Chapter 11

11

D ejvi

Two Weeks Later

September

As promising as things started out with Enjell, they'd fizzled out a bit. Between me trying to figure out how to handle this situation with Robin and knowing we'd be going against each other for the chili competition, I didn't apply as much pressure as I could have. The only reason I was even considering having a baby with Robin was because I made her a promise along with my grandmother. She didn't tell me she wanted me to have a baby with Robin, but she did stress how much she wanted me to settle down.

I remember the last conversation we had before she completely left me mentally and emotionally. She said the day she couldn't remember my name, she no longer wanted to live. She never wanted to be a burden and wanted us to put her in a facility as soon as she went from stage five to stage six. I didn't want to agree, but my parents honored her wishes. About eight months later, she was gone.

My heart wanted me to try and have that family with Enjell. My mind wanted me to be loyal to my best friend. Robin and I had been down for each other for years. I didn't want this to be the one time I let her down. I knew she'd be a great mom. The only thing that I felt I'd regret was if having a baby with her caused me to lose Enjell—but did I really have her?

The situation with her ex was seemingly making her heart harder to penetrate with time. That, within itself, was frustrating as hell because I could help her financially if she'd let me. Usually, I loved an independent, strong-willed woman, but in this instance, it was turning me off. I knew she wasn't intentionally trying to jab at my manhood and innate desire to provide for her and take care of her, which was also why I'd been keeping my distance. Every time she had an interview that fell through, I wanted to leave some cash at her place, but I knew she wouldn't accept it.

I decided to talk to my parents about the situation, and my last conversation with Robin immediately came to mind.

I'd been avoiding her but finally decided to answer her call. At no point had I ever been anything less than upfront and honest, and I didn't want this situation to change that, which also meant I'd need to tell Enjell, regardless of what I decided to do.

"Yes, Robin?" I answered, not caring if she sensed the annoyance in my voice or not.

"Ew, why do you sound like that?"

"Because I asked for time to think, and you've been calling me every day."

"I'm sorry but I'm excited, and I'm also confused as to what you have to think about. We agreed that we'd—"

"I know what we agreed to, Binny," I interrupted to say, trying to keep my tone calm and leveled even though that was the opposite of how I felt. "But again, we were eighteen. I forgot about the pact."

"Well… now that I've reminded you… I hope you keep your word."

"This isn't weird to you? Even having this conversation? Just the thought of having sex with you creeps me out. You're like my sister."

Her laugh allowed me to relax a bit more. "I mean… no, not really. I guess because we've always been so close that I trust you with all things. That's why this means so much to me. I don't just trust you to be an amazing co-parent with me, but I trust you with my body too. I trust you to make sure I'm taken care of while I carry and give birth to our child. I trust you to advocate for me in that hospital room. I trust you to raise our baby and make sure they know me if something was to happen to me." She sighed as the weight of her words settled in my heart. "Plus… there are worse things than having sex with me. I can promise you that."

I chuckled as I finally considered her request. Our pact.

"I hear you, and I'm honored you trust me, Robin."

"But…"

"Things aren't so black and white for me right now. If you'd come to me with this even just a month ago, I probably would have agreed with no hesitation. But now…"

"You're seeing someone?"

"Yeah."

"It can't be serious if you haven't told me about her."

"We're not committed yet, but I do like her a lot. It's a bit complicated, but I want to see where things will go. That can't happen if I agree to have a baby with you."

"Why not? Y'all aren't together yet. If you got me pregnant now, she'd have no choice but to accept it."

"That's not some shit you try and force a person's hand about, Binny."

She sighed. "Look, I understand your plight. I do. I'm happy that you like someone, but still… I'm your best friend. Doesn't that mean more? You promised me, V. Please don't let me down."

I shook thoughts of that conversation off as I headed into my parents' home. It didn't end how I thought it would. She actually made me feel more inclined to go through with this. I felt like I had to choose between her and Enjell. My mind was telling me to be loyal to one of my best friends, but what I felt for this woman that I'd just met… it made me feel like that choice was one I'd regret. Sure, Enjell and I didn't have a lot of history, but my God… our chemistry was off the fucking chain .

