Chapter Twelve

CHAPTER TWELVE

Dusty

Igroan the moment I see Mom’s car pull up. News travels fast in Birchbark, and the pizza delivery guy shared that he delivered pizza to Morgan at my shop, and now I’ve already been asked about Morgan four times today. They’re simple questions or statements. It’s so nice that you boys are spending time together again. I bet it’s nice to have Morgan home. You must have missed him!

Mom will be different, though. She will have more to say. She knew Morgan was back, of course, but she didn’t know he was at my shop late last night.

“I’ll be right back,” I tell Easton. He quirks a brow because the man can always tell when something is up, and also likely because I’ve never gone out to sit with Mom the way I’m doing now, but I ignore him and keep going. I get to her car before she gets out and climb into the passenger seat.

“So…how are you?” she asks.

“I’m the same as I always am, and can we not pretend I don’t know exactly why you’re here?”

She pushes her light-brown hair behind her ears. There’s a little bit of gray woven in at the top, lines around her mouth because she’s spent her whole life smiling, even when times are rough. “Morgan was here last night.”

“Yep. I was here as well. We worked on my car.”

“How is he doing?” I love that she asks. No matter what happened between us, my parents have always loved Morgan. He was like a son to them when we were growing up. Mom would even go to his classes for parent-teacher conferences after Allison died. She would do anything for the Swift boys, but she’s also my fiercest protector, so while she loves Morgan, she’s pissed at him too.

“Not great, I don’t think. He tries to act like he is, but I know him better than that. In some ways he’s all the things we knew he would be—successful, professional.”

“Sad,” she adds.

“Not everyone sees that.” I scratch an imaginary itch on my temple. “He’s the same but different too.”

“My heart always broke for that boy. He was so good, and he loved his mama so much. Everything he’s been through is so tragic, and I think it hits him in different ways than it does Rhett, but at the same time, I’m concerned about you. Because no matter how much I love him, you will always be my first priority.”

“Mom…I’m thirty-five years old.”

She cocks a brow. “So? What does that have to do with anything? You’re still my son, and you’ll always be my son, and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

I blow out a breath. “I don’t want to get hurt either. I won’t. I know better. I know what I’m doing.” I don’t, in fact. I’m still trying to wrap my head around Morgan kissing me last night. That he slept in my arms, nuzzling into me and wanting to be surrounded by my scent and heat. Is he like that with Rob? The thought feels like spider legs scurrying around in my brain, so I shut it down quickly.

“Well, love doesn’t always make us see clearly. I’ve known you love that boy before you even understood romantic love or being gay. And if I’m being honest, I believe Morgan loves you the same way. You’re just not afraid of it the way he is. You’ll hold on with all your might while he’ll push it away, telling himself it’s the only way to protect his heart.”

“Wow…when did you get your therapy degree?”

She rolls her eyes. “I’m being serious, Dusty.”

I sigh because I know she is. And I’m damn lucky to have both my parents in my corner, to know they will always want what’s best for me, but I can’t do this when it comes to Morgan. “I’ll be careful. I’m not going to let myself think any of it means anything more than it does. Morgan is back in my life, but soon he’ll leave again. We’ll stay friends this time, but that doesn’t change that it won’t be more than that—not for real.” Even if we do more of what we did last night, that doesn’t change our situation. Being in each other’s lives like this comes with an expiration date.

“Okay.” She nods. “You know me. I just had to say something.”

“You wouldn’t be my mom if you didn’t.”

“Dad and I flipped a coin to see who’d get to come.”

I chuckle. I don’t doubt she’s telling the truth.

“Now that we have that out of the way, when do we get to see Morgan? We missed him.”

They did. It took me a while to tell them what happened, that I’d kissed Rhett and Morgan had seen and taken off, but I’d admitted it. As angry as they were with Morgan, they deserved to know I played a part in it. It doesn’t matter what was going through my head that night, kissing Rhett had been a betrayal to Morgan, and I’d known it. “I’ll talk to him.”

“Thank you.” She grins, and I lean over and kiss her cheek.

“Thank you…for being you. It might be annoying as shit sometimes, but I know how lucky I am.”

“We’re lucky to have you too, Dusty James.”

I motion toward the building. “Can I go back to work now?”

“I guess I’ll allow it.” She winks, and we say our goodbyes, before I join Easton inside.

“Everything okay?” he asks.

“Yeah, it is.” I look at my phone, surprised I haven’t heard from Rhett today. If word is going around, he must’ve heard about it. Add to that Morgan telling him he wasn’t staying at Gregory’s last night, and Rhett’s definitely going to have something to say about it.

“Sometimes I wonder if Morgan didn’t have it right all along—getting the hell outta here, ya know?”

