Chapter Twenty-One

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Morgan

We take County Road 550 toward Big Bay. I was probably a teenager the last time I’d been to Yellow Dog Falls, so it’s been on our list of things to do before we leave the UP.

Dusty and I have done a lot of exploring the past few weeks since we had his parents over for dinner and Dusty told them we’re leaving. We’ve spent time with them at least once a week. We want to make sure he has as much time with them as possible before we go, and honestly, I enjoy it too.

Nicole reminds me of my mom in a lot of ways. She loves being a parent, enjoys her son, and includes me in that as well. Like I said, she was like a mom to me after losing my own. Even the smell of her hair is familiar.

Dusty has also been working with Easton on the things he’ll need to know when Dusty goes. I was with them once, and I’ve never seen my brother take something so seriously. It’s clear how much he wants to do right by Dusty.

I spent more time with East and Pretty Girl too, but we haven’t managed to make that happen with Rhett yet. He and Dusty talk regularly, though, and I know they met for lunch once.

It’s a little over twenty-five miles until we hit the steel bridge over Yellow Dog River. The water rushes beneath us as Dusty pulls the Jeep to the side of the road to park.

“I always loved it out here because it’s off the beaten track,” Dusty says as he gets out, then goes to the back seat for his pack.

I grab mine as well. We’re planning on having lunch at the falls.

“Yeah, me too. I get you all to myself.” I toss a wink his way.

“Baby, you can always have me to yourself,” he replies, sexy and husky, sending a tremble down my spine. Jesus, this man.

We head for the trail on the south side of the bridge. It’s clearly marked from here until the big fall, which is only about a mile in. Marked or not, the path is wild, with a lot of rocks and brush in the way.

We’re completely shaded by all the trees, like we’re alone in the world. The only sound is our footsteps through the dirt and around rocks, along with critters scurrying around and the stream running in the distance.

“Are there places to hike close to where you live in California?” Dusty asks.

“Some, yeah. It’s not the same, of course. There are fewer places, and we have to drive farther. It’s not as dense around where I live. There are still pretty places, just pretty in a different way.”

“You have the ocean too,” he counters, and I nod.

“I do. I’m going to make sure I enjoy it more with you there.” I missed doing things like this for fun. My life is full of work and social events with little time to just breathe and enjoy nature. Well, that’s not true. I can find the time if I want. I just didn’t…not until now. Not until I had Dusty again.

I pull in a deep lungful of air as we continue the journey. I love how quiet it is out here, how these trails and perfect places in nature hold the happiest memories of my childhood.

“I remember when Mom brought me and Rhett here. She was brave taking us alone. We were fighting over who got to help her. She calmed us down the way she always did, letting each of us take one of her hands, while she pretended to need her boys.” The memory fits into its own little place inside my heart. She hadn’t needed us, but she’d wanted us to feel needed. That’s how she was.

“Didn’t you sprain your ankle out here?” Dusty asks.

“Ugh. Don’t remind me. I ended up getting separated from Mom and Rhett. My foot got stuck between two rocks. It was Rhett who found me. I was embarrassed, but he…he told me about cutting his finger on a knife and how everyone makes mistakes. I didn’t want him to see me weak. I thought he would hold it against me, but he didn’t. He put his arm around me and helped me back to Mom.”

I’d completely forgotten about that moment with my brother, when Rhett wasn’t in competition with me over Dad or telling me I wasn’t a good enough son. He was just…a big brother.

Dusty nudges my arm as if he can read my thoughts, knows I’m thinking about Rhett and everything that’s happened, and what could have been if we’d had a different father. And as much as I love Mom…if she’d stood up to him more too, demanded more of him… That thought makes pain shoot through my chest, so I stuff it down.

“Wanna know what I remember?” Dusty asks, a playful smirk tilting the corner of his mouth.

“What?”

“Hiking out here with you and then taking off for Big Bay and skinny-dipping with you. I wanted to fall to my knees and suck you off right then and there.”

“Dirty boy,” I tease.

“For you? Fuck yes.”

I remember feeling his gaze on me, taking in his cock that had hung long between his legs, his balls that were bigger than mine, and his ass…fuck, Dusty had a nice ass. Still does.

“Hmm. I wanted the same thing—to suck you, I mean. And I remember being really into your ass, no matter how much I tried to deny it to myself. Funny, since now I’m obsessed with your cock.” I’d taken Dusty since coming back, knew what it was like to be inside him, and it was fucking heaven, but damn, do I like riding his dick.

“You can have all you want of both.”

I swat his ass, then start to jog. Dusty chases after me. I let him catch me the moment we get to the biggest of the falls here, which aren’t huge but are gorgeous nonetheless.

“Got you.” Dusty’s arms wrap around my waist from behind. He licks the sweat off my nape.

“I always want you to catch me.”

We’re on the top of the fall that only drops about twenty-five feet. There’s a large boulder in the middle of it, water running down the sides, along rocks, to the water beneath. You can’t really swim here, but despite the slippery rocks and current, you can wade through if you’re careful.

We’re surrounded by nothing but rocks, trees, and water, and there’s comfort in that, especially because of the man beside me.

