Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

JORDAN

Jordan stopped at the bar and exchanged pleasantries with Saul; at least, he spoke to the man as little as he could get away with. He wanted to be upstairs with Ryan, and he wanted that now .

He took the proffered beers—no wine this time—and then went through the door and straight up the stairs to Ryan’s room. He raised his hand to knock, but the door flew open and Ryan near-dragged him in, yanking him past the door, shutting it, and then pushing him up against the wall.

He let out another one of those embarrassing whimpers; his cock was hard and he wrapped his hands around Ryan’s neck, despite the bottle of beer in each. Nothing mattered at that moment. All he wanted was to come, to taste and climb and lose himself in Ryan.

The lust was madness, and it consumed him.

Ryan untangled his hands, took the beer from them, and placed them on the chair. He fell to his knees, all grace and sexy bedroom eyes.

“What are you…?” Jordan began, but stopped when it became way past obvious exactly what Ryan was doing.

In a smooth move, with no discussion or hesitation, Ryan had Jordan’s jeans and underwear pulled down enough to be able to tug at Jordan’s hard cock and then swallow him down.

There was no finesse, just desperate need, and all Jordan could do was scrabble uselessly at the wall and try to balance himself.

He wasn’t going to last long, not with the noises Ryan was making around his cock, not with the absolute determination in Ryan’s touch, the way he cursed when he couldn’t get enough of Jordan and had to pull the material down farther.

Jordan had been on edge since earlier, when Ryan had nearly made him throw caution to the wind and rub himself off against Ryan’s thigh.

Ryan stopped for a moment. “I’ve wanted to taste you so bad.” He circled Jordan’s cock with his hand and held it still for a second, then looked up at Jordan. “Gorgeous,” he murmured.

Jordan had been on the receiving end of blow jobs before, but this was in a different league. Ryan was focused, unhurried, and his strength was the only thing keeping Jordan standing. Well, that and the wall behind him.

“Ryan,” Jordan gasped and pushed forward into Ryan’s mouth, biting out a rough curse of apology.

But Ryan didn’t stop, and Jordan begged for more until he was so close he could taste the high of orgasm. Then Ryan stopped; he removed the delicious suction and instead stood and tugged Jordan away from the wall, pulling him toward that door at the back of the room.

Walking with his jeans around his thighs was awkward, and Jordan yanked Ryan to a stop. Ryan looked confused until Jordan toed off his sneakers and removed his jeans, and the heat in his gaze was so fucking sexy.

“Bed,” Ryan said. “Now.”

He didn’t give Jordan a moment to stop, stealing another kiss and walking backward, guiding Jordan through the door. They didn’t stop for Ryan to tell Jordan that this was the bedroom, or hell, indulge in any social niceties at all. They tumbled onto the bed, kissing, with Ryan shoving at his own clothes and then at Jordan’s shirt until they were naked against each other on top of the covers.

They kissed and rutted, and Ryan made a lot of promises about how he was going to make Jordan come so hard he’d forget his own name. The talk, the grinding, Ryan’s hand on his cock, and orgasm slammed into Jordan, an explosion of heat and lust.

And Jordan couldn’t breathe, or speak, a boneless mess on the bed.

Ryan loomed over him, staring right down at him, such focus in his dark eyes as he slipped his hands up and down his own cock. He looked close, utterly focused on Jordan.

Jordan attempted to pull him closer, but Ryan wouldn’t move, so Jordan concentrated on the parts he could reach, twisting and pulling on Ryan’s nipples as he watched his expression, triumphant when it was Ryan’s turn to lose it as he rutted into his hand, pressed against Jordan’s belly.

Once done, he fell next to Jordan and they lay there for a few moments.

“Wow,” Jordan began. “Hello to you too.”

“Sorry.” Ryan rolled up on one elbow to look down at him. “I should have said hello first.”

Jordan wanted to wipe away the remorse on Ryan’s face. “That was a hello, and a freaking great hello at that. It made my day better.” Jordan flashed a quick grin. “We just lost two scenes because of shitty lighting.”