“Yep,” Easton replies. “I do.”

*

I can’t stopthinking about Morgan. Having him, even temporarily, isn’t something I ever thought would be a possibility. Now it’s been dangled in front of me, and I’m not sure what to do about it.

Right before closing time, I get a text, and I know without looking that it’s from him. For a moment, I consider ignoring it, but the curiosity would eat me up inside. Hell, maybe I’m worrying about this for nothing, and Morgan had changed his mind.

Morgan: Hey…how are you?

Me: Good. Kept busy today. You?

Morgan: Same old thing. Listen…are we okay? I just got you back, and now I’m afraid I fucked it up.

I drop my head back as if the answer to my questions is written on the ceiling. My dick is begging me to go to him, to take whatever the fuck it is he’s offering. Hell, every part of my whole damn body is urging me to do that except my brain. Kissing someone without using my brain is what got me in trouble ten years ago, and I don’t want to make the same mistake again.

Me: Yeah, we’re good. We’re always good, but as I said, I’ve got some thinking to do about what happened last night. I don’t even know if you’re asking for more of that, but I need to sort shit out in my head.

There, that sounds good, right? It’s not me telling him I’m in love with him and that I’m not sure I can handle what he’s offering me unless it’s everything.

Morgan: Of course. I don’t know what I want either. I just know…it felt good. Felt right.

How right can it be when he has a boyfriend? I’ve conveniently let myself forget about that.

Me: It felt good to me too. Listen, I need to get the shop closed. I’ll call you tomorrow.

Before I can see his response, I shove my phone into my pocket.

“You good?” Easton asks, startling me.

“Yeah, just trying to figure out your brother.”

“Which one?”

“Both of them for different reasons. Actually, all of you.”

“Good luck with that,” Easton replies, then turns and heads for the door.

“Hey. Wanna have dinner with me?”

Easton shrugs as if he doesn’t care one way or another, and the truth is, he probably doesn’t.

“Come on. Let’s go.” I grab my keys, and we head out together. I’m not sure why I asked Easton to have dinner with me, but it’s not as if it’s something we’ve never done. Over the years, I’ve tried to get close to Easton, wanting him to know that he might be younger, but he has me in his corner too. Sometimes I feel like Morgan and Rhett take center stage so much that East falls to the background. “What do you want?”

“Food.”

I playfully roll my eyes.

We decide to head to Birchbark Grill. The restaurant is decorated with Birchbark and Ojibwe history, and they serve American foods and also have an arcade and pool table off the main room that people enjoy. We each take our own vehicle and meet there. East arrives first, and he’s waiting for me outside. He holds the door open for me, and we go inside.

The host seats us in a booth, and we order pop before browsing the menu. “You know I appreciate you, right?” I find myself asking, wanting to make sure East knows.

“Why the hell are you saying that?”

I cock a brow over my menu. “Because it’s true. You do good work at the shop. Outside of the little blip in being late after Morgan came home, you’ve been on time for a while, and even when you’re not, you work hard, take pride in it. I know you think I hired you because you’re Morgan’s brother, but it’s because you’re good at what you do. You soak it up, and you love it. That means a lot to me.”

“You did hire me because I’m Morgan’s brother.”

His response makes me realize I need to tell him I’m thankful for him more often. Does anyone really do that with him?

“But it’s not why I keep you, Easton.”

“Stop being weird.”

“I’m being serious. That shop means the world to me. You wouldn’t be working with me if I didn’t trust you.”

He frowns, then nods and goes back to looking at the menu. “You’re not gonna try and kiss me too, are you?”

While it might piss off a different man, I know East well enough to see he’s taking the attention off himself and being playful. It’s his way of showing we’re friends and that he appreciates me too, so I kick him under the table. “Asshole. I only kissed Rhett once.”

“And you’ve kissed Morgan more than that?”

Shit. I walked right into that one. “I think I’m getting a bacon cheeseburger.”

He chuckles, clearly knowing exactly what I did there, but he doesn’t call me on it. The waiter returns, and we get the same thing. We chat about business while we wait for the food, both of us avoiding sensitive topics. Just as our food arrives, I notice Easton’s gaze snag on something over my shoulder. He frowns, the corners of his lips turning down.

My fear is that it’s Rhett, and I really don’t want to see him today. Even without knowing something happened last night, he’s going to have shit to say about Morgan. I turn around to look, but it’s not Rhett. It’s Archer Thorn, accompanied by Tripp Cassidy, who’s a local carpenter, and Cass’s daughter, Meadow. She’s twelve and let the world know a couple of years back that even though we all thought she was Matthew, that isn’t the case. Cass is fiercely protective of his daughter, and everyone knows to be respectful of who she is.

