CHAPTER ELEVEN

LAILAHADENJOYED a couple of more weeks of what she considered a happy, relatively functioning, well-adjusted time with her sons' new family when it all came to an end. Not to mention that her academic paper had been accepted and she had a chance to present it a conference in a few weeks. Everything was going right or everything was going wrong and she didn't know what was what.

She and Sebastian hadn't kissed or touched or...exchanged anything more than a look since her realization. They seemed to have settled into some kind of holding pattern, bracing against the next upcoming turn in their nonrelationship relationship. She knew why she'd pulled back.

While the realization that she loved him only grew stronger, as if planting roots deep within her very soul, it also spurred hope and fear equally. She was afraid she would blurt it all out to him if he so much as he looked at her for too long and she didn't how to build defenses against his reaction.

If he laughed at her, or mocked her...she would fall apart. And she was cowardly enough to know she didn't want to lose his respect, or be seen as pathetic, cowardly enough to continue in this holding pattern, to lie to herself that he was preoccupied with his art.

He'd even fixed his fight with Ani and Alexandros. He'd been communicating more with her about his moods and work habits, though it felt more like ticking off a checklist.

Any hope of continuing in that way in blissful ignorance ended when her mother called demanding to know where Laila had disappeared to for months on end with "her precious grandsons" in tow. Which was laughable because Mama only visited once in six months, given her "busy career," and had only missed Laila when she'd needed petty cash or when she needed to be looked after by the daughter she knew worked damned hard.

She'd had no choice but to tell her that she was with the Skalas family—yes, that Skalas family—because Sebastian Skalas was Nikos and Zayn's father. Too late she had added it was not a good time to visit but it was lost in the furor Mama created at the identity of the boys' father.

She'd resigned herself to paying the price of keeping that explosive information to herself for more than two years in the form of unlimited amount of criticism in the future. She definitely didn't want them to come here and...somehow undercut Laila in an already overwhelming situation. But, of course, the model of chaos had always ruled her life. Why shouldn't it now?

They arrived one gray, drizzly evening, leaving her feeling as rootless and ignored as she always felt around them.

As it had been through her entire childhood and adolescence, Mama and Nadia's arrival caused quite the stir. Not just because they were two extremely beautiful women dressed to the height of sophistication, but because Mama had been a world-renowned actress in the '90s and Nadia was a supermodel, albeit one whose career had barely touched superstardom before spiraling down because she had the worst kind of work ethic. Also, there was not even a hint of resemblance between Laila and them.

She could see the surprise in everyone, probably wondering how Laila could be part of a family of women who looked like that. It was like she'd reverted back to being fifteen and gawky and awkward, her brain far too ahead of her body, wondering what she could do to look like them, how she could transform herself so that she belonged to that nest.

Before her adolescent nightmares could become truly fresh, her sensitive child came to her rescue in his own way. Reacting to Mama's frenetic, frantic energy, Zayn made his way to her, and wrapped his chubby arms around Laila's legs, begging wordlessly for respite.

Laila picked him up, hugging his small body to hers, feeling that sense of peace fall into place, like it always did when she held one of her sons. As long as she had her boys, she needed nothing. It had been her mantra since she'd held them both moments after they were born but now, as she observed Sebastian's smiling reception of her family, that conviction that she didn't need a man in her life stumbled and stuttered.

And even now, it wasn't that she needed Sebastian so much as she wanted him to need her. To want to spend the rest of his life with her. To choose it because he couldn't bear it otherwise. Apparently, her heart was just as romantic and delusional as her half sister, who kept throwing herself at men who didn't value her for anything but her beauty. But she didn't want to walk away from him, either.

Could she live in this weird limbo, then? Could she bear to marry him and live with the little he would give her while her love and her doubts niggled away at her? Would she ever feel confident enough to even admit to him without some guarantee of return?

No, a voice retorted.

She'd never been able to tell Mama that she craved her attention and her affection, or to Nadia that her taunts hurt, that she wanted to be part of them even if she was different. Or even Baba that she was only a teenager who still needed his care, even after Mama broke his heart.

God, she was a coward.

She gritted her teeth, as if to brace herself against the unbidden thoughts. Zayn cried out at the sudden stiffness of her hold, and she forced herself to relax her arms, cooing wordlessly into his temple, muttering sorry.

