Main Master

“ D eep breath.” Snap. “That’s it. You’re doing fantastic, Elec. Lift your left hand for me.”

I winced, groggily feeling my arm raise even though I could barely process the command.

“Perfect.” Another snap. Two. Three. Back to two snaps. I blinked Mistress Two’s face in clear. A blood splattered face. One that appeared almost uncertain. Chunks of bloody strands of hair swayed as her head cocked to take me in. “I shouldn’t accept this as a session, Elec, but we’ve come so far. I truly think we’re making great progress.”

“Yeah?” I cleared my throat, going to pull at my tie but it was almost undone. And my shirt. Fuck. Missing buttons. It was hanging open, exposing my chest. Hot. I was so fucking hot. I was covered in sweat.

“I’m really proud of you, Elec. Just to touch back on our session, you admitted to distancing yourself from June and Rhett tonight. You didn’t want to, but you know how important it is to let them have their space as newlyweds.”

“What?” I tried swallowing past the dryness in my throat. “What about June?” My lips twisted at the name and an internal tugging had me shaking my head for reasons I wasn’t even sure of. The room blurred as I tried to blink it in clear.

“You were telling me how you’ve decided to give them space. I’m proud of you. You’re doing the right thing. A needs to be focused on his duties. June’s a distraction, and you see that now.”

June…space? Had I been thinking that lately? Maybe they did need space.

“Oh. Yeah. …Right.” I shifted, glancing around the empty room we were sitting in. Cement walls. Cement floor. One bed, and we were on opposite ends of it. “We’re by slave quarters.”

Melissa blinked, pausing as she stared at me.

“Yes. Are you feeling okay? I shouldn’t have taken you under with how drunk you were. The session was…a bit rocky. Do you not remember agreeing to have your session now instead of this morning?”

“I…” I sat straighter, adjusting my shoulders. “Of course I remember. I wanted to get it over with. I just, I need a moment.” My gaze lowered from the blood to the tear in her dress. The drooping silk was barely holding on at her shoulder. One small tug and her breast would be showing. Had the tear been there before?

No.

My gaze lowered to her exposed thigh.

Higher.

The tear was torn higher now? What was real? What was right? I was so damn foggy, I could barely remember our conversation in the hallway. I could barely recall her appearance.

“Elec?”

My stare lifted, only holding her eyes for a moment.

“Did I do that to you? To your dress?”

The silence had me meeting her eyes. My stomach instantly knotted, and I swallowed past the lump that nearly closed my throat.

“Melissa, I’ve attacked you before. A long time ago, but still. I need to know. Did I do that to you?”

“It’s my fault. It’s why we have protocols. I shouldn’t have put you under with as intoxicated as you were. I’m full of faults lately. Braddock, now this.”

“Braddock,” I mumbled, dismissing the information that flooded back through at the mention. “What happened? Did I hurt you?”

“No, of course not. You just…” She stopped, adjusting on the bed. “You just reached for me while you were under. You’re usually not active anymore. It caught me by surprise. You grabbed for me, and I jerked back. You were upset.”

“You’re sure I didn’t hurt you?”

She forced a smile. “I’m positive.”

“What was I upset about?”

“Vivia. You started with the two of you in her room again. We didn’t get far before you got angry at her rejection. I was too close.”

With every word, I stiffened even more. It was bad enough having the memories, but worse knowing I wasn’t the only one who knew about them.

“Did I kill her? Did I get to that part?”

Melissa’s eyes softened sadly.

“You never do. You know that.”

I stood, not able to stop myself from fisting my hands at my sides. “Because I didn’t kill her. She’s out there. She’s alive.”

“Elec.” Melissa stood, joining me. “She’s not. I wish she was, but we both know what happened that day. She ran, just like she always did, and you found her at your secret spot. She admitted she wanted the relationship between the two of you to end. With the loss of the baby, there was nothing keeping the two of you together. She was done.” She paused. “Maybe there was someone else. You seemed to think so in your session.”

“What? No…I mean...No.”

“But you said. And…” she gestured down at her dress.

More sweat began to bead my skin as I let my gaze drop to the ground. “That can’t be right. There was no one else. I would have known. I would have saw.”

“Are you sure? You were a kid. Barely even a man. And there were men you were always suspicious of. Your cousin?—"

“ I would have known . I told you about Bram. He wasn’t interested . Vivia may have rejected me, but it wasn’t because of someone else. She knew my path wasn’t going to be a good one. Our families didn’t get along. Her father was going to send her away if she kept seeing me.”

