Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

“ A part of me longs for them.” Caleb tipped the flask to his mouth again, the fiery warmth banishing the cold. “I also love my life here. It is different from life in England.”

“What is it like in the ton ? Is that the correct name? Ada tells me stories sometimes about the years she lived in England.”

Caleb frowned, then remembered that Noah Kincaid’s bride had lived in England for a few years. Caleb had not spoken with her much, as she had recently given birth to their first child.

“Fast,” he murmured. “When the season opens, there is a ball or some social event every night.”

She gasped. “Surely you jest! Every night?”

“Hmmm, each hostess is determined to outdo the other, so each ball is lavish, filled with music, food, and laughter. Outside the balls, we have the theatre and operas, the Royal Menagerie, museums, parks and botanical gardens, Hyde Park, and many other places considered wonders to behold.”

He could feel the familiar tension deep inside rise to the surface when another restless shift brought her even closer. Something unknown inside Caleb trembled.

“It sounds incredible.”

“It can be,” he said softly.

“There is no ball here in Colorado,” she said with a light laugh after taking another drink from the flask. “The most exciting event about these parts is the circus that comes to town once a year and Ma’s yearly bonfire and barbecue. Have you suffered with us these last couple of years, English?”

Caleb chuckled. “No. The pace is different, but something about the open land speaks to my soul. I never felt that connection back home.”

Her breath hitched, and when he turned his head, Jenny was staring at him with soft, luminous eyes.

She quickly glanced back at the moon. “I have only ever traveled to Wyoming to visit my brother Elijah. I went with Mama once to New York, but I was a girl of ten. I hardly recall the impression of the place. But I understand what you mean; this land feels like a part of me. I cannot imagine feeling this happiness elsewhere. Though I confess, I am very curious about the rest of the world. What does it look like? Have you traveled a lot, English?”

“I have visited Rome, Venice, France, and Egypt.”

“It must have been incredible. Seeing new places and experiencing different foods. Just living a moment in another place. I cannot imagine it. Ma says it’s our wandering blood that makes us restless sometimes. We get that from our father.”

“One day, I will take you to Egypt and Venice.” The words slipped from Caleb as if without conscious deliberation, but somehow, they felt right.

“I shall not forget you said so, Caleb Callahan,” she said with a smile, peeking up at him from beneath her incredibly long lashes. “We can watch the moonlight there…and see if it is the same.”

“I think the magic lies with who you watch the moon,” he said, something inexplicable inside him reaching for this woman, even when it seemed so damn illogical. “Once we watch together, it will always be like this.”

I am leaving in less than two weeks so stop thinking about her in this manner, he reminded himself .

“I do believe you are right,” she drawled. “Many nights, I sit on my windowsill and watch the land and the sky. It has never felt this…lovely.”

The night grew quieter around them, and the only sounds were the gentle flow of the brook and the distant calls of nocturnal animals.

“Tell me about the lady who wrote you.”

Amusement rushed through him. “Are you so certain it was a woman?”

She tilted her head slightly as though taking a new measure of him. “Yes.”

“She was once my fiancée.”

“ Fiancée? ”

Now, why did Jenny Kincaid sound so annoyed? Caleb smiled. “Yes.”

Jenny’s expression grew thoughtful, myriad emotions flickering across her face. “Why are you hesitant to read her words?”

“When I left England, she was no longer my betrothed. There was also the possibility that she would marry my brother.”

“Goodness!”

“I never inquired about their wedding, and neither my mother nor sister never mentioned it in the few letters we exchanged. I suspect Lady Henrietta is now writing to me because I am the new Earl of Tallant.”

Jenny froze. “Your brother died?”

That raw feeling surged inside his chest once more. “Yes. A few months ago.”

“I am very sorry for your loss, Caleb,” Jenny said softly. “It must have been very hard for you, given you are away from your family.”

“I…” bloody hell, his throat closed over the words. It had indeed gutted him that he had not been there to comfort his mother and sister.

Jenny stood, sat on his thigh and wrapped her arms around his neck in a comforting embrace. Her honeysuckle and peach scent flooded his senses, and he became all at once aware of small things about Jenny Kincaid—the subtle scent and softness of her skin, the sensual shape of her derriere and hips, perfume and the woman herself, how delightfully rounded her backside was as it settled on his upper thighs.

