Chapter 9

9

A manda

This was probably the longest family day ever—and not in a good way. Things were still weird between me and Elias. I thought by now I would have been able to shake him not wanting to give us another chance, but I hadn’t. Well, maybe it wasn’t that I couldn’t shake it. Maybe it was the fact that I had to detach from him. Either way, it was hard to talk to him or even look at him. And what made it even worse was EJ saw one of his friends at the fair and ended up hanging with them. So for at least an hour, Elias and I were with each other walking behind the boys in silence.

God, it was awful.

I never thought things would be like this between us. Even when we had disagreements, we were still able to talk to each other. It felt like we were strangers, and I didn’t like that at all. As he pulled into my driveway, I’d never been happier to get away from him, and that made me sad. Elias was, is, one of my favorite people in the world. How’d we get to this point? Was it my fault? I knew there was a chance he wouldn’t want to be with me again. As much as I’d prepared for the rejection, I couldn’t prepare for how it would cause me to act around him.

Looking back at EJ, he brought an immediate smile to my face. “Did you enjoy yourself, pooh?”

“Yes, ma’am. It was really fun.”

“Good. I love you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay. I love you too. Make sure you get some rest.”

A quiet chuckle escaped me as I unbuckled my seat belt. He sounded just like his damn daddy. As I reached for the door handle, Elias said, “The fuck is you doing?” and though his voice was low, it was firm.

“Getting out of the car?” I asked more than said.

“Since when do you open doors around me?”

Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms over my chest. “Come on then. I’m ready to go.”

After sucking his teeth, Elias chuckled. That was a clear sign that he was irritated, but he didn’t say anything as he took his time taking off his seat belt and coming to my side of the car. When I got out, his arm wrapped around me, and he casually moved me to the right. He closed the passenger door and kept me barricaded against the car.

“What’s ya problem, man?”

“I don’t have one.”

“We lying to each other now?”

My head tilted as I clenched my jaw. I exhaled a hard breath and swallowed hard. “It’s not something I really want to talk about. Is that better?”

He looked at me for a few seconds before nodding and dropping his arms so I could walk away. Even with me being in front of him, he still walked me to my door. Normally, I’d let him open it, but I did it myself. Elias waited until I was inside to say, “I’m here whenever you want to talk about what’s going on with you.”

I was tired of talking about something that wouldn’t change. Still, I nodded and muttered a quick thanks as he gave me a kiss on the forehead. After he left, I locked up and headed straight to the kitchen for a bottle of wine. By the time I made it to my room, Elias had sent me five thousand dollars and told me to spoil myself until I felt better. The gesture was bittersweet because he always took care of me…just not in the way of my heart. It didn’t matter how many times I told him I didn’t want him giving me money unless it was for our son, or I was dancing for him, because he did it anyway.

The more I thought about the static between us and how I didn’t want to be around him if I couldn’t have him, the more I wanted to make things right.

I wasn’t sure how it happened, but I ended up showering and leaving my home to go to his. As I drove, I told myself it was to remind him that I didn’t want him taking care of me financially, but that wasn’t it. All that was, was an excuse that would get me in his presence. For a while, I was okay with that.

The ride to his place was quiet, giving me time to calm my nerves. I wasn’t even sure why I was nervous. I guess because I was going to this man with no clear plan or reason in mind. Even though I knew Elias wouldn’t turn me away, he was going to question why I came. The lie about the money would only last for so long before he saw straight through me. If I couldn’t be honest with myself, how was I going to be honest with him?

I shook that question off as I hit the button to open his garage. After parking in the only available space, I called him and let him know I was about to come inside. When I walked in, I found Elias in the living room. He looked unnaturally sexy, shirtless with gray sweats hanging low on his hips. As he rolled a blunt, Elias watched me as I walked over to him.

“You ready to talk?” he asked, like it wasn’t damn near two in the morning.

“No.”

“You wanna fuck?”

Chuckling, I shook my head as I sat next to him. “No. I came to remind you that, unless I’m dancing for you or it’s for our son, I don’t want you giving me money.”

The quiet bark of laughter he released amused me. His eyes traveled to the TV. It was on Netflix, but nothing played yet.

“You could have called and told me that, so what’s the real reason you’re here?”

“I think since we’re both ready to get into relationships, we should talk about boundaries,” is what came out of my mouth, and I had no earthly idea where it came from. It sounded good, though, so I decided to go with it. Plus, it was true.

Slowly, his head turned in my direction. He licked his lips as he eyed my frame. “So you came here, after we spent the day together with our son, to talk to me about boundaries for a future relationship that neither of us are in yet?”

My brows wrinkled and mouth twisted to the side. With a huff and determination to not sound even crazier than I already did, I nodded and cupped my hands in my lap.

“Mhm. Yep.”

His quiet laugh made me laugh. “Just say you wanted to be around me, Mandy. You know admitting that won’t lead to the end of the world, right?” My mouth opened, but no words came out when he placed a soft, tender kiss on my neck. Then my jaw. My mouth snapped shut and eyes closed when he kissed my cheek. Then the corner of my mouth. “I missed you too,” he almost whispered against my ear before kissing it. “Shit feels different now, right?”

