20

Oscar

After work, we return to my home. Dolly traipses inside of the apartment, drops her purse on the floor, and sits down beside it.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m tired.”

“Baby.” I reach for her hands. I tug her back to her feet and into my arms. “Talk to me.”

“You?”

“Me.”

“I’m just…”

And then Dolly does something I don’t expect.

Dolly starts to laugh.

This isn’t some gentle snicker, either. She’s full-on rage laughing. Her head goes back, and when she comes back up, she wraps her arms around me, and she kisses me.

And kisses me.

And kisses me.

I pull back.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m giving you everything, Oscar.”

“Why?”

“Because you aren’t what I thought I wanted.”

I stare at her.

“What did you think you wanted?”

And what am I not?

She reaches for me.

“I thought you’d be so much more of a dick.”

“You’ve worked with me long enough to know I’m not.”

“I’ve worked with you long enough to know that it is,” she says. “But I now know that you aren’t just a dick.”

“I’m not sure if this is supposed to be a pep talk or not,” I say.

“It is.”

“It’s not going super well,” I whisper.

“I know, baby.”

She kisses me again, and this time, I feel a rush to my head. I let her chaos wrap around me, and I allow myself to just feel, to just be.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” I say.

“You all talk, Oscar? Is that what’s happening?”

“You’re just hurting.” She’s scared, and she’s tired, and I’m here.

And even though I want her so much, so desperately, I also want more.

I want her to actually want me, too.

Right now, I’m not convinced that she does. I know that she’s having a hard time. We both are.

And honestly, yesterday is a day where I was so mad, I could have fucked the hell out of her and not cared.

But this is Dolly.

This is the woman who has nobody else to look after her.

And right now, I want to look after her.

“I’m not just hurting,” she says. “I’m a big girl, Oscar. I can take care of myself.”

“I know. You don’t have to, though.”

“Oscar?”

“With me, you don’t have to,” I say. I lift her up into my arms. She wraps her legs around me, and I just look at her.

She’s so fucking pretty.

“Dolly, let me take you to bed, I say.”

Then I do.