Epilogue

Josie

The last few months have been crazy.

I suppose it didn’t help that neither Drew nor I realized that Ella and Mac were getting married at the beginning of December, so on top of everything else, there was a wedding to plan.

We all had fun, though, helping with the preparations, and the day was a tremendous success. We got to meet baby Henry’s namesake… an old friend of Mac’s who flew over from London and acted as his best man. He was lovely, and it was easy to see why Mac is so attached to him.

That was two weeks ago now, and they’ve just returned from their honeymoon in the Turks and Caicos, in time for the celebration dinner Hunter has organized for this evening. Pat and Mick are both going to be there, and Pat’s preparing a feast for all of us in honor of the publication of Ella’s cookery book and Mac’s second novel, both of which are coming out next week. At least, that’s the reason he’s given everyone else for gathering us all together. I know differently. He spoke to me last week and gave me the real reason. He needed my advice, and I gave it, hoping I was doing the right thing. After that, he set the wheels in motion, making sure everyone could attend, including Livia’s mom and dad.

We met Julianne and Connor a couple of days after Drew was re-introduced to his daughter. It was clear to me from my nursing background, that Connor’s struggles are a lot worse than Drew’s, so we didn’t stay for long, and on the way back to the cottage, Hunter explained that Julianne and Pat have become good friends, the two of them often sharing a coffee together in the mornings while Connor’s resting.

We’re all really close, and I have to admit, I’ve missed Ella while she’s been away. Livia and Hunter split their time between here and the city, and although I’ve shared in a couple of Julianne and Pat’s coffee mornings, I’ve discovered that I enjoy having female company of my own age. I’m learning what it’s like to have sisters at last, and to be part of a family… and I’m enjoying every moment.

As for myself and Drew, we’ve never been closer, or happier.

Maisie is eight months old now. She’s thinking about crawling, but hasn’t quite got the hang of coordinating her arms and legs, so she usually just flops onto her tummy, which seems to make her giggle and has everyone laughing.

Moving Maisie’s nursery furniture back into the cottage was slightly chaotic, but Drew was adamant he wanted her with us, so we managed it between us. Everyone helped, including Livia, although Hunter wouldn’t let her lift anything heavy, and kept checking she was okay.

“Ella’s gonna guess Livia’s pregnant if you keep doing that,” Drew whispered to him as they maneuvered Maisie’s crib into place at the cottage.

“I know. But what’s a guy to do?”

Later, we all sat in the kitchen at the main house and ate the fabulous meal Pat had prepared. She presented Drew with his ice cream cake, and he looked up at her, a smile forming on his lips.

“It’s just how I remember.”

Pat’s eyes glistened with unshed tears, and she helped him dish it up and hand it around to everyone. When I tasted it, I could understand why it was such a prominent memory for him. It was the best ice cream cake I’ve ever eaten.

Later, when Drew and I were alone, and Maisie was sound asleep in her crib, we lay in bed and he held me in his arms.

“You’re sure you’re okay with this?” he asked, turning toward me.

“Positive.”

“You don’t mind becoming an instant family?”

“No. You have a beautiful daughter.”

“We have a beautiful daughter. She’s ours, Josie.”

I struggled to speak for a moment, but when I knew I could trust my voice, I told him about my conversation with Hunter on the day of his mother’s visit.

“So you knew they were trying for a baby?” he said, tilting his head.

“Yeah, but I couldn’t tell you.”

“I know. It’s okay. Why did he tell you? Do you know?”

“Because he wanted me to give him an idea of how long it would take for you to get better. Livia was finding it hard looking after Maisie when she wanted a baby of her own.”

He nodded. “Oh, I see.” He leaned in, kissing me tenderly. “I can understand that.”

The look in his eyes told me he wasn’t talking about Livia, but about me, and I rested my head on his chest and whispered, “Thank you.”

It felt inadequate. He’d given me my dream come true… the family I never thought I’d have. But it seemed that ‘thank you’ was more than enough.

Maisie adjusted really well to living with us, and that was a good thing, because it was only a few days later that Drew’s long-term memory started to come back, including recollections of the accident. I’d hoped he might never recall it, but that wasn’t to be, and it was just as traumatic as I’d feared. I had to be there for him, to help him through it, and as his memory slowly returned, it came with more questions, both for me and for Hunter, especially as he tried to piece together moments from his past. That was when I learned about his father, and the business he’d founded, the role of a man called Ken Bevan, and his connection to Livia and her parents. I found it very confusing, but fortunately, Drew’s recollections and Hunter’s explanations helped make sense of it all.

Drew slowly rebuilt his past, adding layer upon layer, from things like the foods he liked and didn’t, to the password for his laptop… until the day he recalled a conversation he’d had with Lexi, in her car, just minutes before the accident. I think that was why he’d blocked it for so long, just out of fear of having to recall the moment of impact again. When he finally explained it to me, he revealed Lexi had admitted to him that she’d been seeing someone else, and that she wanted to move to Boston.

“It was just like you said.”

I nodded my head, handing Maisie to him, so I could get on with making the lunch.

“How did it make you feel?” I asked him.

“I think I was a little mad at her to start with. I’d already told her about you…”

I almost dropped the carton of eggs I was holding. “Y—You had?”

“Yeah.” He scratched his head. “I basically asked her permission to date you.”