Sebastian was at her side instantly, his brow furrowed, as he tried to not crowd Zayn. "Laila, are you—"

"I'm fine," she said, without meeting Sebastian's eyes.

He moved closer, his broad frame shielding her from the prying eyes. "You're not happy to see them," he said, a thread of dismay in his statement.

She pursed her lips, unable to force even a parody of smile. "They are just a...lot."

"I will send them away, then," he said, rubbing his finger over her chin, in an almost tentative gesture that raised her shocked gaze to him. As if he thought she might...push him away.

"No," she said, looking into his deep gray gaze and swallowing. God, the drama that would cause... She needed to stop being a coward. "They are family. And family is everything, isn't it?" she whispered.

He searched her gaze for a few moments, and then turned. His welcome words to Mama and Nadia told her he was that Sebastian again, the one she didn't want. She gingerly brought Zayn down to the floor, who instantly ran off to play with Annika, right as she was engulfed in her mother's perfume and her sister's air kisses.

Mama thanked Sebastian with the effusiveness that seemed to grow out of proportion for a man who'd simply slept with Laila—or in proportion with the Skalas name, for his gracious invitation to the villa Skalas, when her own daughter had conveniently omitted them from her good news.

Sebastian had invited them here, then. That explained his dismay.

Why, though?

"Laila has been looking lost these last few weeks. I thought seeing her family might help. And I was eager to meet her family," Sebastian replied, ever the charmer, though his gaze sought hers.

Pasting a smile to her lips, Laila looked away. For the first time since she had arrived at the villa, she wished the Skalas family wasn't all present in force. But, of course, they were curious to meet her family and clearly shocked at what she'd hidden.

She introduced Sebastian to Nadia, who demanded it with that usual diva flourish of hers, and wondered if her retinas could be damaged in the face of the radiant smile Nadia threw at Sebastian. She could sense her sister's growing interest as clearly as she could hear her own thudding pulse. Nadia shook his hand, asked after a common acquaintance and had him pealing in laughter within seconds. Nadia, who knew all about art, and high culture and fashion and business and celebrity... everything about the world Sebastian dwelled in and Laila knew nothing about, nor was interested in.

God, what was wrong with her? She'd never been jealous of her sister even as a pimply, gawky teenager. All she'd ever wanted was not to be so different from them, to belong. She wasn't going to do this to herself now, just because she was in love with him. Although, saying that to herself didn't take away sticky, ugly jealousy that consumed her.

"This is quite the pairing, no? Like a comical, reverse retelling of a particular fairy tale," Nadia said, guffawing at her own cheap joke that couldn't quite hide her upset at her sister's sudden bout of good fortune, both in looks and riches of the man she'd"landed." Her half sister had never quite learned to hide her pettiness. "The charming, gorgeous playboy Sebastian Skalas..."

A full-body cringe took hold of Laila as her meaning sunk. Embarrassment choked her throat as she whispered, "Nadia..."

"And our clever little numbers freak Laila Jaafri. If I didn't know your chances of succeeding were quite low and that you know next to nothing about seduction, I would've said you targeted him on purpose, Laila." She added a tinkling laugh as if to take the sting out of the words, which had never really worked and didn't now. "I mean, how else would you have met a man like him?"

Laila froze, no response rising to her lips. The hurried exit of Nikos and Zayn from the room with the ever-watchful Paloma at that exact moment meant everyone heard Nadia's comment, and her incapability to offer a token protest made it land like truth usually did—with unassailable certainty.

Alexandros and Thea stiffened. Even Annika's gaze widened as it found hers. She'd never told even her friend how she and Sebastian had met. For a weak, vulnerable moment, Laila found herself hoping Sebastian would come to her rescue.

"Oh, my God, you did target him," Nadia said with genuine shock, then considered Laila with a calculating glint.

"Fine, I did. But not for the horrible reason I see in your eyes. Not for his wealth, or his power or his...good looks," Laila bit out through gritted teeth, having had enough. Not for her sister's or Mama's sake or for her new family's sake. For her own sake. "I did it to protect Guido. Because Sebastian was..."

"Guido?" Mama and Alexandros said at the same time. His gaze swung to Sebastian and something dawned in his eyes.

"What does this have to do with that useless old goat?" Mama demanded.

Laila's gaze inexorably went to Sebastian's, even as she automatically, like a thousand times before, said to her mother, "Guido is family to me. Mama."

