Chapter Nineteen

Mom's call stuck with me for the rest of the afternoon, through dinner with the guys and Stevie, and into the evening. The others were headed to the library for some studying and backgammon, but as much as I loved being with them and of course the library, my brain's racing had me overheated and overwhelmed. The library would be the very worst place to find myself if my unintended fire-starting abilities should kick in. Not only would I be expelled from the one place where I might be able to find my wolf, but I'd never forgive myself if I singed one precious page of one book.

Already, the Werewolf Academy was becoming home, one I didn't want to harm in any way. Maybe, once I dug myself out of my latency and tendency to set things ablaze, I could even contribute in some way. Be a credit to this fine institution which, I had learned, was several centuries old. Not in this building with its modern steel and glass, of course, but in a previous location "across the pond" somewhere.

So much history to learn, and I wanted my mind clear to absorb it.

"You sure you won't come with us?" Bodhi picked up my hand and toyed with my fingers in a way that sent shivers up my arm and down my spine.

"We'll miss you," Theron added. "We don't have to go to the library if you'd prefer to go somewhere else."

I couldn't help being pleased that they'd miss me, but a little alone time seemed in order. "No, it's not the location. The library is one of my favorite places, but I—"

"It's all right." Quiet Grim to the rescue. "Sometimes, we just need to be by ourselves. To think."

"Yes." I gave Bodhi's hand a squeeze and released it. "If I finish my ruminations, I'll come find you all."

"Don't rush," Theron said. "Just be careful. You're not leaving the property?"

"Heavens, no. The city is pretty much a mystery to me. I'd be lost in five minutes on my own."

"Good, then." Stevie, who was still there, gave me a push. "I think I'll pass on the library too." She linked our arms and marched toward the elevator. "See you boys later."

As the doors slid closed, I stepped away from my friend. "You aren't going to come with me? Because I really—"

"Need to think, I know. But I didn't want to be seen hanging around with your mates by myself. There are enough wagging tongues in this school on any day without giving them more to jabber about."

"Oh." I considered for a second. "Not in the least jealous. How odd."

"Not odd at all. Mates don't need to be. But that won't stop some of those girls with too much time on their hands and nothing interesting in their own lives. Here's our floor." She'd pushed the button at some point when I wasn't paying attention. "Have a good evening. Be safe."

"Why does everyone keep telling me that as if there are monsters about to leap out of every corner. Aren't werewolves enough?"

"You know the very name of this place is tongue in cheek, right? Many of the more established packs hate that we call ourselves that. We are the progressive school."

"There's another one?" Although why that seemed odd to me, I had no idea.

"More than one, but most stodgier. Uniforms, Lots of rules and traditions. You'd hate it."

I shuddered. "Yes, I believe I would. Okay, my friend, I'll see you in a few hours. Just off to submerge myself in my mind. So much has changed in such a short time."

About to step off the elevator, Stevie surged back inside and flung her arms around me. "You know I've got your back, right? I'm here if you need to talk or…or anything."

I hugged her back. "I never had a true bestie before. More acquaintances than friends, I suppose."

"You weren't with your own people before." One more squeeze and she released me. "Now, off you go and think your deep thoughts."

"Love you, bestie." I wiggled my fingers at her.

"You, too, bestie." The doors closed, and I pushed the button for my destination. The roof.

I'd already found out there were few if any students or staff up there in the evening. Maybe earlier in the semester, before I arrived, but the cool winds of fall had a way of sweeping over the expanse that made it less than hospitable. In winter, it might not even be usable. Not that we really got snow around here very often, at least we hadn't in our town. But cold, yeah, we got that even on ground level.

The sky stretched overhead, a black-velvet blanket speckled with the gleam of faraway starlight. We were higher than the building surrounding us, and sitting on the rooftop beside the half wall that cut the wind and protected us from tumbling off into the abyss of the city streets cut out even more of the light from below. It was stunning and made me feel as if my problems were small and unimportant in comparison. Every one of those stars might have planets surrounding them with maybe one or two that could support life. My old science teacher had been very doubtful of the possibility of aliens out there, but it was fun to imagine his thoughts on the existence of wolf shifters.

My mom's call had taken such a strange turn. My entire life, our heritage had been shoved into a corner and treated as if it was of less than no matter until the day my locker burst into flame. Mom and Dad might have acted sooner if they'd known about the previous fires, they'd told me the day they loaded me into the car for the trip to the Werewolf Academy, but the school had managed to keep that from the PTA. How, I couldn't begin to guess since all the students knew—but a few minor trash cans and things like that hadn't had me particularly worried, and my schoolmates must have felt the same.

I leaned, letting my eyes drift closed, shutting out the faraway solar systems and all their invisible occupants. It was peaceful up here, and my body cooled in the bit of breeze the wall didn't stop from getting to me. So relaxing, my tense muscles loosened and I let out a long sigh.

Run. Find mates.

I leapt to my feet and looked around, but there was nobody.

Mates, now!

Searching all the corners, under some of the trees and bushes in the garden section, the cabinets where equipment for training or sports like pickleball were kept, but nobody was there. Great! As if setting fire wasn't enough, now I was hearing voices.

Shaking harder than ever before, I crumpled into a heap and wrapped my arms around myself. I had learned just that day in class that not only did some shifters not survive their first shift, others never made it that far and just went completely mad.

I had made a friend and found three mates who cared for me—and now I'd end up in some asylum for werewolves who didn't make the cut instead. No wonder my parents hadn't pushed me to shift. The fire and everything else—they must have sensed my defects. Recognized I was one who would not make the cut. Searing pain shot through my head and fanned out through my limbs. I screamed, reaching for the uncaring sky, and darkness descended.