I put down the eggs and turned to him. “What did she say?”

“She laughed and told me she was fine with it. She said she thought I’d be good for you.”

I looked up into his eyes. “She did?”

He moved closer, tilting his head. “Yeah. She told me a little about your background, and she said you’d been lonely. I remember, I didn’t like the sound of that. I wanted to do something about it.”

I smiled up at him. “And you did.”

“Yeah… eventually.”

I leaned up on my tip-toes, kissing him. “It was worth waiting for.” He smiled, and I opened the carton of eggs. “You haven’t explained why you were mad at her.”

“That’s simple. I’d asked her if she was okay about me seeing you, which she was, and then she promptly told me she was already living with someone. Manuel, wasn’t it?”

I nodded my head. “Yeah… and I guess I can see why that got you riled.”

“I thought she should have told me earlier.”

“That’s what I said to her, when she told me about him… that you had a right to know another man was living with your daughter.”

“Precisely.”

“You didn’t fight, did you? That’s not what caused the accident?”

“No. She accepted she should’ve told me sooner, and I explained that I’d need some time.”

“To get used to the idea?”

He shook his head. “Funnily enough, that’s what she said. But that had nothing to do with it. I needed time to find a house in Boston.”

I frowned, surprised by his answer. “A house? What for?”

“For Maisie. I knew my apartment wasn’t suitable for a baby, or a small child, so I wanted to buy a house instead. Somewhere other than here that I could call home. I offered to help her out financially, if she needed it, but she said ‘no’. I guess because her boyfriend didn’t want me interfering.”

“Maybe.” I moved a little closer to him. “Are you still thinking of buying a house there?”

“No. Why would I?”

“For when you need to go there… for work.”

He shook his head. “Work doesn’t seem so important right now. Watching Maisie grow up and being with you are my chief concerns. So, I was thinking I’ll probably sell my apartment and my studio.”

“You’ll give up photography?”

He smiled. “I didn’t say that. I enjoy taking photographs of you… and of Maisie, and I might build a small studio here, just for fun. The thing is, I’m not gonna do anything that takes me away from you.”

And that’s exactly what he’s done. He’s sold his apartment, and I’ve sold mine, too. When we went back there, we discovered Maisie’s travel cot in the guest bedroom. To be honest, I’d forgotten I even had it, and it was a reminder of that last night with Lexi. She was snatched away the very next day, and that thought made me cry. I think that was the first time I realized what I’d lost, and Drew held me and let me weep.

We kept the cot… not because we needed it, but because it was a reminder not to take anything for granted.

He’s rented out his city studio to another photographer, and the building work on the studio here will begin in the spring.

The other thing we’ll be doing in the spring is visiting Lexi’s grave for the first time. We decided to go on the weekend before Maisie’s birthday, in April, and we’ve invited Manuel Ortega to join us. Drew said it felt wrong for him to be left out, and although Manuel was surprised to hear from us, I think he was pleased to be invited.

Whether we’ll make it a regular thing, I don’t know yet… but time will tell.

Either way, we owe it to Lexi to raise her daughter in the best way we can, and knowing she gave Drew her approval feels like the cherry on the icing on the cake of our happiness… sealing our love.

Hearing him tell me about Lexi was a special moment. It was almost as special as the moment, a few nights later, when we were lying in bed together, relieved to have settled Maisie in the nursery, and he turned to me, pulling me into his arms.

“I—I wanted to talk to you,” he said, sounding nervous, which surprised me. It wasn’t normal for Drew to be unsure of himself.

“Oh?”

“Yes.” He studied my face for a second or two, then swallowed hard. “It’s about my past.”

“You’ve remembered something else?” I wasn’t sure what more he had to recall. It felt like we’d touched upon every aspect of his life over the previous weeks. But the look on his face told me there was more, and it wouldn’t be easy… for either of us.

“Yes.”

“Is it to do with the accident?” I couldn’t think what else would make him look so despondent.

“No. It’s to do with my relationships… or rather, the lack of them.”

“Oh.”

He held me tighter. “Hunter was right about that. I didn’t have relationships to speak of. I’ve been patching it all together over the last few days, and I don’t think I was a very nice guy.”

I smiled at him, raising my hand and cupping his face. “I didn’t hear Lexi complaining.”

He smiled back, although it was a half-hearted effort. “Maybe because she wasn’t looking for anything more out of it than I was. But there were others… women I wasn’t so kind to. Hunter had already told me about one, but I’ve remembered others.”

“What do you mean when you say you weren’t kind?”

“I wasn’t cruel,” he said, frowning. “Not deliberately. Most of the time, things ended naturally, like they did with Lexi. It was just that, with some of them, they were looking for something more serious than I was, and when that became obvious, I left.”

“Every time?”

He nodded his head. “Until I met you, the thought of settling down, and of only ever being with one woman, was… frankly, terrifying.”

I smiled. “And now?”

“I never wanna be with anyone else again.”

I leaned in, kissing his lips, just briefly. “Stop beating yourself up. You can’t change what happened.”

“I know. I just wish I’d been more considerate.”

“Well… look at this as a chance to be better.”

He nodded his head and kissed me, taking a little longer over it, his hands settling on my ass and pulling me on to his ever-present erection. I let out a sigh, and he pulled back.

“There’s something else.”

“Oh?”