A jolt of pure physical want tore through him, and he barely suppressed a groan. Caleb wanted to kiss her more than he wanted to take his next breath. However, he also wanted to simply bask in her hug. The initial shock of his brother’s death had passed weeks ago, but the grief was still bottled up inside him. He was so damn tempted to lose himself in what she so sweetly and innocently offered each time she stared at him with those eyes.

At that moment, he realized just how much he needed the comfort of another person. Since moving to the West, he had made few friends and kept his grief tightly contained, discussing his brother only with his grandfather and, even then, without allowing his emotions to surface. A shudder ran through Caleb as he returned her hug with an intensity that might have made it hard for her to breathe.

I am sitting on Caleb’s thighs .

A rush of heat swept up Jenny’s throat and flushed her cheeks, but she did not release him from her scandalous embrace. She was painfully aware of the erratic beat of her heart, and she was extraordinarily aware of his hands, strong and warm, on her back, caging her against his chest. A low sound of grief escaped him, and his arms tightened around her. She wanted to tell him it was fine to cry or shout if he wished but held her tongue. Perhaps a few years ago, that was how he might show his grief. Caleb was wildly different than the man she had first met.

Back then, he had been the epitome of a fashionable young man, looking out of place as he surveyed their small town with a shocked gaze. The West had changed him, hardening him in ways that even her father often remarked upon with a mix of respect and admiration. There was now an air of danger about him that hadn’t been there before. When rustlers had started decimating his grandfather’s herd last year, Caleb had tracked the four men alone, following them all the way to Abilene. His grandfather had sent men to back him up, but by the time they arrived, Caleb had already ended what was evidently a brutal fight that left two men dead. The Tumbling S had not been bothered by rustlers since.

She closed her eyes, remembering the sharp pang of fear that had gripped her when she overheard the cowhands in the barns talking about what he had done. Their voices were laced with admiration, but for Jenny, worry consumed her thoughts. Eventually, Noah had ridden out to the Tumbling S ranch under some pretense, only to return with news that somewhat eased her mind: aside from a knife wound to his side, Caleb was in good spirits, robust and busy breaking in wild stallions.

Another shudder worked through his body. Jenny tenderly teased the hair curling at his nape, hoping he found comfort in her touch. She realized why there had been a haunting shadow in his eyes whenever she saw him at the mercantile in town these past couple of months. He would tip his hat politely and continue on his way, avoiding any further interaction. The intensity in his gaze, which often left her feeling flushed and restless at night, had been restrained. Jenny had sensed that something was amiss but hadn’t wanted to overstep with intrusive questions.

Now, with the knowledge that he was soon leaving the country, Jenny felt a painful wrench inside. The thought of never seeing Caleb again, never exchanging playful banter or sharing an impulsive kiss, filled her with a deep sadness. He had a pull on her heart like no other man, and the prospect of losing him before having the chance to delve deeper into these burgeoning feelings was almost unbearable.

I was too silly to have been afraid when you came courting .

Jenny gently disentangled herself from Caleb’s embrace. She moved to sit on another boulder a few feet away.

A dark brow winged upward, and he glanced at the vacant space beside him. “Why did you move?”

He looked down at her with a hard, intense, hungry cast on his face.

Her breath hitched and her heart somersaulted. “Denial of self builds character,” she drawled with a slight smirk, trying to mask the turmoil inside with a bit of levity.

His mouth quirked in a far too sensual smile that sent spirals of longing down her spine. To look at him was immensely pleasurable. Regret sat heavy against her chest.

I will miss you, English , she silently confessed, truly hating the ache in her throat.

“I understand why you must leave. Your family and dependents need you. We…we will miss you.”

His expression grew inscrutable. “We?”

Jenny lifted a shoulder. “I will miss you. I am not afraid to admit it.”

That wicked look of hunger flared in his eyes before he lowered his lashes. She jutted her chin to the letter he had set down on the boulder. “Are you going to read it?”

He plucked it up and handed it to Jenny. “Read it for me.”

Her heart jolted, but she did not object. She opened the envelope and tilted it toward the bright moonlight. The scrawl was feminine and elegant.

“Dearest Caleb .” Jenny snorted her irritation at that intimate salutation. Caleb’s low chuckle made her blush, and she wrinkled her nose, feeling contrite.

Clearing her throat, she started reading again,

“Dearest Caleb,

Please forgive my boldness in reaching out to you in this manner. Lydia has graciously agreed to ensure this letter reaches you despite my previous attempts having gone unanswered. I find myself compelled to write again, especially under these unhappy circumstances, and I sincerely hope this letter finds its way into your hands.

