Chapter Eleven

Levi

I lay there for a long time beside Rolf while he slept. And I did a lot of thinking.

Of course, I knew that I couldn’t be with Rolf long-term, no matter how much I wanted to—no matter what he promised me and himself. It simply wouldn’t work, no matter how nice it was to think about. He was a pure-bred wolf, from a prominent family and he was expected to one day go back home and accept his responsibilities as Alpha of his pack. The last thing in the world that he needed was a Mongrel omega and a Mongrel baby on top of that fucking up his life.

And that was assuming that he might want to take me home with him and raise babies with me. As time went by, I really didn’t think he would. It was far more likely that he’d try to keep me on the side as some dirty little secret. And that would never work for me. I wouldn’t allow it for one thing.

No, I was afraid we were doomed to live our lives apart. I knew that, but it didn’t mean I would ever forget him. I’d probably measure every other man against him for the rest of my life, but I wouldn’t mope around and mourn him. I wouldn’t! I’d never be like poor, old crazy Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights, for example, a book I loved the first time I read it back in high school. Heathcliff roamed the moors after his lover died, moaning out his famous lines to the cruel universe. "Be with me always—take any form—drive me mad!Only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you!"

Way over the top, as far as I was concerned.

While it sounded tormented and romantic and noble and all that, it just wasn’t me. And it sure wasn’t Rolf. He had never even said he loved me. If I, in fact, died and showed up in his life as a ghost or whatever, he’d no doubt throw holy water at me or get an exorcist—assuming those things even existed in his religion. He’d just told me, in fact, that he thought we were “so different” and that he wondered all the time why he couldn’t just walk away.

I mean, if he was really so perfect for me, then why didn’t he simply stay here with me in Valleywood? Because perfect doesn’t mean love always works, that’s why.

When I woke up that next morning after making love to him most of the night, I watched him get dressed and even made him some breakfast. Just toast and eggs, but he seemed to like it. Everything was polite and civilized between us. As he shrugged on his suit jacket, I asked, all casual like, “So what now? Now that the case is over? It is over, right?”

He nodded. “I guess it is. I came here to Valleywood to get evidence on Watusi and his gang so I could get them off the streets. But now that Willie’s dead, I think his little gang will mostly fall apart. I can let the local police deal with the rest of them. I don’t see any of them as any kind of leader. Not like Willie.”

“No, they broke the mold after Willie. And killed the mold-maker.”

He laughed and I smiled, but only a little. No matter how crazy and mean he was, it still felt odd to think that I’d never see Willie again. But Rolf had told me that he was involved in sex trafficking and if he had been, that was pretty monstrous and unforgivable. He’d been headed down the path toward a violent death for years, and he had finally caught up with it.

“I guess you’ll be going back home to New York then. That’s where you’re from, right?”

“It’s where my family lives. And I have an apartment in the city. But first I need to find the money satchel Willie buried. Tell me where he buried it.”

“I told you. I really have no idea,” I said, lying through my teeth. “Ask Willie’s gang members and see if they know where he might have buried it. They probably know his hiding places.”

“All right, I will.”

“And I need to get back to work. My boss is going to fire me if I don’t show up today.”

“But aren’t you still in heat?”

“No,” I said, not looking at him. “My cycle is pretty brief, usually. I’m already mostly out of it.”

I wasn’t lying about that. I was mostly out of it. But I was pretty sure that the briefness of my cycle wasn’t the cause. I thought it was because I was probably pregnant.

How could I be so sure? I wasn’t sure—not yet. But my cycle was extremely regular. Any deviation usually meant something. It was probably too early for morning sickness or any other signs, but I just knew. Like I said, sometimes I knew things, even though I really didn’t want to know them.

The enormity of it hadn’t truly hit me yet, but I sure wouldn’t be the last Mongrel to find themselves pregnant with a wolf’s baby, nor would I be the last. It was fairly common in my neighborhood.