“Is that bad?”

“It will cost us, but I think if we get back to it tomorrow, we could pull it back. You said you were having a bad day?”

“Oh, yeah.” Ryan stopped and looked confused, as though he didn’t know how to explain it.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Ryan lay back on his pillow and crossed his hands behind his head. That way every muscle was prominent, and call him shallow, but all Jordan wanted to do was lick every glorious, muscled inch of him.

“A father on the edge committed suicide. He had his little boy with him.” Ryan closed his eyes as if he couldn’t bear to see Jordan’s reaction.

“Is the boy okay?” Jordan had images of the father driving his car off a bridge or something and taking the child with him. Jesus, who did that kind of thing?

“He’s with his mom.”

Jordan let out a sigh of relief. “That’s good, then.”

Ryan still didn’t open his eyes. “Far from good. The dad shot himself, with his son cowering in the snow not twenty feet away.”

Compassion welled inside Jordan. “That poor kid.” Then it hit him. Ryan’s bad day was a hell of a lot worse than Jordan’s. A bad day at Darby Films cost money, but a kid witnessing his dad’s death? That wasn’t a bad day, that was a nightmare.

He moved up and laid his head on Ryan’s chest, tucking his hands underneath him and holding him tight. “Sorry,” he said. Like that could maybe be enough.

Ryan let out a breath and then moved his hands to encourage Jordan to scoot higher until his head tucked under Ryan’s chin. They lay there for a long time holding each other.

“This is what I needed,” Ryan murmured.

Jordan pressed a soft kiss to the nearest inch of skin, a soft punctuation to the sadness in Ryan.

Ryan sighed. “I had this whole speech….”

“About what?”

“…For when you arrived here. About how I know you’re only in town for a few weeks, but I can be your secret for as long as you need me, no strings attached, because I really want you in my bed. And God, I needed a hug, but when I saw you… I lost it.”

That should be the best thing Jordan had heard—but it wasn’t. He was confused, so he said nothing. Which, of course, was the wrong thing to do. Typically, he’d fucked up.

“Or not.” Ryan’s tone was suddenly flat. “We can just call it quits now.”

In a flurry of movement, Jordan rose up and pinned him to the bed. “No, that’s the wrong direction,” he began, then realized he was making absolutely no sense. “I don’t want to have limits on how long this lasts, Ryan. I’d like to think we could get to know each other better, because this is different to a hook-up.”

Ryan blinked up at him. “It is?”

Shit , so Jordan had misread the situation again. Maybe Ryan just wanted the time Jordan was here and wasn’t interested in anything else. “It doesn’t have to be,” he said. “If you don’t want it to?—”

The words were cut off by Ryan kissing him and wrestling him onto his back. “Stop talking. We both need to stop talking,” he announced. “I like you, you like me. Let’s just have sex and worry about the other parts later.”

“Are you okay, though? Do you need to talk? I can listen if you need me.” I want to be needed.

Ryan nodded, his troubled gaze clearing a little. “I will be. I’ll visit and talk to the mom, be a kind of outreach support if she needs it.”

“You’re a good man, Ryan.”

“It’s my job.”

“No, it’s not just your job. I think it’s all you.”

They kissed, and when Jordan pulled back, Ryan was smiling a little and there was heat in his eyes.

“We should start now,” Ryan said with confidence.

“Start what?”

“Sex.”

“Now?”

Ryan kissed him and laughed into the kiss. “I think now is the perfect time.” That was when his stomach rumbled. “But maybe we should eat something first. I have cold cuts and bread and stuff.”

Jordan smiled up at him. “I could go for food.” He couldn’t stop himself from kissing Ryan again, and it was a long time before they made it to the small kitchen.

“I love your place,” Jordan admitted as he cut up thick slices of chicken on his plate.

Ryan snorted. “A living room and a bedroom?”

“You have a microwave.”

“And a Keurig,” Ryan deadpanned.

“And a refrigerator,” Jordan added.

