Chapter Nineteen

"I was thinking about joining the hiking club," I say. Tommy and Mark have been giving each other enough looks to make me jealous. Granted, they're most certainly dirty looks, but that's not the point. I sat down with Tommy for lunch in the cafeteria, and Mark joined us.

They both look at me.

"I can't do the rock climbing or some of the steeper inclines, but I can handle the smaller trails." The only reason I hadn't joined it first year was because after the climbs I'd gone on with Chris, the local trails seemed too easy. Now, Chris's climbs are daunting while the park trails appealed to me. It'll be nice to be out and moving my body.

"Can I come?" Mark asks.

"I won't be competing with you," I warn.

Mark grins. "I'm happy to get along instead. What time are your classes finished later? We can go into town and pick up hiking boots."

"I have a lab left, then I'm done. Although, I have hiking boots. But I can help you find a good pair," I add quickly, so Mark doesn't think I'm turning down his plans. I stressed about seeing him after snapping on the weekend, and I'm glad he's being normal with me.

"I guess, given Christopher's job, you know your stuff?" Mark asks.

"He's given me pointers," I confirm. And I know from personal experience what kind are comfortable.

"What about me?" Tommy asks gruffly.

I glance at him. "Do you not have hiking boots from last summer?" I ask. We had gone on several hikes together.

Tommy grumbles and I pretend I don't know why he's griping. Mark casually puts his arm over my shoulders, casting me a mischievous grin, clearly pleased that I'm not letting Tommy tag along.

"Here you are," Eddie says, stopping next to our table. His gaze darts over me and Mark's arm as he sits down, placing a tray packed with food onto the table. "You couldn't have waited in line for two minutes?" He scowls at Mark.

"I was saving us a spot." Mark shrugs. He takes the plate with a burger and chips from Eddie, keeping that arm around my shoulders as he snags a few chips. "You want any?" Mark asks me. I'm trying to subtly get out from under his arm without drawing attention.

"I'm good, thanks," I say.

Chris had a cooked breakfast ready when I stepped out of my bedroom. I'm still full from it and eating what I had for lunch—soup and bread—had been a struggle.

"Is Louis coming this weekend?" Eddie asks, directing the question at Tommy.

"Should be," Tommy answers before meeting my questioning glance. "Basketball hang out."

"We're booked into an indoor adventure park," Eddie elaborates. His gaze moves to me and he grimaces, though from the way his facial features twitch, I think he tried not to. "I'm sure nobody will have a problem with it if you want to join us," he says in the tone of someone who has a problem with it. Still, props to Eddie for inviting me. Between this and the party, he's making an effort despite his clear dislike.

Mark's arm tenses around me, and there's no attempt on Tommy's part to hide his grimace. He shoots Eddie a murderous look. Eddie throws up his hands. "Why has that gotten me dirty looks?" he demands, the frustration in his voice clear. "I'm being nice, aren't I?" He glares at Mark. "I don't want him there, but I invited him anyway because I know you do."

It's my turn to grimace, but my face doesn't make that kind of expression. Instead, my features harden into place. I stop trying to quietly get Mark's arm off me and instead shrug it off roughly. Mark withdraws his arm, and I see equal parts hurt and frustration on his face before his expression is hidden behind a controlled exterior. To say I feel shitty would be an understatement.

The silence is unbearably awkward, and the old me—the me with two legs—would have been rearing to go for a verbal throw-down with Eddie. Knowing that old spats sometimes got physical, and not wanting to risk even a shove, I get up. I take my tray and walk away.

I'm slotting my tray into place at the cleaning station when Tommy catches up.

"You didn't need to get upset about the invite," I tell him. "It's not like he was saying that to taunt me."

"I guess," Tommy says after a long pause. We walk toward the main concourse. "He didn't need to be an asshole, though." There's an edge to his voice. "Has he made comments to you before? Like something bigoted or—"

"Tommy, I told you that's not it. And he wasn't being an asshole," I say, looking ahead to see where I'm stepping. "I've never been nice to him or Mark. If I really want him to change his attitude, I can show him my prosthetic. Worked on Mark, didn't it?"

Tommy grabs my arm and drags me out of the main hall.

"Ow—hey!"

Tommy releases me once we're in an offshoot hall that's deserted. He crosses his arms and stares me down. "That is not what happened with Mark."

"We never had so much as a conversation until after he found out about my leg. He treated me the same way Eddie treats me, and for good reason."

"Mark has been obsessed with you for two years, Kyle. And the reason you never had a conversation before now was because you never let him close enough for that," Tommy says.

I scoff. Sure, the second part has some truth in it, but the rest is ridiculous.

"Listen to me," Tommy continues. "Do you think your crush is the only thing I've noticed? Mark has followed you around, joining every club you've been part of since college started—and without fail, be it a club meet, a game, a party, he always approaches you. And not to fight—I've been there to hear him try to strike up countless conversations with you that have nothing to do with competing. Do you remember Christmas ball? First year? Someone on our team spiked the drinks and everyone was sloshed drunk? Do you remember who helped you to the taxi?"

"Mark," I grumble. That night had been the fuel for many fantasies.

"And do you remember what you said as he helped you into the back seat?"

"How would you even know?" I demand. Tommy hadn't been there.

"Because I was standing right there."

Oh.

"What did you say?"

"Tommy." My face burns.

"You told him he smells good. And what happened after that?"

"You got in the taxi. We went home and threw up."

"And?"

"And nothing. That was all that happened."

"And Mark now wears the cologne he had on that night every day because you like it."

"It's the cologne he always wears, because it's just the cologne he wears." I scowl at Tommy. "It isn't because I said he smells good."

"I heard from Bethany that's why. And she heard from Eddie, and given that those two are best friends and live together, he would know."

I process that, still not believing.

"That's just one example," Tommy says. "My point is, Mark isn't suddenly being nice to you because of your accident. The only thing that's different is you're giving him a chance where you didn't before—and maybe that's because of your leg on your side, but it isn't the reason behind his actions."

Tommy lets out a huff and leans against the wall at his back. I process his words, scowling, and then frowning. I'm unconvinced by Tommy's declaration of Mark's long-term interest, but I can see it wasn't nice of me to imply that Mark was pretending to be interested out of pity. Mark would be upset if he heard me say that.

"I didn't mean that," I admit. I lean back too and look away from Tommy. "I know we wouldn't have fought the last two years if it wasn't for me. I just—I'm upset because I always do this. We had a great time on the weekend, and he approaches me all friendly and wanting to spend time together and I do that. And he's going to say it's fine, but I saw that he was hurt, so it's not fine but I can't ever—" I stop myself. Tommy knows what I'm trying to say, and if I keep going, I'll cry and wallow in self-pity.

"You were normal with him in front of me," Tommy points out. But that's only because I know that Tommy is safe.

"And then treated him like crap in front of his friend."

Tommy sighs. "I'm not going to lie; if you're serious about a relationship with him, you'll have to work on the shyness. And maybe just talk to him about it? If you tell him you get overwhelmed interacting with him with other people watching, I'm sure he'll tone it down for you."

It's a good idea. If Mark hasn't written me off yet, I'll try. Have I ever talked to him about how I've treated him up till now? I don't think so. And honestly, I don't want a few bad experiences in my past to ruin what I have—or could have—now. And Mark is safe, too. I just need to remember that even when other people are there.