39. Meredith

39

MEREDITH

" I 'm fine. Why are all of you coddling me this way? It's suffocating me," I say curtly. I'm worried that somehow they've discovered my secret and just aren't telling me.

"Because the Bratva are known for their retaliation techniques. They find great enjoyment in hurting innocents who matter the most to their enemies. That means you, in our case," Grizzly explains impatiently.

"Then why did you leave men alive to tell them who caused the explosions?" I ask, frustration making me antsy.

"We wanted them to know we don't play games, and to tell them just how ruthless we can be. They'd have known it was us anyway considering we came to rescue one of our own. Don't worry yourself about all this. It's our deal, not yours. Just stop arguing with us and let us keep you safe from harm," Dart replies with a grin.

"You mean you want me to stay in my room and behave until you're all ready for some fun, don't you? I'm not a child or stupid. Sometimes the way I'm treated gets on my nerves."

My temper is short. They all look baffled by my current behavior. I'm usually calm and docile, ready for their attention and practically begging for kisses and more.

Not now. Hormones are taking over and turning me into a shrew at odd times. I take deep breaths and get my unnatural temper under control before adding an apology. "I'm sorry. This all is so overwhelming. I guess I'm scared. Can't I at least go see Addy? It would ease some of the anxiety," I declare hopefully.

"It's not safe at the moment, but there are other ways to settle your nerves," Trap proclaims as he rises to take me in his arms for a steamy kiss.

Grizzly chuckles and comes toward us. His intention is clear as he focuses on my heaving breasts.

But a shout from outside ends their plans, much to my surprise and consternation. I actually want their full attention on me, sudden desire ripping through me unannounced. My stupid hormones are switching so swiftly from one moment to the next.

Trap's kiss deepens for an instant, then he shoves me gently aside and follows the others out the door. He turns back for just an instant to state, "To be continued."

His words make me laugh and lose some of my trepidation. Why should I worry? Don't I have the most protective men as my lovers?

But my worry comes from more than fear of the Bratva and the MC they use to enforce their desires. It's the baby that's making me so antsy. I can't keep hiding this condition forever. My symptoms are bound to be noticed sooner or later, not to mention the fact that my stomach won't stay flat forever.

I put my hand over where I know the baby is growing. I imagine it moving like a butterfly inside me. I can't escape the fact that it's there and very real. It's part of me now and there's no turning back.

I need time, even more than I first thought. The question becomes—how do I get what I need?

To remind me of my dilemma, the dizziness I first felt before discovering the pregnancy returns with a vengeance. Nausea comes with it. I race to the bathroom and heave out the food that's left in my churning stomach.

Weak and tired, I curl up on my bed where I feel safest. I can hear the men outside arguing over something, and I block it from my mind. It doesn't sound like anything dangerous is happening, just some testosterone-fueled argument. I know I can leave whatever the problem is in their hands despite the weird, angry outburst I showed them earlier.

A random thought pops into my head as the pregnancy symptoms ease at last. If they truly want me to be safe, then maybe I should go away for a while. If I'm gone, they can concentrate on business, and I can get through more of this pregnancy unnoticed.

I'll have all the time I need to figure out how to tell them the truth.

I have a cousin in Montana I can go to. She's always there when I need her. She'll accept my situation without even blinking an eye. She shrugs off strange circumstances and just deals with whatever comes her way. She may even help me figure out the best words to use when I reveal my secret.

And it's been a very long time. Since my father is hardly family these days, I could use someone else on my side. I'd be able to simply rest in peaceful surroundings and let all the anxiety go for a short time. That would be good for the baby as much as for me.

Who am I kidding? The guys will never let me go. They're overprotective. And they desire me in bed far too often to spend time without me.

Just the holidays, that's all I want. A few more days to feel in control of my own destiny.

"What do you think, little one?" I ask the tiny life growing inside me. "Can I convince the guys to let me go visit Sophie? If they knew of your existence, they'd lock me away and hide the key. But they don't. Do I have a chance of convincing them? Even a small one?"

Of course, the baby can't answer. However, I know the answer anyway. It's the same as always.

No, they'll never be convinced.

I'm desperate. For once, my needs have to come first. One last defiant thing to ease my overwhelmed mind. I'm going without their consent.

Without their knowledge.