Ryan smiled at that. “I either eat at the office or with Saul in the main kitchen.”

“It’s—” Jordan glanced back at the photos on display, the comfy sofa, the magazines, the color on the walls. “—warm. I feel safe here.” Although that could be because he was with Ryan. They were sitting on opposite sides of the small breakfast bar that separated the kitchen from the sitting room. “You’re close to Saul?”

“Very. He’s a good guy.”

“What about your other brothers?”

“We’re all close—overprotective idiots a lot of the time. I fell out with Eddie a while back after I fucked up, but we’re okay now.”

“How did you fuck up?”

“Long story short, his ex was a psycho, and so I suggested we background-check his new girlfriend, Jenny. Didn’t go down so well. But now it turns out Jenny did a runner on him anyway when he mentioned the L-word and my nephew called her mom. He went and talked to her but she said she needed time to think.”

Jordan felt sympathy. He’d never been in love before, not real, heart-pounding love, but to give your heart to someone only for it to be rejected had to be the worst thing ever. “Poor guy.”

“Yeah. He’s leaving the kids with me on Sunday so he can meet up with her and talk. The kids love her, and I like her, we all like her. But, you know, she’d be taking on a ready-made family. Hard.”

“Very.”

“What about you?” Ryan asked.

“What about me?”

“You’re close to Micah?”

“It’s a twin thing,” Jordan said. “We’re closer than close, which sounds weird now I said it.”

“Do you have any other siblings?”

“None. My mom says that carrying the two of us for nine months was the best form of contraception ever. I know my dad wanted more kids, Mom told us so, but he died very young.”

He immediately regretted bringing that up. Now he’d have to explain how his dad died and how many secrets his family held to themselves.

Ryan had apparently done his googling duties well. “Cancer, I saw that,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

Jordan’s gaze dipped and he shrugged. “That’s life.” Given that Ryan had lost both of his parents, it wasn’t the most diplomatic thing Jordan could have said. “Sorry,” he mumbled at the end.

“So, about being in the closet… you can’t tell me people don’t know. People like Neil Patrick Harris and Matt Bomer, they’re gay and they get parts. Isn’t it okay to be gay now?”

Something twisted sickly inside Jordan, and he pushed it down with a great effort. “I’m not an A-list actor. I’m an ex-child star who leads made-for-TV romance movies—hetero romances. The kind of people who invest in me have ‘standards.’” He air quoted to emphasize the word. “You can’t have an openly gay actor playing the heterosexual lead unless they have the star power for the networks to get enough viewers who don’t care about his sexuality.”

“But you have your own company now. Doesn’t that make it easier?”

Jordan shook his head, chewing on the last of his food and swallowing before answering. “This is year one. We’re selling this movie to the network with the morality issues. Year five is when we’ll film the script I’m writing. When we’re big and successful and don’t have to give a damn.”

“And then you’ll come out of the closet?” Ryan asked.

The question was the usual one that Jordan asked himself every day. People in the industry knew, but it had never become a problem as long as he kept himself under the radar, and that had never been an issue. He’d never met a man who made him want to walk down the road holding hands, or sit in a restaurant and stare stupidly into his lover’s eyes.

Ryan was a first—Jordan’s first. “I guess…,” he said. “One day it won’t be an issue.”

Ryan picked up the plates and cutlery and moved them to one side, and then he leaned over the counter and kissed Jordan. “Your secret is safe with me.”

They kissed lazily, and Jordan’s words spilled out without control. “What if I didn’t want you to keep it secret?”

Ryan looked confused, and then the confusion cleared. “Is that what you want? For someone to out you so you don’t have to do it yourself?”

The question was soft, but there was real purpose in what he was saying. He was cutting right to the center of all the mess in Jordan’s head with those few simple words. “No. Yes… no—fuck.”

Ryan looked at him, no judgment in his expression, nothing but concern and affection. “Come on. I have movies and then bed.”

“No dessert?”

Ryan patted his belly. “Need to stop eating dessert.”