As for what I’d do, I’d work as long as I could, just like always, and then after the baby, I’d go from there. I’d manage one step at a time. I could apply for public assistance, if I had to, and Valleywood had various low-cost daycare options. I wouldn’t ask my gran to keep a baby at her age. I’d just have to make it work on my own. I had no other choice. Maybe at some point in the future, I could contact Rolf, and he could help pay for the daycare. It was the least he could do.

No, that wasn’t fair—he couldn’t do anything if he didn’t know about it, and that would be all on me. I had no intention of telling him, though, or at least not yet. I didn’t want him doing anything for me out of pity or a sense of obligation. I’d tell him I wasn’t pregnant and make him believe it. That would buy me a little time and distance. I started to walk away, and he grabbed my hand.

“Wait… Levi, are you…could you be pregnant?”

I was stunned that he’d read me so easily, but I laughed and tried to play it off. Even to my own ears, it sounded a little false. “No. I’m not pregnant. Don’t be silly.”

“But you were in heat, and we made love anyway. We weren’t careful, and you weren’t on any meds to suppress your heat.”

“I’m only a quarter wolf, remember? That means a quarter omega too. I don’t get pregnant as easily as a pure-bred would.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. I’d tell you if I was pregnant,” I said, lying in his face again.

In the next moment, I knew I’d been right to do that, because he heaved a huge sigh of relief. “Oh, thank the gods. Not that I wouldn’t have taken care of you—I would have. And in the future, if you were to find out you were pregnant, then I’ll meet my obligations. Don’t worry about that.”

“Not worried,” I replied, smiling at him. His obligations? The future? Oh, hell no.

“But, Rolf, I don’t really think we have much future, do we? I mean…you live in New York, and I live here in Valleywood. You’re a pure-bred from a good family and I’m a Mongrel, and my parents weren’t prominent or rich in any way. We’re from two different worlds. Look, we had some fun. Let’s just leave it at that.”

He gave me an odd look. And in his totally Alpha, contrary way, he started an argument.

“Maybe I don’t want to. Maybe I’m not ready for this to be over, just like that. You’re my mate.”

I shrugged, turning away so he couldn’t see my face. Damn it, he needed to just accept this and go. It was hard to argue when my heart was lodged in my throat.

“What future do we have together, though?” I said over my shoulder. “Do you really see yourself taking me home to meet the family?”

“Well… maybe not. But if you’d agree to come with me, I could get you an apartment in New York. We could still see each other.”

“What would I do up there? Besides, I bet it wouldn’t be easy to find an apartment that would take Nugget. And we can still see each other occasionally if you can get a weekend off here or there to come back for a visit. Like you said, I’m still your mate. But this way, there’s no pressure on either of us. You can visit when you can. No pressure.”

“Stop saying that. You don’t believe I’d come back, do you?”

“I’ll plan my days around it.”

That made him angry, and he glared down at me, but I stared steadily back. I only had to stay strong until he left and then I could break down.

“We’ll talk about this later. I’m not leaving for a few days yet. We still have to find that money, anyway. Are you telling me the truth about that, Levi? You seriously have no idea where he buried it?”

“No idea, whatsoever. Cross my heart and hope to die.” I felt a strange little chill run down my back as I said those words and wished I could call them back. Words had power—especially when the person who said them had a bit of magic.

“Okay, I believe you.”

“You do? Um, I mean, good. Because I’m telling you the truth,” I said, crossing my fingers behind my back.

“All right. But from now on, stay away from that neighborhood and any of the gang members that might still be around. They’re a dangerous bunch.”

“I will. But look, Rolf, I hate to rush you, but I need to get ready and go to work now.”

“Okay, I’m leaving. Maybe I can stop by later tonight.”

“Sure, but I’m working late tonight, and then I need to go see about an audition the next day. Maybe the next night.”

“Oh. I see. Okay, then.” He gave me an odd, little look. “Guess I’ll see you when I see you.”

“When are you leaving?”

“Not for a few days. It depends.”

“Depends on what?”

“Oh, various things.” He started to leave and then stopped to pull me close and kiss me again, and I may have held onto him a little too hard. I made myself pull away and smile up at him, and he finally let me go and left the apartment.

