22. Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Two

Cody

“You did not just do that, little bro!” Danny laughs, an evil glimmer in his indigo eyes. I retreat, walking backward, my eyes not leaving his as I clutch the now-empty bucket against my chest. Danny is drenched. Huh, that sounds kinda cool. Danny is drenched. In a flash, he lunges at me and I’m too slow. I’ve always been too slow for Danny. I’m faster on the ice, though. Way faster. But there’s no ice now. Only water. Water all around me as far as the eye can see, reaching all the way up to my knees. Which is weird because we were in our backyard, Mom yelling at us not to get our clothes wet because we’re off to church. Too late. Mom is gonna throw a fit of epic proportions. ‘I feel the earth move under my feet. I feel the sky tumbling down. Tu-umb-ling down.’ Down, down, down Danny goes, the water swallowing him up, only the top of his head showing on the surface of the water. Like strands of seaweed. I reach for it, grabbing at it, but it’s slimy and slips through my fingers. The water is up to my waist now, waves crashing against my stomach. Every splash feels like a punch. I reach for Danny again, but he’s being carried away by the current. I look down and my hands are gone. I don’t have any hands anymore, just two hockey sticks that splash uselessly against the water. “Cody!” Danny’s voice is nothing but a gurgling sound, his head popping out of the water with longer and longer intervals until he’s gone. “Danny!” I wait for him to emerge again. “Danny, please!” I wait until I start to shiver from the cold. “Quit it, Danny! It’s not funny anymore!” I wait until the water reaches my chest. “Danny! Please, I wanna go home. I wanna…” The water reaches my chin now and I’m cold. So cold. The sun’s gone, replaced by an explosion of stars and a lonely full moon. No, not lonely. Sad. The moon is sad. When I move, water enters my mouth, and I swallow in panic. It’s not salty though. It’s sweet. It tastes like the sum of all birthdays and trips to the ice cream shop. It tastes like summer camp and Danny smiling at me. Danny’s sweet smile. “Danny!” I yell out into the darkness one last time before the water swallows me up, too. It’s quiet. Very quiet. And dark. So very, very dark. I see a pair of legs kicking to my right. White tennis shoes kicking in the water. They’re Danny’s shoes. I’d recognize them in a lineup with hundreds of shoes. Because on the side, I see the bright green magic marker. DANNY, it says in bold, awkward letters. Fuck, Danny was mad. So mad. “You ruined my shoes, you brat!” “No, no, no, they’re not ruined. They’re better now. Now everyone can see that the best big brother in the world—the best of them all—is called Danny.” I sob. I sob underwater as I reach for Danny’s white shoes . “It’s okay, Cody. Don’t cry. I like them better now, anyway.” Better. Better, better, better. Be better. Get better. Do better. “Bring it, Cody. Bring it! No slagging!” Danny kicks his feet one last time and off he goes, gliding through the dark water like a fish. Like a beautiful fast—so fucking fast!—fish. Before he disappears, he turns around one final time. But it’s not Danny looking back at me. It’s someone else. A face I don’t recognize. Someone I shouldn’t know yet because I’m just a kid, right? But whom I somehow know, anyway. Chocolate eyes blinking at me through the water. Brown hair dancing around a smiling face. He waves at me. His hands are hockey sticks, too . “I’ve got you, Cody!” Bubbles move toward me, words bursting all around me when they reach my face. Words popping like firecrackers on the hot pavement on the 4 th of July. “Cody. Cody. Cody!” Pop, pop, pop. Then he turns around and disappears. The beautiful boy with the wavy brown hair and the smiling eyes disappears. He’s gone. And now, now I know. Now I know why the moon was so sad. So, so sad. And then I scream. I scream and scream and scream until my lungs burn, but all that comes out of my mouth are bubbles.

I sit up in bed, the darkness surrounding me, and it’s not until a sleep-ruffled Luke bursts through my door that I realize I was screaming. Fuck. I swallow and my throat is sore. Raw. How long was I screaming for?

“Fuck, man, you okay?” He looks at me, his eyes all wild and worried, his hair messy, sticking out on one side. I nod stupidly because I’m not. I’m so not okay.

“Yeah,” I croak, sounding like a frog that’s been singing along to Metallica all night. “I think so.” Luke comes closer, his steps careful. When he reaches my bed, he sits down next to me, the mattress dipping beneath his weight.

“You were screaming,” he says, no accusation in his voice. Just worry. Pure, unfiltered worry. I rub my hands along my face, sweat sticking to my palms. “Bad dream?” he asks, reaching out, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“Yeah, something like that,” I chuckle half-heartedly. Something like that. Luke scoots closer and wraps his arm around my shoulder, and on instinct, I lean my head against his chest. His upper body is naked, and he feels so warm beneath my cheek. So, so warm. I shiver while the last remnants of the dream disappear.

“You wanna talk about it?” he murmurs into my damp hair, his words caressing my scalp. I shake my head.

“No, I’m okay,” I mumble against his collarbone, his skin tasting salty against my lips.

“You sure?” There’s genuine concern in his voice, no trace of annoyance from being woken up by a screaming roomie in the middle of the night.

“Yeah. Thanks, Luke,” I whisper, tears pressing behind my eyelids.

“You need anything? Water?”

“No, I’m good.” Liar, liar, pants on fire.

“You want me to stay? Until you fall asleep again?” His deep voice is a promise in the darkness. If I just listen to Luke’s voice, maybe I’ll never feel lost again. But I know it’s a lie. I’ll always be lost. I hesitate and Luke chuckles against my hair. “I’ll take that as a yes.” Yes. Please stay. Please, please, please.

He guides me back down on the bed, my head still resting against his chest, the rise and fall of his pec muscles feeling like soft waves beneath my cheek. The ocean is calm again, but the moon is still sad. I don’t have to look out the window to know.

I don’t realize I’ve said something until Luke says, “I know. It’s okay. It’ll all be okay, Cody. Just sleep.” He presses a gentle kiss into my hair, sighing against me. What did I say? I have no idea, but Luke told me it’s okay. And I want to believe it. I want to believe it so badly.