"You don't have to cover up my sins, pethi mou," Sebastian said, holding her gaze from across the room, his words smooth and yet, somehow to her ears, full of tension. "Or protect me from the world."

He chuckled and it sounded so...so broken that Laila wanted to banish the entire world and go to him.

"I promised to protect you, not the other way around. Though, it is clear, I failed at that, too," he said, casting a glance at her family.

But Laila was loath to speak of what he had done, loath to betray what belonged to them to the whole damned world. Suddenly, she was glad of his mask in front of her family, even with his own, and most of the world. Because the real Sebastian, he was hers. His sins and his wounds and his real laughter, they were all hers and she would not share him with anyone. "How we met is no one's business," she finally said,

"Did you get pregnant on purpose, too?" Nadia asked, as if she'd rehearsed her lines. "That's quite the diabolical—"

"That's enough, Nadia," Laila said, disgust more than anger coming to her aid. How had she always let Nadia get away with this? Why had she tried to maintain a relationship that was all work on her part and insults on her sister's?

"Behave yourself, Nadia," Mama broke in, always a little late with her warning and little too indulgent of her eldest's disgraceful behavior. "It is of no consequence how it happened. The boys belong to this family and that's that."

No one could miss the satisfaction in her voice at that statement. Before Laila could interrupt, her mother continued, "Imagine our shock when Laila told us where she and the boys were, and with whom," Mama said to fill the awkward silence, waving her manicured hands about in that way of hers, looking elegant in a blush pink cream pantsuit that draped perfectly over her tall, statuesque figure. "Three years, she hid the identity of the father. Only that... Guido knew."

Out of the periphery of her vision, Laila saw Sebastian's head jerk up at that.

"You never asked me," Laila said.

"Of course I did. Many, many times," Mama said, making a liar out of Laila. "And honestly, I don't understand why you were so adamant about doing it all by yourself when you could have had this from the beginning. It's that middle-class mentality you inherited from your father."

"If wanting to stand on my own two feet, and wanting to have control over my life is middle class, then so be it. And please, don't bring Baba into this."

Mama turned to face Sebastian, a shrewd glint in her eyes, as if Laila hadn't even spoken. "I hope you're making financial settlements for my grandsons, Mr. Skalas. They deserve a cut of all this."

Laila's gaze found the floor, wishing it would open up and swallow her whole.

"Of course, Mrs. Syed," Sebastian replied as if it weren't the crassest question he had ever had to face.

"And make arrangements to clear Laila's debts, too, I hope? My daughter has quite the clever brain for numbers and patterns and models but none when it comes to finances. She has a mountain of debts because she insists on keeping her father's old house with its massive archives instead of—"

"That's enough, Mama," Laila said, a lifetime's worth of ache and anger bursting through. As much as Mama and Nadia had had very little actual time for Nikos and Zayn, she had tried. God, she had tried so hard to make them a part of her life because her sons deserved to know their grandmother and their aunt. But not at the cost of hearing them belittle their mother.

It had been stupid of her to think anything would change, after all these years. She was the one who had to change, the one who had to find the courage to let go of foolish hopes. Even if it hurt.

Her mother looked as if Laila had struck her.

"Don't take that tone with me, Laila."

"If it's the only one you'll hear, I have no choice." She tilted her chin up and addressed them both. "You didn't come to see the boys until they were three months old. You criticize everything I do as a parent. All my life, you've never spoken one loving word to me, and you drove Baba to his death with your constant demands and criticism. And now you stand there, revealing our family's secrets, without even checking how I'm doing. You talk about Baba's research of a lifetime as some dirty secret you can't wait to throw into the garbage. I'm so done with you." She pulled in a big breath even as her throat felt like it was full of thorns. "Sebastian has no duty toward clearing our family's debts—most of which you and Nadia accrued by living far above your means. I'll not take a single euro from him or his family and neither of you will you get your hands on anything unless you plan to...rob your own grandsons blind."

"You have changed," Nadia said softly, angry splotches on her impossibly high cheeks, as if she was discovering only now that Laila wasn't kidding. Laila felt her gaze on her body like some kind of laser pointer searching for a weak spot. And right now, she felt like she was covered in holes and wounds she'd rather bare in front of a predator than her sister. "Maybe because you think you have all this?"

