Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

Ethan watched Ryan pace the office, which was a feat in itself as it wasn't that big. Ryan was in uniform, in full-on sheriff mode Ethan had only seen on a few occasions. The more Ryan talked about witness relocation, the quieter Adam became.

Adam had shut down, and it was all Ethan's fault. Yes, there had been a breakthrough with his memories, but that didn't excuse just blurting out the names that were etched into his brain. He'd never seen blood leave someone's face so quickly; Adam had gone white and looked like he was going to pass out again. Now he sat in Jay's chair, with his knees drawn up, his body folded into the small area, and his chin resting on his hands. He looked vulnerable. Hell, he was vulnerable, wasn't he? If this was right, if he really was those three people, then he and Justin had seen something, given evidence, and chosen to hide. How bad could it have been, and was Justin out there in the same system?

Or—and Ethan hated to think this—was Justin the reason Adam was in the program? Had Adam seen Justin killed?

The thought of his brother being dead sent shocks of pain through Ethan's heart and he had to try hard to keep control of his emotions. The last thing Adam needed at that moment was for the man he relied upon for safety to lose it like a small child on the floor.

"I'll follow it up, okay." Ryan reassured. "If this is true, if you are this person and you're in witness protection, then someone at the DOJ will know."

Ethan had already got Jen working on it, subtly and quietly, but to hear Ryan say he would get involved as well lightened Ethan's worry a little.

"There's more evidence, though," Ethan said. "We should talk outside," he added.

Ryan stopped pacing and went to open the door, but Adam stopped him with a soft "No."

"This is police stuff, just procedure," Ethan lied.

"Don't lie to me." Adam called him on his bullshit. "What else is there? Do we know what this person, this Jamie, saw to get him shoved away from everything he loved?"

Ethan had no response to that one, and he saw the simmering temper in Adam's eyes alongside the vulnerability. The sensible side of Ethan wanted Adam to channel the anger and not give in to the anxiety. The lover side of him didn't want Adam to experience anything like hurt at all.

"Ethan?" Ryan asked.

"You need to talk direct to Jen, my partner in Missoula. She has information on the names and on other people connected to them."

"Connected how?" Adam asked immediately.

"A tattoo artist, Billy Molan. Does that name mean anything to you?"

Adam frowned. Ethan didn't push him. "It feels familiar. Did he do the tattoos on me?"

"He did."

"Does he know me? Could we talk to him?" Adam dropped his feet to the floor and sat forward in his chair, enthusiasm mixing with the fear.

"He's dead, Adam," Ethan said. He'd considered sugarcoating the mess, but when it came down to it, Adam deserved the truth in his messed-up head.

"How?" Disbelief sketched into Adam's frown.

"He died a couple weeks ago, after your attack in Chicago. And we have two shootings of federal agents at a ranch James worked on in Wyoming."

"You think it's all related?" Ryan asked. His radio crackled but he ignored it.

"I honestly have no idea."

"Leave it with me," Ryan said. "I'll escalate this, talk to your partner, and find out what the hell is going on. Meanwhile, even if nothing red-flags, you should keep an eye on Adam."

"I plan to."

"What about guests?" Jay asked from the door. He, Gabe, and Nate were huddled in the corner as if they were going to be told to leave if they took up too much space. All three looked at Ethan for an answer.

Was the ranch in danger? Were the people working here in danger? What was the point in any of this?

"Until we know anything for sure it's business as normal," Ethan said. "No one knows he's here, not even the hospital have a forwarding address. We'll stay close to the ranch. There's no evidence that Adam is in any kind of danger."

"I don't like it," Nate said.

"Me neither," Adam snapped. "I'm leaving." He stood up, cursing as he unfolded his body, holding the desk with a strong grip using his right hand.

"Where are you going?" Ethan blocked Adam into the space behind the desk.

"Move out of the way," Adam said. There was no anger in him, just a dead expression behind his eyes.

"No," Ethan snapped. "You're not going anywhere."

Adam poked at him, his finger digging into Ethan's chest. "I will not stay somewhere putting people in danger."

Ethan didn't give an inch. "No. You're not leaving until we know what's happening here, until we know for sure who this Jamie is and whether or not?—"

"You know it's me," Adam snapped back.

"You're staying," Nate said. His voice was louder than the fear in Ethan's head.

"Yep, staying," Gabe added.

"And me," Jay said. Everyone looked at Jay, who shrugged. "I didn't know how else to say it."

