Chapter 1

1

M alorie

Four Years Later

Everything had changed. Nothing felt the same. When I left this house for college, I swore I would never be back. The summer before my freshman year, my father died from an aneurism. He was only fifty years old. I don't think I ever fully wrapped my mind around his death. To get through it that first year, I told myself he was on vacation and that I'd see him again. Now, I didn't tell myself anything at all. Not thinking about or talking about him was better than the grief and anger that consumed me if I did.

There was a huge hole in my heart and lack in my life that nothing would be able to fill. Worse, my relationship with God had been suffering severely. I was so angry with Him. I hated that He'd taken my father away from me. He gave us no warning, no time to prepare. I was fucking eighteen when he left me, nowhere near prepared for that. There were still so many things about life and love that I needed my father for, but he was gone.

Ma said that anger would fade as I healed, but I'm not exactly sure I was even doing that. It was hard to heal a wound that was covered up. I felt like my heart hardened more and more each year. Though I had so much love in it, it was covered by even more hurt and pain. And days like today, situations like the one I was in now, only made it worse.

After spending the last two years with Kingston, I'd never been happier. He loved me in a way I was unable to love myself. That love felt like a joke when I found him with another woman in our bed. I never would have guessed he'd choose cheating over celebrating our graduation night with friends but that was exactly the case. With the amount of alcohol I'd consumed, I'd planned to stay with my best friend. Something told me to go home, so I had Christina to drive me. A part of me wished I'd stayed away.

Since I knew the truth, I couldn't stay with a man who could disrespect me in that way. So instead of enjoying the summer before starting graduate school, I was moving back into my childhood home. Just stepping foot into this space was triggering. The joyous memories of my family were replaced with the sight of my father falling to his death. Even worse, I had to stay here with Malik and Neko.

Daddy's death caused Ma to shut down for a while. With her kids out of the house, she decided to leave Rose Valley Hills and return to Memphis to be closer to her family. Eventually, Malik decided to stay in our old home so she wouldn't sell it. While I ran from the memories, he cherished them. He had been renting the other three rooms to his friends while they were in school, but now, it was just him and Neko. That worked in my favor, I suppose, seeing as I had no job to try and find an apartment for myself.

I lived on campus for my first two years of college then moved in with Kingston just weeks after we met. It was sudden and supposed to be temporary. My roommates were making it difficult for me to study. What was supposed to be two weeks to prepare for exams turned into two years. No part of me thought our relationship would end because of Kingston cheating but I shouldn't have been surprised. He'd always been flirtatious and a little too friendly, but I wasn't insecure and didn't think he'd need another woman if he had me.

Lesson one: A man's cheating had everything to do with him and nothing to do with me.

It didn't matter how I molded myself to be what and who they wanted, how often we had sex, how fun and carefree I was… if a man wanted something else, he'd go after it.

I wished I could say Kingston was the first man that cheated but he wasn't. More of my relationships in college were toxic than not… That's why I was so happy when I got with Kingston.

His love felt like water in a desert.

Now, I thirsted again.

"Aight, Mal, this is the last of it," Malik said, setting another bag of mine down.

"Sorry for taking up so much space. I didn't realize how many things I accumulated over the last two years."

"It's cool," Neko said, allowing the duffel bag on his shoulder to drop onto the floor carefully. "This is just as much your home as it is his, and I'm still a guest."

My mouth twisted to the side as I looked around. Kingston's money had afforded me a lot of nice things. Now, my mind circled back to every purchase, wondering if they were apology gifts. Wondering if she was the first or just the first I'd caught him with.

"So what happened?" Malik asked, leaning against the dresser as Neko rested against the doorframe.

I released a sigh as I plopped down on the edge of the bed. The last thing I wanted to do was rehash the past, but I knew Malik would want details to decide if he wanted to pay Kingston a visit or not. Our relationship was weird, but we protected each other. I think it was because we didn't have much in common to feel bonded like friends, but we loved and protected each other fiercely. So much so that I had a reputation around campus. Guys knew if they broke my heart, there was a chance my brother was going to break something of theirs.

"He couldn't have been worse than Bo and Chris," Neko added.

With a huff, I hung my head. Bo was verbally and emotionally abusive when he was high or drunk, which was every weekend. Chris was a rich narcissist. There was also Rodney the older man who tried to pimp me and Adam, another cheater.

"He cheated," I admitted. "The night of our graduation I found him in bed with the girl he swore was just his study partner."

"Damn." Malik walked over and sat next to me. "You beat his ass?"

That made me smile. "I wanted to but decided against it. He wasn't worth it. I just… left."

"That'll hit him even harder," Neko said.

"Yeah." I agreed. "He's been blowing me up nonstop. If he knew I was getting my things today, I'm pretty sure he would have left work to meet me."

"You should have let him so I could beat his ass," Malik said.

My eyes rolled playfully. "You know you don't have to beat up every guy that does me wrong, right?"

He sucked his teeth and squeezed my thigh. "They break your heart; I break their jaw."

"Simple as that," Neko added.

I licked the corner of my mouth as my eyes watered. As emotionally jaded as I was, I couldn't believe I had the strength to even shed more tears.

"It's aight, sis. We gon' take care of you. Don't worry about that nigga, aight?"

His comfort and offer were appreciated as Malik wrapped his arms around me. I was so tired of choosing wrong and feeling like I'd never be loved right. Even though I was only twenty-two, I'd had my fair share of relationships. Kingston was the man I was sure I'd gotten it right with, and now, I trusted myself and my choices when it came to men even less.