jackson and I had entirely different ideas about what it looked like to blow off steam. What was pure fun for him had my body tensing in fear.

“Come on!” Sunlight glinted through the trees as Jackson raced barefoot down the path, motioning for me to catch up.

I bit my lip, hanging back. I knew exactly where this path led—and I didn’t like it. “I don’t know if this is a good idea,” I called out, pausing.

“The Allison Bell I knew wasn’t a chicken,” he answered, grinning as he stopped on the path, waiting for me.

“The Allison Bell you knew hadn’t done ER rotations yet.”

He threw his head back and laughed. “Come on. I’ll catch you.” With that, he chucked off his shirt and jeans—making my mouth go dry at the sight. Then he gave me a salute and took off running.

Before I could holler out for him to stop, he had jumped. I ran to the edge, but he had already disappeared into the water below.

My heart nearly stopped. But in a split second, he emerged, his blond hair bobbing in the water.

“I told you it’s fine,” he called out. “The water’s thirty feet deep here. No rocks. And it’s only a fifteen-foot jump, despite what it looks like. Kids dive off this all summer long, every summer, and we haven’t had a single injury. Go feet first and you’ll be fine.”

“I still don’t know,” I yelled down.

“I wouldn’t let you do it if it were dangerous,” he yelled back.

The truth of his words struck me. Jackson had never led me wrong, not once. Even as kids, he had always looked out for me. He would never coax me into doing something if he believed there was any danger to me.

Didn’t change the fact that I knew it was potentially dangerous anyway. But part of me wanted to feel as carefree as he did, if just for a moment.

“Okay,” I called out, still hesitant—but determined to try. “Just a second.”

I stepped away from the edge and let out a breath. I pulled my sundress off, feeling ridiculously exposed in my bra and panties. It was hard to believe I was the same girl who’d once skinny dipped with my friends without thinking a thing about it. Not today. I thanked my lucky stars I had chosen a thick navy-blue matching set that didn’t show anything more than a bikini.

But I was going to do this. Maybe not with the enthusiasm and running leap Jackson had, but I was going to do it. Unlike him, I knew that serious—even fatal—injuries could happen from diving short distances. But I also knew those typically happened because someone attempted a trick and hit the water wrong or dove into an area that was too shallow or had obstacles. I wouldn’t dive or do tricks. I would jump feet first and keep myself straight. Plus, Jackson was waiting at the bottom.

It was only fifteen feet. But it felt like an enormous leap of faith.

I walked back to the edge and looked down at him, focusing on his easy grin as he treaded water, waiting on me. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes.

And jumped.

For an exhilarating second I was flying. Surrounded by warm sunshine, the world was bright, even with my eyes closed. Then my feet broke the water and the world turned dark as I plunged into the lake. My body took over and I swam up, my head breaking the surface in less time than it had taken to sink into it.

I emerged and took a breath, wiping the water from my eyes.

“Well?” Jackson asked, swimming over to me.

“It was amazing,” I said, grinning back at him.

His eyes met mine and time seemed to stop. The sunlight danced on the water like diamonds sparkling on the surface. My heart pounded from the thrill of what I had just done—and from the thrill of being here with him. Alone, in a sparkling paradise.

I knew what was happening. My brain was currently enjoying a cocktail of dopamine, adrenaline, and endorphins. The safe thing to do was wait until the chemicals passed before making any moves that might change anything.

But I didn’t feel like doing the safe thing anymore.

I floated toward him until our faces were mere inches apart.

“Allison,” he said in a way that sounded like a warning.

But I pushed forward and covered his mouth with mine.

He froze for an instant. Then his hands were on my hips, pulling me to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist, and we floated together in the sunlight, kissing—exploring—as diamonds of light glimmered all around us. It was magic. I parted my lips slightly, begging for more, and he took it, teasing me with his tongue as he deepened the kiss.

“Allison,” he repeated, his voice ragged as he finally pulled away. “We shouldn’t. It’s a bad idea. You know why.”

“I wouldn’t let you do it if it were dangerous,” I whispered, repeating his words from earlier. “Jackson. I jumped. I took a leap of faith. And now I’m taking another one.”

“What do you mean?”

“I choose you.”

“What?” He looked at me like he couldn’t comprehend what I was saying.

“I choose you.” I gripped his face in my hands, needing him to hear me. “I choose all of it. All of you. I don’t care about your past. I don’t care who your father is. I choose you. ”

My heart pounded in my chest, no longer from the adrenaline of the jump. I was laying it out on the line here. Putting all my cards on the table—and just hoping. “I believe in you. I believe in us , Jackson. We aren’t our parents. They both screwed things up, but we aren’t them. We have a lot to learn, but we can do it together. All I need to know is if you choose me, too.”

The look he gave me was so full of feeling, somehow so broken and restored at the same time. It was full of love and hope—but also fear and grief. For a moment, I thought the fear was going to win and he was going to say no. My heart began to sink.

But then he grabbed me tighter and buried his face in the crook of my neck. “I choose you, too,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I always have. Since the day I met you, there’s never been anyone else I could ever feel this way about. You know that. I’m terrified that I’m going to mess this up, but I can’t imagine ever losing you again. Can’t imagine living a single day of my life without you.”

“Then we’re in this,” I said, “no matter what.”

He pulled his head back, searching my eyes, and nodded. “No matter what.”

He kissed me again, this time joyous as we both celebrated what we already knew. It was me and him against the world. It always had been, and it always would be. Because there could never be another for me, either.