First and foremost, I must extend my deepest condolences for the loss of your brother. It pains me greatly to think of the sorrow this has brought you and your family. You would know I did not marry George if you received my earlier letters. He chose not to pursue our engagement as he had no wish to hurt you further. I understood and agreed. The entire matter has weighed heavily on my heart, particularly because of the unresolved feelings and misunderstandings between us.

I deeply regret the pain my actions caused you, and the long silence that followed has been a source of great remorse for me. The indifference you showed during our last encounter left a profound impact, and it has troubled me ever since.

As London is once again vibrant with the bustling activities of the season, I am reminded of the times we once shared during these lively months. The streets are alive with the energy of balls, soirées, and many social gatherings that bring to mind the joyful moments we once experienced together. This makes me long for a chance to revisit our past and perhaps mend the threads that were severed.

The parks are awash with summer colors, and the theatres echo with applause. Yet, amidst all this festivity, I feel a palpable emptiness when I recall our days wandering through those same streets, discussing our dreams and aspirations. These memories propel me to reach out to you now, hoping that you might find it in your heart to forgive the past and allow us the opportunity to start anew.

I hold on to the hope that you will grant me the opportunity to explain myself in person. When you return to our shores, it would mean the world to me to meet and perhaps close the chapter of our past with understanding, if not to rekindle the attachment we once cherished.

With hopeful regards and in anticipation of your forgiveness,

Lady Henrietta.”

It felt as if an ice shard pierced Jenny’s chest. What was this feeling clawing up inside of her? This Lady Henrietta wanted to reconcile things with Caleb, possibly restarting where they left off. Lifting her gaze to Caleb, she noted he seemed mildly surprised. “Did you love her?”

He stared at Jenny for several beats, his gaze caressing her upturned face. “Is the answer important?”

“Yes.”

He did not ask why, and she was grateful.

“I thought I did,” he said gruffly. “I liked and admired her.”

“Why do you doubt it was love?”

“The moment I found her in my brother’s arms, whatever I felt was severed. They both tried to explain it was a mistake, but I was not interested in listening. I gave neither a chance to explain nor did I feel regret until my brother’s death. I wonder if he knew I did not resent him but was simply indifferent to the entire matter. Perhaps he did because I replied to all his letters over the years. I imagine love should be more…I don’t know, perhaps forgiving or understanding?”

“Why should we be forgiving toward those who betray us?” Jenny frowned. “I would not forgive anyone who disappointed my love and expectations.” She gently folded the letter and handed it to him. “Once I thought I would marry Mr. Hartigan.”

“The lad who got your friend with child.”

Jenny smiled, finding humor in Caleb calling Jack a lad when he was only a few years older.

“Yes. The moment I knew they had been together and hiding it from me…whatever affection I felt vanished. Many nights later, I wondered if I could love someone the way my Ma speaks about love. Ma often says that love forgives. After that first night, the sting of betrayal lessened, and the ache in my heart vanished. I dare say I perhaps forgave Ellie and Jack because I felt no hurt whenever I saw them together. Perhaps this lack of pain is a measure of forgiveness.”

He drank from the flask and handed it back to her.

“You might be right. This notion of passionate love others speak about might be nonsense. Have you ever thought about that?”

“Oh, it does exist,” Jenny said. “I see it every time Pa smiles when Ma sings or when he sees her. Even if he is furious about something, the moment he sees Ma, it melts away, and he is in a good mood. Elijah, Joshua, and Noah worship their wives with every glance—constantly lifting them, kissing them as if driven by an irresistible desire. I want that for myself. I shall only marry a man if I love him with every emotion in me,” Jenny said, tipping the whisky to her mouth before handing him the flask.

Caleb grunted, but a look in his eyes made her feel warm.

His mouth quirked, and humor danced in his eyes. “Where I am from, one does not marry for love.”

Jenny recalled Ada telling her tales of her time in London society and that people there did not marry for love but for connection and wealth. Ridiculous .

“I suppose you do not believe in love at all, English?” she demanded. “Not even slightly?”

“When I courted Lady Henrietta, I did not have romantic claptrap in my head about love. I just wanted a good marriage, a few children.”

“The years have not made you long for something deeper, especially when you see the evidence of it before your eyes?”

He raked his fingers through his hair, tousling the dark waves. “Your father worships your mother with his eyes, and your brothers treat their women as if they are their worlds.”