“It’s so fucking pretty,” I say, again in awe of the surroundings here, seeing them with fresh eyes.

“Yeah,” Dusty replies. “It is.”

We spend some time there, and then I tug Dusty into the trees, claiming him with my mouth. The place where he imagined sucking me is not far from here, but I’m dying for the taste of him on my tongue.

He laughs when I start tugging at his clothes, dropping his shirt to the ground and following suit. “Want you so fucking much. Feel like I can’t ever get enough of you,” I admit.

“You have me,” he replies as I jerk his pants down, bury my face in his groin, and inhale his musky scent. It doesn’t matter that we’ve been sweating all day. Hell, I want that, want to taste the day I’ve shared with Dusty on his balls.

I lap at his sac, suck the globes into my mouth. His skin tastes like sweat and Dusty, and I take him deep, feeling like I’m starving and Dusty is the only thing that can keep me alive. I swallow around the head of his cock, my movements quick and needy. Dusty understands me. I don’t have to use words to show him what I want, so he fists his hand in my hair, tilts my head up, and says, “You’re gonna let me fuck that pretty mouth of yours now, aren’t you?”

“Yes, fuck yes.”

I work open my pants and pull my dick out, get to stroking before Dusty adds, “Look up at me, baby. I want to see you.”

My gaze finds his just before he thrusts into my mouth again. I can tell by his rapid, urgent moves that this is going to be just as fast for Dusty as it is for me.

I need him, want him to keep thrusting over and over until I can drink down his cum.

“Jesus, you’re the sexiest damn thing I’ve ever seen. Love seeing you this hungry for me. I’m already so fucking full, balls ready to spill down your throat.”

My eyes water as I take him, and he swipes at the few tears, making it so I can see him again, his movements slowing down, so each time he buries his dick in my throat, I have time to inhale through my nose and breathe him in. I love the scent of sweat, sex, and sugar maples invading me. Love the slight give of the earth cushioning my knees, savor the quick stroke of my own hand on my cock, as I sense Dusty about to lose control.

“Here it comes. Take it down for me. Swallow my load, Morgan. Put my cum where it belongs.” His dick jerks in my mouth, his release spurting onto my tongue. I take it to my stomach willingly, wishing I could just sit here with the flavor of him in my mouth and the smell of him in my nostrils forever. “Baby, I need you to shoot too,” he adds, another ribbon landing on my tongue.

Hearing him want my release makes my balls draw tighter, the world spin, and my jizz shoots from my cock, running through my fingers and onto the ground.

“Fuck, that was good,” he says, pulling from my mouth. Dusty tugs me to my feet, grabs my wrist, and licks my cum from my fingers. The way he watches me while he does it, his intense, vivid blue gaze telling me how much he loves tasting me, makes my blood heat. “Look at you, having dinner before lunch,” he teases.

“You’re fucking dirty.” I grin as I pull my pants up and fasten them. It’s not the most comfortable thing in the world, but I’ll live.

Dusty gets dressed too, and then we decide to have lunch here, at the bigger fall. We find a place to sit and pull out of the bag with the sandwiches we made. My story about Rhett earlier keeps tugging at my thoughts, which leads me straight to thinking about East and Ella. “She never got the chance to come here,” I say, surprising even myself. “Rhett or I never brought her…Dad certainly didn’t. Her nine years on this planet weren’t enough.”

Shadows dance across Dusty’s blue eyes as he moves closer. I don’t ever talk about Ella. Even when I was younger, I rarely spoke about her. After all these years, the wound is still too raw, the guilt too heavy a burden.

“No, baby. It wasn’t.” He puts his arm around me.

“She would have liked it here, though,” I say, trying to put a positive spin on the conversation. Being around Dusty makes me want to do that, to find ways not to live in my pain.

“Oh yeah. She and East would have chased each other around—well, she would have run from him, and he would have followed her. God, he loved her. She loved him too, of course, but I think he saw himself like her little protector.”

I chuckle, despite the guilt piling on more. Ella was Easton’s world, and I’m the reason we lost her, why he lost her. He did see himself as her protector, but he was just a baby too. It wasn’t his fault. It was mine.

“I didn’t count,” slips past my lips for the first time in my life. The truth is there, laid out bare for Dusty to see.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I didn’t count. They wanted to play hide-and-seek, and I was angry I had to watch them, that I had to play with them. That Dad got to be at work, and Rhett got to be at a school function. They had a life, and I didn’t, and instead of dealing with my responsibilities, I took my anger out on East and Ella. I sat on my bed while they waited in their hiding spots for their big brother to come find them, and I never came. Ella died waiting for me while I resented her and East for being alive.”

A cry breaks from my throat. Fear clings to me for a moment before I realize that my eyes are blurry because they are filled with tears, running down my face like the falls in the distance and soaking my shirt.

“What? No, baby. That’s not your fault. You had the right to be angry at situations in your life. It was a terrible, horrible accident, but it wasn’t your fault. Even if you had been looking for them, Ella still could have had that accident.”

“But I wasn’t!” I snap. “I wasn’t,” I say, softer, not wanting to take my anger out on him. “I let them down…let both of them down. East should hate me.”

