Chapter Ten

Holden

Holden was imagining Finn with his dark hair and big, dark blue eyes. He was imagining Finn’s naked, creamy skin, and him on all fours, bent over while Brandon drove into him. It made no difference that he had felt ashamed at jerking off at the diner over the four men he’d met in Clear Water. He wanted to think about Finn and Brandon getting it on. Nothing would give him greater pleasure.

He had his fingers tight around his cock and he was spread-eagled on his bed, groaning, making as much noise as he wanted, desperate to get off. Tyler kept interrupting the scene though. He kept seeing that ripped body, those grey eyes and then it was him on the bed and Tyler was gripping his hair, pulling his head back as he split him in two with his dick.

Fuck, he wanted it. He needed it. He needed more than fucking jacking off, and he had to have it. Keeping his hand around his cock, he shuffled across the bed to grab his phone. He kept stroking as he lay down, opened the Grindr app and starting scrolling. It had been a long time since he’d been fussy but now none of the guys looked right. He wanted somebody big, built, with short hair, and preferably dressed in army camos. Oh wait, here was someone fitting the brief completely, a dark-haired guy in army uniform, a sunny background, a sunny smile to match and…oh fuck, it was Tyler. There he was on Grindr.

Holy fuck, he was beautiful. He scrolled through Tyler’s pictures while he jerked harder and harder, all thoughts of Finn and Brandon gone. God, he wanted him. He noticed all the shots of Tyler were above the waist then, which kind of broke his heart. Did Tyler tell guys about his leg before he hooked up with them? He swiped right. When the chat box came up, he hovered his finger over the keyboard, before closing it. He looked at the pictures again, breathing hard and imagining Tyler sat on his face and Holden’s tongue in his ass. Then Tyler’s cock inside him, riding him hard.

He came with a cry, jets of cum lacing his stomach and chest. He collapsed, panting, and saw a message pop up. For a moment he thought it was from Tyler and laughed to himself when it wasn’t.

Hey hot guy wanna hook up?

Being a writer, Holden disliked the poor grammar and lack of punctuation you got with messaging, but he didn’t usually correct them. Because he’d just been offered a way to be less lonely on his birthday.

Bluey’s bar was dim and cool inside. The time was seven p.m. Holden had rolled out of bed at eleven, sat for an unproductive hour at the laptop, then watched porn and jerked off for the rest of the day. He hoped he had enough left in the tank for his date. Even if he didn’t, he could still lie there and get fucked. Still feed the addiction and the need to be humiliated.

A couple of times he’d looked out of the window hoping to spot Tyler. He’d looked at those photos of him on his Grindr profile again. And again. He looked around the dark bar and wished his date was Tyler, not some random hook up.

A guy was sitting at the bar with a bottle of beer. Tall and built, wearing faded jeans and cowboy boots. He glanced in Holden’s direction and smiled. Tanned, blond and green-eyed. At least fifteen years younger than him. Not Tyler, but not bad at all. Holden slid onto the stool next to him and held out his hand.

“Holden.”

“Gage. Aren’t you that writer guy?”

Holden scowled. “You’re thinking of someone else.”

Gage grinned. “Ah, sure, I must be. What can I get you?”

“Beer, please.”

Gage leaned over and ordered from the barkeep. When the man had placed a bottle in front of Holden, Gage lifted his beer. Holden tapped his own against it and drank long and deep. Maybe he’d get wasted tonight, so he could imagine this guy was Tyler when he was face down later.

“So, what are you doing in this hick town?” Gage asked and snorted.

Holden smiled ruefully. “Taking some time out.”

“Yeah. Enjoying the solitude?”

“Yeah.”

“Not much action though, I bet?”

Their gazes held. “Not much,” said Holden, “but I hope you’re here to rectify that.”

Gage grinned. “That’s right, sir, I am. And I always liked myself an older man.”

“Well, it’s my birthday today, so maybe you can make it a good one.”

Gage laughed and shook his head. “Oh man, it really is your lucky day.”

Holden kept the smile on his face with an effort. He couldn’t imagine Tyler talking like this. And he wished then that he and Tyler were sitting here shooting the shit on his birthday and he wasn’t with some random who just wanted to fuck him. He thought about slipping off the stool and walking away, walking right back home and knocking on the door of the annex and saying, Tyler, it’s my birthday, please come celebrate at Bluey’s with me. And Tyler would smile, ask for five minutes to change his shirt, then Holden would call a cab, because Tyler couldn’t walk all the way to town. They’d sit beside each other on the back seat of the cab and Holden would think he was the luckiest man in the world.

