7. YEARNING

seven

YEARNING

E ntombed for months, years. Tau didn't know. There was no light, no dwimmer he could cast or consume to help himself. Only hands. So many hands. Restraining. Bony and pale and clawing. Creatures crawled over him, inside. Ate him from within, creating a hollow.

Unbearable.

And once he could no longer take it, when Tau longed for his end, the woman in the green dress would appear. The sashay of fabric a piercing whisper amongst whimpers and terrified gasps. Ondine would offer him light. Never enough to give him a fighting chance, only to prevent his death.

Then she would encase him in darkness to be consumed further. Only to revive him when it all became too much again. An endless cycle of excruciating pain that only ever intensified.

Ondine looked up at him with that same, terrible smile. As if she was pleased to see him. Brought with her another entity. Called it her pet, in need of a host. Tau fought against the restraining hands. They clenched tighter, fingernails boring into his skin.

She held the thing out, and its cirrus latched on.

Tau thought of Oliver.

It burrowed in.

He thought of how happy he would be, if they ever saw each other again.

It penetrated his core, and Tau ceased to exist.

Flashes of things he recognised. Of stone and humans and Instellation. Wretched pain and pleadings driving him to madness. Rasped confessions of love and lights dislodging him from its depths.

Beautiful green eyes were shut away behind their lids, Oliver's sleeping form weighing no more than a ripple in the air. Maji and Lucetta plied Tau with questions he couldn't answer. He ignored them to run his fingers through smoky hair, watching over Oliver whilst he slept.

There were new humans within the mine, their signals so unfamiliar, Tau forced himself to block them out. He was too tired, yet the need to perform his duties eroded him like a compulsion.

Nothing. He owed them nothing. Owed Oliver everything, and would remain by his side. Always.

He ran his thumb across a cheek.

Soft.

Down a straight nose, over soft, soft lips.

Pink. Adorable.

A smile graced the supple folds when those eyes fluttered open and dark green held him with such love. Tau flexed his chest around the need to say something, then realised it would be a wasted effort.

Long before Tau was ready, Lucetta had separated him and his love, pushing Oliver out of the dwelling. He wanted to follow, but couldn't bring himself to, unwilling to go out there, to confront the things he had no strength for.

He didn't much care for water, anyway.

Exhausted, Tau let himself be, hoping to recover enough so his vision would stop spinning, at least. Maji held up a plant, right in front of him. Pretty and green, her voice lulling him into complacency.

"This one has a lot of medicinal uses. It's great for the skin, too. I don't think the vendor knew what she had because I got it for pennies!" Maji peered up at him. Tau ignored her. "I know you've been tired. Thank you again for helping me with my plants, and for the light."

Had he? He didn't remember that. Could barely keep up once Oliver returned, distressed and wounded.

Base instincts pushed Tau into motion, into transporting, then into following.

Once he understood something terrible must have happened, Tau kept Oliver closer still, and away from Lucetta—he'd sooner perish than permit her to pull his love away from him again.

Anger and terror became an unnerving blend, causing havoc within Oliver, clouding his mind. The only way Tau could think to alleviate without dwimmer was to ensure they touched at all times. It brought Oliver comfort as much as Tau himself, needing it while pain barbed his core with no signs of relenting.

His attire clung to him in ways Tau had never dealt with before, the skies endlessly dousing him and Oliver with misery. Not until he watched structures and trees flit past did the realisation hit him—he'd never been this far before. Had never thought of leaving the mountain, forever expecting someone to chase after him.

No pursuits came. There was only Oliver, asleep against his side, mind finally quieted, and bland humans gawking at him. Bland, for they didn't possess a sliver of dwimmer. Although their combined curiosity and fright was as loud as the steady clack-clack-clack under his feet.

Slow travel.

He ignored everyone else, having stared back enough to satiate his own curiosity, and brushed his fingertips over Oliver's face.

Soft, soft.

Toyed with his hair, like wisps of smoke.

Beautiful.

Started, when Maji gasped.

"Oh my goodness!" She pointed out the window.

Tau tiredly followed her gaze and recoiled in disgust.

A behemoth of a wave, splashing against the windows on either side as the long tube crashed through, the dwimmer emanating from it ghastly .