Adam looked from each man to the next, and his tension slowly eased. "I don't want…"

"You're family," Nate said. "Adam, whatever you saw, whatever happened to you, you will always be family."

Everyone left the office—even Jay, whose space it actually was—and Ethan watched the sheriff's car turn out of the parking lot before he could look at Adam.

"What will he find?" Adam asked from behind him.

Ethan turned to face him, opening his arms to suggest a hug. Adam didn't hesitate; he went straight into Ethan's arms and rested his head on Ethan's shoulder.

"Working on a ranch makes sense," Adam murmured. "And I know I'm Jamie, or James, or whatever he called himself."

"You remember that?"

Adam sighed. "No, I just know." He slipped out of Ethan's hold. "I'm going for a walk."

"I'll come with you."

"I'm okay," Adam reassured him. "I'm sure there's no one out there planning to kill me." If he was trying to make a joke, then it fell flat, and he certainly wasn't smiling.

"I need air," Ethan said, "I'll come." After what he'd been through today, he could do with calming the fuck down. To be on the safe side, he took his weapon from the lockbox in his car. No point in taking chances. Adam stared at him as if he wanted to say something. He didn't, he stayed quiet and remained that way as they walked up the hill to the horses. They stopped by the corral fence and each rested a foot on the bottom rung.

"Hi, Ethan, Adam," Luke called from the stables. He jogged over to them, a broad grin on his face. "You want to ride? Easy needs a run, and I'm beat with Ricky and Diablo."

He looked expectantly to them, and abruptly Ethan wanted normal. He wanted to take out Easy, wanted that connection to the past.

"You up for it?" he asked Adam.

Adam appeared to consider the question for a second. "Lead on," he said.

Luke was chatting away as they walked up to the stables. "So, you feeling okay now?" he asked Adam.

"The head thing?" Adam clarified. "Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks for the help."

Luke shrugged. "It was cool, meant I got to get involved in major drama, and we don't get much of that at Crooked Tree." The smile dropped off his face. "Shit, sorry. I didn't mean that, I mean… I know you disappeared…."

Adam patted him on the shoulder to stop Luke's worry. "It's cool," he copied Luke's tone.

When they reached the stables, Luke immediately split off to Ricky, who was stabled at the back of the barn, and way too fast Adam was face-to-face, or face to muzzle, with Easy.

"What a gorgeous quarter," Adam murmured. He went to stroke, but Easy wrinkled and showed teeth and Adam backed off a little, enough to reassure Easy, but not enough to show him he was backing down. "Hey now, none of that."

Ethan watched the whole thing, a part of him wondering if Easy knew who Adam was. For the longest time it had seemed to him that Easy pined for Justin.

"He was Justin's horse," Ethan said.

Adam scratched above Easy's eyes and ran his hands over him, all the kinds of things a man did to get accustomed to a horse.

"He's a beauty. What is he, fourteen, fifteen?"

Ethan didn't question the calculation; Adam seemed to know his horseflesh. "Yeah, about that. Justin and you got horses at the same time."

"But mine isn't here anymore." Adam wasn't asking a question, merely stating a fact.

"We found Smoke still saddled, his leg broken, when we were tracking you and Justin. Found Easy a way up, tied up to a tree."

"Poor Smoke." Adam buried his face in Easy's mane, snorting a laugh as Easy attempted to push him away.

"Dad euthanized him," Ethan murmured. "Nate and I buried him. Gabe wanted to help, but he couldn't stop crying." The memory was a raw one, and for a second he felt what it must be like for Adam to get back a memory that had been lost. "Your dad, though, fucker—" Ethan stopped.

"What about him?"

"Wanted us to leave him where he was. But there was no fucking way were we doing that."

"My dad was a bastard."

"Cole will tell you that. He didn't have much time for his dad. Your dad."

Silence held them both as Adam fussed over Easy. They were startled when Luke led Diablo past them.

"Whose horse is that again? Jay's, I think you said?"

"Jay isn't over keen on riding," Luke said.

"Understatement," Ethan added. Luke mounted Diablo and disappeared up the trail, and Ethan had to bite the bullet. "You want to ride Easy?"

Adam frowned. "Don't you want to, given he's Justin's horse?"

Yes. No. Fuck if he knew what he wanted. "We'll saddle up Easy, and I'll take Lightning. Gabe won't mind."

Adam didn't need help tacking Easy; he clearly knew what needed to be done as if he'd been doing it all his life. Easy shuddered a little, just to be sure Adam knew he wasn't entirely giving in.