He glanced at Gage. He was going to get fucked, regardless. That was the main thing.

Holden opened the door and held it for Gage to follow him inside. He walked through to the kitchen, noticing the smell of paint drifting down the hallway. Taking two bottles from the fridge, he popped the tops and handed one to Gage. Gage took it, swallowed a hefty gulp, then grabbed Holden by the back of the neck and zeroed in for a kiss. Holden turned his face away. Why, he couldn’t say. Gage burrowed his face against his neck, using a bit too many teeth for Holden’s liking. He squirmed as Gage put his beer down and grabbed him by the ass, grinding his erection against him.

It was hot, of course, and Holden wanted it, but… he could see out through the window to Tyler’s place. All the lights were off and it was barely ten. He’d spent three tedious hours in Gage’s company where he’d learned that Gage was all about Gage. No one else existed in his narrow little world. He was narcissistic, self-obsessed, and possibly even sociopathic. He found Holden’s current circumstances amusing and said he would track down Leo and kill him if he was Holden. All in all, Holden wasn’t sure why he’d invited Gage back here. Maybe because he was utterly wasted. He’d been sure to drink as much as he could humanly put away at the bar. Better make this quick, because he wanted Gage gone so he could jerk off over Tyler’s pictures on Grindr.

He didn’t like that Gage shoved him to his knees though, even though this was the thing he liked above all. He wanted this, didn’t he? Wanted to be forced with that hand on his head, shoving him down, making him choke? How many men had done this to him and how many times had he relived it after with tears running down his face and his throat sore? What exactly was there to enjoy about it? Why did he crave it? He looked up as Gage unfastened his jeans and pulled his cock free. Not so big. Something Holden could manage and wouldn’t hurt him too much. He felt relief. But when Gage gripped his neck and aimed that cock between his lips, Holden resisted. Suddenly he didn’t want it anymore. He didn’t want the morning feeling of regret masked as the thrill of being dominated. The addiction controlling him, telling him what he wanted and how to feel. What he didn’t want tonight, on his birthday, was this man’s dick down his throat.

He stumbled to his feet, knocking against Gage. “No, man,” he said.

“What?” Gage asked, sounding baffled.

“Not tonight. I drank too much.” Holden staggered around the kitchen table and nearly fell. For a moment he thought he might puke. He negotiated the hallway with difficulty and opened the front door.

Gage followed him. He stepped outside, squinting at Holden. “Are you really serious?”

Holden nodded. “Sorry, man.”

Gage grabbed him by the shirt and dragged him from the house. He laughed and swept Holden into his arms, dancing around the yard. “Come on, you prick tease, give me a kiss.”

Once more Holden turned his face away. He tried to squirm free from Gage’s grip. Gage was laughing and stumbling and the situation seemed non-threatening, but still, they were right outside Tyler’s window and they were being loud. “Listen, how about we do it again next week?”

Gage glowered at him. “Hey, you wanted to hook up. Tonight. That was the deal.”

Holden pulled free and steadied himself against the trunk of his car. “Not tonight,” he mumbled and pushed off, trying to weave his way back to the house.

Gage grabbed him by both shoulders. “Yes, tonight.” He slammed him against the trunk of the car with force.

“What the fuck, man?” Holden tried to jerk free and Gage forced him face down, one hand on the back of his head, the other on his spine.

“We both know how this goes,” Gage said, pressing his hard groin against Holden’s ass. “Stop playing hard to get. A man can only take so much teasing.”

“Hey, I didn’t fucking tease you!”

Holden bucked back and Gage shoved him down again. Then he reached around Holden and unfastened his belt.

Holden slapped his hands. “Get the fuck off.”

A fist collided with his cheek from nowhere and he almost saw stars. He fell against the car, stunned, and felt Gage unfastening his jeans and pulling them down.

“Stop, no, stop!” He was too drunk and too stunned to be effective against Gage’s weight. The guy was strong as an ox and he had his cock free now and pressing against Holden’s naked ass, pushing.

Holden cried out. At that moment he heard the door to the annex opening.