Fae dwimmer .

Thundering water stirred Oliver awake, just as they emerged from the other side and came to a shrieking halt. Dark green eyes were bleary, Oliver needing a moment to focus, before he scrambled up and slammed himself against the window for a better look. His delight lifted Tau's spirits, and he forced himself to suppress his discomfort in favour of relishing in Oliver's joy. At least the rivulets trailing down the panes couldn't touch him.

"What is this place?" Oliver asked, reaching for Tau.

Who squeezed that fragile hand with care.

"Idosburgh," Lucetta mumbled around a wide yawn. "Fae's capital. How about we stop here for the day and get something proper to eat and a room to sleep in?"

"Can we even afford it? Never mind, I don't care!" Maji bounced up from the bench and vanished in the midst of other humans pushing to get out.

His three humans looked around in wonder while striding beyond the station, further into a city fenced in by the colossal tidal wave. Permanently suspended by forces unseen, reaching as far as the sky, now clear of its previous dreadfulness. Shafts of sunlight peered through, casting all in a greenish glow even Tau could appreciate.

Could, but he didn't want to.

Disgusting.

"Smells like eucalyptus," said Maji with a deep inhale.

Tau glanced around again, now curious. He'd heard miners speak of smelling things before, usually when referring to sustenance.

"Doesn't this place have a portal to the tree-people?" asked Oliver.

"And the Strigidae," said Lucetta.

The Fae portal, too, occupied this place. Its distinct signal fluttering alongside the ancient dwimmer lurking within the surrounding water.

Squared structures lined the streets, their facades a dull grey with clusters of golden hexagon-windows. An abundance of foliage occupied all else. Green creatures hopped about, their tiny bodies slapping across an equally faceless ground. They looked so very crushable, yet both Fae and humans went to great lengths not to trod on any.

A startling contrast to the washes of green and grey were the Fae themselves, dressed in vibrant attire embellished with golds and silvers, exuberant hair as varied as the looks they gave Tau. They were more perceptive, and would know who he was.

Mercifully, none made any attempts to speak with him.

"I thought Fae were supposed to be cheerful? Why's it so quiet?"

His love was right, it was silent. The ghostly pull ruffling Oliver's smoky hair barely passed for a breeze, all other occupants on foot. No noisy things on wheels that sputtered, and those who spoke did so only in whispers.

"It's weird, right?" Maji's voice, in comparison, was loud enough to echo through the streets.

A stranger passing turned to her and sharply hissed, "Shhh!"

Oliver's face twisted with anger, while neither Maji or Lucetta looked especially surprised.

"All the signs say ‘ shhh ' on them," Lucetta whispered to Oliver.

They stopped by a large edifice, as cold and plain as all other structures, those same hexagon windows mirror-like in their gold. Beyond wooden doors Tau could enter without ducking, he was convinced they had entered another world.

It still frothed with Fae dwimmer, unfortunately.

Hideous.

Lambent flowers and mushrooms trailed columns and walls. Moss carpeted the floor, shimmering in the multifarious lights. Maji sniffed the air again, quietly bouncing up and down with excitement.

A touch to his forearm pulled Tau's attention down. Rarely did he get to lock gazes directly, but at that moment, he locked eyes with Oliver. With it, the flame that had steadily burned in him roared into a firestorm.

How beautiful Oliver looked, bathed in soft blues and greens. Tau ached for him. He ran his fingers through undulating hair shimmering in the low light, palmed the forehead. It ran warm. Below his hand, a smile blossomed across those pink lips.

Tau tapped the tip of Oliver's nose then, marvelling at the way it bounced under his touch. The urge to lift him up and squeeze until he popped nearly overcame Tau.

No, bad .

He lowered his finger to a mouth equally buoyant, intrigue stirring in more than just his core when Oliver kissed the tip. Oliver's heartbeat quickened. Tau felt it, heard it. Their fingers threaded, palms prickling as if weaving dwimmer between them, more powerful and alluring than any other in existence.

"Sentinel Tau!"

Oliver startled away so much, he bellowed with an odd bark. Tau jerked a glower to the Fae, annoyed he'd not sensed them coming. It was impossible to sense anything in this place, crowded with dwimmer as it was.

