Chapter Twenty

If Cole noticed I was quiet over the next week, he didn't make a big deal out of it. Maybe he thought I was just worried about the plans he and Blaine were putting in place for his alpha challenge—and I was plenty worried about that, too. Cole was a good fighter, fast and strong, but Cain lived for the thrill of battle and the thought of Cole facing him in single combat was terrifying. He needed to spend all of his time training and preparing for that if he wanted a chance at winning. He didn't need to be distracted by my worries.

That was what I told myself, anyway. But Aodh had been clear I had to meet my father alone, and if I told Cole, there was no way he wouldn't try to come with me…and if he asked, I'd be weak enough to let him.

I knew exactly three things about my father. One, he was a vampire. Two, he had no regard for the law. And three, he had ruined my mother's life.

There was nothing I wanted less than to find myself face to face with him. When I was a kid—when my mom was still well enough to know what was happening more often than not—we'd moved around constantly, never staying in one place for long. And I knew now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we'd been running. From him. And everything I knew about him, about his illegal creation of me, said we were right to do so.

But a deal was a deal, and now I had no choice. I had to meet with him, and find out what the hell he wanted.

If I was lucky, it wouldn't be to wipe out the proof of his crimes: me.

But since when had I been lucky? Still, I had twenty-one little stars left inside the gem, which meant I had three weeks left to work out what I was going to do. Aodh had point blank refused to tell me what my father wanted…but if I was about to send someone to their death, I probably wouldn't have admitted to it, either.

I toyed with the gem in my hand, watching the tiny stars twinkle inside it. It would have been beautiful, if not for the whole it-was-probably-going-to-get-me-killed thing. Well, even then, I supposed.

I thrust the gem back into my pocket and hastened my step. When Astor summoned you first thing in the morning, it wasn't smart to dawdle. Especially when she'd already made it perfectly clear she wouldn't be shedding any tears if I happened to meet my untimely death in Darkveil's halls. And that had been before she'd found out I was a dhampir.

I lifted one hand and rapped on the behemoth that passed for a door. The vast oak slab was covered top to bottom in just about every kind of warding rune imaginable, and more, I knew, lay within. This office was Astor's sanctuary, and the seat of her power. And just about the last place inside these walls I wanted to be.

"Come."

I slipped inside, and the door closed itself in my wake, leaving me sealed in the stone hewn chamber with the academy's most deadly vampire.

"Domina Astor," I said, bowing my head politely.

"Ms. Ellis."

"Uh, you wanted to see me?"

"Want is rather a strong word," she said, her eyes glittering dangerously as she watched me from behind her desk.

I smiled blandly. I had enough problems—I didn't need to be losing my temper and giving Astor any more reasons to cause trouble for me.

"As you say, Domina."

She sniffed loudly. "It has been brought to my attention that you have been neglecting a significant portion of your studies."

I frowned. I might not be top of the class in my lessons—well, okay, I definitely wasn't top of the class in my lessons—but I wasn't outright failing any, either.

"I'm…not sure I know what you mean, Domina," I said carefully.

"That does not surprise me in the least. A creature such as yourself clearly lacks the capacity to thrive in this environment—or even maintain the barest of standards."

"I am—" I snapped my mouth shut around my outburst, but not before I saw the satisfied twist of Astor's lips. I drew in a slow breath. "If you would inform me where I'm failing, Domina, I would be more than happy to work on my…failings."

"Your failings are far too many to count, Ms. Ellis," she said, but this time I had my temper in check. Also, I wasn't entirely sure she was wrong on that one. When she saw she wasn't going to get a rise out of me, she continued, "But it is not my job to inform you of your deficiencies. See to it that you address them. Fail to do so, and you will not pass this year."

"Er, right. Thanks." I tried—and failed—to keep the confusion from my voice. She ignored me for a long moment, then peered at me.

"Is there something else I can help you with, Ms. Ellis?"

I didn't bother to point out that ‘else' implied she'd help me with anything at all.

"No, thank you, Domina."

"Then stop wasting academy time and attend to your lessons. You can hardly hope to drag yourself up to the minimum standard if you don't bother to attend the lessons my instructors have generously extended to you."

Right. I pivoted on my heel and marched from the room before I could say anything to land myself in hotter water. But seriously, what the hell had that been about? I wasn't failing any of my lessons. I'd been working my ass off to make sure I was in no danger of being held back—because that would mean Cole being held back with me, and if—no, when, I corrected myself—when he defeated Cain, we couldn't afford for the pack to have any reason to doubt his ability to lead the pack. And what pack was going to follow an alpha who wasn't even capable of passing second year?

Maybe Astor was just trying to get under my skin. Wouldn't be the first time. Maybe she was bored. Whatever. I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of dwelling on it. I glanced out of the windows as I ambled along the corridor. Spring was well underway, and if I'd had more time, I would have loved to pass a couple of hours amongst the budding flowers unwinding. You know, if there weren't a shit ton of bugs out there right now. Eugh. I didn't have time to make it back to my dorm to see Cole either, but if I hurried I could make it to the feeding den before lessons started, and catch up with the humans there before the vamps arrived. I quickened my pace and when I made it to the den, I was relieved to see I had made it before anyone else—the whole place was deserted. I probably didn't have all that long, but it wouldn't take much time to catch up with Sam and the others, and make sure they had everything they needed.