I sighed and went to get Nugget’s leash to take him for a walk. I wasn’t really going into work today—another lie. I didn’t think my crossed fingers were enough to compensate for all the ones I’d told that morning.

I still didn’t feel all that well, though, especially now that I felt as if I’d mostly broken up with Rolf. And I needed to find out about any funeral services that Willie was going to have—and Leroy too. I didn’t want to attend any funerals, but it seemed like the right thing to do.

I was still planning on looking through my mother’s books again in case I missed anything. If not, then I supposed I would do the original spell again, but this time, I’d get the correct ingredients. Once I was sure Leroy’s house was cleared by the cops and the cemetery was no longer being watched, I was going to go and get the money satchel and try again to take the curse off it. Then if I was successful, I’d call Rolf to come by and pick the money bag up before he left to go back to New York. He’d be furious, but that would work in my favor, in case he got any ideas about staying or taking me back with him. I didn’t think he would, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

I was depressed though, and I felt sad. I tried to tell myself it was because of Willie and Leroy, but I knew better. It was about Rolf and me and the fact that I’d told him to leave when everything inside me wanted him to stay.

And the fact that he took me up on leaving without much argument.

It was for the best. I knew that. But it still hurt. I think a little part of me hoped—wanted—him to argue more about it and maybe insist I come with him to New York. That didn’t happen.

I sighed and gave myself a mental shake. I had to start getting used to Rolf not being around. And since the full moon was almost here, I couldn’t afford to wait any longer to do the spell and do it right this time.

The night that the full moon finally rolled around, it was cloudy and overcast, with a cold wind blowing. The weatherman had predicted icy rain for later that night, but I couldn’t put it off any longer. I took a shovel and a crowbar and even grabbed Nugget to go out to my boss’s truck that I’d borrowed again for the occasion.

Nugget was along for company, and because just his presence would make me feel safer.

The only thing I still needed was something personal from the one who sent the curse, and that was Ben Bolagi, according to Willie. The satchel hadn’t worked, but I hadn’t thought it would. That meant that I would have to get some hair or nail clippings from the body of Ben Bolagi. As horrible as that sounded, I’d have to do it. And I’d be all alone this time, except for Nugget.

A couple of days had passed since I’d seen Rolf. I didn’t even know if he was still in town, but the full moon was here, and I couldn’t stall any longer. I actually thought about waiting for the next one, to give myself more time, but some odd things had been happening to me lately. I kept dropping things like glassware and dishes, and it was bad enough that my boss had noticed and told me he’d have to start docking my pay soon if it kept up. I hurt my foot just walking through the café kitchen, tripping over thin air and spent the rest of the day hobbling around. When I got home, I discovered that Nugget had decided he was bored and that eating one of my sofa cushions would help him feel better. Then my grandma came over and told me she’d had a terrible headache all day. It had literally been one thing after another, and I was beginning to think the curse had moved on to me. Nothing really bad had happened—or at least it hadn’t yet. But I didn’t want to take any chances that my “bad luck” would get even worse.

After making sure my gran was resting comfortably, I loaded Nugget up around seven that same evening, once it got dark and headed out to the Resurrection Missionary Baptist Church, where the Bolagi’s were buried. As I’d hoped it would be, it was deserted. And spooky as always, even at that hour of the night. I parked the truck and got out holding tightly to Nugget’s leash. He looked around himself with interest, sat down on his haunches and began to howl at the moon. The noise he made was shockingly loud in this dead and silent place and frightening to hear as always. I leaned over to shush him, and after a few minutes I finally got him quiet. A hush fell over the whole place, like its inhabitants were awake and wondering what fresh hell was here to disturb them this time. I got out the shovel and the crowbar and led Nugget through the narrow pathways between the graves.

The cold wind slipped down inside my jacket, and fog curled around my feet as I walked through the still and silent graves. It crept softly behind me as if trying to trip me as I walked along the path and closed behind me right away, leaving no sign of my passage. It was eerily quiet, and so dark that I felt like a character in one of those old fairy tales, where the wicked fairy puts everyone to sleep for a hundred years, and I was the only one left. I pulled my coat closer together over my chest. The darkness didn’t help, and my brain seemed to hate the quiet. Vague shadows, that I saw out of the corner of my eye, were only little "hallucinations" created in the fearful recesses of my mind. Or so I kept telling myself.