That wasn’t the first time Ryan suggested he needed to watch what he ate, and Jordan couldn’t understand it. He stopped Ryan with a hand to his chest as he moved past. “Why?”

A mix of emotions showed in Ryan’s expression: resignation, laughter, confusion, and Jordan catalogued each one. And then Ryan shrugged as though he had no answer or was uncertain whether Jordan would understand. Then Ryan’s hand went to his belly, just a brief movement, something anyone else might have missed.

In a smooth move, Jordan pushed up the worn T-shirt that Ryan had pulled on, up and over his head, twisting the material so his arms were pinned.

“Stay still,” he said when Ryan attempted to move away. “Look at you,” he said reverently, because that was how Ryan made him feel. “You’re so big.” He stood up on tiptoes and pressed a kiss to the tip of Ryan’s nose, then his lips, and then he nudged him back against the counter where they’d just eaten. Ryan didn’t argue; his expression remained relaxed. “And here—you’re so sexy, the scent here—” He buried his nose against Ryan’s throat and then kissed a trail down to the left nipple before turning his attention to the right. “You have the broadest chest, and I can just lie on you because I know you can take it. And you could probably carry me, couldn’t you?” He looked up and met Ryan’s dark gaze, leaving the question hanging.

“Maybe,” Ryan said, then quirked a smile. “If there was a reward at the end of it.”

“So, back to this.” Jordan traced Ryan’s muscles down to his hipbones and the intriguingly sexy V that led to heaven, and then he pressed the flat of his hand to Ryan’s belly. “All these muscles and then there is this tiny soft part of you,” he said and massaged circles on Ryan’s belly and then lower to catch on the tip of his erect cock with each pass. “I love that you are this huge, sexy, strong man, but only I know you have softness here that I can kiss and nuzzle and rest my head on.”

Jordan hoped to hell he was making this sound sexy. There was nothing like a man who could take him to orgasm, all toppy and hard, and then have a quieter side, a softer part that only Jordan would know about.

Actually, Jordan had never experienced anything like it. Clearly it was a new kink.

“Then,” he continued, skimming past Ryan’s cock, “there are your thighs, like freaking tree trunks. I bet you struggle to find a uniform to fit.” He ran his hands back up those thighs to Ryan’s groin, and he’d clearly pushed him too far.

Ryan wriggled out of the T-shirt prison. In one move he had Jordan in a fireman’s lift, and he deposited him on the bed before pushing the door shut behind him. “Clothes. Off.” He was brooking no argument.

And Jordan was only too happy to comply.

Ryan opened the drawer in the cabinet next to the bed, grabbed condoms and lube and dropped a bunch of them on the bed.

Jordan couldn’t help the snort of laughter despite being so turned on that his cock ached. “We’ve only just… jeez. you’re aware I’m thirty?”

“And like I said,” Ryan teased. “I’m thirty-three, but it’s a long night.”

As Ryan pinned Jordan to the bed, he took the greatest care of him, slicking himself and pushing inside gradually, only stopping when he rocked deep inside and Jordan felt the tension turn to the exquisite fullness he loved.

And then Ryan began to move, leaning over, and kissing as he fucked into Jordan.

And Jordan was lost. He curled up and rested his feet on Ryan’s hips, opening himself wider, wanting more.

Ryan moaned into the kiss. “So hot. You turn me inside out.” He buried his face into Jordan’s neck. “Get yourself off.”

Jordan was happy to comply. His cock was trapped, slick against Ryan’s belly, and he was so close. All it took was his hand tugging at his cock against Ryan’s movements, and he was lost. He closed his eyes and came, feeling the rhythm of Ryan’s thrusts change, become erratic. Then he too was coming, shouting Jordan’s name at completion.

“Fuck….” Ryan groaned into Jordan’s neck; everything felt so right.

So when he’d pulled out and cleaned up and twisted them so that Jordan was on top, sprawled on Ryan in his favorite place, Ryan gathered him close. He pulled up the covers; no words were needed.

And they slept.