“But he didn’t because she ended the relationship. Elec…” Melissa let out a sigh, coming to stand before me. Hands took mine and seconds passed before I met her stare. Only when I did did she continue. “I know how much you hurt, but you’re never going to heal until you accept this. You killed Vivia. The body wasn’t identifiable, but the DNA was. You’ve ran the test more than once. It was her. It’s her . Please. You have to believe what I say. You’re a man of science. What does the science tell you? Think. Accept.”

A deep sound of heartbreak and fury left me. All I wanted to do was rip my hands free from Melissa’s but the student, the friend in me, couldn’t continue to take my anger out on her. She was all alone here and overwhelmed. She needed me. She. Needed. Me. Her. Not the woman I killed. And I must have. I just couldn’t…wouldn’t…But I did. God, what was wrong with me?

“You’re right. I have to stop this. I killed her. The evidence is real. I killed her.”

She nodded, and I held in the ‘but’ that wanted to argue against the outrageous claim. Did I truly kill the woman I loved? That I adored? The evidence was clear. Yes. My mind knew, but my heart refused to believe.

“Thank you for taking care of the session on short notice. You probably want to retrieve your slave.” My gaze drifted to the exposed skin showing from the torn neckline. “I’m sorry again for…grabbing at you. If I hurt you, I apologize.”

Stepping back, thoughts flooded my mind. So did questions. So did suspicions and accusations. Rage and fogginess suffocated each other out as I took in the smeared blood on the bed. It was light in areas. Barely even there with how dried on her it was. I headed for the door leaving me exhausted and blank. All but for one name. Braddock. Yes, my friend. I paused as I recalled pieces of what Melissa had told me. I took another step, not able to ignore the scratching against my sanity. Against rationality. He was acting different. Forgetting time just like me. Wrong. Something was fucking wrong.

“Melissa.” I turned, sweeping over her soft face before keeping my stare around her neck. I stole a glance, trying to weed through the multiple faucets of possibility.

“Yes?”

I met her stare.

“Do you have any regrets choosing me for this position?”

Her head drew back in surprise.

“Regrets? You’re joking.” At my look, she still appeared astounded. “Absolutely not. My decision has never wavered. Not once. You know I would tell you if that were the case. You were meant to be the . I’ve trained you. You couldn’t be any more perfect.”

I nodded, feeling her answer was truthful. My shoulders drew in the smallest amount, perplexed as she tilted her head to try to get me to look at her.

“Elec, what’s wrong? Something is bothering you.”

She slowly closed the distance between us. The clicking of her heals triggered more anger, but I couldn’t begin to understand why I was so affected by the sound. And not just tonight. Every time. Every single time I heard her approach, the explosive feeling in my chest only grew.

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s something.” She slowed. “Maybe I can help? Is it June? Are you sad about giving her and her husband space? I know you want her to be Vivia. June helps you. She reminds you of the woman you loved.”

I took in the sincerity on Melissa’s plain face. She wasn’t unattractive, but she wasn’t typically my type. She seemed to care for me, even if somewhere deep down I couldn’t stand it. But what I saw wasn’t real. Not the emotion. Not the concern. Nothing was. Around and around, I kept going. Real. Fake. Friend. Enemy. Which was it? None? All?

“You have to talk to me, Elec. Is it June? Vivia? How you feel for the two of them? June can’t be Vivia no matter how much you want her to.”

What could only have been a laugh left me. It was more of a huff of air, but perhaps it held a tinge of comical disbelief.

“Hearing you say that. It’s amazing how much of a wall my anger puts up. Had you been anyone else, I would have taken your tongue for even saying their name in the same sentence. But it’s true. You’re right. She reminds me of Vivia. And I want—no, I need that .” She went to speak, but my hand lifted as a rush of levelheadedness surfaced. “You lied to me.”

“Lied? Elec, I didn’t?—?”

“I know for a fact leaving June alone wasn’t my idea.” She squared her shoulders, her face tightening as I took a quick glance at her narrowing lids. “Thank you for trying to help me, but I’ve told you more than once… no thanks . You’re trying to do what is best for me. Don’t. Stay out of that part of my life.” I met her eyes dead-on. “I won’t tell you again. Vivia, fine. That’s a requirement for therapy. It’s my past, and it’s horrific; I get it. What I do in the present is my business. I’m not breaking any rule or law in the Gardens, and I have everything under control. That means you can’t interfere.” I took a deep breath, composing myself so I didn’t give too much away. “You want to be my friend? You need to support my decisions. You don’t have to agree with them. Just…let me figure this out on my own. Allow me some space to work through,” I paused, throwing her a sad look that made me want to snarl, “acceptance at killing Vivia. You did that. You’re helping me see what I’ve done, and I’m thankful to you. Grateful . But a part of me might need June, even if you don’t understand or agree with why. If I decide to pursue her, that’s my business. You say you miss being friends.” I took a step back. “I need you to start acting like it.”