This was one time I was glad Aspen was late. Pops had his arms wrapped around Mama's waist, swaying to Al Green as she washed her hands with a smile on her face. That was the love and companionship I hoped to have one day.

"Y'all going for baby number three?" I teased, pushing Pops back slightly so I could hug my mama.

"You gon' be a hater all ya life, son?" he asked, smacking the back of my head as Mama kissed my cheeks.

"Leave my baby alone. I haven't seen him in days."

"Mhm," he grumbled, going toward the refrigerator as I laughed at their exchange.

"Is dinner ready yet?" I asked, accepting the beer Pops offered.

"Almost. Should be ready in about fifteen minutes. I got some rolls and biscuits on the dining room table."

"Perfect," I said, heading that way. Between this beer and the bread, I would probably end up taking more food home than I'd eat here. "I need to talk to y'all about something before Aspen gets here," I said after I'd returned to the kitchen with a roll.

"Wassup, son?" Pops asked, motioning toward the chair across from his at the table.

"There's no easy way to ease into this, so I'ma just say it," was what I said, but I ended up finishing my roll and taking a sip of my beer first. "Me and Robin made a pact years ago that if we weren't married by thirty-five, we'd have a baby together. Since her birthday was in July, she wants to make that happen now."

They looked at each other before Mama slowly walked toward the table and sat next to Pops.

"That's… an unconventional way to have a baby, but it beats having one with a stranger or someone you don't like," Mama said.

"Yeah, but from the look on his face, it doesn't look like he wants to do it."

I chuckled and squeezed the back of my neck. "I met someone." Mama gave me a slow spreading grin. "I like her a lot. Like… more than I've ever liked anyone. I feel like I was falling in love with her, and Robin woke me up from our fantasy world. It happened fast too. From the moment I laid eyes on her, I felt like she was the one. I was sure she was the one. But now…" Shrugging, I looked at the lines in my palms. "I'm not sure."

"What's causing the confusion?"

"Robin. Plus… I'm not sure if the timing is right. I know we could have something good, but she'd literally just gotten out of a relationship that ended badly. There's not a lot of space for me in her current situation to be the kind of man I can be to her. She's cool with us just kicking it, but when I try to actually be there for her, she shuts down on me."

"I won't ask why she's shutting down," Pops said, "but instead, I'll ask are you going to be able to handle it. It sounds like you can't."

"I'm trying to, but I can't lie and make it seem like it's not bothering me." I swiped my fingers down the corners of my mouth as I sat up in my seat. "I could easily fix one of her biggest problems, but she doesn't want my help. And I know I could love the pain out of her if she'd let me. And on top of that, I feel like I have to be loyal to Binny. She's my best friend after all. Is it fair of me to say, I've been knowing you half my life, but I'm going to choose a woman that I've known for less than a month instead?"

"Maybe she doesn't need you to fix her problems," Mama said. "Maybe she just needs a partner while she fixes them herself."

"Let me ask you this," Pops said. "If you had to choose, right now, between keeping Robin in your life or this woman, who would it be?"

Enjell's name immediately dropped into my spirit. My head hung as I shook it. My heart ached at the thought of no longer having Robin. This felt like an impossible choice to make, and I was wondering why I had to even make it at all.

"Aight, so what if I give Enjell some time and space to work her things out and see about this baby with Robin. If things are meant to be with me and Enjell…" I couldn't even finish the words. They tasted horribly coming out of my mouth. "She doesn't deserve that. If I'm going to do this, I have to let her go. But I… I really don't want to."

"You know the answer, son," Pops said, "even if you don't want to acknowledge it. Your mind will catch up to your heart in time. But in the meantime, don't lay with that woman and get her pregnant until it does."

I nodded my agreement as I sat back in my seat. I knew the answer too. Enjell was my present and my future. My forever. Would that forever with her lead to me losing one of the longest, most loyal friendships I'd had?