Chapter Fourteen

Pearl

I was positive that Rylan was avoiding me, and I had no clue why. The two attacks had taken a lot out of everyone, which made them grumpy and tired. Even Arden, who was usually unfazed by literally anything, was subdued. Quiet. It wasn’t like her at all, and I wondered if it had something to do with Alder, who seemed to follow her around while also keeping his distance.

I wanted to help, but it was frustrating because I didn’t know how, so instead, I threw myself into taking care of the new wolves. I fed them, listened, and even cried with them. Being controlled took a toll on all of the shifters, leaving them raw and jumpy.

It had been three days since the attacks, and it felt like I was fighting an uphill battle. I did everything I could to distract myself, but I couldn’t deny the longing I felt. I missed my mate. I knew he was doing important work, I understood that, but it irked me that he hadn’t wanted me to be part of the process. I was the Alpha Seeker, after all. The one handpicked by the Moon Spirit to carry out this mission.

“Would you like to come with me to the cellar?” Estella asked, jolting me from my thoughts.

I shook my head. I appreciated the invitation, but I wanted Rylan to ask me, not Estella. I got the distinct feeling that my mate didn’t want me anywhere near his cousin. Ever since we’d captured him, there had been a rift between us that had slowly widened to a gaping chasm.

My wolf pushed forward, urging me to shift with a clawing feeling like an itch I couldn’t scratch. It had been days since I shifted, and my wolf was growing impatient with my refusal.

I rubbed my temples, heaving a sigh as I considered going for a run. If I told anyone they would insist on accompanying me for protection. While I appreciated everyone’s concern for me, I couldn’t help feeling stifled. I needed to get out of this house in order to think.

“If you’re sure.” Estella shot me a sympathetic smile.

She could clearly tell something was wrong. Hell, I’m sure everyone could by now. I was wrung out and snappy.

My wolf huffed, making me roll my eyes at her insistence. Going for a run wouldn’t hurt anything, as long as I stayed close and didn’t attract attention.

“I’ll see you when you get back.” I gave Estella a reluctant smile.

She nodded then turned around and swung the door to the backyard open.

I glanced around nervously, happy to see that the kitchen was empty. Casually, I made my way to the door that Estella had gone through, doing my best not to act suspicious. One good thing about Ledger being locked in the cellar was the fact that I was able to shake my Deacon shadow.

Ever since I met the wolf, he had assumed the role of beta, which meant he handled the things that Rylan couldn’t. It hurt to think that I had become just a thing to be dealt with next to Rylan’s cousin.

Once outside, I hurried away from the cabin. Dusk was still hanging on the horizon, casting the area in a soft glow that was quickly fading. I slowed once I entered the tree line, the scent of the forest reminding me of home, helping to ease some of the tension I felt.

When I could no longer see the cabin through the trees, I stopped, stripping out of my clothes until there was nothing between me and the fast-approaching night.

I shivered as my skin rippled, the need to shift like a siren’s call that I couldn’t resist. My wolf moved forward as I retreated, letting my other half assume control.

The change was swift and itchy. It got that way if I didn’t shift for long periods, almost like my body was just as grumpy as my wolf.

White fur sprouted over my skin while the rest of my body broke and stretched, forcing it into an altogether new shape. My muscles twinged in irritation as I morphed into a wolf.

As soon as the change was over, my wolf shook out her fur, dispelling the annoying itchy sensation. A breeze blew through the trees, rippling through white fur and making us quiver excitedly.

Bounding forward, my wolf sprang into a run, dodging trees, logs, and stumps. Crisp air filled our lungs, encouraging us to move faster until our muscles burned from exertion.

It was… freeing. To do something that wasn’t to help or soothe someone else. A bit of self-care was needed. If I couldn’t have my mate to help me work off this restless energy, then this form was the next best thing.

My wolf harrumphed when I compared shifting and running to our mate. She would rather it be him. While I agreed with her, I couldn’t help but feel like there was an ax hanging over all of our heads. The other shoe was about to drop, and I intended to be prepared for it.

‘I think you’re right,’a depthless voice whispered in my mind. ‘Things are moving much too slowly. Not to mention all of the stubborn, hardheaded wolves.’

I chuckled, amused by the Moon Spirit’s frustration at the wolves it created.

The path forward depended on what Rylan’s cousin revealed, but since he was showing incredible resistance, who knew if we could rely on him for information?

‘Is there a way we could speed it up?’I hoped for a quick solution so we could move on from this.

‘Your mate isn’t thinking like an alpha.’

I frowned at the Moon Spirit’s words, wondering what Rylan had done that wasn’t alpha-like. Before I could ask, a softly glowing white wolf appeared beside me, keeping pace with my wolf as we ran through the trees. The wolf huffed, and I suspected the Moon Spirit was just as agitated as me.

We ran in silence for close to twenty minutes before our gait changed to a trot then a leisurely walk. Our breathing was heavy, but the cool forest air felt good in my lungs. For the first time in a while, my mind was clear of worries and doubts. It was consumed by the present as I let go of what the future held. I’d worry about it later. Right now, all I needed was the forest and my wolf.