“I’ve remembered quite a lot of detail about my sex life… and you said you wanted to know.”

I couldn’t deny I’d said that… but when faced with the reality, I wasn’t so sure. He rolled onto his back, bringing me with him, so I was straddling him, and I stared down at him, waiting until he smiled, and I felt my body relax. He must have felt it too, because he raised me up, lowering me over his arousal, penetrating me deeply, our bodies joined. Then he pulled me down, my breasts hard against his chest, and moved one hand behind me, finding my tightest hole and brushing over it, making me squirm against him.

“This is mine,” he said.

I leaned up, resting my hands on his chest, and looked down at him.

“I’m all yours. Remember? I was a virgin before we…”

“I know. My first.”

“Really?” I couldn’t help smiling. “You’d never slept with a virgin before?”

“No.”

“Are there any other firsts?” I asked, feeling nervous again and dreading that he’d say ‘no’, and burst my bubble.

“Yes.” I almost giggled with relief. “Most important, I guess… I’ve never made love with anyone I’ve actually loved before.”

“That’s good to know.”

He smiled. “Hmm… I thought so.”

“Anything else?”

“Yeah. I’ve never brought anyone else here before… not that I really brought you here, but you know what I mean.”

“I do,” I whispered, smiling.

“Also, I’ve never had sex standing up…”

“Seriously?”

He shook his head. “You didn’t let me finish. What I was gonna say was I’ve never had sex standing up in the way we do. In the past, with other women, it’s always just been a matter of convenience, or something to do for a change of scenery, but with you, it’s so much more. It’s the way you cling to me when I hold you in my arms, the look in your eyes when you give yourself to me.” He let out a sigh. “I’ve never done that with anyone else.”

I shuddered, recalling how good that felt. We didn’t save it for the shower, either. Not any more. Drew had taken me that way in the kitchen, the living room and the bedroom… oh, and the dressing room. I’d almost forgotten that…

“Why not?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I guess it’s about trust again. It’s about you trusting me not to hurt you… like this.” He circled his finger over my anus.

“You mean…?”

He nodded his head. “It was just like I thought… I’ve never touched anyone there before.” He gazed into my eyes, and I stuttered out a breath as he flexed his hips upward, going deeper inside me.

“Do you want to do more than touch?” I asked.

He paused, gazing into my eyes, and then closed his for a second before he breathed out, “Oh, fuck… yeah.”

He pulled me closer, kissing me hard, and then rolled us over so I was on my back. I stared up at him, biting on my bottom lip. “Y—You will go easy, won’t you?”

He bent his head, nibbling at my lip to free it, and then rested his forehead against mine. “You know I will… at least until you’re begging me for more.”

I giggled, and then he kissed me again, and spent the next two hours showing me what it’s like to have everything.

And oh, so much more.

“I’d know that smell anywhere,” Drew says as we enter the main house through the kitchen doors. I’m holding Maisie and he closes the door behind us, keeping out the December chill. “It’s Pat’s beef chili.”

She smiles over at him, her eyes misting slightly. Drew and I might be used to the fact that his memory has completely returned, but the rest of the family are still getting used to it.

“It’s still got an hour or so to go,” she says, putting the lid back on the pan and resting the spoon beside it. “Everyone’s in the den. I’ll join you in a minute.”

He nods his head, smiling at her, and we wander through the house, into the lobby, and through to the ‘den’ as Pat calls it. To me, it’s too tidy to be a ‘den’, but when you have two living rooms, you need to differentiate, I guess.

Everyone is already here, including Mick, who I’ve only met briefly before. For such a large man, he’s very unobtrusive, with gray hair and a friendly face, and I like him. Livia’s mom and dad are sitting together on one of the many couches. Julianne is just as pretty as her daughter, with blonde hair, which she’s wearing loose around her shoulders today, while Connor’s coloring is darker… but that’s not surprising. He’s not related to Livia, even if he is her dad.

In the corner, there’s an enormous Christmas tree, decorated with white lights and wooden toys. I know there’s another such tree in the library at the back of the house, but the one in here gives off a lovely, festive glow.

“When are we actually gonna get to see this famous cookery book?” Drew asks Ella and she turns, narrowing her eyes at him.

“Monday,” she says.

“Are you gonna write another one?” I ask her, sitting on the couch opposite Julianne and Connor, while Drew perches on the arm beside me.

“No. The publisher offered, and Mac’s agent was really keen for me to take the deal, but I’d rather be a full-time mom.”

“Never thought I’d hear you say that,” Hunter says, and Ella shoots him a glance, just as the buzzer sounds, letting everyone know there’s someone at the front gate. He gets up, leaving Livia behind in her seat. “I’ll go get that.”

“It’s okay. Pat’s in the kitchen. I’m sure she’ll answer it.” Drew looks up at him, but Hunter shakes his head.

“She’s busy.”

He leaves the room and I glance down at Maisie, who’s struggling to stay awake. “Do you want me to take her upstairs?” Drew says, leaning over me, but I shake my head.

“She’s no trouble.”

“You just like holding her, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

He smiles and kisses my forehead before turning to Mac. “Is your new book out yet?”

He shakes his head. “That’s launching on Tuesday, but I guess Hunter wanted us to get together and celebrate while everyone’s here.”

That’s not strictly true, but I’m not about to say that.