I rapped on the plain wooden door and as it opened, found myself staring at Nikki.

"Hi Cali," she said warmly, her eyes scanning the room behind me.

"It's just me," I said quickly. "The others aren't here yet. I was hoping to have a quick word with Sam."

"One second, I'll call him."

She pushed the door to, and I heard the muffled sounds of movement behind it. A few seconds later it opened again and Sam stepped through. I frowned as I took him in.

"You look pale."

He shrugged. "One of the vampires stopped by for an early feed."

"Oh. Um, sorry."

"Don't be. It all counts towards my debt. At this rate, I might be out of here in two years, especially with the deal you made with Princess Thessalia."

"Yeah, well, I figured if Thaden's going to have my blood, it might as well help someone."

"It seems unfair that someone isn't you."

"If fair existed, you wouldn't even be here."

He gave me a lopsided smile. He'd only come here in the first place because Astor had promised to have the academy's healer treat his dying sister. I don't think he'd have cared about paying that price—and I couldn't blame him for that—if she hadn't been killed in a car accident shortly after. Astor, of course, had refused to release him from his deal. So far as she was concerned, she'd fulfilled her end of the bargain, and he had no choice but to fulfil his.

"It's not all bad," he said softly, and then looked away quickly. "I, uh, I mean it's much more comfortable now. With the new furniture."

"How is everyone getting on with the training courses and educational stuff—did you need anything else?"

"They're great. I think it's giving them a lot of hope, knowing there might be something out there for them other than being fed on, when this is all over."

"Them," I said carefully. "But not you?"

He shrugged. "There's not a whole lot waiting for me, and that's not something schooling can fix."

"I'm sorry."

He shook his head and forced a smile. "You're apologizing to me, after everything you've done for us? I'm grateful, truly. We all are."

"You don't have to—"

The main doors swung open, and I cut off what I was saying. Our conversation was private, and vamps had good hearing.

I expected the students to start filtering in, but what I hadn't expected was for Demir to stride in with them. He usually arrived a little after the students.

"I should…" Sam said, hooking his thumb at the door behind him. Humans weren't meant to be in here unless they were summoned by a vampire—and technically, I wasn't.

"Stay where you are," Demir commanded him, stalking towards us from across the room. Sam froze, the panic on his face immediately hidden behind a carefully blank mask. He bowed his head respectfully as Demir reached us.

"We're going to start this lesson with a little demonstration," the instructor said, raising his voice so that everyone could hear. The chatter of the arriving students quickly died, and they all turned to stare at us. Shit. Being the center of attention for twenty hungry vampires was a never a good day, but the predatory gleam in Demir's eyes made it a hundred times worse.

"Today, class, we will discuss the duality of the…" His lip curled in disgust. "Dhampir."

A shiver ran the length of my spine, and I felt the intensity of the other students' stares ratchet up a notch. Great. Another ‘Cali sucks' lesson. Just perfect.

"The dhampir, as you all know, is half human, and half vampire."

I didn't bother to point out that I was at least part shifter, because interrupting Demir's lectures never ended well. And besides, shifters were one of the few things the vampires hated almost as much as dhampirs. I scanned the gathered faces, but there was no sign of Thaden. Probably for the best. It wasn't like he was going to come to my rescue, anyway.

"A dhampir can, of course, survive on human food. They also can exist on human blood."

"We can?" I blurted.

"You can," he said. "And you shall."

"I…I really think I'd rather not."

"Did I ask your opinion?" he snapped, and I shook my head.

"No, but Demir—"

"That's Instructor Demir, dhampir."

"Instructor Demir," I corrected quickly, "I can't, I mean, I've never fed before."

"You might not have noticed, but you're standing in an academy. There is no better place to learn."

I lifted my chin. "And if I don't want to?"

"If you choose not to learn, then you will fail this class. I believe the Domina has already explained the consequences of doing so."

My mouth popped open. So that was what that whole shitshow in Astor's office had been about. I took in the look of cold satisfaction smeared all across Demir's face. The asshole knew he had me. Because the future of the Iron Shadow pack, and Cole's place leading it, depended on us looking like the best of the best.

"You're saying if I don't feed, you're going to get me held back a year."

"I'm going to do no such thing. But rules are rules, and being an abomination does not put you above them. Or do you imagine you're better than everyone here?"

I glared at him. Right now, I was pretty sure I was better than him, at least.

"No, Instructor," I ground out. He looked briefly disappointed, like he'd thought I'd be dumb enough to tell a room full of unfed vampires I thought I was better than all of them. If he wanted me to have one of the unfortunate ‘accidents' dhampirs were prone to, then he was going to have to do better than that.

"Good. This human here shall suffice."

I twisted round to stare at Sam in horror, then shook my head.

"No?" Demir said coldly. I drew in a breath as I turned back to him, working to keep my voice even.