"It's Hennessey!" Maji hissed beside Oliver, who gave her a dumbfounded look.

"Black marketeer Hennessey?" asked Lucetta.

Irritation worked Tau's core at the sight of near white hair and pallid skin, not just for interrupting, but for being who they were.

ó hAonghusa .

Tau could easily cast memories from his mind when he deemed them unimportant. ó hAonghusa, however, had vexed him so much they had seared themselves into his mind. Forever talking to him. So much talking. Nonstop. Following him around, always trying to trick him into responding.

With a delicate hand, ó hAonghusa reached for Tau.

And with a hand decidedly firmer, Oliver slapped theirs with a force that would have broken bones, were Fae even slightly less robust.

Unfortunate.

"Rude," ó hAonghusa said, although didn't appear offended. Amused, more than anything. "I understand, of course. Sentinels are so precious, especially with so few left. Congratulations, Sentinel Tau, you might come out on top yet."

Oliver cast Tau a look of confusion, something he wasn't sure how to clear, when Tau himself didn't know what the Fae was talking about.

So much talking.

"What brings you out of the T. Mine and into our humble city?"

"You were at the commemorations when the Horrors attacked!" said Maji, loud enough to be shushed by another Fae. More quietly, she added, "How did you survive?"

ó hAonghusa hummed in acknowledgement, but did not take their eyes off Tau. "Who are you?" Their pale eyebrows lifted, then thin lips shifted around an inaudible gasp. "Ah, right. How's my fur mantle these days?"

"Ours, you mean. You charged us enough for it," said Maji coolly.

"Let's not stand right by the entrance in everyone's way." ó hAonghusa tossed a smile over their shoulder. Tau didn't like it. "Come into the lounge, where speaking is actually permitted."

They didn't go far. Lights above dappled the mossy floor in yellow and tree-like pillars surrounded a seating area. A sudden gasp, and Oliver released Tau's hand to dart forward. He tried not to lament the loss, watching his love approach a seat with a look of reverence. Oliver ran his fingers across its sheen, a duality of red and purple, with the same care he showed Tau's face.

"This is the prettiest fabric I've ever seen," he whispered as Tau drew near, and muttered things about softness and durability. "I've never wanted to skin a settee before."

Skin?

Tau could skin.

His hands were made for it.

"How many Sentinels are—Tau! What the hell?"

Although he saw Lucetta throw her arms about, he did not look up from digging his nails through the fabric, the surrounding hush broken by threads yielding under swift precision. He pinched the nigh perfect rectangle between his fingers and held it out. Oliver's expression flitted from stunned to enthralled.

"Thank you," he breathed, soft lips losing a battle against smiling. He took care in the way he folded and cradled the rectangle against his chest.

Although the others were a little more horror-struck.

Tau wondered if he'd done something wrong.

ó hAonghusa's face creased with mirth. Oh no, he had definitely done something wrong.

"What a treat it is to see you," they said, lowering to another seating object—chair, Tau knew it was a chair—across from the one he'd just skinned.

"How… How many…are left?" Lucetta forced her gawking to a stop. "We never got an official count."

A singular, prompting tug from Oliver and Tau sat beside him.

"I better sit here," Lucetta threw herself down at Tau's other side and hid what was visible of the seat's underskin.

ó hAonghusa's bored gaze trailed after Maji when she sat nearby. "Nine."

"What?" Oliver cried, his hand flying to Tau's knee.

"That's awful!" said Maji.

"You sound upset."

"Of course we're upset," snapped Maji. "They're Tau's siblings!"

"Siblings." ó hAonghusa had themselves a laugh while Tau refrained from making any sort of noise, hoping they had forgotten. "If anything, I'm certain They're pleased with the dwindling number. Aren't you, darling?"

"What—" Oliver's anger flared like an uncontrolled blaze. "Why the swiving hell would he be?"

The information, of course, wasn't news to Tau, who had sensed his kin gone the moment he emerged from the realm of the mindless entities. He'd simply pushed the knowledge aside at the time. He still didn't feel strongly about it, but Oliver's reaction touched him.

