Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

A ugust 23 rd

Down the rabbit hole I go. Snuggling with Monty and a romance book binge is on my weekend list to do. Maybe I can be inspired and find my missing confidence. Right now, I feel so self-conscious. I’m the girl who got picked last for dodgeball. I’m the girl no one wanted to dance with. I’m the ugly friend the wingman had to distract so his friend could get laid. While it might not be true, it is how I feel. So into the world of fiction I go because no matter how crappy life gets, a romance book always gives you an escape.

“It’s Friday night. You are not sitting here all weekend reading,” Leah said, placing her hand on her hip and forcing Paige to set down her book about a woman who was accidentally turned into a witch.

“I don’t need a night out, Leah. I’m a bookworm. Let me bookworm. ”

“You need to get out of your head, not into it. You need to let loose and hang with your friends. You’ve been so busy with work that you even missed our book club meetings. Let us get together at WET. Dracklen said he could get us into the VIP area tonight. Come on, we’re all going. Let’s get drunk and dance away your problems. I’m not taking no for an answer. You’ve been locked up in your apartment from the moment you leave work to the moment you go to work the next day. You need to get out of your pajamas and out with people who love you.”

“Fine, but if I want to leave, you’ll let me. Okay?” Paige would go for an hour and then come home. A sexy witch hunter just showed up and she wanted to see if sparks flew between the two characters.

Leah rolled her eyes. “Fine. Just go get ready. I’ll let everyone know we’re on.”

Paige pushed off her couch, put Monty in his condo and fed him. Then disappeared into her room. She knew she was being the mopey friend, but it was so hard to feel sexy when she’d literally been shoved out of a threesome and all her dates were ending in a disaster. You can only lose so many times before the game stops being fun. Plus, this wasn’t a game. It was her life. She was starting to take these failures personally.

Paige reached into the closet and picked out a little black dress. It wasn’t overly revealing, but it wasn’t modest either. It was . . . stuck. Just like she was.

“I’m ready,” Paige said, walking out into her living room.

Leah forced a smile but reached into her small purse and pulled out a tube of lipstick. “Red lips make every woman feel powerful and sexy.”

Paige glanced in the mirror after Leah put the bright red lipstick on her and had to admit, she did feel sexy. Maybe tonight she’d relax enough to find some clarity on what to do next with her life. Stick with her resolution to live the year as the female heroines of her books or crawl into the pages of said books and never leave?

WET was packed on Friday nights. Paige realized how lucky she was that they got a VIP table on such a busy night. Yes, Noah and Leah did marketing work for the club. And yes, they knew the VIP bartender. But they weren’t big spenders. There was no bottle service or sparkly champagne bottles for them every night.

Paige’s sour mood followed her into the club. However, it did lighten as she saw Moxie, Roman, Griz, Noah, Amelia, Felix, and Eli crammed into the smallest VIP table imaginable. It should only fit two, yet they’d managed to squeeze around it.

“This was the best I could do,” Dracklen called out from behind the bar as he poured a massive mixer full of pink liquid into a row of martini glasses. “Here, you look as if you need this.” Dracklen pushed one toward her as a waitress came to pick up the drinks.

“Come dance!” Leah called out as she shot back whatever drink she had in front of her.

“I just got my drink,” Paige said with a fake smile. “I’ll join you in a minute.”

Leah grabbed Moxie and Amelia’s hands. “Don’t take too long or I’ll be forced to make the guys carry you down,” Leah threatened as they walked by her and headed for the dance floor.

“I promise. I’ll be there as soon as I finish my drink.”

Waitresses and VIPs were mingling at the bar while placing drink orders. Dracklen was cool as orders rushed in. Yet everyone gave her space. No men approached her. As she took deep sips of the drink, she didn’t feel giddy. She felt depressed.

“What’s going on, little one?” Dracklen asked as he set out ten shot glasses and filled them without looking.

Paige looked out at the dance floor and smiled, but it was a sad smile. “Look at my friends. Leah and Noah are together, even if it’s not official. Felix and Amelia are ridiculously cute together. Gina’s not here, but I know she and Griz are happy. Even Eli and Kenneth are getting closer. They’re all out there dancing, happy, and together. And I’m, well, alone.”

“You’re not alone, little one.” Dracklen waited for the shots to be gathered by a waitress and mixed two cocktail shakers filled with various alcohols. “You have us. Friends. Friends that you brought together.”

