Chapter 5

5

A manda

I was out with my favorite cousin and best friend when Ronnie, one of the bartenders at The Black Diamond , sent me a video of some dancers getting paid off my baby daddy. Normally, I wouldn’t care, but I didn’t like one of them hos, and I wasn’t about to let him help her pay her bills. She called herself The Beast because of her dancing skills; however, the name worked for her ugly ass face too. I’d give it to her, though; her body was bad as hell. That body was the reason a lot of niggas would get drunk until her face didn’t look like theirs.

Since my girls and I were just a block away, I decided to pull up on them. By the time we arrived, the girls were down to their skin, and their VIP section was covered in bills… none of which were less than a twenty. That was what I loved about Elias. When he came through, he made sure the girls left with more than enough.

At the sight of me, he grinned as his legs opened and closed. Lowering myself to his ear, I asked, “If you wanted a dance, why didn’t you call me?”

Elias’s hands slid up the back of my thighs up to my ass. “I was trying to give you a break.”

“C’mere,” I commanded, lifting him from his seat with a gentle tug on his hand.

“We wanna see too,” West said with a smile, and that was only to get under Elias’s skin. He’d always been respectful and never looked my way when I used to dance. David and a few more of their friends were a different story.

“You want to bless your boys with me?” I asked, gripping his hardened dick.

“Hell nah. You know I never liked to share.”

That was true. Though he respected who I was and what I did, Elias was possessive as hell when we were together. He let me dance and make my money, but if he ever felt like something more was going on, he gave me hell. My guilt used to make me try to find any way possible to shift the blame onto him, but Elias had every reason to believe I was up to no good while at work because, a lot of times, I was.

My smile was comfortable as I led him out of their section. The Beast glared at me so hard I felt her eyes on me, but when I looked in her direction, she turned away. It didn’t take long for me to secure a private room for us with the boss, and when we were finally alone, Elias pulled me into his arms.

“I missed you,” he said, lowering his hands to my ass.

“Did you miss me or my pussy?”

“Both.”

With a quiet chuckle, I gently pushed him away. Unlike the club, the private rooms were brightly lit and decorated like small sitting rooms. Each room had a pole and sofa that doubled as a bed. We used to have guards on both ends of the floor, but they were gone now, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. It seemed like the boss was getting laxed and less concerned about the treatment of his girls behind closed doors. Aside from me making seven figures, I also quit for my safety and health. Every time I came through these days, I was reminded that I made the right decision.

Though I loved stripping and dancing in general, nothing could make me come back to the club. Between my classes, online and in person, my dance team, and the workshops I did for women who wanted to learn from one of the best in Rose Valley Hills, that itch was scratched on the regular.

After sitting Elias down in the center of the cream sofa, I walked over to the entertainment section to cut on some music. There were several different kinds of playlists automatically cued on the Bluetooth speaker, courtesy of the DJ. I settled on the one labeled Old School Sexy, and the first song to play was “Inside My Love.” It wasn’t something I would have danced to at the club, but it was perfect for Elias.

I turned into a different version of myself when I danced for him. I didn’t want to just create a fantasy for him or empty his pockets; I wanted to satisfy him and leave him craving no one but me. A combination of pole and floorwork had his mouth slightly open as he sat on the edge of his seat watching me. A lot of dancers loved working the pole, but floorwork was my favorite. It allowed me to tease men more. It allowed me to pleasure myself more.

As I alternated between winding my hips, thrusting forward, and patting my pussy, I gripped my neck. My pussy was soaking wet at that point, and there was no doubt in my mind I could make Elias give me that dick if I wanted him to. Standing, I walked over and gave him a lap dance that ended with me completely naked and holding my ankles while he ate my pussy.

I would brag on Elias’s dick in a minute, but his mouth and fingers were divine too. He’d learned my body over the years and introduced me to parts of my pussy no other man had ever touched. Damn a G-spot. Elias pleasured my A-spot, U-spot, and O-spot too. That was why I didn’t give a damn what people thought about me still sleeping with my baby daddy. Shit, if he made them as wet as he made me and made them cum as many times as he’d made me, I was sure they’d still be fucking his fine ass too.