“Are you writing anything new?” Julianne asks and Mac turns to her.

“Oh, yes. I’ve already finished the third book. That’s with the editors, and I’m about half-way through the fourth one. I’ve got at least three, or maybe four more in the pipeline in this series, and then I might move on to something different.”

“Goodness. That must keep you busy.”

“It does. But I really love it, and there aren’t very many people who can say that about their work.”

“That’s t—true,” Connor says, stammering over his words, which he tends to do.

“It’s a detective you write about, isn’t it?” Julianne asks.

“Yes. A female one, who also happens to be a doctor. That was Ella’s idea, so if anyone should take the credit for my success, it’s my beautiful wife, not me.”

“Hardly,” Ella says. “You still have to write them.”

“I know. But they wouldn’t even be published if it wasn’t for you.”

He leans over and kisses her, just as Hunter comes back into the room, followed by the woman I know to be his mother. I’d expected this, but what I hadn’t anticipated was that she’d be with a man. He’s in his early-fifties, with salt and pepper hair and steel-rimmed glasses. Both of them look nervous as they glance around the room, and the man puts his arm through Lindsay’s as Hunter coughs, getting everyone’s attention. A silence falls, just as Pat comes in behind the small group, dodging past them, a blush on her cheeks, as she walks over and sits beside Mick. I’m not sure if she knew Lindsay was coming tonight, but I think she might have done.

Hunter steps a little further into the room, ushering Lindsay and the man to follow, and then looks at Drew, and at Ella, who are both staring at him, equally confused.

“Drew… Ella… I want you to meet our mother.”

Drew sucks in an audible gasp, but it’s Ella who reacts. Without a second’s hesitation, she pulls away from Mac and jumps to her feet, taking a step forward.

“How could you do this, Hunter? You told me she’d been to see you after Drew’s accident, and I explained I wanted nothing to do with her.”

“I know, and I heard you. That’s why I told Mom she couldn’t come to your wedding, even though she wanted to.”

Ella narrows her eyes. “Don’t make it sound like you’ve done me a favor, when you’ve so obviously invited her here tonight. This is a family celebration. She doesn’t belong here.”

I can see the hurt on Lindsay’s face, and the surprise on Hunter’s. He’s clearly taken aback by his sister’s outburst.

“Is that true?” Drew says from beside me. “Did you invite her?”

“Not exactly. After I’d told Ella about Mom’s visit, Mom and I had a long conversation. She was upset about Ella not wanting her to come to the wedding, and she asked if she could visit afterwards. I couldn’t say yes or no straight away. We had to wait for you to be well enough, but once you were, I spoke to Josie and she…”

Drew leans forward, looking down at me. “You knew about this?”

I nod my head. “Don’t get mad. Hunter asked if I thought you were ready and I said ‘yes’.” I glance at Ella, just briefly, and then look back at Drew. “I appreciate it’s not just about you, but there are things your mom needs to tell you, and putting it off isn’t gonna help anyone.”

“You think?” Ella says, glaring at me.

I suck in a breath, but before I can reply, Hunter gets there first. “Don’t blame Josie. It was my decision. I told Mom she could come tonight, providing she accepted the outcome.” He moves a little closer to Ella, looking down into her upturned face. “If you decide you never want to see her again, that’s fine. She’ll respect that. But at least hear her out before you jump to any conclusions.”

Ella glances over his shoulder at her mother, just as Mac gets to his feet, coming to stand beside her. “It can’t hurt to listen, can it?” he whispers.

She shrugs, but doesn’t answer, and I look up at Drew. “Are you mad at me?”

“No. I wish you’d told me, but I guess you were worried I wouldn’t show.”

Hunter turns, smiling at him. “I was more worried you’d tell Ella and she wouldn’t show.”

“No shit,” she mutters, folding her arms across her chest. “But having ambushed me, I guess it would be interesting to know why our mom abandoned us.”

She tilts her head, looking directly at Lindsay, the older woman blushing as she sucks in a breath, her eyes wandering over the assembled faces.

“I—I hadn’t expected there to be so many people here.” She turns to Hunter. “I thought it would just be the three of you.”

Hunter shakes his head. “We’re the family you left behind.” He holds out his arms to Livia and Mac and myself. “These are the people we love. This is what we made of ourselves without you.” Lindsay looks over toward Julianne and Connor. “They’re my in-laws,” Hunter says. “They’re part of the family, too.” Lindsay opens her mouth, but then snaps it shut, hesitating for a moment before she nods her head and glances at Pat and Mick, who are sitting side-by-side. She frowns and turns to Hunter, raising an eyebrow. “Our father hired Pat and Mick to care for us and look after the property when you left. Pat raised us. She did your job when you weren’t here to do it anymore. She has more right to be here than you do, so you either talk in front of her, or you can leave.”

Pat stares at Hunter, blinking hard, fighting back tears, while Lindsay flounders, unsure of herself until the man beside her steps a little closer.

“I’m here, Lin. I’ll help you. But you need to tell them. It’s what you came here for.”

She takes a deep breath and looks back at Hunter again. “Would you mind if I sat down?”

He nods, stepping aside so she can sit in the corner of one of the couches, the man perching on the arm beside her. Hunter returns to his seat as do Ella and Mac, and we all stare at their mom, waiting.

