Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

Allison

Despite my initial unease, I quickly felt more comfortable than I had in a group setting in a very long time. The party was held on Greg and Janet’s back deck, which had an incredible view of the mountains. Between the view, the smell of burgers on the grill, and the ice-cold sweet tea, it was the perfect summer party, made even more lovely by the fun and laughter of everyone attending.

This group of family—because that’s what they were, even though only half of them seemed to actually be related in any way—clearly loved each other and had a “the more the merrier” mentality when it came to me. It was also clear by the exchanged looks and smiles that they assumed Jackson and I were dating, something that made him more uncomfortable than it did me.

In fact, I liked the idea more than I should have, considering I was the one who had initially insisted our friendship stay platonic.

Being in this group of happy couples, I felt an ache in my soul I’d never expected to feel. It wasn’t that I missed Mike. I didn’t. And it wasn’t exactly loneliness. I felt completely welcomed and part of the group, not at all like the outsider I’d expected to be. In many ways, Jackson took care of me the same way the other men took care of their partners.

But there was something different there, something I rarely got to witness up close. There was a tenderness, a trust, a communication that went beyond words. I saw it with Greg and Janet, in the tender touches they shared almost without noticing as they went about their hosting duties. I saw it in Daphne and Emerson, in the little smiles and exchanged glances that hinted of conversations and chuckles to come. And I saw it in Cole and Willa, with the way he was so clearly her protector, even though she didn’t need one anymore.

They all had something I had only seen in the elderly couples who came to their doctor’s appointments together, unwilling to even spend that time apart after a lifetime of loving each other. I had never seen it in my parents during their marriage, nor in the several marriages my mother had after.

I certainly hadn’t experienced anything like it in my own life.

The scientist in me wanted to study it, to dissect it and find out exactly what made them different from those of us who always seemed to get it wrong. What secret had they unlocked? And was it something someone like me, someone who had never had a healthy marriage modeled, could ever dream of replicating?

I didn’t know. But when Jackson lightly touched my shoulder and offered to take my empty plate, I started wondering if it might actually be possible for two people like us to learn from this group that had embraced us.

Maybe it was rebellion against my mother or annoyance that we had jumped into our pact so quickly, but I felt a trace of sadness that we couldn’t even find out what we were capable of together. I tried to dismiss it as a ridiculous thought. Nothing had changed. Dating Jackson was still a terrible idea that would threaten my place here when we broke up.

But looking around at the couples we were with, I had to wonder if breakups were inevitable after all. What if… What if, when you found someone like this, someone who was your best friend and who was truly committed, you just made it work? Not out of forced obligation, not because you were trapped without options, but because…

Because you just couldn’t imagine life without that person.

“What are you thinking about?” Jackson whispered, taking his place back beside me on the deck.

The sun was just starting to slip behind the mountains, creating a beautiful pink glow in the sky. Janet had flipped a switch, turning on twinkle lights that were strung across the pergola on the deck. It was a beautiful night, and for the first time in a while, I felt totally content.

“Nothing really,” I said, smiling at him. I couldn’t exactly tell him I had been sitting there contemplating whether we had a chance of creating this ourselves, either together or with someone else.

Especially when it was the together part I kept thinking about.

“I hope you’re having fun,” he said. “I know our group can be a lot.”

I laughed and glanced around. Daphne and Willa were both giggling over some story Fiona was telling, while Janet shook her head in disapproval. Cole, Emerson, and Greg had retrieved cigars and were lighting them up on one side of the deck. Little Eileen was bouncing in her bouncer, guarded closely by an older-looking German Shepherd who never seemed to leave her side.

It was perfect.

“I’m having a great time,” I answered sincerely. “I really appreciate you guys including me. Daphne, Willa, and I are having a girls’ lunch together next week.”

“Good,” he said, smiling in approval.

My phone buzzed and I pulled it out of my pocket automatically, frowning when I saw Mike’s name on the screen.

Jackson raised his eyebrows. “Is that the ex?”

“Yeah,” I said, rolling my eyes and hitting the “end” button on the call.

It didn’t matter. He immediately called again.

“Listen,” I said, glancing back at the party. “Maybe I should take this. I’ve been ignoring him, but he just keeps calling. He even called my mom this week. I think he’s going to keep it up until I tell him to stop. I’m just going to slip inside real quick.”

“Take all the time you need.” He gave me a look I couldn’t quite read, but that almost seemed to have a trace of regret in it.

“Thanks,” I said, giving him a half smile.

I answered the call and walked inside.

“Mike,” I said when I had closed the door behind me. “I’m only answering to tell you to stop calling. I know I said we could try to be friends, but honestly, I just can’t. Please. Give me some space, okay?”

“Allison.” His voice was broken. “I’m sorry. I screwed up in ten thousand different ways. Is that what you want to hear? Because I did, and I know it, and I’m sorry. But I miss you.”

I shook my head, even though he couldn’t see it. Because I couldn’t say the same. “What do you want?” I asked again, sighing.

“I want you. We were together for three years. Can’t we fix this?”

I paced the room, trying to figure out how to explain it. “No, Mike, I don’t think we can. We were together, but let’s be honest, it’s not like our relationship was that great, was it? We barely saw each other, and neither of us even minded.”

“I thought it was perfect,” he said.

“No,” I said, looking out the window at my new friends. “It was easy. And easy was what we both wanted then. But I don’t think it’s what I want anymore.”

He was silent on the other line.

“Besides, aren’t you dating Dr. Fountain’s daughter?” A tiny bit of the anger tried to flare, but the truth was, I cared too little for it to even matter that much.

“Not anymore.”

“What happened?”

“Dr. Fountain picked someone else,” he said, his voice hollow.

I stopped my pacing and sighed. “So the only reason you were dating her was because of him.” It wasn’t a surprise, not really. But with me gone, I had expected him to continue on with her anyway. After all, the photograph I had seen suggested they had chemistry. Or something like that.

“Of course it was,” he said, his voice earnest. “Allison, you’re the one I want. You always have been. My whole family misses you. They’re giving me hell about screwing this up.”

I couldn’t help a tiny smile. I had liked his family—more than I had liked him if I was being honest. “I’m sorry,” I said.

“Can you not forgive me? I just needed to play the game. Get an edge. You know how the world works.”

I stared out the window again at the little group on the deck and realized he was wrong. “We get to decide how the world works,” I said softly. “And I choose a different kind of world than the one you live in.”

I hung up and walked back to my new friends.