Chapter 20

Chapter 20

RILEY

I waketo a soothing warmth surrounding me from all sides. A safe, grounding weight drapes across my waist. A sense of deep healing I can’t reject seeps into me, and my wolf rolls in the comfort. I shift slightly off my side, trying to roll to my back, only to find I can’t really move, I’m pinned in place by two large, warm, and very solid bookends. My eyes open, and I gasp at the nearness of the two bright, intense, and truest hazel eyes I’ve ever seen. The color changes slightly to a darker hazel lined with more forest green and gold as the inner glow recedes into the background.

“Cree?” I whisper his name, coming out as more of a question than an acknowledgement.

“My bear wouldn’t believe me that you were okay. He needed to see you ... to ... smell you for himself.” He blushes and seems to hesitate as he stumbles a bit on his words. The sight before me–of this big giant of a man blushing—oh, my.

I bring my hand up and cover my mouth before the laughter climbing from my belly can fully escape. My shoulders shake with the attempt not to laugh.

“Riley. Are you laughing at me?” Cree asks, his tone laced with mock seriousness, and quirking a disbelieving brow at me. I shake my head, biting my lips behind my hand and trying not to let the laugh out.

All hope is lost when a sleepy Axel pipes in, “He is adorable when he blushes, isn’t he?”

That’s it, I’m a goner. My hand flies from my mouth to Cree’s rock-solid chest as I burst into a fit of laughter. That is until Axel’s words finally register, and I peer over my shoulder at the man in question. His eyes glitter with mirth at my confusion and Cree’s blushing. Glancing back at Cree, I can see the affection and nervousness on his face. Oh, yeah, there’s something brewing here.

It’s my turn to blush as my thoughts take a turn down a very seductive road. My arousal spikes with the dirty images taking root in my mind, and I know they can smell it. My blood pressure rises, and the world is washed in a foggy haze as black stars twinkle across my vision. I rest my forehead on Cree’s chest as I close my lids and take deep even breaths.

He chuckles as he presses his lips to the top of my head in a gentle kiss. “I do believe, Axel, someone is turned on by the prospect of us together.”

Axel hums his agreement. “However, her body’s been fighting through exhaustion from the withdrawal and now healing. That, along with lack of proper nourishment, makes it hard for her to have the strength to truly enjoy those dirty little thoughts,” Axel states, all professional, before placing a sweet tender kiss to my shoulder.

My very bare shoulder. What the fuck? I look down, and for the first time since waking between their arms, I notice I’m only wrapped in a bath sheet and strong male arms. I close my eyes and seek out memories from the night before. Only coming up with fragments of memories, I bite my lips, confusion and worry rooting themselves firmly in place before asking, “Um, why am I in just a towel? And how long have I been out?”

Cree regards me steadily, like he’s not sure if he should answer my question. It’s Axel who breaks the silence first. Sitting up, he looks down at me. “It’s been almost a week since you stormed into the bar looking for a drink and probably a fight. You’ve been in and out of it since. Detoxing and healing. There’ve been some rough moments, real touch and go ones where we weren’t sure you were going to survive the energy drain.” He pauses to take a breath. “Do you remember anything from the last few days?” He studies my expression.

“Not really. The last thing I really remember is yelling at Cree. Everything else is kinda hazy. I vaguely remember the feeling of water and.…” I freeze mid-thought as an image of the three of us boxed in, close together, with water cascading down over our naked bodies flashes through my mind. “Were we out in the rain?” My cheeks heat again at the image.

“You don’t remember?” Concern fills Axel’s voice. His eyes widen, and an expression that I would classify as horror fills his face.

I nod, an equal feeling of fear building in my chest. Tears prick the back of my eyes, and a lump forms in my throat.

“What happened?” I ask, my voice squeezing the words past the sob wanting to break free.

“Something happened, but not exactly what you’re thinking, little wolf. We had to get you in the shower to clean you up. After running a fever for a few days and vomiting all over yourself, we couldn’t just let you lie there in filth. We had to get you cleaned up and into a clean bed,” Cree explains. “Of course, that meant we had to come with you. We asked for your permission first, and I’m sorry you don’t remember. But you couldn’t sit up on your own, let alone stand and wash yourself. While Axel was cleaning you up, you asked for us to touch you, to help you feel something other than pain. I told you we wouldn’t fuck you, but we’d make you feel good.”