She’s twists her fingers in her lap, biting on her bottom lip and then she looks up, making direct eye contact with Hunter.

“You want to know why I left, but to tell you that, I’ll have to explain how I came to be here in the first place.”

“Okay.”

She sighs, and glances up at the man beside her, who nods his head, and rather than looking at any one of her children, Lindsay gazes at the low table in front of her.

“When I first met Theodore Bennett, he was just making a name for himself in the advertising world. It was at a party, and I was there with my parents…”

“Your parents?” Hunter says, surprise evident on his face. “How old were you?”

She turns her head, looking at him. “I was a couple of months shy of my sixteenth birthday. My father knew Theodore, and they talked about work for most of the evening, although he spent a lot of time staring at me. I was flattered, in the way that teenage girls can be when an older, attractive man pays attention to them. So, I didn’t think too much of it when I came out of the ladies’ room later in the evening and found him waiting for me. When he pushed me up against the wall and kissed me, I enjoyed it. When he told me he’d fallen for me, I believed him. I let myself be swept away, and I agreed to meet him the following evening.” She stops talking and looks up at the man beside her again.

He smiles and gives her another encouraging nod of his head. “He waited for me in his car, on the corner of the street where I lived with my mom and dad, and then he drove me to his place.” I feel Drew tense beside me, although I daren’t look up at him. I daren’t move for fear of breaking the moment. “He didn’t bother with the niceties of food or drink. He said he couldn’t wait, and he held my hand as he took me upstairs,” she says with a slight crack in her voice.

“ He was very reassuring… and then afterwards, he took me home. I didn’t see anything wrong in what we’d done. We were in love… or so I thought. I certainly believed myself to be in love with him, and when he asked if he could see me again, I couldn’t believe my luck.”

Hunter sits forward, his hands clasped tightly together, his knuckles white. “Didn’t it occur to you that what he was doing was statutory rape?”

“No. I didn’t even think it was odd when he held my hand in the car and told me I couldn’t tell anyone about us. I liked the fact that there was an ‘us’, and that he said it would spoil what we had if other people knew about it. He was very… plausible. Either that, or I was very gullible. One way or the other, though, I believed every word he said.”

“So you kept seeing him?” Hunter asks.

“Yes, three or four times a week. Sometimes even more than that… until I realized my period was late.”

“You were pregnant?” Drew says and his mom nods, just once.

“With me?” Hunter tilts his head.

“Yes.”

“How old were you then?”

“Sixteen. Just. I’d had my birthday five days before I found out I was pregnant.” There’s a collective gasp and Lindsay looks down at the floor, her cheeks flushing.

“What did you do?” Livia asks, resting her hand on her slightly swollen belly.

“I told Theodore.” Lindsay looks up again, taking another deep breath. “I’d waited until we got to his house, thinking we could sit and talk, but all he did pace the floor. After about half an hour, he drove me home again, making me promise not to tell a soul. I didn’t see him for a few days, but when I did, he proposed. He’d bought a ring, and everything… which I stupidly thought must have meant he really loved me.”

“So, you accepted?” Hunter says.

“Yes. And we were married within weeks. Not long afterwards, my mom died. She’d been sick for some time and, while my parents had been surprised – even shocked – by my decision to marry Theodore when I was so young, I think they thought we were rushing our wedding plans so she could see me walk down the aisle. My father was devastated by her loss, and believing me to be happy and safe with Theodore, he went to stay with his family in North Carolina, and eventually he moved back there, which suited Theodore perfectly, because it meant he was no longer under any kind of scrutiny. He persuaded me it was in my best interests to drop out of school, making sure I lost contact with all my friends, and because there was no-one to contradict him, he could say anything he liked about me to anyone who asked. So, he told his friends and colleagues I was twenty, not sixteen, and that we’d known each other for years before marrying. I didn’t know he was doing any of that at the time. As far as I was concerned, we were perfectly happy together. His hours were long, but that was to be expected when he was building his business. He was doing very well for himself, too. He bought us this house,” she says, looking around and sighing. “I loved living here, even if it meant we only saw each other at weekends. He stayed in the city during the week, but I didn’t mind. I had so much fun decorating all the rooms and getting ready for our new baby.” She glances at Hunter with a loving smile and, although he’s clearly struggling, he smiles back. “Everything was going so well, or at least, I thought it was… until I was about seven months pregnant.”

“What happened?” Hunter asks.

She bites on her bottom lip again and sighs. “Your father used to come home on Friday evenings, and I’d always go to the grocery store in the afternoon to get in some supplies. I got held up for some reason. I think there was an accident, or something… anyway, by the time I came back, he was already here. His car was parked out front, and I let myself in, calling out that I was home. He didn’t reply, so I went through to the kitchen, and dropped all the groceries on the floor when I saw him having sex with another woman up against the wall.”

“Asshole.” Drew’s whisper is so quiet, I’m fairly sure I’m the only one who heard him, and I lean in to him as he hugs me closer.

“He brought a woman here?” Ella says, speaking for the first time since Lindsay started her story.

“Yes. It was a deliberate act on his part. He wanted me to find them like that… to know what he was doing. She was tall, slim, probably in her early twenties. Her underwear was… quite sophisticated. He kept his arm around her while he told me he didn’t want to sleep with me anymore. I was too fat, evidently, and he’d brought Bridget with him to keep him amused over the weekend.”