"Is that my mantle you're wearing?" ó hAonghusa asked, slender brows furrowing. "What in the blessed name of our Fae Mother have you done with it?"

" Our mantle," Maji cut in.

"That's my fault," said Lucetta breezily. "Tried washing it and well, that's what happened."

"Oh, you lie with such ease and yet you're terrible at it." ó hAonghusa remained unfazed. "Would you care for some tea?"

Maji huffed. "No, thank you. We're not accepting any hospitality from you."

"Why are you here, Guardian Tau?"

Tau became very, very still. Maybe if he kept silent and stared at the slight bump of Oliver's beautiful nose, the Fae would think he could no longer hear them this way.

"Silent as ever. You're placing yourself in danger by being so far from the mine, in your current state."

He bodily turned away from them.

"Just like old times," said ó hAonghusa, undeterred. "Tell me, or I'll sing to you. Which song was it you liked so much— "

"Following," uttered Tau.

ó hAonghusa smiled at Maji. "These rules don't apply here. We're in the human world, it isn't permitted."

"Neither is selling Sentinel magic," said Lucetta.

"Why such devotion to this scrawny thing, in particular? Oh, I've heard the talk," ó hAonghusa continued when Tau turned a questioning look at them. "From the ones who remain. They're not exactly thrilled about this…barely domesticated pet of yours."

Tau's shoulders were at risk of sagging. He wanted the Fae to stop talking to him. Maybe he needed to conjure another light, so that they might encase it and go away.

"Perhaps you'll tell me where you're intending to go, then?"

He cast for what his humans had said. "Malimoure."

ó hAonghusa hummed. "I've never been fond of rules."

Furthering Tau's glum mood. He didn't like having anything in common with the Fae. Beside him, Oliver's lips puckered in disdain.

"That's exactly my point," said Maji.

"I take it you three filthy things intend to stay here with Sentinel Tau? Then I insist you take one of the better rooms available. I won't have Them spending the night in anything other than the best."

ó hAonghusa's pale green eyes flicked to Oliver, pointedly.

"No thanks, we'll pay for our rooms," said Maji while Oliver looked on in confusion.

"I'll gladly take some of Sentinel Tau's magic in exchange, if that'll make you feel better." They offered Tau another smile he didn't like. "A fair deal, I'd say."

"Indulge me, dear Guardian," they lilted and Tau made a noise of frustration. It only prompted a twitch of their slender lips. "Why are you allowing that lowly human to touch you?"

Quiet. Be silent.

"Considering what you charged us for that mantel, I don't think so," Lucetta countered.

The Fae tilted their head, a shade of luminous purple surging through their eyes. They twirled a finger at Tau. "You may want to get that looked at. You look a little possessed."

"We already took care of that," snapped Oliver. "Luce did the same with his clothes. She's shit at doing laundry."

The noise ó hAonghusa made was too delicate to be a snort. "You are hilarious. No wonder Sentinel Tau likes you. I'm envious, I must admit. I too was hopelessly infatuated during my time as a miner."

Bad, bad.

Panicked, Tau glanced at Oliver, whose anger once again flared worse than his nostrils.

"You were a Mystical Miner?" Maji sounded impressed.

Oliver, visibly less so, tensing his jaw the way he always did when stressed. Hoping to soothe, Tau stroked the back of his hand. It seemed to work.

"Of course, how else would I know Them? It's not like They ever left the mine before. You're lucky," ó hAonghusa continued, filling Tau's core with more dread, "Sentinel Tau never once touched anyone during my time. It was and still is strictly against the law. It's always nice to see young ones flout the rules."

"It's a recent development." Lucetta glanced at their connected hands. "I remember when he strictly didn't. Only started once you touched him first, didn't it?"

Oliver's face pinkened and he mumbled something under his breath.

Mm.

He did like it so, when Oliver's cheeks bloomed.

"Oh, do tell me!"

That, he did not like.

The urge to backhand the Fae grew with every devious word spilling from their thin lips. They were no longer in his care. He could do it and not need to worry about alleviating afterward. Who would stop him?

Tau leaned forward, debating. Fae weren't as delicate as they looked. He'd seen ó hAonghusa fight against demonic entities before and couldn't deny there were hidden but clever strengths. True for all Fae, unfortunately.

