Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22

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Sometimes puppy love is cute. Other times it leaves you covered in slobber. I didn’t need slobber. I needed passion. While Kyle was cute and excited to get to know me, I didn’t give him my number. I snuck out of the event when enough time passed.

But tonight will be good for my soul. Tonight is book club and I’m not missing it. Friends can recharge you. They can hype you up or talk you down like no one else can. Tonight, I need the hype. I need to feed off their belief in me and I also need to say I’m sorry for ghosting them these past weeks. I should have leaned into their friendship. Sometimes you’re so far down on yourself that it’s hard to see that your friends are there to lift you up.

Paige hurried into Felix’s before the rest of her friends arrived. The evening line was long and Paige waited her turn as Felix and his baristas served up coffees and teas to the patrons.

“Paige,” Felix said, clearly checking her out to make sure she was okay. “We didn’t know if you’d make it tonight.”

“I know. I crawled into my shell. I should have talked to you about it but I withdrew even as you all tried to get me to open up. Can I get everyone’s favorites? I want to say I’m sorry and tell you all what has been going on.”

Felix reached over the counter and patted her arm. “I’m glad. We’ve missed you. I’ll get the orders up and brought over to you.”

“You’re the best.” Paige paid him and then went to the area that Felix had reserved for them. A good thing too, because the place was so busy.

Amelia was the first to arrive. She practically shoved her way through the line to get to Paige. “I’ve missed you! Are you okay? We were worried when you just disappeared last week and you’ve barely been responding to our texts. Leah said she stopped by, but you didn’t answer your door—” Amelia finally paused to take a breath as she hugged Paige.

Already, Paige’s heart was filling. She should have confided all to her friends but instead ended up worrying them.

“She’s alive!” Leah yelled from the front door, causing people to turn and stare as she rushed over to join them. “But I’ll kill you if you disappear on us again,” Leah said, joining the group hug.

“Girl, you pull this disappearing act again and I’ll shave your head while you sleep.” Eli was close behind Leah and joined them all in the hug.

“I am so sorry. I had an existential crisis and instead of asking for help, I shut down.”

“Well, ask for help now. What’s going on?” Amelia asked as they all broke apart and took their seats. She smiled when Felix came over with a tray full of their drinks and some desserts he’d thrown in for them. He kissed Amelia, winked at Paige, and headed back to the counter.

“It all started when I was talking to Max a couple of weeks ago. He made me question what I was doing. He didn’t mean to. He was actually being very sweet, but he said I shouldn’t be doing what I was—searching for the first guy to take me up on my offer of sex—and instead look for a guy who would respect what a gift my virginity is.”

“Oh, that is sweet,” Amelia said.

“It is, but that’s not what you’re looking for right now. Right?” Leah asked.

“That was the problem. It threw everything up in the air and I didn’t know if what I was doing was right, wrong, stupid, desperate, or adventurous. I have been more embarrassed in the past eight months than I have in my entire introverted life,” Paige explained.

“But you’ve also never lived more,” Eli pointed out.

Paige nodded. “Exactly. And while it’s been embarrassing, and quite frankly demoralizing, at how hard it is to find someone to sleep with me, I’ve also had great fun and met some wonderful people.”

“What’s changed? You’re here now and you don’t look sad or torn,” Leah said as she leaned forward, rested her elbows on her knees, and watched Paige as if she would answer with her body and not her words.

“I accidentally tried the age-gap trope.”

“What?” Eli gasped so loud people turned to look at them again.

Paige told them about her talk with Dracklen, then she told them about meeting Dr. Ambrose Platts and even about the lack of little blue pills for him to take her virginity.

“You don’t seem upset about this,” Amelia said.

“No, because he helped me see what I wanted, what I was ready for, and also helped me to see it’s not shameful to be a virgin or to want to have these experiences that I’ve been having.”

Suddenly, Leah launched herself at Paige again, knocking her back into her chair. “I’m so proud of you.”

Paige laughed as Leah finally sat back down. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you all of this to begin with.”

“It’s okay. Now we know we’ll just storm your apartment and not leave until you talk to us,” Amelia joked. Well, maybe.

“Does this mean you’re back on track for your resolution?” Eli asked.

“In more ways than one. I get a re-do.” Paige reached into her purse and pulled out the card for The Red Door.

“Shut up!” Eli screamed, causing more people to turn and stare. “Are we all going?”

Paige cringed and Eli groaned. “Sorry. It’s technically a work thing.”

“Oh, Jack is stepping up,” Amelia said with surprise.

“Not Jack. Well, yes, he’s the one who got me a guest pass. But I’m meeting a client there. After that, I might get back to my romance book adventures.”

Leah dug into her bag and pulled out a book. “Then you’ll need this. It’s about a brooding billionaire sex club owner finding love with a virgin who took a job as a waitress in his club.”

Paige took it and flipped to the back to read the blurb. “I know what I’m doing tonight—research! Now, tell me about you all. What have I missed by being a bad friend and ghosting you all?”

“I’m going out with Kenneth tomorrow after the show. Like an honest, one on one date.”

“Squee!” Paige grabbed Eli’s hands and stomped her feet in excitement. “I’m so happy for you. How did it happen?”

“He and his friends joined us at WET and had a really great time. He suggested we get together after—just the two of us—and go to his favorite jazz club to have a drink and relax post show.” Eli blushed a little and Paige felt her whole body relax. Paige loved how they were all celebrating each other, lifting each other up, and loving one another. And not talking about their book club book at all.

They “awwed” Eli’s upcoming date night. They calmed Leah’s nerves when she said Noah wanted to make things more official and actually file a form stating they were in a mutual relationship with HR. They cheered when Amelia told them that Felix had invited her for a weekend away in the Poconos. But then they turned back to Paige.

“So, what are you going to wear and what are you going to do differently?” Leah asked.

“For one thing, I’m not wearing any body bronzer.” Paige winced at the memory of swelling up as one great, giant, suffocating hive.

“Good call. Less is more,” Eli told her. “With body bronzer and clothes.”

“I want to know if this means you’re fully back on board with your resolution. Which other tropes are you going to try?” Amelia asked.

Paige reached into her purse and pulled out a piece of paper. “I’m back on board. I have until midnight on December thirty-first, after all. I’m all in, except I’m going to focus on the experience and not the sex as the priority. Here are some tropes I’m still looking into.”

“Motorcycle club. That shouldn’t be too hard, right?” Amelia asked. “Just walk around until you find a motorcycle?”

Leah rolled her eyes. “Not all motorcycle owners are in a motorcycle club. However, I bet you could find one online. Several do community outreach—well, the kind that aren’t involved in crime. ”

“Eww,” Amelia crinkled her nose as she looked at the list. “Best friend’s brother? You want to bang my brother?”

“I have a brother. You can bang him,” Eli said. “Don’t worry, he’s not gay.”

Paige chuckled. “Good to know. I haven’t thought these through. I’m just putting them all down on paper.”

“Stranger,” Leah said thoughtfully. “Couldn’t you do that and BDSM on Saturday? I mean, no real names are allowed at The Red Door, right?”

Paige sat up and took the list back. “You’re right.” She bit her lip. Was she ready for this? Hell yeah, she was.

“Oh, we’re going to need to go shopping for sure,” Eli said with a wink before they all began to laugh again.

Paige left that night with a lunch date to go lingerie shopping. She had a full heart and the self-doubt and shame she’d been dealing with were completely gone. She was going to embrace her resolution—sex or not. It would make a great story to tell her friends when they met for coffee Sunday morning to recap their weekend.