“No. He shouldn’t.” Dusty grabs my face, turns my head so I’m looking at him. “You were a seventeen-year-old who carried the responsibility of an adult since you were an eight-year-old child. Ella had an accident. She drowned, and that was no one’s fault. Jesus. I can’t believe you’ve been holding this in for so long.”

He wraps his arms around me and pulls me close. I cry into Dusty’s shoulder, cling to him, silently tell East I’m sorry, tell Ella I’m sorry, and while I don’t have it in me to forgive myself yet, letting it out, sharing it with Dusty does ease some of the burden.

He holds me until my tears dry up, until I can form words again. We’re quiet as we finish our meal, then follow the trail that’s much more hidden and filled with brush to the other smaller falls.

My pain digs itself deep inside me again, hiding in the dark corners, until I can almost pretend it’s not there.

I smile when I take in the beauty around me. Yes, Ella would have loved it here. I love this part of the UP, and every time Dusty and I will come back to visit, I vow we’ll continue exploring all these places together.

*

I get boredwhile Dusty is at work. Sometimes I go with him, mess around the shop, give him and East shit. I’ll still pop online and do some work here, or take my laptop to the shop and do it there.

I’ve done things like our grocery shopping or running errands for Dusty while he’s at work, but without being at my dad’s daily, there’s not a whole lot for me to do.

I’m at Dusty’s now. I stayed in bed this morning when he left. Then I had lunch with his mom, and now I’m back here, fucking around, when my cell rings. I can’t help but smile when I see Spencer’s name light up. I miss my friend in ways I didn’t realize I would before leaving Santa Monica. Being here has allowed me to open up and learn to let myself miss someone.

“Hey, you,” I say.

“Hey back at you. Just thought I’d check in. How are things going?”

I plop down onto Dusty’s couch, then rub a hand over my face. “Fuck, man. I don’t even know where to start. I’m, um…with someone else now. I broke up with Rob. It’s Dusty, my childhood best friend.”

“Wow… That’s a big change. He’s good to you?”

I think about all the ways Dusty is good to me—the way he makes me feel and how he loves me. How he touches me and puts me first, and if he needed to, would fight the whole fucking world for me. “Yeah, Spencer. He’s great to me. Probably better than I deserve, considering I left here ten years ago and didn’t talk to him again until now.”

The line is quiet, and it takes me a moment to realize what I said, that I gave Spencer those pieces of my past without realizing what I was doing.

“Why?” he finally asks, and I feel something shifting in my chest. Like some of those dark clouds that live there are parting and want to start disappearing for good.

This is where I would normally tell him nothing, where I’d change the subject and keep myself locked down, but I’m so fucking tired of that. Spencer deserves better, and I deserve better too.

Before I can talk myself out of it, before I let myself think about it all, I speak. Everything begins to fall from my mouth—Dusty, Rhett, what happened before I left. How I grew up, Dad, Mom, Ella. Things with my dad now, and with Rhett and East. It’s like once I start, I can’t stop, the clouds parting more, the heavy cloak I’ve worn for as long as I can remember getting lighter and lighter.

Spencer must have things to do today, but he doesn’t rush me, doesn’t push me, just listens. When I finish, he says, “Shit, man. I’m sorry you felt like you had to carry all that on your own. I would have helped bear the load. Thank you for telling me now.”

I’m not surprised by his answer. I never thought Spencer would be anything other than supportive. “It was me. Nothing you did. I had some demons to battle. Hell, I still do, but I’m working on it. Being with Dusty makes me want to be better. Seeing East struggle, Rhett too, those things make me want to be better as well.”

“You’re a better man than you realize. Cut yourself some slack. You’ve been through a lot. And I’m always here for you. Sounds like you have a good man too, but don’t carry all this on your own anymore.”

“I won’t.” I smile, knowing how lucky I am to have the people in my life that I do. “You’re going to love him. I can’t wait for the two of you to meet when we get home.”

“I can’t wait to meet him,” Spencer replies.

“He’s got me doing more shit other than work.” I chuckle. “It’s been fun exploring the places we used to go as kids. It’s fucking gorgeous out here, Spence. You would love it. We’ve been hiking, visiting waterfalls, and to some of the many summertime festivals in the area. Just enjoying what the UP has to offer. The pace is so different from Santa Monica. You have more time to breathe.”

“Corbin and I love hiking. We’ll have to go visit the area sometime.”

“For sure. You can plan a trip when Dust and I come home one time. It’s been good getting to know East too. He’s got this dog…she’s a mess of a thing, and the biggest goofball you’ll ever meet.”

He listens again while I ramble about life in the UP. It’s such a change of pace for us because usually he’s the one talking and I’m the one listening.

“You sound good, Morgan. Happy. Happier than I’ve ever heard you. It makes me see how much you’ve been suffering over the years.”

He’s right. I have been suffering, and I am happy. Jesus, have I ever been truly happy before in my whole life? I don’t think I have, but I feel it now. Things aren’t perfect, of course, but they’re pretty fucking good.

“You’re right…about all of it.” And as I sit there talking to my friend, thinking about my life, I know I’ll do everything in my power to hold on to this new feeling.