And he was surrounded by them. What would his chances be, against all?

"Not much to tell, I'm just stupid," Oliver said, catching Tau's attention. "After Tau saved us from—what was it, that weird demon-thing with all the gouged-out eyes and wings? It made everyone scared enough to shit themselves."

Maji laughed, leaning back. "That was the Brummagem."

"That's it!" Oliver beamed up at Tau, quelling all of his frustrations in an instant. "Do you remember? I thought it was one of those angels I heard about, but all it did was show us our worst fears and memories."

"You two are reminiscing about it like it was fun." Regardless, Lucetta smiled.

"Well, now it is," said Maji. "I wish I could say I'm no longer scared of the same things."

ó hAonghusa waved an impatient hand. "Yes, yes. Now tell me how you touched Them?"

Tau beseechingly squeezed Oliver's hand. All he could do in an attempt to stop him from talking. The thing he had with Oliver was special, and he didn't want to share it.

"I kind of…hugged him. You know, out of relief."

"I honestly thought Tau was going to smite you." Lucetta snorted. "I'd just come from seeing the worst things my head could come up with, and that was the scariest moment of the entire day."

Oliver grinned, easing some of the stiffness that had caught between Tau's shoulders. He vividly remembered that moment, the way Oliver's arms encircled him. Relief and gratitude washing over both with a crippling intensity.

Tau had never seen a human weep with such brokenness before. It had awakened something within him. Rattling him, at first. So much, he'd failed to perform most of his duties for the remainder of that day, too preoccupied with a fervent need not only to analyse what had occurred, but to immortalise the memory.

He had created his compendium that same night. Placed a great many other memories inside afterward, too. Of entities and portals and dwimmer-rich artefacts. Mostly, his compendium was filled with every subtle touch and every smile. All the hullos and the his and the thank yous Oliver ever said to him. The way he'd looked at him on that day, brokenness and terror slipping from his face, replaced with appreciation and love. It was those pages Tau most often revisited.

Before then, he'd only ever had a vague sense of how humans fared, but wasn't aware of the impact his presence had on them. He'd learned how to better help, alleviate. In turn, he became more susceptible to their approval, their scorn.

Their hatred.

"Fascinating." ó hAonghusa slid a finger across their sharp chin. "So being touched was Their undoing?"

Distantly, Tau heard Maji ask about what the Fae meant, his attention caught by the hand that stroked his knee. His gaze followed the touch as it drifted up his thigh. Core aching, burning with longing. He wanted Oliver, wanted to take all of his second skin off and touch every single part of him.

"In any case, do we have a deal?" asked ó hAonghusa. "Some of Tau's lovely magic in exchange for a lovely room, meals included."

"A room with a bath, for today until tomorrow morning, with room service and breakfast," said Lucetta, then swiftly added. "And two beds, at least."

ó hAonghusa considered this, and Tau wondered if he would be required to cast anything large. Doing so would almost certainly alert the ancient dwimmer surrounding the city—in a way he wasn't fit to combat.

"All right," the Fae said at length.

"Oh, and you can't have Tau's magic, but you can have this." Lucetta leaned forward, closed her eyes with an exhale, and cupped her hands near her chest.

A long, long pause, during which Lucetta's face scrunched more and more with effort. Until tiny, coruscant clusters filled her palms. They speared Tau's core with hurt. Instellation, one of very few who hadn't made him feel like his existence was unwelcome.

"What the—" ó hAonghusa stood, finally looking something other than mildly interested. "How did you do that?"

"You want them, or not?" asked Lucetta, puffing out a tired breath.

"Yes! Give them here." A particularly greedy look crossed their slender face. Tau had seen that look many times before, in particular whenever the Fae glanced at any of his dwimmer. Violet eyes glittered as the stars rolled into ó hAonghusa's cupped hands. "That should suffice. Pleasure doing business with you."

Pocketing the dwimmer, they then stopped in front of Tau.

No, leave. Leave.

"I've always ached for you." The Fae raised a hand, extended a finger, and slid its tip across the breadth of Tau's chest. "Let me know when this tiny human-volcano disappoints you, as all humans inevitably do."

