Chapter Twenty-Five

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Morgan

We keep busy over the next two weeks. When Dusty is off from the shop, we’re always out, doing things together. We’ve worked on the Mustang, done more exploring in the UP, visited more falls, and even spent a night out camping like we used to do with his dad when we were kids. We’ve spent more time with his parents, and with Easton, and I ran into Archer and had lunch with him. Every day I’m reminded of the beauty of this place, of all the magic that hid behind my pain when I was young that made home something I hated. It’s nice to fall in love with it, but I can’t pretend the days when Dusty’s at work aren’t long.

My whole life I’ve had people and things to help take care of—school and the twins, then college and East. Then I left, and I’ve always worked, and now I don’t know what to do with myself. Dusty looks worried sometimes, so I try to hide it. I don’t want him to worry that I won’t be happy here because I can be happy as long as I have him.

Today is one of those days, though, where he’s at work and the house is empty and quiet. I’ve cleaned, fucked around online, but my leg bounces with pent-up energy, and I know I need out of here.

I grab my keys and head to the car, not sure where I’m going. We need to plan my trip back to California so I can get my things and return the rental car, but that’s not happening today.

I just drive, no destination in mind, until I see the cemetery in the distance. My chest immediately gets heavier from the weight of the past, but still, I find myself driving that direction, then pulling in. It’s been over ten years since I’ve been to see Mom and Ella. Even after all this time, it’s weird to think of them being gone, of them being here.

I park the car and get out. Despite the time that’s passed, I know exactly where I’m going. We have a whole plot for the Swifts, a place where each of us is supposed to go one day.

The grounds are flat and green, with trees in the distance. The cemetery is well maintained, lush with flowers and manicured graves. Our plot is on the far right-hand side, two currently in use. Mom and Ella.

“Hey…it’s been a while.” I sit down in front of them. “I was gone for a long time, but now I’m back for good. Dusty and I are…well, we’re together. That might come as a surprise to you, Ella. You were too young to think about things like that. But though I wasn’t out while you were alive, Mom, somehow, I think you knew about me, and you’ll expect me to be with Dust.” The thought brings me comfort, easing burned edges of my past I didn’t know were there. “It took too damn long, but that was my fault.” I chuckle, knowing Mom isn’t surprised about that either.

“Other than that, things are a bit of a mess. Rhett and I don’t have a relationship. He doesn’t have one with East either. I’m trying with East, and I know I should try harder with Rhett too. I don’t know why it’s so difficult for me when it comes to him.” I look at Mom’s headstone. “You used to tell me to cut him some slack. I remember that. You said Rhett feels things deeper than he knows how to show, so deep that he doesn’t know how to deal with them. I don’t see that the same way you did, but I’ll try. I know you want more for us.”

I turn my attention to Ella’s headstone next…our little sister. Mom’s dream baby girl. Easton’s other half. That day affected us all, but I know it’s a drop in the bucket compared to what it’s done to East. “East misses you so much. We all do, but it’s different for him. I think he needs you, El. I don’t know what I believe happens to us when we die, but if you’re out there somewhere, maybe check in on him… I’m sure if you can be, you’re with him all the time. Just nudge him some.” For the second time, a small chuckle falls from my lips. It’s not something I ever thought I would be able to do while sitting at the place where Mom and Ella are buried.

“I’m sorry, El…about that day.” My vision blurs with unshed tears. “I should have been a better brother. I should have been there for you. I’m so damn sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me. I can’t ever forgive myself for it, but I promise to do better now. It’s too late for you, but I’ll be there for East…for both our brothers.” It’s important, isn’t it? We’re all each other has, and somehow, we have to find a way to work together.

Something catches my attention in my periphery. I turn and see an orange-and-black butterfly fluttering around. I don’t move, don’t breathe as it gets closer…and lands on my hand.

A butterfly.

For Ella.

She’d always loved butterflies.

I swear we make eye contact, the insect looking at me, telling me it’s okay, that she forgives me, that she wants me to move on.

A second later, the butterfly lifts off my hand and flies away.

The tears start again, but they’re different this time, cleansing, releasing some of the weight that has always been on my back.

“Thank you,” I tell my little sister.

I miss them. Fuck, I miss them both so much that I ache with it. I want Ella to have all the things Mom wished for her. I want to see the little girl she loved so much grow up. She would have been like Mom, would have been able to bring us together. I don’t know how I know that, but I do.

That’s not the hand life dealt us, though, and neither of them would want us to be miserable forever. They wouldn’t want us to linger in the past. They would want us to be happy.

“I’m working on it,” I say, as if they can hear the thoughts going through my head. Maybe they can. “I need to find my place here again, outside of Dusty. I haven’t done that yet, but I will. If you think of anything, let me know.”

I sit there with them for another hour or so, just telling them about my life over the past ten years. I avoid the subject of Dad. I don’t know how to cross the bridge with them, and I want my time spent talking to my mom and sister to be filled with the people who deserve it. It’s a struggle for me to admit it sometimes, but Rhett is one of those people.

After pushing to my feet, I say, “I love you both. I’ll be back soon. Next time I’ll bring Dusty.”

I turn and walk away from their graves, a lightness filling me that I haven’t experienced in a long time, maybe never. It releases tension, making me feel featherlight.

I take a different route on the drive home, just for a change of scenery. It’s not until I’m pulling back into town and see the older, wooden building on the left, that I think about the fact that this route takes me right by Davies.

Old Man Davies is outside with someone I don’t recognize, the other man pointing to something on the building. There’s no reason to turn into the parking lot, but I do anyway. They look over at me, Old Man Davies recognizing me when I get out of the car.