It all added to the unease I was already feeling. Nugget walked beside me, and he stayed close by my side, acting as freaked out as I was, his tail tucked firmly between his legs. When we got to the part of the graveyard where the graves of the Bolagi’s were, I could see that Mrs. Bolagi’s grave had been restored to the way it had looked when I’d first seen it and before Willie’s gang had desecrated it. And now I was about to do similar damage to Mr. Bolagi’s grave. It was a wonder they didn’t rise up to strike me.

That horrible thought made me shudder, as I dropped Nugget’s leash, picked up the shovel and grimly got to work. It took me less time than I’d thought it would to dig down and expose the top part of the casket. I was moving as quickly as I could, anxious to get this over with. It was as I’d hoped—there was a hinge on the top part of the coffin, and if I could break the seal, it would allow me to open just that part, where Bolagi’s head was located. I went to work with the crowbar, and muttered a prayer to the gods, thanking them for my Mongrel strength that helped me break the hinge and open the top part of the coffin lid so easily. Almost the second the words were out of my mouth, though, I regretted bringing the gods into this. This night’s work had nothing to do with them in the least.

I pulled open the lid and used my flashlight, shining it down in Bolagi’s face. I saw in the quick glance I gave it that it was gray and sunken, and I shuddered again as I reached out a trembling hand to cut off a small piece of the dead man’s hair.

An owl suddenly hooted from the other side of the graveyard, almost giving me a heart attack and making me jump. It startled me so badly that I rushed to put the lid back down and start piling the dirt back on top of the coffin. It didn’t take too long and then I was running down through the graves and back to the safety of the truck. For once, I didn’t have to pull on Nugget’s leash to get him to come with me. In fact, he was straining ahead and looking back at me, like “Damn boy, what are you waiting for?”

We jumped in the truck, and I had a sudden horror of the engine not starting, but it was just my overactive brain again, taunting me. The truck started up just fine, and I shoved it in gear and raced out of the parking lot as quickly as I dared.

I drove home the same way, hoping I wasn’t going to tempt a cop to pull me over. But luck was with me, and I got home safely. Quickly unloading the truck, I hauled everything upstairs and then fell on the couch in exhaustion, worn out from the adrenalin rush of the past couple of hours. I wanted to go to bed and pull the covers over my head, but I decided to not let the hexing spell wait until morning. I’d just do it and get it over with, and the sooner, the better. It wouldn’t take too long since I had everything at hand to do the spell.

I laid out the things I needed on the floor and prepared the small piece of red cloth. A day or so before, I had a thought that maybe the reason my mother hadn’t written the words to the spell in her book was because it didn’t work too well. I decided to use another method, or maybe a combination of things that seemed good to me. Magic was a very individual thing, after all. I decided to do what seemed right to me.

I scratched Bolagi’s name on the candle and let it burn down to a nub. While it was burning, I made a small mirror box. The mirror-box was a very old type of reversing spell used in Hoodoo traditions to send evil back to its source. The source, in this case was Bolagi, who was the one who had attempted to work the curse. I found a little trinket box among my mother’s things. It was made of cheap, thin wood and held nothing important, so I emptied it out and glued a little piece of a mirror on the inside. By that time the candle had burned down, so I put it in the box along with Bolagi’s piece of hair that I’d wrapped up in the cloth, and the peppery herbs. I sealed the lid of the box with more wax from another candle I had and said these words over it.

“By the power of the gods, I decree and declare that no curse, no weapon, no declaration against me or anyone else shall prosper. I cancel, negate, nullify and destroy every curse fashioned against me and others, regardless of the source or cause, I decree and declare that any weapon or curse fashioned against me shall turn back on the one who sent it. I erase it and its effects. I bind every demon attached to the curse and cast them back to the depths of Hell.

I cross you.”