With my mind cleared of thoughts about the current situation, I found peace. The sound of trickling water tickled my ears, drawing me toward it. A small stream meandered through the landscape, seemingly without a predetermined path. When it reached an obstacle, it simply found the easiest way around it and kept flowing. It didn’t stop to worry about the path or wondering if it was going in the right direction. The stream didn’t look back to see what had already passed.

That thought struck a chord within me. I could feel the inner vibration grow in intensity as I watched and listened to the stream.

‘This is how it should be,’the Moon Spirit spoke quietly so as not to disturb the tranquility of the moment. ‘Move forward and deal with obstacles as they come while never looking back.’

I understood what the wolf was talking about and agreed, but I just wasn’t sure how to use it in the current situation.

‘It will become clearer the more you let go and let what has been and what will be go.’

Could things really be that simple?

A twig snapped behind us, and I whirled around, claws out and teeth bared, ready to fight whatever the danger was.

A black wolf with four white socked feet walked toward me, green eyes observing me and the Moon Spirit with a question in its eyes.

‘This is where I leave you,’the white wolf informed me and then nodded its head at the black wolf.

The wolf disappeared, leaving me and my mate alone. Rylan drew closer, concern and regret written in his eyes. I looked away; still hurt from the way he’d ignored us the past few days.

A low whine sounded from our throat as Rylan’s wolf took another step. The wolf froze and cocked its head, puzzled, which made me angry. How could he not see how hurt we were? How lonely the days had been while he ignored us. How much I needed to get away from the suffocating and overwhelming feelings I felt for the pack. I shook my head, determined not to explain when he could clearly see we were upset.

Rylan’s wolf walked closer, his head lowered, and tail tucked, like he knew I was mad and that he was the cause. He sat down beside me with about a foot of distance between us that felt more like an eternal ocean. I wanted to fix it, but I didn’t feel like I was the one who needed to.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as he shifted back to his human form. He was ready to talk. I shook my head then turned my gaze so I could glare at him, my ears twitching so he knew I was listening but refusing to shift just yet.

“I’ve upset you, and I’m sorry.”

I rolled my eyes at his insincere apology. Did he think he could just say sorry, and I would forgive him? He had a lot to learn.

“I’m sure my words feel empty,” Rylan continued, looking away, his attention turning toward the stream. “The last thing I want is for you to feel unwanted, but that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I’ve been so consumed with finding a way to free my cousin that I’ve put everything aside, especially you.”

My wolf grumbled, sounding like a series of small yips and whines. It didn’t mean anything, but it felt nice to respond in some way.

“I haven’t been the alpha I need to be. I thought I was ready and doing the right thing, but the Moon Spirit explained that being an alpha is more than just being strong. I need to be compassionate, empathetic, and aware of every member’s feeling. You’ve been doing that, and it’s been taking a toll since I wasn’t there helping you.

“I’m still trying to get the hang of being a mate and an alpha. I’m going to make mistakes, but in doing so, I plan to learn from them.” He sighed, running his hand through his hair, making it unruly and entirely too appealing.

Tingles ran over my skin as the change came over me. My white fur became long luscious white hair that covered my naked breasts as it cascaded around me. The markings on my left arm tingled reassuringly.

“I appreciate everything you said,” I whispered, moving onto my knees and crawling the short distance to him. I settled in his lap, and his eyes never left my face while his hands gripped my upper thighs. “I’m new to this too. I may not be an alpha like you, but I am the Alpha Seeker. I’m ready to stand at your side, ready to face whatever comes our way together.”

Rylan nodded, his gaze narrowing on my lips as I spoke. I ran my tongue over my top lip, watching his eyes follow the movement. He was completely entranced by me, and I couldn’t help but feel satisfied.

My hands were resting on his forearms, so I moved them upward, sliding over the smooth skin of his arms and shoulders. He shuddered underneath me when my nails gently scraped his collar bone. I leaned down and softly kissed his throat, using my hands to encourage him to tilt his head back. I wanted him to submit to me.

His chest rumbled, and for a moment, I didn’t think he’d do what I was requesting. But then, his head moved, exposing his throat in submission. The urge to bite him, to taste him on my tongue, was almost too much for me to fight. I hesitated for a moment, trying to reign in the raging need before I pressed my lips to the skin above his pounding pulse.

Rylan inhaled sharply, his fingers digging into my thighs as I kissed my across his throat to the other side then up to his right ear. I could feel his hardness below me, teasing me as I concentrated on his neck. My mouth began to water, and I worried I wouldn’t be able to resist the desire to mark him.

I moaned against his ear, wanting to show him what he did to me. Rylan pulled my hips closer, his cock teasing my entrance as I continued to explore. I nipped at his ears, enjoying the hitch in his breathing when I swept my hands through his hair and down to his shoulders. My mouth moved up over his jaw to his lips, where I stopped, hovering over them tantalizingly close but not close enough.

We froze, our mouths millimeters apart. A challenge to see who would break first. Heat pulsed through my veins the longer we remained pressed against each other. My body was revving up into an inferno that I was on the verge of jumping into. I wanted him so badly that my inner thighs quivered in anticipation.

This was the calm before the storm. I could feel it brewing in Rylan just like the fire burning inside of me.

Were we ready?

Did we dare?