“Hey, Morgan. This is my realtor, Jeb. What brings you by today?” His gray hair is longer than he wore it when I was a child, reaching his shoulders. His face is full of wrinkles, his knuckles gnarled.

“Nice to meet you,” I tell the blond in a suit, before turning my attention to Davies. “Honestly, I’m not sure. I was coming back from the cemetery, saw the two of you out here, and decided to stop by. I can’t believe you’re selling.”

“It’s time. You’re welcome to come in with us.”

I nod and follow, Jeb talking to him about a few things that might make the sale hard.

“The bones are strong. She just needs to be prettied up a bit,” Jeb says, which makes both Old Man Davies and me chuckle.

“Archer and I thought that same thing about the bones.”

“What do you do?” Jeb asks.

“At the moment nothing. In California I was the CEO of a beverage company.”

“I wish you could have been CEO for me here. Maybe it would have helped me keep things running a little smoother,” Old Man Davies jokes.

“Were you having trouble?” I’m surprised. Birchbark is the kind of place where people like to spend money on local businesses. They like to have a place to come together. What better place than a bar?

“I think the older I get, the harder it is for me to wrap my head around it, is all. Things are changing at lightning speed—at least that’s how it feels to me. Shipping is getting harder, and I know I should switch companies, but the ones I work with, we’ve been working together since the beginning. I made this place thrive in the past, and there’s not a doubt in my mind that it can thrive in the future. I just know I’m not the man who can do that. I want to see her go on and be a staple in Birchbark. My hope is to find someone who wants the same thing.”

I can’t really say why, but my pulse speeds up. My eyes start looking at the space in new ways, thinking of changes that could be made to bring it a fresher look but one that lifers in Birchbark will still see as the bar they love. Goose bumps run the length of my arms when my brain goes into business mode, my experience already providing ideas on how to make the bar more current.

I think about how I randomly ended up at the cemetery today. Talking to Mom and Ella, asking them to send me ideas on what I could do here. Taking a longer route home for no reason other than different scenery. Old Man Davies being outside with his realtor.

A buzz starts beneath my skin, a foreign excitement I haven’t felt in a long time. Dusty asked once if I loved my job, and while I liked it, I couldn’t say I loved it. There had been no fire lit beneath me, fueled by the passion that pushes through my veins in this moment.

This could be a mistake, might be the dumbest idea I’ve ever had, but everything in my life is changing around now, and somehow I know this is the next step. “I want to buy the bar,” I tell Davies, who clutches his chest in surprise.

“What?”

“I want to buy the bar,” I say again, as Jeb’s smile grows.

*

Two hours later,I’m heading into Dusty’s Collision Repair, heart still racing, blood still rushing through me too quickly.

“Dust!” I call out.

Easton pulls back from a car he’s working on. “He’s painting. Is everything okay?”

“Yes! It’s fucking great!” I grab my brother’s face and plant a kiss to his cheek. He jerks away, probably wondering what in the fuck I’m doing. Have I ever done that to him before? Maybe when he was four and I had to kiss a boo-boo away.

“What the hell happened to you?” he asks just as Dusty comes into the room, wearing the jumpsuit he puts on over his clothes when he’s painting.

“What’s going on?” He frowns.

“I bought the bar!” I move toward him. “Well, I’m buying the bar. We still have to finalize everything. I know it seems crazy. I’ve never owned a bar in my life, but I want this, Dust. I know it’s the right thing. I went to see Mom and Ella and—”

There’s a clanking sound behind me, and I turn to see East dropped a tool to the cement floor. “Don’t say it like that.”

“Say it like what?”

His jaw is tight, eyes darting anywhere but at me. “That you went to see them. They’re not fucking there, Morgan. They’re dead.”

My thoughts twist up, not having expected this reaction and unsure what to say. “You think I don’t know that? I live it every day, East. Just like you.”

He turns away, rubs a hand over his short hair. “I’m sorry. I fucked this up. You’re excited, and I—”

“You didn’t fuck anything up. We’re good, East. You and I are good.” I glance at Dusty, who nods toward my brother. I walk over to him and pull him into a hug. East returns it, but not with the same strength I’m holding him. “We’re good,” I say again. It takes a moment, but his stiff body begins to loosen up against mine.

East sniffs, then pulls away, taking one swipe at his eyes. “Don’t know why I said that. Finish with your news.”

“That’s not important,” I try to tell him, but he shakes his head.

“It is. Finish your news, or I walk out. I can’t do this, Morgan.”

I know down to the marrow of my bones that he’s telling the truth, that if I try to talk about what he said, about Mom or Ella, that Easton will walk out. It kills me not to, not to find a way to reach him, not to be able to fix the pain that’s going on inside him. “Okay…but I’m always here to talk if you need to.”

And then I tell them about the bar, Dusty and East asking questions. I stay there with them until the end of their workday, East seeming to be past how upset he’d been earlier. When it’s time to close up, Dusty says to East, “You should come over for dinner tonight,” and I let out a sigh of relief. He’s so good at seeing what people need and trying to help.

“I’m fine, Dusty. You don’t have to babysit me,” Easton replies, and shit, there goes that.

“I’m not babysitting you.”

“Yes. You are. I got stuff to do. See you guys tomorrow.”

He nods at us both and walks out.

“Do you think he’s okay?” I ask.

“He’s as okay as he ever is. In the grand scheme of things, I don’t think today is different from any other day with him.” Dusty turns to me, tugs me into his arms. “But it is different for my man. You went to see your mom and your sister…and you’re buying a bar. You’ve had quite the day.”

I chuckle, nuzzle his throat, suck at the skin there. “I’ve had an incredible day…a few of them since I’ve been here, and I’ve had them because of you.”