Relief washed over me after hearing his confession. “Yeah. I thought it was just me. I guess—” I paused, wondering how honest I really wanted to be. “That night I told you I wanted something real…that changed things for me. I finally released you, you know? So spending the day with you and EJ felt weird, and that’s never been the case.”

Elias sighed as he licked his lips and lit the blunt. We rotated it for a while silently before he replied.

“I don’t want things to be weird between us, bae. We’ve worked too hard to get to where we are.”

“I agree. I think that’s why I came. I didn’t want to admit it, but I missed you. The way we used to be.” Chuckling, I took a pull from the blunt. “It feels like it’s been forever, but it’s only been what…two weeks?”

He gave me that sexy smile that I’d fallen in love with over a decade ago. “Two weeks is short, but it’s long as hell when it’s the amount of time that’s passed with things not feeling right between us.”

“But it has to feel right, though, right? If we’re really going to be with other people, this will have to be our new normal. No flirting, no sex…a normal, platonic coparenting relationship. We have to get used to that.”

His head tilted as he puffed the blunt twice. “What if I don’t want to?”

“You don’t have a choice.”

The chuckle he released was quiet as he handed me the blunt. “I always have a choice. And when I want to, I’m going to choose you. Until we’re in committed relationships with other people, I’m not going to deny us of that. Are you?”

I should have said yes. That was the sane, healthy thing to do. Instead, I shook my head. His arm wrapped around me, and he pulled me back onto the couch. We continued to smoke and watch a series that came up as a suggestion. By the third episode, we were finishing our fourth blunt, and I was sleepy as hell.

“I’m thirsty and sleepy,” I said aloud.

Elias laughed as he reached for the remote. “Aight. I’ll put you to bed.”

I nodded my agreement and slumped down further on the couch. By the time he’d returned with a bottle of water, I was already drifting off to sleep. After chugging almost half of it down, I almost choked from laughing at him laughing at me. I wiped my mouth and stood then handed him the bottle. He drank the rest before picking me up and carrying me to the guest room I always slept in when I stayed over. I couldn’t resist kissing his neck and blowing a breath against his ear.

He shivered before saying, “Don’t do that.”

“I’m sorry,” I replied through a giggle. My hand lifted and caressed his waves. “I really do love you, E. I want you to know that.”

He didn’t respond immediately, and I was cool with that. I didn’t tell him for anything in return. I really just wanted him to know. It surprised me that he closed and locked the door, but I was too tired to question him about it.

Elias placed me on the side of the bed and kneeled before me. “Say it again.”

“Hmm?” I felt my smile spread as I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Say what again?”

With a chuckle, his head shook as he removed my arms from around his neck.

“Nothing, Amanda.”

As I kicked off my shoes, I muttered, “Oh, you mean that I love you?” His eyes locked with mine. When he tried to look away, I gripped his chin through his beard. “I love you, Elias Anthony Peterson. I loved you before I knew what that shit was. I loved you when I was out here treating you a way that didn’t deserve the love you had for me, but you loved me anyway, and that’s what made me love you. I will always love you.”

He stared at me for a few seconds before lifting himself and allowing his lips to hover over mine. Elias licked them, and my heart skipped a beat. We hadn’t kissed in over five years. Regardless of how much we had sex, we both agreed kissing was off the table because it was too intimate of a thing. I craved his lips on mine, but it didn’t feel like too much of a loss when he lifted me and placed me in the middle of the bed.

Though his lips may not have touched mine, they touched me everywhere else after he undressed me. My clit and nipples were extra sensitive because they were pierced, and he loved to capitalize on that. As his fingers circled my clit, his tongue swirled around my hardened nipple. A ragged moan escaped me as I rocked my hips.

“Be quiet before you wake our son up,” he ordered, applying more pressure against my clit.

I pulled in a deep breath as he went to my right nipple. When his fingers dipped into my pussy, I had to bite down on my bottom lip to keep from moaning. The heights Elias could take me to with his mouth and fingers almost reached the sky. He could make me cum within seconds with his fingers, or pleasure me for hours on end without a climax, causing my pussy to soak whatever was underneath me.

“Damn,” he muttered, circling his fingers inside of me. “This pussy is always so fucking wet .”

My back arched as he hit a spot that made my wetness smack against him. There was no doubt in my mind I’d be squirting soon. Liquid slid between my cheeks as I pulled in shaky breaths. As his tongue flicked against my nipple, my toes curled and spine tingled.

“You always know just what to do,” I said softly, feeling my body further relax into the bed.

His eyes met mine, and for some reason, the connection made me feel vulnerable.

“That’s because this is my pussy. This will always be my pussy.” My head turned to the side, but I returned my eyes to his when he added, “Tell me this is my pussy.”

“It’s your pussy, Elias.”

“Always?”

When his thumb circled my clit as he continued to finger me, I groaned. His free hand tweaked my nipple as I struggled to breathe and speak.

“E…”

“Tell me.”

“It’s yours.” I’m yours… “Always.”

“That’s my good girl.”

