46. Meredith

46

MEREDITH

I drink in as much of Trap as I can, and we continue to kiss all the way to the clubhouse. The adrenaline is waning, and my body is doing all it can to stay upright. My head, which is still wrapped in a bandage, hurts worse than it did before. I can feel myself trembling, and I know it's not from his kisses.

When we pull up to the clubhouse, we run straight inside. I'm happy to see Grizzly and Dart already waiting on us, though I'm not sure why they didn't come to the safe house.

I run into their arms with a sigh of relief.

"What the hell was that?" Dart asks Trap.

"Take it easy, he's been shot and stabbed, and he needs assistance now before he bleeds out," I say as I pull back enough to look into both of their eyes. "The prospects are dead, we were ambushed. It was a total shit show!" Fresh tears stream down my face.

Dart and Grizzly turn to look at one another, and then they both jump into action, commanding people to lock down the clubhouse and any other local safe houses.

"We have some guys from another motorcycle club being called in to help defend in case things go wrong. It will only be a matter of time before the fight comes here," Grizzly says with a growl. "Go get your ass the help you need," he commands Trap, who's dripping blood on the floor of the clubhouse.

"Yeah, go get fixed up by Lifesaver, he's back there already messing with the guys who have escaped that house intact. Turns out we lost at least five guys in that fight," Dart grumbles as he puts his hand on my lower back.

"Go, you're going to be alright, I know you are," I say with tears still trickling down my cheeks.

I hate that my emotions are betraying me like this as I hold my arms to my chest. I'm cold, and the thought that I might have killed that man floods my system. I have to think that he survived that, but I suppose I'll never know. He's a member of the Bratva, somebody worth killing, but I've never killed anybody before.

Once Trap leaves to go to get taken care of, I fall to a chair. "I might have killed someone today," is all I say as I put my head into my hands and cry.

"Listen," Grizzly says as he comes up and rubs my back. "Not knowing for sure is going to eat you alive, so if I can figure out if the guy died I'll let you know. You did a good thing by helping out, but you're in no condition to do that. Go find Harlow and fill her in on what's going on," he says with a small smile that doesn't reach his eyes.

"I don't think she wants to talk to me right now," I say with even more tears.

I feel Dart come up beside me as he too rubs on my back.

"Listen, Harlow is ready to talk. Even if she isn't, tell her we said she has no other choice." He laughs a little. "We've got some stuff to take care of. Go, and don't leave until we come to get you."

I stand up and allow both of them to hug me, and I make my way up the stairs, hoping Harlow is in the mood to talk. But in a way, I don't want to talk about it just yet.

When I reach the top of the stairs, I see Harlow sitting at a desk. She too has her head in her hands and looks exhausted. I think about turning around and leaving her alone, but now is as good a time as any to break the ice between us.

"Hey, Har," I say as I walk up and take the seat across from her.

"Ohh, hey," she says, drying her eyes where her tears had been.

Harlow is tough and hardcore, but sometimes the girl just has to break down. Now is one of those times apparently, as both of us sit here staring at one another with tears streaming down our faces. I feel like I'm a puddle of mush about to pass out at any moment.

"They discharged me from the hospital this morning and took me to a safe house," I say, bringing her attention to me. "Trap and I weren't there very long when we got attacked. The Bratva killed some of our guys, burned the house down…Trap was shot and stabbed, but he'll be okay I think, and I…" I sob for a moment before I can bring myself to say what I have to say. "I think I might have killed a guy to save Trap."

I'm reduced to an absolute puddle of tears as I feel my friend's arm wrap around my shoulders. I don't know when she got up from her seat, she was quiet doing so, but even though there is strain between us, this feels nice.

"I may be pissed at you still for keeping secrets, but I do love you," she says as she rubs circles around my back.

"You have every right to be upset with me, Harlow," I say with a frown. "I kept things from you, I kept things from the guys, and all because I didn't know how to be honest without hurting people that I love."

"From now on, it's best to know that we can handle this kind of shit. We're not ordinary people—we belong to a motorcycle club, and it runs in our veins." Harlow smiles at me as she brings her chair closer. "If you did kill that Bratva bastard, I'm sure he deserved it."

"I don't know. I don't relish hurting another human being," I say.

She looks at me for a moment, making sure our eyes are locked so she can saw what she has to say to me.

"Meredith, they would not have hesitated five seconds before killing you, hurting you, or worse—taking you back to that godforsaken place to sell you for sex," she says, and I feel the weight in her eyes.

"You're right, Har," is all I can say. "I'm so sorry I put you through all this. I feel like this whole thing has something to do with my father…beyond just his debts to the Bratva. I just know that people are dying, and while I'm sure the war has been raging for a long time…this round is in part because of me."

"You don't know that for sure. My father is still looking into the logistics behind it all. You're not the only girl gone missing, and you won't be the last I'm sure," she says, guiding us to her living room couch.

"Where are the babies?" I ask, looking around.

"They're sleeping." She smiles as she sits down with me. "I find it's the perfect time to cry and go over shit in my head when they're sleeping," she chuckles.

The thought of babies sleeping brings me back to the growing baby in my stomach. I wrap my arms around myself and draw my knees to my chest. I feel so many emotions it's difficult to place where they're all coming from. I'm hormonal, upset, worried, and just about every other emotion too.

"What if I'm not a good mother like you?" I ask, as tears begin to fall once more.

"It's not possible Meredith," she says softly. "I may be angry with you right now, but I know who you are. You're amazing, caring, everything you need to be to be a mother. Sure, it may not be the right time, but this baby is coming, like it or not, and it's going to have the best mother…" She pauses for a moment as if searching for the right words. "…and fathers, a child could have."

"I hope so." It's all I can say as I think about the possibility of this child being Harlow's brother or sister.

I don't mention as much right now, since I don't want to rock the boat too much. Things are just getting good again, but it's going to be a thought I keep in the back of my mind until we know for sure.

Or if we know for sure. Is it really all that important to know who the father of this baby is? If I love all of them and they love me, will it really matter in the end?

It's worked out for Harlow, why can't it work out for me?

"The guys are going to get this figured out. We're going to get to the end of this war, and everyone will be happy," she says as if reading my mind. "And don't think for five seconds that I haven't already thought about the possibility of your baby being my sibling."

She nudges me and laughs heartily, causing me to laugh as well. Our once sobs turn to giggles as we lock eyes. It feels good to be laughing with her when so many things have gone wrong.

My body throbs and my head aches, but I think as long as I can be right here in this moment, I will be alright.