Chapter 14

14

E njell

The Next Morning

I waited until Dejvi was out of the bathroom to bring him breakfast in bed. He didn't have a lot to work with, but I made do. It was actually a fun challenge trying to put together a breakfast feast with the staple items he had available. I did a cute video for social media and hoped my followers found it as fun and entertaining as I did.

"Good morning, bae," I almost purred, setting the tray across his lap.

"Mm… good morning, my love."

I gave him a quick kiss, but as always, it seemed to not be enough. When I tried to stand upright, Dejvi gripped my neck and used it to hold me in place for a deeper kiss.

As we pulled away, he asked, "I know I don't have all of this in my kitchen."

I laughed and nodded my agreement. "No, sir, you don't. I had to make the muffins and pancakes from scratch. Thankfully, you had frozen sausages in there. You didn't have many fruit options, so I made you a vegetable omelet. I know you're not here often, but I'm going to have to grocery shop before I come over to feed you."

"I might be here more often, or at least, not at the firehouse as much."

His expression let me know the conversation was about to get a little serious, so I told him to let me go and get my coffee, then we could talk. Even with me not being at home, my routine would still be the same. I had coffee before any kind of food. I probably wouldn't get hungry for hours. When I made it into bed, he was a third of the way done with the plate.

"Jesus, Dejvi. Are you even chewing?"

He laughed and covered his mouth to keep food from coming out. "Yeah, but this is good as fuck, love. And knowing the pancakes and muffins are from scratch… sheesh. You definitely need to stick to cooking. Whatever I gotta do to help you achieve that, I will."

His compliment warmed my heart. I loved when people truly enjoyed my food. The days where I catered and meal prepped were some of the most fulfilling days of my life. I could honestly say nursing may have been my temporary passion, but cooking felt like my purpose. The amount of students I helped have healthy meals instead of noodles three times a day… the professors who had no time to meal prep so I did it for them… the athletes who had to eat a certain diet to make weight… the single parents trying to juggle studies and homelife who needed help with meals—I remember it all so fondly the more I cooked.

"I want to know what I can do to help you," I told him. "I know we haven't known each other for long, but you seem different from when we first met. You also have been distant. Is it stress from work?"

He sighed before taking a sip of his homemade orange juice. I saw the moment he realized that was fresh too. "Aye, I didn't have any orange juice. Just oranges. You made this too?"

With a proud giggle, I nodded. "Yes. I used your oranges to make the juice and put the bananas in the muffins. That was all the fruit you had. I hope that was okay."

"Enjell…" His head shook and he pulled in a deep breath. "I'm going to give you a card; it'll have no limit. You can get whatever you want and need from the store so you can cook to your heart's desire. I'll get a bigger place with a bigger kitchen if you need me to. Just don't ever stop cooking like this." I cupped my cheeks as I grinned, grateful he followed up by answering my original question. "But yeah, I am a bit more stressed than usual. Being a fireman is weighing on me more heavily these days. It's getting harder and harder for me to have a clear head and heart."

"Have you considered therapy to talk about Theo?"

"Yeah, but… it doesn't really work. From a logical standpoint, I get there was nothing I could do, but that goes against my nature because I'm the kind of man that's going to try until I can't try anymore. And because I'm constantly in that environment, it's always triggering me. My last therapist suggested I consider a different line of work to avoid the trigger, even if just temporarily. Back then, I said no because that felt like a different kind of failure. Now, I think that's what I will need to do."

"If you quit, what would you do instead?"

"Probably just focus on the businesses I have with my brother for a while and opening the photography studio. Financially, I'm well off enough to quit today and still be good. I want to take that bucket list more seriously. And there's… something going on with one of my friends that I'm trying to handle. That's been the second stressor and what's been keeping me away. It hasn't been because I haven't wanted to be with you."

"I told myself that, but I was starting to be a little unsure."

Dejvi set the tray on his carpeted floor and pulled me onto his lap. "One thing you'll never have to question is how I feel about you. I started falling in love with you the moment I took that picture of you."

"Then why have you been staying away?"

"My own problems. I didn't want my mood to affect your aura. You have enough going on. I didn't want you worrying about me too. Also, it's hard for me as a man to watch you struggle and be so stressed out. I'm a fixer, and I can fix your problems. You not letting me is like a hit to my pride. That's a me problem, not you, so that's also why I've been staying away."

Chuckling, I nodded my understanding and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I get it. My dad is the same way, that's why I haven't told them just how hard things have been lately. He wouldn't even ask what I needed; he'd just find a way to take care of it for me."

"So it's not that you're not used to being taken care of that won't allow you to let me help you?"

"Not at all. It's genuinely just feeling like I'm in this situation because of a man. I trusted Gino too much. I've realized, as time passed, we didn't have a true partnership. I wouldn't say he was controlling of me, but he controlled our home. I had no clue what was going on with the bills, because we weren't partners, and he didn't make me aware. So all of the burdens I have now, I have because I was blindly following him. I know some men are worth that honor, but he wasn't. This is my lesson on that. That doesn't mean I won't trust you one day to take care of me. I will. It just means… right now… I need to get myself out of this situation, or I won't trust myself when it comes down to choosing men again. I have to handle this for me to know I can stand on my own two feet before I let you sweep me off them."

Our lips connected briefly.

"I can respect that. And I am glad you're open to allowing me to be the man you need in the future. For now, what can I do to help you, Enjell?"

I didn't want to tell him that after finding out how behind Gino was on the rent that I checked other things and found he was late on all the other bills too. My car note, insurance, phone bill, credit cards, wireless, and internet—literally everything. He'd stopped paying it all to prepare for his move. Some things, he'd set up payment plans for. Others, he let become delinquent accounts. My car note was the first thing he stopped paying, along with the insurance. I was trying to work with the loan company to keep the car, but I wasn't sure they'd actually let me.

With the two thousand he sent, I used half of that to try and work that balance down, but I still owed eleven hundred dollars on it. All I could do was pray they didn't come and get the car before I finished paying it down. It was the same thing with the insurance. Him being three months behind meant I had to pay that off before I could get it reinstated. And if I went to a different company, that balance was going to make me have to pay them more. I was playing catch up for some shit he'd done, and that's what broke my heart most about this situation.

"If you could just send some business my way, that would be great. That's literally all I need right now."

"Done. Can I spoil you in other ways?" he asked, lifting my hand and giving it a kiss.

"What did you have in mind?"

"How about a full body massage? Let's make it a spa day. Can I get your hair and nails done too?"

"Now that type of treatment I'll never turn down."

Kisses led to touches that led to him being inside of me again. I felt like the connection we had was real, but the timing was slightly off. If Dejvi and I were able to take care of our personal issues, I was sure we'd be able to get into a healthy, flourishing relationship that would have no end.