"Enough, Nadia," Laila said, tears prickling behind her eyes as they always did when she fought with her sister, when she realized all her childhood dreams of belonging to a loving family would remain just that. God, but not anymore. She had people who respected her, liked her, she had someone like Sebastian in her corner, and that filled her with the courage she'd always lacked. "Having all this, for me, means knowing that I don't have to worry about food and shelter and education for Nikos and Zayn. Your debts and Mama's debts would've ruined their lives. And yes, I get to wear a few new clothes and a fancy hairstyle and new makeup bought with his money. So what if I get to enjoy a few nice expensive things that have never been within my reach because you and Mama leached every last little bit out of Baba? I find no shame in accepting what Sebastian spends on me when it brings him pleasure. I find no shame in depending on him when he wants the best for our family."

"You're nothing but his sons' mother, Laila. Don't go pinning all your hopes on him," Nadia mock whispered, making sure everyone heard her.

Laila turned away. Why was it so much worse to hear your own worst fears in someone else's words? "You need to leave."

"Sebastian would marry her today if she agreed," Annika said, from across the room, forever riding to Laila's rescue, her dear, lovely friend.

Sebastian straightened from across the room and Laila shook her head to warn him off. She could see a vein ticking away in his jaw, the violent emotions swirling beneath the calm gray. This...ugly showdown with her family was long due and she had to be the one to do it.

Laila could see Nadia's shock, her mother's excitement before her sister reverted to her default setting of petty cruelty. "But you haven't accepted, have you?" Each step Nadia took toward her resonated with her heart's thud-thud. "Our dear Laila always has high standards. But that's not it this time, huh? Even you, with your head buried in numbers, must know what a prize you have landed."

"He's a man, not cattle," Laila said through gritted teeth.

"You will ruin this good fortune, just like your papa and...no, this is something else..." Nadia's stunning brown eyes widened. "You're in love with him." A tinkling laugh followed her declaration. "Oh...poor Laila. Of course you have fallen in love. But you should know that a man like that is never going to love you."

That soft gray gaze found hers in the sea of embarrassment and pain threatening to drown her and Laila didn't flinch or look away this time. She held Sebastian's gaze, marveling at the emotion beating in her chest as if it were a life unto itself, and tilted her chin up.

She would not shy away from him, now. But for once, she could not read him, either, as if he had pulled a curtain down to shut her out, too.

For all the shame she had felt all her life that she was different, all the shame she'd been made to feel by two women who should have loved her and protected her, for all the shame she'd felt that Sebastian would see how little she mattered to her own family, Nadia's petty declaration in front of everyone didn't cause that prickly emotion.

There was no shame in the fact that she had fallen in love with Sebastian. No wrong, no na?veté, no foolishness and definitely no logic to it.

But she only felt strong in her love, changed by meeting this man who had worked so hard to hold on to his true self, despite everything he'd faced as a child, no less. She'd been fortunate enough to know and love her father, to know and adore Guido, and now she was glad she had met Sebastian, even if it was through nefarious means, that she had borne his sons. That she would always love him for all the freedom he had pushed her to enjoy, whatever the future held for him.

The ache of not knowing how he felt would come soon enough, but for now, loving him was a strength holding her up.

She'd always been naive when it came to her mother and sister, forever hoping that they would change, but she wasn't stupid. And wherever she and Sebastian fell in the scheme of things, she had enough faith in him that he would always stand with her and their sons, against the entire damned world if needed.

Laila straightened her shoulders, wondering if that little spark of fire within her that was her love had changed how she looked, too. She poked her finger into Nadia's bony chest hard enough that her sister startled. "You aren't even clever enough to get on my good side knowing I could help you this time, no? Get out of my life, Nadia, and please, stay gone. Next time you decide to pay a visit, I'll have Annika call the police on you. Believe me, she's bloodthirsty enough to take you on even if I weaken."

Then she looked at her mother, who appeared pale and wan under her tan skin. Maybe finally realizing the magnitude of her errors. Or not.

"If you want to be a part of your grandsons' life, come back without her. And ask for my forgiveness. Then, maybe, I'll consider it, only because Baba taught me that love is more important than anything else."

Laila didn't wait to see how her words landed. Her throat burned like it had when she'd had the flu and she could barely swallow past the hurt sitting there. But at least, it was done.