“Oh,” I say, and relief washes through me at his words. The knowledge that we didn’t do anything to cement the mate bonds while I was incoherent ups my trust in these two. A spark of affection towards them blooms in my chest, and my wolf perks up at the feeling.

My eyes travel up to meet Cree’s dark hazel eyes again, and he doesn’t seem at all apologetic about the fact he saw me naked and was in the shower with me. He actually looks kind of gleeful and smug. The bastard. I glare at him, but all too soon find myself distracted by the intensity in his eyes.

“You had a panic attack mid-pleasure, and we stopped. You shared something vulnerable with us, something we haven’t shared with the others, and we won’t. But I think it’s important for you to remember that you opened up with us. When you’re ready, we want you to know that you can share the rest with us. There’s no pressure and no judgment.” Axel says, resting his hand on my hip and tucking a lock of hair behind my ear with the other.

Nervousness has me hiding my gaze, following my hand as it moves along the smooth, warm flesh of Cree’s chest. My finger traces the outline of tattoos decorating his muscular pec. I never really noticed all the amazing artwork he has. His body is like a living canvas, inked in black with shades of grey, covering every inch of skin I can see from neck to ankle.

Mesmerized, I trace the image of a large grey wolf, curling around the left side of his rib cage. Standing over the wolf is a large bear, his head bowed to rest his nose behind the wolf’s left ear. The depiction of these two amazing, powerful creatures is beautifully done with firm lines and shading.

“What does this picture mean? The one of the bear and wolf?” I ask as my finger traces absently over the ears of the bear. Cree squirms with a groan, causing me to giggle. “Sorry, didn’t know you were ticklish.”

"Mhmmm," he hums, and I tickle him again. I just can’t help myself. It’s so much fun to watch him squirm.

His hand resting on my hip quickly slides up, wrapping around my side. Flinching, my eyes snap to his. “Don’t you fucking think about it, mister.” He grins as I flatten my palm on his chest and give a little shove. “Cree … I mean it. Don’t you fucking do—” My words are cut off as his fingers dig into my side. Over and over, he tickles me without mercy.

I try to push back away from his relentless hands, but Axel halts my futile attempts at escape. My eyes are watering, and both guys are laughing. My stomach suddenly flips, and all fun is over. “Oh, gods.” I shove against Cree, pushing Axel off the bed, and bolt across the room to the bathroom. Bending over, my knees meet the floor in front of the toilet. My hair is gathered at the nape of my neck, the loose strands pulled back from my face by gentle fingers, and a cool cloth is tucked inside my fist.

“Thank you,” I choke out before the next wave of nausea hits me.

Done cleaning all the acid and bile from my empty stomach, I lie down on my side on the cool tile floor. I sigh as the chill from the ceramic squares cools my heated skin. “That feels amazing,” I whisper, tucking the corner of the towel back inside the top knot.

Cree sits above me and lifts my head, resting it on his lap. Turning, I curl into him, placing my leg between his, trying to absorb his healing energy. “Tell me what the bear and wolf mean. Please,” I whisper.

“Okay,” Cree agrees while running his fingers through my hair. “The bear stands beside the wolf with his head wrapped over the wolf’s neck as a sign of equality with a need to protect her. He doesn’t stand in front of her, blocking her from all harm, forcing her to follow him. He doesn’t stand behind her, submissive like a subject or soldier, bowing to every command. And he doesn’t lord over her, dictator nor master. Rather, he stands beside her as her equal. He wraps his head around her neck to show his love for her, to protect her blind spots from attack. His only desire and need is to guard and guide as she needs him to.”

He goes silent, allowing me to lie here on the bathroom floor, my head on his lap, as I replay what he just explained to me over and over again in my head. Deep down, a part of me knows he’s talking about us. About what he desires to give me. Can I accept that kind of commitment and devotion? The idea of opening myself to another person is overwhelming at best. But I have five mates, and that’s downright terrifying.

I don’t know how long we stay like this, me lost in my thoughts. I vaguely remember Axel coming in with an oversized shirt and a blanket at some point when the chill of the floor sent shivers racing through me, causing goosebumps to break out along my arms.