"So, Easy by name but not by nature, huh?" Adam teased, stroking along black-and-white flanks.

Ethan decided giving Adam a new memory wouldn't hurt. "We call him the ranch diva, or I mean, I used to when I was here." Yep, way to go with the long, convoluted fuck-up of a sentence. "Anyway, Justin, he was so good with Easy and I swear, when Justin went, Easy just got ornery."

They finished saddling the mounts and led them out of the stable.

Adam said, "I'm not sure I should be doing this, you know. I want to, but what if it—fuck it." And in a fluid motion, only marked by a curse of pain as he sat in the saddle, he mounted.

Ethan had never seen anything sexier than Adam on a horse. And somehow that was enough to break the tension inside him left over from worrying about seeing Easy. Justin's horse was just one of the things that broke him a little every time he visited Crooked Tree.

"Tell me about him," Adam said.

They'd fallen into a slow walk. Adam sat tall in the saddle, maybe favoring the side with his bruised ribs, but other than that he was good.

"Who?"

"Justin."

"He was all fire and energy. He was born that way," Ethan said. "My dad told me the day Mom had him, she handed him to me. I was two, and I sat with him on my lap, all cozied up with cushions around me so I didn't drop him. There are photos of this, and Dad told me I was saying I didn't want him. That Mom had told me that when he came she would be going away. Of course, I couldn't have known that meant she was dying, but I think losing her wasn't a fair swap for a new baby brother."

"I'm sorry."

Ethan shrugged, allowing Lightning his head and just enjoying the trek up into the woods and the trails beyond. "It is what it is. I didn't know her for long, but I do remember she was a good mom. Or I think she was. Who knows what you remember right."

"Tell me about it," Adam deadpanned.

Ethan smiled over at him, "Yeah, I guess you'd know. But Justin, he was like this annoying brat who stole my stuff, and bugged the hell out of me, but he was my brother, and I was fiercely protective. We did a lot together and talked all the time. I was close to him, but he never changed. He was always a firebrand, and he got into it a lot with Dad when he hit his teens."

"I guess we all did."

"This was different." Lightning shook his head and snorted, which distracted Ethan for a moment.

"Different how?"

"I think Dad suffocated Justin as he grew up. Saw him as fragile, which he sure as hell wasn't. So yeah, they clashed big time."

They fell silent, and it was enough just to be next to each other and to explore more of the ranch. They came to a fork in the path. Left would take them down to the river crossing, right, up to Silver Lake. Ethan had had enough of revisiting past hurts right then. He hadn't been up to the lake since his brother vanished. Despite Lightning pitching a mini fit, Ethan had him heading down the hill, crossing by the boulders, and clambering up the other side; he paused to watch Adam expertly guide Easy the same way.

Adam was grinning when he came to a stop next to Ethan, and Ethan couldn't help himself. Words of love just had a habit of slipping out where Adam was concerned. "I love you," he muttered, aware he sounded like a madman.

Adam's eyes widened, probably at the tone, and he leaned over to kiss Ethan, which was a hundred kinds of awkward and near impossible to accomplish. Somehow their lips met in a soft touch before Adam moved back, wincing.

"C'mon cowboy, let's pick up the pace," Adam said and, with encouragement, Easy quickened the pace.

They made it past the Creek Cabins and up to Ember Bluff. While they couldn't take the horses all the way to the lookout point, they could get high enough and dismounted at a point where they could look down at the ranch, tying off the horses on a low hanging branch.

"I own some of that," Adam murmured, and he sat on the ground cross-legged, even though it clearly took effort for him to get down there. Ethan joined him and they sat in the damp grass, quiet and peaceful.

"I remember sitting here," Adam's words slipped out gently. "When, or with whom, I don't know, but I do remember this."

"Close your eyes," Ethan said.

"You mean my eye," Adam smirked.

Ethan poked him. "Smartass. Close your eye, and don't think I haven't noticed your other eye is looking better."

"Okay, so my eyes are closed. Now what?"

"Nothing. Just don't think at all."

Ethan arranged his jacket and gently eased Adam back to lie cradled in his arms. Adam fussed a little to get comfortable and then sighed into Ethan's embrace. Together they lay with eyes closed, and Ethan tried not to think about a single thing.

But the one thing that kept nudging at him, besides the need to keep Adam close and safe, was that one big thing.

I love this man; he is the other half of my heart.