54. Chapter 54

Chapter 54

Cassandra stood next to Jethro in the bow of the boat, her arm looped within his. To their right was the Isle of Portland, whilst before them and to their left was open sea.

It felt such a relief to feel the wind on her face and taste the salt on her lips after so many days stuck inside nursing her brother. Even the squawks of the seagulls were welcome as they flew overhead.

Guilty that she had been enjoying the trip, she glanced behind her to where Xander was slumped in his seat. He stared out to sea, but nothing in his expression suggested it was lifting his spirits. He seemed as downcast as when they had left the house.

She huffed and grimaced at Jethro. “It was such a fine idea of yours, but I fear I am benefitting more than Xander.”

“If the expedition brings the colour back to your cheeks, then it is not wasted”—he gave her hand a squeeze—“and it won’t do Alexander any harm. Your brother is even paler than you are, and the fresh air helps his body, though the short voyage does nothing for his mind.”

“I worry for him, Jethro. He is too young to be giving up on life, but he had already lost his love, and now he has lost his livelihood as well. It is too much for one soul to bear.”

“And yet bear it he must, and all we can do is to stand by and watch, and help when we are able. But—”

He hesitated, staring into her eyes, looking for an answer, but she wasn’t sure what the question was. Was he unsure of what he was going to say, or merely uncertain how his words would be received?

At her prompting, he continued.

“But maybe it is not for us to give him a reason to live. Perhaps someone else will do that. The love of a good woman might lift him from despair—”

“Or cast him down even further if he is rejected again,” Cassandra retorted.

Jethro acknowledged the truth of her words. “To love is always a risk.”

Cassandra could not believe her ears. When had her husband become so romantic? She couldn’t remember hearing him talk of love before.

Except on the day they married, when they had promised to love each other.

But there had been nothing sentimental about those promises. They had each made a choice, and they were fulfilling their vows. He was looking after her and she was being a dutiful wife.

She supposed that marrying a stranger had been a risk for both of them. Is that what he meant, or was he talking of something else?

They were already heading back to Weymouth before Cassandra realised she had devoted the entire trip to Jethro and all but ignored her brother.

She moved down the boat and sat beside him. “What does it feel like to be out on the water again?”

“It feels much the same as it did the first time I saw Eugenia after she had married Frampton. I was there, with my old love, but she was unattainable. So it is with the sea.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, laying her hand over her brother’s. “Would it help to talk about it?”

Xander let out a harsh bark of laughter. “No. Nothing will help. Can’t you see, Cassandra? I’m grieving, and this loss is greater than the first. I accept that I’m better off without Eugenia. She would not have coped with this,” he said, slapping his thigh, even though it made him howl with pain. “But the sea? I’m nothing without her.”

Cassandra bit her lip, her eyes watering as she gazed at her brother’s downcast face. There was nothing she could do to resurrect the life he loved. She felt utterly helpless.

She returned to Jethro’s side. “If only there was something I could do. He seems so lost.”

“Have you asked him about the dinner party with Mr Wade yet? I promised the man I would invite him, and I won’t renege on my word, but I wish it hadn’t been extracted from me. I can’t think Xander’s presence will benefit anyone.”

He sounded as though he would have said more, but instead, looked behind him to where Xander sat, staring blindly at the sea.

Cassandra heard the unspoken words—the note of desperation in her husband’s voice.

“I’ll ask him now. I’m sure he’ll say no.”

She moved back to sit beside her brother. Uncertain how to introduce the subject gently, she launched right in.

“Jethro and I have been invited to a dinner party later this week. The invitation was extended to you, but I will give your apologies.”

Xander said nothing. He didn’t even look at her.

“Eugenia and her husband are the only other guests. It would be most uncomfortable for you—”

“I’ll come.”

Cassandra thought she must have misheard. “You want to see Eugenia again, in such limited company?”

“Yes.”

This was not the answer she expected or wanted. “I don’t think that would be wise. This dinner is important to Jethro. To his business.”

“You said I’d been invited. Are you going to un-invite me now?” he growled.

She felt as if she’d been cornered. “No, but—”

“Then I’m coming. I want to see Eugenia. There are things left unsaid between us.”

Cassandra did not like the sound of that. Not one bit.

“I don’t think you’ve thought this through…”

Every argument she put forward, Xander dismissed. She had been so sure her brother would refuse the invitation, but he seemed determined to go with them. How was she going to break the news to her husband?

“Well?” Jethro asked.

“He said he’d come with us.”

Jethro’s face paled, his brow furrowed with concern. Cassandra longed to reach out to him and kiss his frowns away.

Her breathing faltered. Had she really just thought that? She wanted to kiss her husband?

Yes, she did. Her heart thumped so loudly in her chest—as if applauding her desire—that she imagined Jethro must be able to hear it .

But if he did, he gave no sign of it. His expression remained unchanged, pale and drawn.

The dinner party was going to be a disaster, and it was her fault.

How could she avert the catastrophe looming over their heads? She had failed to dissuade Xander from joining them. He seemed determined to face Eugenia, even if it killed him—or destroyed Jethro’s business.

It was then she remembered the doctor’s suggestion, that a clergyman might be of service to her brother.

“I’ll ask Mr Barnes to call,” she said. “Perhaps he can help Xander find a way through the darkness that shrouds him.” And persuade Xander of the unwisdom of subjecting himself to more pain by confronting Eugenia again, especially in unfamiliar company.

“Yes, do that,” Jethro said in clipped tones.

The touch of bitterness in his voice cut deep. He had already lost hope, and he blamed her for letting him down.

Cassandra’s eyes pleaded with her husband not to give up on her so quickly, but he turned his face away toward the sea, and she had to swallow her disappointment that he suddenly seemed so distant.

With renewed resolve, she gritted her teeth. She would not let him surrender to the inevitable calamity. There was still time to change Xander’s mind. She would write to Gilbert as soon as she got home and ask him to call as early as was convenient on the following day.

Xander would listen to a clergyman, especially one as devout as Mr Barnes.

She shot a covert glance at her husband’s back. Jethro’s shoulders drooped and his neck bent forward. How she hated seeing him so downcast, instead of the optimistic man of strength she had come to trust.

She would not add to his troubles by raising false hopes. Cassandra did not like to be secretive, but it would be better for Jethro if he did not know of the curate’s visit.

There would be time enough for confessions if Gilbert’s persuasions succeeded.