They notice us as they walk toward their table. Archer has become a friend, as I told Morgan, and I’ve gotten close to Cass too. He’s a good man, and they’re both fun to be around.

“We’re gonna say hi to our friends,” Archer tells the host, who points out their table, and then Archer turns his attention to us. “Hey, how’s it going?”

“Good. You?” I ask.

“Not too bad. Just thought I’d force this guy and little lady to take me out to dinner tonight.” Archer looks at East. “You stayin’ outta trouble?”

“Fu—” His gaze darts to Meadow, then back to Archer. “I always stay out of trouble. It just tries to find me.”

Archer chuckles. “Can’t argue with you there.”

“Then you should help him, Uncle Archer,” Meadow says. Archer and Cass aren’t related, but they’re best friends and have been for as long as I can remember. It was Archer who jumped in to help Cass when his wife left. I’ve always wondered if there is more between the two of them, but if there is, they keep it on the down-low. While I know Archer is queer, I don’t know Cass’s sexuality, but they’d make an interesting pair—the ginger, broad-chested Cass, and Archer, who’s long and lean, with dark hair, sharp cheekbones, and a strong jaw.

“Don’t need his help,” East says along with Archer’s, “He’s too damn stubborn. It’s not my fault.” Easton rolls his eyes.

“I heard Morgan is back,” Cass says. Though we didn’t hang out when Morgan lived here, you can’t be a Birchbark resident and not know that Morgan Swift and I used to be inseparable.

“Yeah, he’s back.” I don’t know why his simple statement makes me shift in my seat. What, no one is supposed to talk about Morgan?

“I’m sure that’s nice for you,” Cass says. “And for the family.”

Easton laughs humorlessly. “You clearly don’t know my family.”

“East…” I warn. This is the kind of shit that just makes things worse because Gregory and Rhett are so protective of their family.

Easton holds up his hands in surrender. “I’ll be good.”

Archer pipes up before I can say anything. “I’m sensing a running theme with you.”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about, Officer Thorn.” Easton gives his attention to Meadow. “Your dress is pretty. I like pink.”

My mouth nearly drops open, and Archer’s forehead wrinkles. I’ve never seen Easton interact with a kid before. He vacillates between aloof one moment and angry the next, so the simple compliment he gave the little girl surprises me.

“Thank you. I made it with a new sewing machine Daddy got me last Christmas,” Meadow tells him. “I like to make clothes. Your tattoos are cool.”

“You can’t have any of those until you’re forty,” Cass tells her, making the rest of us laugh. He sets his large hand on her head. “We should let you get back to your meal now. Have a good night.”

They say their goodbyes, and I can’t help but notice that Easton doesn’t reply. He’s back to not paying others any attention, biting into his burger like he doesn’t have the time for them.

“Archer seems to want to look out for you,” I say, risking his frustration.

“Never had anyone look out for me, and don’t need it now.”

“That’s not true. Morgan and Rhett, they might not have always done the best job or been the best at saying it, but they’ve always watched out for you. They love you.”

He sets his burger down and leans back. “Why do you do this? Why do you try to be the fucking savior of the Swifts? You got a brother kink or what? Now it’s my turn?”

Anger boils in my gut. “Fuck off, Easton.”

“Yeah, I forgot. It’s really only Morgan for you. The rest of us are a way to get closer to him.”

He doesn’t believe that. I know he doesn’t, but this is Easton putting his walls up. “You’re being a dick. Stop now before you say something you’ll regret…or something I can’t forgive.”

“Sometimes you act like you’re not afraid of anything, like you have all the fucking answers, but you don’t, and you’re just as scared as us. You want Morgan, but you’re afraid to have him. You’ve spent your whole life believing you can never have him, torturing yourself by staying close but never putting yourself out here. You’ve never told him how you feel.”

My heart jumps into my throat, hand fisting on the top of the table. “That’s enough.” My voice came out louder than intended, and a woman at a neighboring table looks worriedly our way.

“Fuck.” Easton rubs a hand over his short, blond hair, then drops his elbows onto the table, forehead resting on his arms. I can tell by the way his body is moving that his leg is bouncing.

I tug my wallet out of my pocket, grab a few bills, and toss them to the table. He’s sorry. I know he is, but I don’t have it in me to hear it tonight. Hell, knowing East, he might not even say it. “I’m gonna head out. Have a good night.”

My gaze catches Archer’s as I walk away. He shoots a glance between me and East, studying the situation, before Meadow says something to him, and his attention is pulled to the little girl again.

The second I’m in my Jeep, the palms of my hands come down over and over on the steering wheel, until they throb.

Easton can be a dick sometimes, but damned if he isn’t right.