I lift my head, checking to see if the dizziness will return. It doesn't, so I get out of bed, smooth the wrinkles I've put in the covers, and begin to make plans. I have to hurry before I lose my courage, and before any of the guys come back to check on me.

Trap will keep his promise. He'll come back and possibly bring Grizzly with him. They both seem to need what I can provide, which makes me smile despite the deception I'm planning.

I don't require a lot of stuff, nor can I carry it. One duffel bag will have to do. I tug it from beneath my bed and go to my closet to choose a few things that can be mixed and matched easily to form several different outfits. Jeans, leggings, and a few simple shirts will do just fine.

From the drawers I take underwear and the pajamas I haven't worn since taking Trap, Dart, and Grizzly into my bed. They are my warmth at night, but now the flannel is going to be necessary.

Shampoo, conditioner, and other toiletries go in next. I hesitate before zipping up the bag. Can I really do this? A soft whimper of fear escapes my lips.

Alone. How long has it been since I've done something all alone?

Fierce pride takes over. I can and will do this one last thing for myself. I tell myself it's necessary. It's not an option.

Maybe it's cowardly to walk away and forget my troubles for now. But I swear I'll face them head-on the minute I come back.

And I will come back. I'll stand up strong and assured and tell the guys everything. Courage comes with growth, and leaving on my own will bring that growth.

"This is it. No more excuses, and no more piddling around to waste time."

My words sound so strange in the empty room. Now that I've made the decision to sneak out, it almost feels as if this is no longer my home. I know better. It's hormones and anxiety attacking me. I'll be back. I'm certain if I take too long the guys will come looking for me. I belong to them as much as they belong to me.

It's beginning to get dark. Twilight is a good time to slip out unnoticed. The shadows it casts will hide me better than absolute darkness, especially when no one is expecting me to walk away.

I feel sad for a second or two, thinking about the guys finding an empty room when they come back tonight. I suppose that's why I don't see what's right in front of my face as I quietly and swiftly slip out the side door while the guards are walking in the opposite direction. It's shift change and motorcycle engines are revving up.

Two men step from the shadows, blocking my escape. At first, I assume it's more guards who have discovered me. But when hands cover my mouth, and an arm snakes its way around my neck, I know I'm wrong.

These aren't friends. None of Grizzly's men would dare touch me this way. He'd kill them.

I fight. I drop my bag to the ground and grab the offensive arm, trying to yank it from around my neck. I kick as the second man attempts to lift my feet off the ground. A soft grunt lets me know I hit my target.

My feet fall but the arm tightens. I dig in my heels as I feel myself being dragged. No air enters my lungs to allow me to scream. My nails dig into the man's forearm, drawing blood. His buddy slaps me across the face, causing blood to bubble from my nose.

Instead of giving up, I get angry. My hand rises to my captor's face and my nails tear at his eyes. His smothered oath and the pain I inflict cause him to loosen his hold on me. I slip out of his grasp and start running.

I'm not fast enough. One of them grabs the back of my shirt, yanking at me. I stumble over a rock and begin to fall. He grabs at my ankle, which sends me flying toward the ground faster than ever.

Fear for my baby gives me the strength to turn my body so I don't hit the ground face-first. The jolt sends all the air inside me whooshing out. My head hits something hard and sharp. Pain reverberates all through me, including my head.

My arms seem to grow numb, and I can't move them. My back burns, and though I open my mouth to scream nothing comes out. Two dark shapes hover over me. They're blurred. I fear I'm going blind.

"What now?" one asks.

"We say we couldn't get to her. If we bring her in like this there'll be a price to pay, and I'm not paying it. Leave her here," the other declares.

"What if she dies?"

"Then we don't have to worry about her anymore, do we?"

"If she doesn't, she'll tell who did this," the first man argues.

"She didn't really look at us. She was too damn busy cutting me up with those long nails. My face is going to have scars," the other answers.

Don't leave me to die , I plead inside my head. I still don't have the power to speak. I'm scared.

Save my baby .

"She needs to quit the moaning before someone comes looking," the one with the bloody face says.

"I'll stop her," the other man declares as his leg moves backward.

The last thing I see before his foot connects to my head is the first star of the night blinking in the sky. I wish on it as more pain bursts inside my head. Then complete darkness descends, and I don't want to wake up.