“Are you kidding me?” Drew sits forward, looking over at his mom. “He brought his lover into your home and expected you to accept it?”

“Yes.” She looks up at him. “He gave her directions to one of the guest rooms and told her he’d join her in a minute, and then she left, picking up her clothes from the floor. Once we were alone, he told me he’d been seeing her for a couple of months.” Her voice falters. “He told me she understood his needs, like I never could… because she was a real woman, not a little girl. I reminded him I wasn’t a little girl, I was his wife… and I was expecting his child, and he hit me with the back of his hand, right across my cheek.”

She touches her fingers to the side of her face just as Hunter shoots to his feet and Drew follows, the two of them staring down at their mom. I raise my hand, putting it into Drew’s, and he gives me a gentle squeeze.

“I know you’re gonna ask why I didn’t leave?” she says, looking up at them.

“No, I wasn’t gonna say that at all,” Hunter replies, glancing at Drew.

“Neither was I.”

Lindsay seems to deflate with relief. “I thought about it,” she says, defensively. “But I had nowhere to go, and no money of my own. Theodore had seen to that. My father was still recovering from Mom’s death, and I didn’t feel I could burden him with my problems. So, I buried my head in the sand and pretended it wasn’t happening.” She focuses on Hunter. “I went into labor three weeks early, which I guess wasn’t surprising under the circumstances. It was a Wednesday, so Theodore was in the city, and when someone at the hospital called to tell him what was happening, he said he couldn’t get away.”

“So you gave birth alone?” Ella asks, the experience of labor still fresh in her mind, I guess.

“Yes. Theodore arrived at the weekend, as usual.”

“Did he come alone?” Drew asks through gritted teeth and their mom shakes her head. “You’re kidding, right?”

“No. He brought Bridget with him. She’d been a regular visitor ever since that first time, but after Hunter was born, I told him I’d had enough. We had a baby, and I wasn’t willing to tolerate having his lover in the house any longer.”

“What did he do?” Ella asks, her voice little more than a whisper, her face as white as snow.

“He stopped coming here altogether, although he made it clear he wouldn’t be faithful. He’d gotten a taste for other women, he said, and Bridget had introduced him to a friend of hers. It seemed she liked to share…” Her voice fades and her cheeks flush slightly. “He liked that too, evidently, and told me I could never hope to satisfy him again… so there wasn’t much point in trying. He slammed out after that and we barely saw each other. To be honest, I didn’t mind in the slightest. I had you…” She turns to Hunter. “And I didn’t need anything else.”

“You were sixteen,” he says, frowning and shaking his head.

“I know. I grew up quickly.”

A momentary silence descends while we all take in Lindsay’s story, and I tug on Drew’s hand, getting him to sit back down again. Hunter follows suit, putting his arm around Livia and kissing her forehead. I think he’s more shocked than the rest of us, although Ella’s leaning on Mac, too.

“If it’s not a stupid and insensitive question,” Drew says, leaning forward to look at his mom, “how was I conceived?”

Ella glances at him, and then looks at her mom. “Me too.”

I notice a frown crossing Hunter’s face, and he turns to Ella, his eyes filled with concern. I’m not sure what that means, and no-one else seems to have noticed his discomfort. They’re all looking at Lindsay.

She turns, focusing on Drew. “As Hunter got older, your father spent a little more time here. He’d maybe come back once every six weeks or so, I guess… something like that.”

“What about birthdays and Christmas… and Thanksgiving?” Ella asks.

“He missed a lot of birthdays,” Hunter says, answering for his mom. “Even I remember that.”

Lindsay smiles. “I still tried to make them special,” she says, and Hunter nods in acknowledgement. “As for Thanksgiving and Christmas, he’d often work right through them. At least, that was what he told me he was doing, and I didn’t care enough to question him. That was why I was so surprised when he came home the week before Christmas… completely out of the blue. He arrived late in the afternoon, in a foul mood. I’m not sure why, but everything I did was wrong. He hated the Christmas tree, and criticized everything I’d done around the house, the way I’d wrapped the presents, and every meal I cooked. He clearly didn’t want to be here, and after a couple of days, I’d had enough and I answered back.” She stops talking and takes a breath. “A—Afterwards, when I was lying on the kitchen floor, crying in pain and shock, I asked him why he’d r—raped me, and he laughed and told me it wasn’t rape. It couldn’t be rape, he said, because we were married. But I knew that was wrong. I’d been pushing him away, screaming at him to stop, and he hadn’t. He’d forced… he’d…” A slight sob leaves her lips and the man beside her puts his arm around her shoulders.

“Do you want to take a break, Lin?”

“No,” she says through her tears. “I want to get this over with.”

“You mean there’s more?” Drew’s voice is a shocked whisper and his mom nods her head, looking over at Ella.

“Was it the same with me?” she says, staring at her mother. “Because if it was, I don’t want to put you through having to tell it.”

Lindsay shakes her head. “It wasn’t the same… not exactly.” She leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “Your father was seeing Doreen by then.”

“Doreen?” Ella says, sounding surprised.

“Yes. I’d known about their affair since the moment it started.”

“How?” Hunter asks.

“He fell in love with her,” she says simply.

“Um… who’s Doreen?” I ask, and Drew turns to face me.

“She was our father’s secretary while he was alive, and for a while, she was Hunter’s too… until she left, and he hired Livia.”