His hands kept my body bent as his tongue curled across my U-spot. It was just under my clit, and every time he applied pleasure there, I’d leak. My nectar literally dripped onto him as he moaned, and I panted. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I begged him to make me cum. Elias licked from my clit to my asshole before fucking me with his tongue and sucking my clit until I came twice. By then, my legs were too weak for me to maintain that position.

As I turned to face him, he sat back on the sofa as he wiped his saturated face.

“You gon’ have my baby?” he asked, voice low and husky.

As much as I wanted to, I shook my head. Mama’s words were still at the forefront of my mind, reminding me that this was all I was worth to him—pussy and my womb.

Elias chuckled with a shake of his head. “I ain’t fucking you then, but you can swallow my seeds since you’on want ’em in you.”

“Shut the fuck up,” I replied as I dropped to my knees, knowing damn well I was going to swallow every one.

“What you mad at me for?” he asked through his chuckle, but I was too frustrated to even respond. Instead, I pulled his dick out of his boxers, pleased with the precum that oozed out of it. “Aye,” he called, gripping my chin.

As I looked up and into his eyes, I was seconds away from submitting to whatever desire he wanted. Elias aged like fine wine. It seemed like every year he got older I was more attracted to him. He was tall, wide, and lean, but very muscular. Tattoos covered his arms and chest. He had an eight pack I loved running my tongue down, and a dick I loved covering with my cum.

His ducktail beard connected with a wavy, tapered fade that was the perfect cut for his square head. Elias licked his juicy, skin-colored lips as he peered down at me with tight, dark eyes.

“You hear me talking to you?”

“I don’t want to talk. I want to fuck.”

A slow smirk lifted the left side of his mouth. “Then let’s fuck,” he almost whispered, lowering my head into his lap. Since I knew the night would end with his dick inside of me, I made love to it with my mouth. Elias had never been a silent lover. Even if he didn’t talk a lot of shit, his moans, groans, and growls were more than enough. And he never hesitated to tell me what he wanted me to do, nor did he shy away from my commands.

As he held my hair in one hand, the other wrapped around my jaw, keeping it open as he fucked my throat. My saliva coated his shaft as he hummed.

“Yeah, just like that, bae. Hide me in your mouth.”

A quiet whimper escaped me as I massaged my clit. Every time he told me to suck that shit, it felt like a challenge I needed to win. I locked my cheeks around him and slurped his dick before stroking it with my hand.

“Fuck,” he groaned, gripping the back of the couch. “Let me feel that tongue.” When I swirled my tongue around his dick, his body jerked. “Mhm. Just like that, Mandy. You’re so good at sucking my dick.”

“This is my dick,” I pulled away to clarify.

“It’s yours. Just don’t stop.”

My giggle as I took him deep down my throat made him moan. His abs clenched and head tilted as his eyes closed. Increasing my pace, I licked and sucked while stroking him and massaging his balls. It wasn’t long before his cum shot down my throat. I waited until he stopped throbbing to stand. Before I could straddle him, Elias told me to take his place on the couch. My ass dangled off it as he wrapped my legs around his waist.

Our eyes locked as he slid inside of me.

“You’re my drug,” he admitted, touching the pit of my pussy. “Addictive. Loving you…it’s destructive. I know I need to leave your ass alone, but I just can’t.”

My eyes watered, so I closed them. Trembling lips released quiet moans and whimpers as he pummeled my pussy with hard, long, slow strokes. My body trembled, back arched, and toes curled. His strokes were steady… so steady I had to hold on to his wrists to keep from unraveling. As I fucked him back, he told me to look at him. I didn’t want to, but I did.

