Chapter Twenty-Eight

Sleep comes and goes in fitful bouts. I lie in Mark's arms, awake, staring at a black ceiling as I wait for sleep to take me once more. It's taking its sweet time, warded off by stress. Emotional stress, that can't be reasoned away now that it's dark and my thoughts are allowed to run rampant. Mark snores softly, the sound breaking up the quiet of the night.

With a sigh, I reach over him for my phone, squinting at the time. It's almost two am. I count up in my head—Chris should be landing down soon. Quietly, I slide out from under Mark's arm and tug on my prosthetic. Light shines through the bottom of the door, faintly illuminating my way through the dark room. I close the door behind me quietly and make my way to the kitchen.

I'm pouring water from the tap when I spot Eddie leaning over books on the kitchen table. He's frozen, highlighter poised over a sheet of paper. His expression is frozen, too. I follow his gaze downward until I realise it's my leg he's staring at. I'm dressed in a borrowed pair of Mark's shorts that he gave me to sleep in. They're big on me, but not that big.

I stare at the prosthetic too for a moment, and when I look back, Eddie has reanimated. Expression flitting from irritated to vexed to guilty. He turns back to his work, not saying a word.

I shift my weight, swallowing. My mind is consumed by his and Mark's fight. How agitated Mark had been. How worked up the pair were, ready to go to battle with each other. Just because I find it hard to be around Eddie didn't mean I ever wanted Mark to be at odds with him.

I swallow again and approach the kitchen table. Eddie's gaze flicks up from his notebook as I slide into the chair opposite him. His expression has settled solidly in: guarded.

"I didn't mean what I said yesterday," I start. "I'm sorry."

Eddie is silent for a long pause. "Right," he eventually says. "I'm sorry that I pushed you."

The ‘right' was full of doubt, but the pushing remark sounds genuine to me.

"I didn't know," Eddie gestures vaguely in the direction of my leg.

"Mark didn't mean what he said either."

"Don't talk to me about Mark," Eddie rebuffs.

That sparks unease in me, but I don't push. It's not as if my word holds much weight with Eddie. "Yesterday…that was my brother, Ronan. Who, I'm sure you saw, I don't get along with." My heart begins to race. "Though that is putting it mildly."

Eddie puts down his highlighter and sits back. "He upset you. You lashed out at me. That's what you're going to say, right? Kyle, whatever that was yesterday—I'll accept it as is. I could see you were scared, so fine. But every other time you've been a complete dick to me? There was no Ronan standing there. And I'm sure you act differently when it's just you and Mark, because otherwise he wouldn't give you the time of day, but I've never seen you treat him like he should be treated either."

"I know."

"And—you know ?" Eddie glares.

"I try to. I mean, I've wanted to talk to Mark normally for years, but you two were joined at the hip, so…" I shrug.

"Excuse me, are you saying I was the reason you two have been fighting since you met?"

Somehow, for some reason, Eddie's confrontation isn't scaring the crap out of me. Maybe it's because only a few hours ago I encountered Ronan. Comparing what Eddie usually sparks in me to what Ronan did…god it's not even close.

"The bad experience I had—and I'm using the word ‘experience' broadly, here, this was an ongoing situation I was stuck in for a few months—your brother," I hesitate.

Eddie's expression shifts. "Leonard?" he asks, confused. "What could my brother possibly have to do with any of this?"

"He did his teacher training at my primary school. Part of it, anyway." I search Eddie's expression. "Do you know the reason why it was ended early, and he was transferred?"

"He told us there was a mix up, and he had been transferred to the wrong district."

I grimace. Part of me had been hoping that he would know the story already; that all I would have to do is put a name to the student from his brother's story. I guess it wasn't exactly the kind of thing you went home to tell your family about.

"I had a crush," I admit.

Eddie's expression drops. "I do not want to hear about my brother being crushed on by anyone . Dusty old man," he grumbles.

"I was twelve at the time," I continue. "I don't remember exactly what happened. I've blocked a lot of it out. But my brothers found out. And I was teased, both at home and in school. My brothers were older than me, and the teasing…" I shiver as the memories come back, creeping into my veins like ice. "I endured it until one morning…I couldn't leave my room. Could barely even breathe at the thought of it. I got dragged in any way, because the guards were called after rumours spread about your brother grooming me and doing things to me—"

I'm interrupted by a long string of curses. Eddie's face reddens and I wait for him to settle, anxiously turning my glass of water.

"I told them it wasn't true, of course," I say when the outburst is over. "I only knew that Leonard was transferred because Ronan used to taunt me through my bedroom door about it. Chris came home a little while later and he packed up my things, and I moved in with him. Put it all behind me…except, you look like him. You're the age he would have been back then, right? I know it sounds like an excuse, but seeing you—I get this anxiety. And seeing you standing next to the guy I liked always made it worse."

Eddie is silent, but I can see the gears turning behind his eyes. Thoughts chugging and forming. His scowl is gone, at least.

"Believe it or not, I actually really like you," I say. "Despite how I've always treated you, when Mark and I started going out, you made a genuine effort to get along with me. And you're always sticking up for Mark, having his back. Plus, Bethany wouldn't spend time with you if you weren't decent. Her standards are ridiculous."

Eddie's lips twitch as if he's fighting a smile. He quickly hides it behind his hand, pretending to rub his mouth, but it's too late. I saw it. "She mentioned me?"

"I have eyes," I reply. "And anytime you're there, she doesn't have time to spend with anyone else."

Again, he looks pleased.

"What you said, yesterday, about me playing Mark,"

Eddie puts up a hand to stop me. "I don't think that's the case. I didn't even really believe it when I said it…I just could never figure out why you were such a dick to me, and you'd be laughing up a storm with everyone else. I built you up so much in my head as a two-faced fiend I'm almost disappointed you have a genuine reason why you couldn't stomach me."

"It was never anything personal. And I'm trying to be better. I've gotten better being around Mark in public. I just have to work on being around you . In general."

"You don't need to force yourself," Eddie says. "If seeing me brings back bad memories, I get it."

"I mean, we've had an entire conversation without me being a dick to you. I don't think I would have managed that a few weeks ago, even," I say. Looking at the conversation optimistically isn't even forced.

It's only when I lean back do I start to shiver, my muscles quivering as I release tension.

My phone buzzes next to me. I turn it over, seeing Chris's name on the screen.