I nod my head, and he smiles, returning his gaze to his mom. “Your father and Doreen might have worked together for years, but after her husband’s death, everything changed between them, and finding love changed him. It was too noticeable to miss. He still hardly ever came home, but when he did, he was calmer, easier to deal with.”

“So you got along better?” Drew asks.

“I wouldn’t go that far, but we tolerated each other more easily… at least until that night…”

“What night?” Ella sits forward, as though she knows the next part of the story is going to be about her.

“The night you were conceived, Theodore came back from a function he’d attended with Doreen. She never used to let him stay the night because she had a young child, and although I know it used to make him angry, it never used to bother me, because he stayed in the city. On that night, though, he brought his resentment back here. It was late by the time the taxi dropped him off, and I was asleep in bed, although he still came barging into my room, cradling a bottle of whiskey. He sat at the end of my bed, swaying and drinking, still wearing his tux, as he bemoaned his lot.” She pauses for a second. “H—He wasn’t violent that time… just drunk and fumbling. To be honest, I think he thought I was Doreen, and while it was unpleasant, it was nowhere near as frightening as the previous time. The next morning, when he woke up and found me beside him, he was horrified by what he’d done.”

“More so than when he’d raped you?” Hunter says.

She looks over at him. “Of course. In his eyes, there was nothing wrong with what he’d done before. This time, he’d betrayed Doreen, and he jumped out of bed, staring at me and saying, ‘What have I done?’. He was terrified she’d find out, which of course she did, when I discovered I was pregnant… again. Theodore had no choice other than to tell her, although I know he was scared she’d leave him. She did, I think… or maybe she just threatened to. I can’t remember now…” Her voice fades and she sits back slightly, looking up at Drew, then at Ella, and finally at Hunter.

“If what she told me is true, she left him,” he says. “She resigned from the company and told him she wanted nothing more to do with him.”

The room falls silent, and everyone slowly turns and looks at Hunter. It’s Ella who speaks first.

“Y—You mean you knew about this?”

“Yes,” he says. “Doreen told me.”

Ella sits right forward. “But you didn’t tell me?”

“How was I supposed to tell you something like that?” She stares at him for a long moment and then lowers her head, sinking back into Mac’s arms. “I couldn’t, could I?” Hunter says. “Not only would it have been difficult for you to hear, but when Doreen revealed her side of the story, I didn’t know whether what Dad had told her was the truth. I couldn’t see any reason he’d have lied about something like that, but what benefit would there have been in me telling you something I couldn’t verify? I couldn’t see how it would have served any purpose. If I got that wrong, then I’m sorry.” Ella nods her head in silent acknowledgement and Hunter turns to his mom. “Doreen told me she left him and was getting ready to leave town and take her daughter with her, when Dad arrived at her apartment and begged her to forgive him.”

“I can’t imagine your father begging for anything,” Lindsay says, shaking her head.

Hunter shrugs his shoulders. “Those were Doreen’s words.”

“And did she? Forgive him, I mean?” I ask.

He nods his head. “Yes. She wasn’t sure it was the wisest thing she’d ever done, but she loved him.” He frowns, turning to his mother. “Sorry if that isn’t what you want to hear.”

“I don’t care, Hunter,” his mother says. “I barely cared then, and I certainly don’t now.”

Drew sucks in a sharp breath. “So…” he says, shaking his head slowly from side to side. “None of us were born out of love.”

Lindsay gets to her feet, pulling away from the man beside her and walks straight to Drew, standing in front of him. “Please don’t think that. I loved you all.”

“Then why did you leave us?” he says.

It’s a simple enough question, and Lindsay’s shoulders drop as she says, “Because of Ken Bevan, I suppose.”

I notice Livia tense, and something about my expression obviously catches Lindsay’s attention. She follows my line of sight, turning to look at Hunter and Livia.

“What’s wrong?” she says.

Hunter keeps a firm hold on Livia, looking up at his mom. “I’ve got something to tell you.”

“Oh?”

“Livia is Ken Bevan’s daughter.”

Lindsay darts across the room, her movements as fast as they are unexpected, although Hunter leaps to his feet, putting himself between Livia and his mother.

“How could you?” she screams.

“It was real easy, Mom. I fell in love.”

“With Ken Bevan’s daughter?”

“Yes. But you need to calm down. I didn’t know who she was when we met. Even Livia didn’t realize the connection until it was explained to her. She’s not responsible for what he did, any more than I can be blamed for what my father did.”

Julianne gets up and steps into the fray. “I was Ken’s wife,” she says.

Lindsay turns toward her. “You’re Julianne?”

“Yes. And I’m sorry for what he did. But as Hunter said, Livia isn’t responsible. Neither am I. My first marriage was hell. Nothing like as bad as yours, but still hell. Regardless of that, though, I never wanted to make my child suffer for the actions of my husband.” Julianne tilts her head. “Do you?”

Lindsay stares at her for a moment and I think everyone in the room sees the moment she backs down, her body deflating in the wake of Julianne’s wise words.

“You’re right,” she says, turning to Hunter. “I’m sorry. It’s just that everything changed after Ken Bevan stole the money from your father. I’d tolerated his women… even his love for Doreen. He’d abused me. He’d raped me…” She stops talking and swallows down a sob, and the man who came in with her gets up, going to her, and putting his arm around her shoulders. “I’d taken so much from him, and then it just got worse. I didn’t think that was possible, but he was so angry and bitter about the money… and that’s when the violence started.”