Jenny swallowed at the soft hunger heard in his tone. Did he realize the burn of longing held in the gaze that slid over so slowly?

“Unless you are offering marriage, Caleb Callahan, do not look at me like that,” she said softly.

“How am I looking at you?”

“As if you want to gobble me up.”

A sound hissed from him. “You hellion !”

Jenny laughed, feeling a rush of warmth spread across her cheeks, tinged with a giddy sensation. Perhaps it was the whisky—or just the magic of the night itself—that made her act so boldly. Without thinking, she launched herself off the boulder and back onto Caleb’s lap. He groaned in reaction. His hands landed on her hips, and she could feel the tension in his touch, as if he were caught between pulling her closer and pushing her away.

“Jenny,” he began, his voice low and hoarse, “this is dangerous .”

“I know,” she whispered, her voice barely audible over the rapid beating of her heart.

Just being this close to him made her feel breathless. The intensity of her feelings for Caleb was something she couldn’t quite understand, let alone control. Her mother had often spoken of knowing instantly that her father was the one, despite their vastly different backgrounds. Jenny leaned further into Caleb, winding her arms around his neck. The tender familiarity of his embrace contrasted sharply with the storm of emotions raging within her, making this moment feel perilous and precious.

“When you visited the Triple K for the first time with flowers, I should have said yes to you courting me. I was so silly to have run from you when I knew I wanted to be in your arms. I felt I could no longer take the true measure of a man. I could no longer trust my instincts. Yet I looked for your coming every single day.”

He jolted and then stilled, something dangerous entering his eyes. He thrust his fingers into her hair, tugging her head closer.

“Why do you tell me this now?” he hissed. “I leave in several days!”

Jenny’s heart trembled and longing broke open inside her heart. The feeling was beyond her comprehension and experience. She lifted trembling fingers to his mouth. “Perhaps in the days we have—”

“ No ,” he all but snarled. “Do not dare say it, woman.”

“You do not know what I was about to say, Caleb Callahan!”

“I know because I feel the same hunger for you. Do you think I do not understand the desire in your eyes; do you think I do not feel it every damn day?”

The rejection shattered her, and she pressed her forehead against his.

“Do you think me a man of such low honor I would make love to you and then abandon you, Jenny Kincaid?”

A lump formed in her throat, and she wordlessly shook her head. “I think you are wonderful , Caleb. I would not see our moments as something to be ashamed of. I am not afraid to tell you I want you.”

A rough sound left him, and she felt his surrender before his mouth took hers. His sensual lips were like a brand on hers, and Jenny moaned when he swept his tongue between her lips. She clutched at his shoulders, already lost in the pleasure of his embrace. They kissed for endless moments, their tongues gliding in a carnal dance.

His hands were moving over her body, and she reveled in his desperate touch. Caleb shifted her so that she sat astride him, and he never broke their passionate kissing. Her dress had ridden to her knees, and the cold air kissed over her flesh, yet somehow Jenny burned. His hand slid up the inside of her right thigh, callused fingertips sliding over the softness of her skin, leaving a trail of heat behind.

Caleb’s fingers hovered so close to her sex that Jenny moaned into his kiss. She ached. Her flesh was clenching and growing wet. Need tightened low in her belly, pulling tight in an agony of want.

She wrenched her mouth from his, breathing raggedly. “Caleb,” she moaned. “I…I ache .”

Another hiss escaped him, and he stilled. She felt him rein in his hunger, and then he removed his hand from beneath her skirt.

“You tempt me to madness,” he said roughly. “This will not happen again.”

“Caleb, I am certain—”

The tender kiss Caleb pressed to her forehead left Jenny breathless.

“Let me walk you back to the party.”

Feeling fragile, as if she might break at any moment, Jenny nodded silently. She slid off his lap and moved away quickly, acutely aware of his gaze following her retreating figure. The turmoil of emotions swirling within her was overwhelming. He was leaving, and realizing she might never see him again was unbearable. Yet, she couldn’t bring herself to face that harsh truth.

Without waiting for him, Jenny hastened along the well-trodden path back to the festivities. She re-entered the lively scene, managing a smile and engaging in light conversation with a few people. All the while, she could feel Caleb’s intense gaze from the shadows of the woodland. Despite her outward composure, inside, Jenny felt utterly bereft.

I will spend the next few days with you, Caleb Callahan, even if I must seduce you into it.