His eyes held the love I was sure he felt was a waste. I wanted to tell him I was ready to love him, too, but he didn’t want it anymore, and I couldn’t blame him. Pulling him down to me, I buried my face in his neck as my tears fell. I tried to convince myself I felt so vulnerable because we were one, but that wasn’t true. I was vulnerable because my heart finally accepted the fact that this was all we’d ever have, and I didn’t know what the hell to do.

I told my girls they could leave me, so when Elias offered to take me home, I agreed.

“I don’t want to ruin your guys’ night,” I told him as we headed out of the club.

“It’s cool. After that, I’m ready to crash anyway.” I smiled but bit on my bottom lip to hide it. “I actually wanted to talk to you.”

Looking up at him, I found he was already looking down at me. “About what?”

“Whatever is going on with you that makes you look sad after we have sex these days.”

It wasn’t intentional, but I’d never been an overly expressive woman with men. Mama said men didn’t like to talk and listen anyway, so it was no point in telling them how I felt…especially when it wouldn’t change what they did and how they felt. I wouldn’t even know where to start, but the last lingering thoughts would have to do.

“You said you love me,” I said.

“Yeah, I do. You know that though.”

“I knew you loved me at one point. I didn’t know you still did.”

He chuckled and took my hand into his. “I will always love you, Amanda.”

Our eyes locked again briefly, and I gritted my teeth to keep from smiling. “Do you believe I love you?”

His brows wrinkled and mouth twisted to the side. “Nah. Aside from you never saying it, your actions showed you didn’t love me. They showed you didn’t care about me either. I always felt like you didn’t really give a fuck about me…just what I could do to you and for you.”

Ouch.

That physically hurt me.

My heart felt like it squeezed and shrank at the sound of his words.

“I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I know I cheated on you but—”

“It don’t really matter,” he said quickly. “That’s in the past. What does that have to do with how you’ve been acting lately?”

I waited until we were in the back of his town car to respond. The partition was up, so I felt comfortable having such a personal conversation with his driver being in the car.

“Like I said at my studio, I feel like our time together is coming to an end. So I guess I feel regret,” I finally admitted. “I hate the way things ended between us, and hearing you say you don’t believe I love you or care about you hurts my heart. But I have no one to blame for that but myself. I’m sorry, Elias.”

Elias smiled softly as he cupped my cheek and caressed it with his thumb. “You have nothing to apologize for. I knew you didn’t want anything serious, and I never wanted to change you. I accept you as you are.”

As I am.

As I was.

I wasn’t that same woman anymore.

Too bad it seemed like he wouldn’t get to experience the new me.

“Well, I guess I’m grateful for that. You’re the only man who ever loved and accepted me unconditionally. The only one who never tried to change me. I know you probably didn’t think the mother of your child would be a stripper, huh?”

We shared a quiet laugh as our fingers locked. “I mean…it kind of made sense with how much I love them.” That made me laugh harder. “But for real, though, there’s no one else I’d want as the mother of my son. That’s why I want you to have the rest of my babies.”

“Babies?” I repeated, voice stretched. “What happened to baby?”

He sucked his teeth. “It don’t really matter now since you’ve made it clear that’s not what you want. Not with me anyway.”

“It’s not that I don’t want another baby with you. I just don’t want to feel like that’s all I’m good for with you. If all we do is fuck and have babies, I won’t ever find a man to be in a real relationship with.”

“And that’s something you actually want now? To be in a committed relationship?”

My mouth opened and snapped back shut. For some reason, finally talking to him about this made me nervous. “Y-Yes. It is.”

His head bobbed once as he slipped his hand from mine. “I’m…happy for you then. You deserve it,” was what he said, but his tone was cold. And clipped.

“What if I…What if I want it with you?” I asked, looking out of the window because I was too afraid to see the rejection in his eyes.

Elias released a hard breath. “I thought we were past that, Mandy? We tried and we failed at that. Sex…being coparents… that’s what we do well. Let’s not mess that up, aight?”

Chewing on my cheek, I nodded as I continued to look out of the window. Even with me being aware that he didn’t want to be with me anymore, hearing him actually say it made it real. Officially. It was time for me to let him go.