“Riley? Come on, little wolf. Let’s get you back to bed.” Cree lifts me up, carries me back into the bedroom, and sets me down in the middle of the bed. Concern shines in his eyes, and I have to look away, unable to hold his gaze. The tenderness with which he handles me is telling—too telling.

My heart races, and sweat forms on my brows, hands, and down my back. My breathing comes in short, fast gasps. Ugly, deranged thoughts run through my mind.

He could never love you.

You’re broken, ugly, and unworthy of his time, let alone his love.

Everyone you love leaves you, anyway, so why bother.

I close my eyes and picture the blue of Reed’s eyes, recalling and focusing on each individual shade. Using the focal point method Reed worked on with me.

One blue.

Two blues.

Three blues.

Inhale and exhale. I am in control.

I open my eyes to find myself back in the room Reed calls mine. Reed stands in front of a distraught looking Cree. I can’t hear what they’re saying, but the emotions are clear. “Reed?”

“Yeah, Riley, I’m here. You’re doing good, baby. Tell me what your focus point is,” he instructs me.

“Your eyes,” I reply back, only slightly embarrassed to admit that out loud.

“Wow, I do believe you flatter me, Ms. Wright,” Reed states with a chuckle. “Good, keep going.” He reaches his hands out to me and holds them there, palms up, waiting for me. I slowly reach out, gliding my fingertips over his. Slowly moving over his palms until my hands rest inside his strong steady ones. He anchors me to the here and now as I take a large breath and slowly let it out. The guys are standing around me in a protective circle. My eyes land on Cree, his bear shining through. His body vibrates with agitation as Cree fights to keep the bear at bay.

“I’m so sorry, Cree.” Guilt grips me, and I feel the tears burning behind my eyes before they slip free. Gods, these men have turned me into a crybaby.

Cree leaps forward, shoving Reed out of the way, and grabs me by the chin, forcing my eyes to meet his. “Do not ever be sorry, Riley. Not for this. Not for being human. For having a shit-show past that we have just touched the surface of. We all have shit we need to fucking deal with. And I promise you, Riley, we will fucking deal with it ... together ... all of us. We’re not going anywhere.” As he emphasizes the word not, his eyes go to Enzo. That whole little speech was as much for him as it was for me, it seems.

I nod in acknowledgement before I start to feel faint and sway where I sit. Axel jumps up behind me to steady me by my shoulders. “We need to get some food in you, Riley.”

At the mention of food, my stomach rolls again, completely turned off by the thought. “Gods, no. If I even smell food, I’ll hurl.”

“Well, like it or not, we need to get something in you before your blood sugar levels drop so far you go into a coma. Besides, your wolf needs the nourishment if she’s going to be strong enough to continue healing you.”

“What do you mean, continue? I thought I was pretty well healed from ... what happened.”

Axel caresses my shoulders, relaxing the tension that builds with the memories returning from that night. “You are, Riley, but you’re also going through withdrawal as well. You’ve gone through months of withdrawal in a week. Just like everything else about us is accelerated, so is the withdrawal process. Which is why you were unconscious for most of it. It took a lot out of you and your wolf, another reason why it is so dangerous for shifters to go through the process. She needs rest and nourishment. That’s also why—other than feeling weak and a little off kilter from the lack of proper nourishment—you feel fine.”

Looking inward, I take stock, only to find he’s right. I do feel fine. I’m not in writhing pain anymore. I don’t feel like I’m burning from the inside out. I’m nauseous and weak, but other than that, I’m truly and blissfully fine.

Thank you,I whisper-think to my wolf.

Mates, is her only reply. However, I can feel the lust and roaring heat that runs through my veins. Settling in my core. My wolf is ready to truly mate with her mates.

Are you fucking serious? We woke up for the first time in a week, and all you can think about is fucking five guys. Gods, you are such a hussy.

With what I can only assume to be the equivalent of a wolfish grin and wink, she just shrugs her wolfy shoulders at me with a grin and wink. As if to say, Yeah, what of it?

I snort, and five sets of eyes land on me with a mix of amusement and concern on their faces. “Nothing to see here. Just an internal dialog with my wolf. Move along.”

They all smile and laugh at that. Gods, what a sight to see.