“I’m about to squirt,” I warned quietly, gripping his shoulder.

“I hear that shit. Let me feel it.”

A low hum escaped me as the liquid squirted out of me. Elias waited until I was done to lower himself. He licked and sucked my clit and opening as he continued to finger me. With his arm tossed over my legs and stomach, he kept me pinned as he feasted and fingered me. All I could do was whimper and feed him more of my pussy.

“Elias,” I warned, lifting off the bed. A sizzling breath escaped me as he sucked my clit and swirled his tongue around it. His finger alternated between the come here motion and a windshield wiper movement that was about to make me cum.

“Shh…”

“Baby,” I cried.

“I know, Mandy. I know. I want you to give it to me but you gotta be quiet.”

I covered my face as he returned his mouth to my clit. A few deep breaths intensified the feeling of pleasure that consumed me. Not long after, I was cumming—hard. I gripped the first pillow I could reach and covered my face. His tongue slid between my folds before licking from my clit to my asshole. Elias held my thighs and kept them spread, continuing to lick and suck until I was forced to push him away.

I was so weak I couldn’t even bother to push the pillow away. As much as I wanted to feel him inside of me, I couldn’t stay up. I woke up long enough to notice the pillow was removed as a warm cloth wiped between my legs. The second time I woke up, it was when he positioned me under the cover. When he tried to get out of bed, I grabbed his arm.

“Stay,” I pleaded, barely recognizing the huskiness of my voice.

“Okay. Let me take these sweats off.”

I released him and rolled over to my side, but he pulled me onto his chest when he got back in bed.

“Mandy?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you too.”

The Next Morning

I didn’t want EJ to get the wrong idea about me being here this morning, so I got up as soon as Elias’s alarm went off on his phone. As I stirred against him, my eyes watered. I wasn’t sure how not talking to him so I could get over him led to waking up in his arms.

“Good mornin’.” The sound of his gruff morning voice as he pulled me closer made my heart skip a beat. There was a time this was my reality, and not appreciating it was the only thing I regretted it my life. Not having him would have been a hell of a lot easier if we didn’t have EJ tying us to each other for life.

“Morning. I’m gonna go before you wake him up. I don’t want him to know I spent the night.”

“Why you in a rush? Let me hold you for a little while longer.”

I released a shaky breath as I shimmied from under his embrace. Though that was exactly what I wanted, it would only make leaving harder. Once I was safely out of the bed, I looked at him and didn’t bother getting dressed before I said, “What happened last night can’t happen again. I know we talked big shit because we were high and in our feelings, but I meant it when I said we need boundaries. I respect your decision to not be with me, and if we can’t be together, we can’t have sex anymore.”

As I grabbed my clothing, he sat up in bed. “That’s why you’ve been acting weird?” When I didn’t respond, he chuckled. “You said that pussy was mine.”

“I would have said anything to cum.”

“You know that’s a mothafucking lie.”

“No, it’s not, actually. You want things I can’t give you, so I think that means I need to stop giving you my pussy too.”

Before I could leave the room, Elias was out of bed and using my wrist to pull me back on it. After setting me down, he grabbed his sweats to put them on.

“I know I sound crazy as hell, but I’m not letting you go. You told me you love me. Even if we ain’t together, you mine. Our agreement was when we got into a relationship, we’d cut each other off. So until you get married, you and your pussy belong to me.”

“Wait.” I chuckled quietly and lifted my hands. “How did it go from in a relationship to married?”

He sucked his teeth. “I’on give a fuck about you dating a nigga. Until I trust him with you and my son and give you away to him as his wife, you’re still mine.”

“First of all, the only man that will be giving me away is my daddy. And secondly—”

“You heard what the fuck I said, Amanda.” Between his calm tone and the steps he took in my direction, I didn’t bother going back and forth with him. “I’m not used to you being in your feelings, so I’ll give you grace and act accordingly. But you need to get your shit together. You mine, that pussy is mine, and that ain’t changing no time soon. If you even think about giving it to someone else, you better give it to someone you believe is worth dying for.”

My brows wrinkled as a bark of laughter escaped me. “Dude. You’re delusional as hell. You’re out here dating and looking for a wife, yet you think I’m not about to fuck somebody else?”

His fingers slipped down the corners of his mouth. The more amused I was, the more serious he became. “You think I’m playing with you, don’t you?”

“Elias…”

“You’re the one who doesn’t want to give me a baby, and you’re the one that’s switching up on me. We haven’t had any issues until you made the announcement that you wanted something real with someone else. I’ll stand down when you get that, but until a nigga earns you, I’m on that.”

I huffed and headed toward the door.

“Aye.” I turned at the sound of his voice. “Get ya shit together before our next family day, aight? Ain’t no point in you being sad and acting weird because we can’t be together. We together even when we ain’t. Don’t do that silly shit no more.”

I was in such disbelief over what this nigga said that I couldn’t respond. All I could do was scoff and shake my head before I quietly left the room. This man had me all the way fucked up, and maybe it was toxic, but a smile lifted the corners of my mouth as I processed the fact that he wasn’t ready to let me go.