"No. This human has already been fed from this morning."

"The human looks perfectly fine to me. And I'm sure, seeing as how you've audited this class all year, and given your clear reluctance to embrace your vampiric half, you'll have no problem in stopping."

Stopping? Starting was going to be the issue. I'd never had the desire to feed, not a single day in my life, not before I'd known I was a dhampir, nor after. Not once.

…And yet, it wasn't the thought of the blood that made my stomach churn. I turned to Sam—Sam, who hated every second here, who hated being fed from, who saw me as the one good thing here because I was trying to free him from being fed on, and my throat squeezed.

It's okay, he mouthed silently.

"You will feed," Demir snapped, "and you'll do it now. Refuse one more time and I will have you marked down as an immediate fail in this class."

"Do it," Sam whispered, so quiet I wasn't sure I'd even heard him, but the look in his eyes as he met mine said it hadn't been in my head. Get it over with.

"I don't… How do I…" I frowned, running my tongue over my teeth. Were they… I mean, they weren't fangs, but I was sure they hadn't always been this sharp.

"Lucia," Demir said impatiently, snapping his fingers. "Open a vein for the dhampir."

Before I could protest, Lucia stepped up and grabbed hold of Sam, twisting his head to the side with unnecessary force. Her fangs slashed across his neck, and blood started to leak from the open wound.

And it smelled divine.

What?

"Unless you plan to let that human continue to bleed all over my floor, I suggest you feed, dhampir."

Sam blinked at me urgently and I understood without him having to tell me: spilled blood didn't count against his debt, because of course not. Why would Astor care about blood that wasn't feeding the students?

Burying every logical thought in my mind, and letting that primal voice, that hunger…no, thirst, take over, I lurched forward and clamped my mouth over Sam's wound.

The first splash of the warm, rich liquid seeped into my mouth, and my eyes widened. It was like nothing I'd ever tasted before, nothing I'd ever experienced before. I had been born for this—my whole existence had led up to this moment, and every part of my body hummed with need and satisfaction…and the desire for more.

My mouth tightened around his throat and I was vaguely aware of the human wincing as I drained more of the precious liquid from him, devouring it with desperate need and a burning hunger that could not be sated. Nothing existed but me and this moment of utter bliss.

"I said stop."

Demir's words thundered through my euphoria and I blinked hard, dragging myself from my feeding haze. It took me a second to register Sam swaying in my grip and I pulled my mouth away, staring at him in horror. He was barely conscious, drained of far too much blood to sate not even a need in me, just a want.

"Oh, my God, Sam…"

Demir tutted impatiently. "First you lose control, and then you address the human by name." His mouth curved around a sneer. "You are in every way a disgrace. Get out of my sight. And get that human to a healer before it dies. I will not have any more blood squandered."

Swallowing hard—and immediately becoming aware of the blood still lingering in my mouth—I looped one arm around Sam's shoulders and steered him forward. He staggered a few steps ahead like I'd shoved him rather than guided him, and my eyes widened. Strong. I was strong.

Sam's legs went from under him.

Shit.

I lurched forward, scooping him up before he hit the ground, and he was featherlight in my arms. Fuck it. Faster to just carry him anyway. I hurried from the room ignoring the snide whispers and cruel giggles of the other students that followed me. Right now I didn't really give a shit what they—or Demir—thought of me. I needed to get Sam some help before he…

Fuck.

I raced through the hallways, halfway between a jog and a sprint, some part of my mind aware that I could never normally move this quickly, or carry this much. I was maybe a little stronger than most humans, but this was something else entirely. And dammit, why was the med wing so far away? It was taking too long to get there! If I just took another drop of blood from him, I could run faster and—

Horror almost stopped me in my tracks. How could I even think that? Gritting my teeth, I pounded through the halls more quickly, and up the first flight of stairs without breaking my stride. My breath was burning in my throat by the time the familiar doors came into sight, and I burst through them.

"I need a healer!" I shouted, and whipped round as I caught movement in my periphery. Healer Marin.

He peered at me. "Ah, you've overfed. Nothing to worry about, the effects will fade in an hour or so." He frowned. "Though you should probably put the human down, so it doesn't trigger your instinct to feed again."

"I'm here for the h—For Sam!"

The healer's frown deepened. "I do not approve of having my work interrupted to treat a human, but very well, set him on a bed. I suppose I'll have to inconvenience myself, seeing as the other healers are dealing with first year shifters right now. Quickly, I do have better things to be doing."

He gestured to a bed on one side of the ward, and I put Sam on it, trying not to jolt him, but one look at his face told me he was too far out of it to register what I was doing.

"Will he—" I swallowed, and tasted blood again. I wanted to hate the taste of it after what it—what I'd done to Sam, but— "Will he be okay?"

"Hm? Oh yes, fine. He'll likely need a blood transfusion, and I would prefer you were not here in your current…state."

A hollow formed in my gut. He thought I was a risk when there was blood around. And he was right, wasn't he? It didn't take a genius to know it. Just look what I had done to Sam. I knew he'd been fed from recently and I'd still drained him to the point of almost killing him.

What the hell had I become?