13. Lea

Chapter thirteen

Lea

K ai’s gentle voice starts to trickle into my foggy mind, but when I feel his hand land on my hip, squeezing tightly, his voice grows more strained, and his words come out more quickly.

“Mom, you’re okay. I promise,” he tells her.

I should sit up so he knows I’m awake. This is none of my business.

I can’t make out what his mom is saying, but his body tenses beneath my head with every passing word.

“I know,” he says, lowering his voice. “I believe you, Mom. I really do. No, no, you are not crazy,” he tells her. “Of course, yes. You’ve been saying he is for a while now, Mom, but you can’t let anyone else know that, okay? Promise me you won’t tell anyone else.”

He releases a long sigh. “I’m going to come see you soon, alright? We’ll get it all sorted out. For now, lay low and don’t try to contact him again.”

Kai’s grip on my thigh doesn’t relent as the conversation continues, his voice ranging from shrill and panicked to quiet, firm, reassuring. I can’t even begin to imagine what they’re talking about that has his emotions so all over the place.

“I love you, too, Mom,” he tells her, hanging up the phone and dropping it in his lap.

I hear the moment his head hits the back of the worn-out sofa and feel his abs graze my cheek with the long breath he releases.

My eyes flutter open, and I take in his tight lips and clenched-shut eyes. The moment they open and land on me, his nostrils flare.

“How much of that did you hear?” he asks.

“Enough to know you’re upset, but not enough to know about what,” I admit, my voice small.

He closes his eyes again, sucking in a deep breath, but instead of getting upset with me, his eyes soften when they open. He traces circles along my hip with his fingertip, and the way his cheeks deflate has my heart cramping.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” I ask, not hopeful that he will.

Silence drags between us for several long minutes. Kai closes his eyes, and I can feel some of the anxiety leaching from his body as he draws in a breath through his nose and sighs it out through his mouth.

“My mom has schizophrenia, and she’s really bad about staying on her medication. She was calling to tell me that she got into a spat with her neighbors, and they told her she was crazy because she thinks Mel Gibson is speaking to her through the TV.”

I sit up, adjusting myself so my legs are in his lap and I’m curled into his side. “I’m sorry, Kai. I had no idea,” I tell him. I knew she struggled with her mental health, but my parents never told me more than that, and it didn’t feel right to pry it out of Kai growing up . “Why didn’t you tell her he’s not trying to talk to her?”

He shakes his head, dragging a hand over his face. “I can’t, Lea. When people make jokes about being ‘delusional’, I don’t find it funny, and this is exactly why.” My neck flushes, and nausea starts to settle into my gut. I have been one of those people, but I won’t be going forward, that’s for sure. “My mom is actually experiencing delusions and psychosis, and people are out here thinking it’s some cute personality trait, but to my mom, she has no fucking clue these things aren’t really happening, and telling her differently isn’t going to change her version of reality.”

Kai chews on his lower lip, taking a moment before continuing. “Because for her, these things are very real, and simply telling her it isn’t will just agitate her further. It makes her feel like I’ve turned against her or that someone’s pretending to be me.”

“I’m sorry, Kai. I can’t imagine how stressful that is for you. I admittedly don’t know a lot about schizophrenia, but I appreciate you explaining that, and I apologize for ever using the term ‘delusional’ in the incorrect context.”

He stops worrying his lip long enough to face me. Kai presses his forehead against mine, closing his eyes. I wrap my arms around his neck from where I am at his side and apply pressure to one of his earlobes, rolling it between my thumb and forefinger. He groans quietly; some of his stress unfurls from his body.

“Thank you, angel.” He breathes quietly, his forehead still pressed to mine. “I’m sorry too,” he whispers after another moment.

I pull back from him, my brows drawn together in confusion. “What for?”

His handsome face bears a look of regret, and his tired eyes tug at my heartstrings.

“When you were moving in and you heard me telling Liam I didn’t want you here, it isn’t what you think,” he says. “I was trying to protect you, and honestly, I was—” He scrapes a hand down his face before meeting my eyes again. “I was embarrassed, Lea.”

“I’m confused. Embarrassed about what?” What the hell is he talking about?

“It’s not just my mom. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia during my first year in the AHL after a particularly stressful first season. Stress can be the thing that triggers psychosis, and thanks to Liam, it didn’t ruin my future. He knows about my mom, so he got me the help I needed the moment he realized what was happening.” My heart swells in appreciation for my brother and his overwhelmingly kind soul. “I’d always worried I’d end up like her, so I didn’t handle the diagnosis well at first. Hell, I still don’t handle it great, and every goddamn day I worry I’ve forgotten to take my meds. I recount the pills over and over throughout the day just to be sure I really did. I tried a pill dispenser, but then I just got worried I’d be busy and accidentally take the wrong day's meds and mess it all up.”

His admission settles in my gut, and my abdomen clenches around it.

I run my hand down his chest, wrapping it around him to squeeze him tightly to me. I don’t think there’s much I can say that’ll make him feel better, so I opt for comforting him the only way I know how.

We sit in silence, his arms wrapping around me, clutching me tightly to him.

It’s surprisingly nice.

Until the shrill of my ringer cuts through the silence as the movie credits roll by on the screen.

“It’s Liam,” I tell Kai, swiping the lock screen and answering the call as I disentangle myself from him.

“Hey, Liam, how’s Philly?” I ask, trying to keep my voice even.

“It’s good! The team is great. Everyone’s been really nice so far too. But I wanted to talk to you about our plans for Christmas…” He trails off, and I already know I’m not going to like what he has to say.

“Go on, hit me with it,” I say.

He releases a loud sigh. “We’re playing in Vancouver on the twenty-third, and since most of the guys on the team are married, they’ve decided to bring their wives and kids to spend the holidays there. They asked if I’d wanna tag along, and usually, I wouldn’t, but it sounds like fun, and you know I’ve always wanted to visit Vancouver for more than a game night,” he says, practically whining as he does.

“What about Mom and Dad?”

I feel Kai’s calloused hand rub along my inner thigh, distracting me for a split second. I smack his hand away, suddenly afraid things between us have become a little too friendly.

“They’re both working, Lea. Between finding a new apartment and the move, I haven’t been able to send them any money yet, so they need the holiday pay.”

My heart sinks to my toes. “Yeah, okay. You should have fun then.”

“You sure?”

“Definitely,” I say, mustering as much confidence into the word as I can. “Send me tons of pictures.”

He chuckles. “I’ll try to find a ‘Lea’ keychain that spells it correctly for you.”

“Deal.”

“Alright, sis. I’ve gotta go. We’ve got a game tonight, but I just wanted to run this by you. Love you.”

“I love you too. Have a good game. I’ll be watching.”

“Thanks, Lea,” he says before hanging up.

Kai grabs the remote, swapping back to cable and cueing up the TV for the Philly Scarlets game. Warm-ups should be starting soon.

“Sorry to hear he won’t be here for Christmas. I know it’s your favorite holiday,” Kai says, drawing my attention to him.

Butterflies swarm my stomach at the gravity of his words. He knows it’s my favorite?

I push the thought away. I’ve known him my whole life. Of course he knows it’s my favorite holiday.

“It’s fine. I’ll just read and watch movies.”

He nods, looking unconvinced, and turns his attention back to the TV.

We sit beside each other the rest of the night, not touching again as we watch the game.

The Scarlets win, and when it’s over, we head to bed.