“Violence?” Hunter looks down at her, frowning. “You mean, other than when he slapped you around the face?”

“Oh, that was nothing.”

I doesn’t sound like ‘nothing’ to me, and judging by the look on Hunter’s face, I think he agrees.

“But I don’t remember any violence,” he says, sounding confused. “I’ve spoken to Doreen about what happened back then, and she didn’t mention our father being violent, either.”

“He probably wasn’t violent to her. He loved her. And besides, she didn’t know everything.”

“But surely, I’d have noticed?” he says.

Lindsay shakes her head. “I hid it from you for as long as I could.”

“What does that mean?”

She leans in to the man beside her, like this part of her story is going to be hard to tell… although how it can be harder than what’s gone before, I don’t know.

“It means that one evening, he beat me so badly, he broke four of my ribs. Ella was asleep in bed, and the two of you were playing in different parts of the house. None of you saw or even heard what he’d done, but I knew I had to get out. So, I waited for him to leave, then I called a cab, took the three of you, and went to the hospital.”

“You mean it was real?” Hunter says, his voice barely audible.

Lindsay looks confused. “What was real?”

“The reason you went to the hospital.”

“Of course it was real.”

“I—I remember being at the hospital, but I thought you’d faked an accident, so you could get away,” Hunter says, shaking his head.

Lindsay lets out a sigh. “I’d never have done something like that. And it wasn’t an accident, believe me. When he arrived late that afternoon, I stupidly thought he’d come home to spend Thanksgiving with us. In fact, it transpired he needed some documents to do with the money Ken had taken. I think his intention was to go straight back to the city, once he’d found them. The problem was, he’d misplaced them, and he blamed me. There was nothing accidental about what he did next.” Lindsay pauses, taking a breath. “I remember, I was lying on the kitchen floor, and he was standing over me. I honestly thought he was gonna kill me, but he didn’t. He left. That was when I took my chance.”

“You mean, that was when you called the cab?” Hunter asks, his face pale.

“Yes. I don’t know how I made it to the phone, but I did, and when we got to the ER, they took the three of you to a room and called the police. Unfortunately, your father arrived first. No-one ever explained how he knew where we were. I’ve always assumed he came back here for some reason, found we’d gone and put two and two together. I guess I’ll never know the truth of that, and it doesn’t matter. The fact is, once he arrived, he took over. He persuaded the hospital staff I had mental health problems. He told them I was having a breakdown, that I was so sick, I didn’t even know how old I was. I didn’t realize, but he’d taken away my driver’s license. I don’t know when he did that. It could have been that day, at the hospital, or some time before. All I know is, when they queried my date of birth for the third time, and I told them to check on my driver’s license, it wasn’t there. I had no other identification on me, and somehow he convinced them this was part of my ‘illness’. He claimed I was taking medication for my supposed mental health issues and that the drugs affected my memory, which was why I’d given them the wrong date of birth. According to him, I was really four years older than I was claiming to be. He was friends with the mayor and a few prominent businessmen, and he wasn’t averse to dropping their names into the conversation, while he lied and said he’d seen it all before. He said I was delusional, that I’d inflicted the injuries on myself by throwing myself down the stairs, and that he was scared for my safety, because things seemed to have escalated more quickly than usual. The police arrived, and he repeated the story to them, adding that he was concerned for the welfare of his children… that he was worried I’d hurt the three of you next. I denied it all, but he had an answer for everything, and somehow whatever he said sounded more plausible. Before I knew it, someone came and strapped me to the bed. They were talking about sedatives and hospitalizing me, even while I was screaming at them to let me see my children. It all happened so fast after that, I can’t remember the chain of events very clearly. I just remember crying, begging them to let me see you all, and being given an injection, which made everything go hazy.”

“Jesus Christ,” Drew says. “Hunter was right… at least in part.”

I look up. “What do you mean?”

He glances over at his brother, who’s standing, his head bowed, clearly in shock. “Hunter has always maintained that Mom didn’t want to leave… that Dad drove her away.”

“N—Not like this,” Hunter says, his voice cracking. “I thought it was his behavior that made Mom leave… of her own free will.”

“I know,” Drew says. “And all my life, I wanted to believe you. You’re the only one who remembers any of it, and I so wanted it to be true. I thought it was wishful thinking on your part. I thought you weren’t willing to face up to what had happened… to the memories of Mom walking out on us.” He shakes his head, averting his gaze to his mother. “Now, I wish you had,” he says. “I wish you’d just left us.”

“Why?” She’s horrified by his suggestion.

“Because he’d tortured you enough already. He’d abused you in so many ways. But to do that to you… to take your children by force…” He lets his voice fade and turns, stroking Maisie’s head, the concept more real to him than any of us.

“I would never have left you, if he hadn’t made me,” Lindsay says with more strength in her voice than I’ve heard all evening, and I look up at Drew.

“Are you okay?” I whisper. He nods, although he doesn’t answer, and just stares deep into my eyes. “I love you.”

“Even after hearing that? Even after knowing where I come from?”

“Yes. You’re not your father, Drew. And I love you more than ever for being you.”

***