Dracklen poured the drinks and Paige looked back out at her friends. She was lucky. She might not have a boyfriend, but she did have great friends.

“Now, tell me what’s really going on. You know as a bartender at both here and The Red Door I am well-versed in problems. There’s nothing you can say that I haven’t heard before.” Dracklen motioned the waitress approaching to go to the other bartender and leaned forward so Paige had his sole attention.

“Serious question,” Paige said, dropping her voice because this was going to be embarrassing. “Can guys sense my virgin aura? I feel as if they can. Since no one has wanted me that way before, they all think something is wrong with me now so they stay away. Every time I get close, it ends in disaster.”

“There are no auras or vibes that virgins give off, little one. But there is an underlying vibe of whether this is really something you want. Do something for me.” Dracklen reached out and placed his large hand over hers. “Close your eyes. ”

Paige rolled hers instead. She hated closing her eyes in front of a crowd. It made her feel vulnerable. “Come on. I won’t let anyone bother you,” Dracklen said as if reading her mind. “Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Then picture your bed in your bedroom.”

Paige glanced around. No one was paying any attention so she closed her eyes. Took a deep breath and focused on her tiny bed with the soft, fluffy pillows and the pretty comforter she’d picked out when she moved into her first apartment.

“Good. Now imagine having sex on your bed. Just you. Not your partner. Look at your face as you experience passion and pleasure.”

Paige saw herself lying on the bed. She saw her head on the pillow. Her eyes closed, her mouth open in a silent cry, her breasts in her favorite lace bra heaving as her breath came fast. Her breathing must have picked up in real life because Dracklen knew how long to give her before talking again.

“Now, feel the weight of a body on top of you. The warmth of their skin. The strength of their arms around you. Then look up into the face of the man bringing you that pleasure.”

Paige opened her eyes in her mind and looked into the face of the man above her. Her eyes popped open and it took a moment to focus on Dracklen who was smiling. “Now, little one, tell me. Was it a specific person or a faceless stranger?”

Paige shot back the rest of her drink. “It was a specific person.”

“I thought so.” Dracklen refilled her drink with a shot of tequila. “That’s why you’re not getting with guys. They sense your mind is on someone else. That’s who you need to focus on, not some rando who is probably too drunk to get it up. ”

Paige shot back the tequila. “Sometimes you don’t get what you want or I would have lost my virginity a long time ago. Sometimes your dream guy is too busy, too rich, too famous, too unavailable, or doesn’t know you even exist. What do you do then?”

“Then you need to find a way to close that chapter and start a new one. Open yourself up to the experience fully and you’ll find someone. Or, stop the ride and go all in for the man you’re thinking about. The choice is yours.”

Paige leaned back and looked up at the large man flipping a vodka bottle as if it were a baton. “You’re a good guy, Dracklen. Thank you. You gave me a lot to think about.”

Dracklen winked at her and went into bartender mode, leaving Paige to contemplate her life even as the dance music pounded, girls tittered, guys preened, and lights flashed around her.

One thing was for sure—Paige wasn’t going to figure this out at the club and she wasn’t going to solve it overnight. This was going to take time to figure out because the man of her dreams wasn’t simple. It wasn’t convenient and it wasn’t possible. There were . . . issues.

The trouble was, she didn’t know what to do. Yes, she was kicking ass at work. But her opinion of herself had never been so low. Did she hold out for the dream relationship? Go for the wild adventures? Or sit at home and hide?

“Dracklen,” Paige called out. Dracklen came over as he was shaking up an espresso martini. “Will you tell my friends I went home with a headache?”

“You got it, little one.” Dracklen frowned, but didn’t lecture her. “Want me to call you a cab?”

“Nah, I think I’ll walk. I need to think.”

“Be careful. Call me if you want to talk.”

Paige reached out and gave his thick arm a squeeze. “You’re a good friend. Thank you. ”

Now it was just a matter of figuring out what to do.

The walk home didn’t do much except make her feet hurt. Paige trudged up the flights of stairs and into her small apartment where Monty was the only male waiting for her.

Paige kicked off her shoes, pulled off her dress, and collapsed onto the couch. She rolled onto her side, pulled up her blanket, and turned on Sense and Sensibility. It was a hard choice. She loved Alan Rickman and Emma Thompson in the movie, but the miniseries was so excellent. In the end, she went with the miniseries and fell asleep wondering where her Edward Ferris was hiding.