Every entity within the vicinity would likely retaliate, the only reason Tau thought better than to vanquish the Fae where they stood. He guided Oliver's soft hand to his chest and held it tight, hoping to soothe some of his love's frustrations as much as his own. It worked.

"That was probably a bad idea." Lucetta squeezed her eyes shut, then blearily looked over her shoulder to where ó hAonghusa had disappeared.

"Probably." Maji rose to her feet and whined. "I'm too tired to care."

Another Fae clad in bright red and gold led them up the flowery staircase, down a passageway equally verdant. Moths fluttered along the walls, their bright lights fluctuating with each dip behind wide leaves.

As enamoured as Oliver was by all the hanging blooms and glowing insects, he stuck close to Tau. Their fingers entwined, only to let go again to twist into attire, or to stroke down sides and forearms. Heat rapidly building, their longing making it impossible to part. Tau enwrapped his tiny love with both arms and hoisted him up against his chest, fragile human feet dangling.

At Oliver's lilting laugh, Tau thought his core might break free and fly away, light as it felt. The Fae cast him an odd look as they stopped by a door to open it with a flourish. Tau paid them no mind, carrying Oliver through. His gaze fell to the large bed nearby.

Yes, good.

He set Oliver upon it, now standing tall enough Tau scarcely needed to lower to bring his face against soft lips. Oliver readily obliged, and so he set both hands on thin shoulders, encouraging him to move back and hopefully, to lie down.

"Uh, what the hell?"

That was Lucetta and Tau couldn't care less. Desperate to feel Oliver as he collapsed atop him, pressing his lissom frame into shimmering gold fabric. He scoured every inch with eager palms, soon locating the hardening shaft between thin legs and gave it a firm squeeze. Oliver rewarded him with an enchanting mixture of a gasp and a moan.

Noises Tau had quickly come to adore. They were good sounds.

"Oh my dahlias —Ollie!" Maji strained.

Tau still didn't care. Unfortunately, his love pulled away, cheeks rosy and lips damp. He wanted that mouth back on his face, wanted more than that. Needed more.

"S-Sorry," Oliver mumbled and, to Tau's utter dismay, rolled out from under him, across the bed and off the other side.

He fled into a room beyond, leaving Lucetta, Maji, and Tau to look between themselves. The other two startled, Tau, frustrated.

"There's a small lake in here," Oliver's voice floated in, flat in its tone.

Lucetta and Maji chased into the same room, vanishing past an arched doorway reminiscent of two joined, slender trees.

Maji's tongue-click floated into the room Tau now occupied on his own. "That's a pond!"

"Yeah, like I said, a small lake."

When he followed them in, Tau stopped in his tracks. His need for Oliver hadn't waned in the slightest, but watching him fling his attire off to expose alabaster skin while he grappled with Maji and Lucetta to reach the small lake made Tau's vision spin.

Much skin. Pink. Beautiful.

"Ew, Ollie!" Maji squeaked, pointing between his legs and laughing. "Put it away!"

Oliver said something Tau didn't understand and shied away, face redder than Tau had ever seen it. Lucetta's snorting laughter cut short as she launched herself into the pond, sending water and floating leaves splashing across thick, mossy ground. Maji followed her in, and Tau hurried out the room.

Disgusting.

He understood humans needed water to keep themselves clean, but considered himself fortunate Oliver wasn't into such terrible habits as often as the others.

Much to his dismay, again, Oliver was covered once Tau reached him. There was a word for the blue-ish thing he used to shield his legs…

A warm hand slid past his hip. With a tender smile tilted up at him, Oliver moved in close. He pressed a firm kiss to Tau's abdomen, who ran his fingers through smoky locks. Those dark green eyes drifted shut, his face wearing evidence of fatigue.

Quietly, Oliver asked, "Are you okay, Sunshine?"

He wasn't. That thing twisted around his core, still. And there was nothing he could do to stop it.

A squeal and laughter barrelled in from the other room, followed by a loud splash.

Tau nodded, because there was nothing else to respond with. He lowered his face and pressed it to Oliver's forehead. His chest flexed, his need too strong.

Even though Oliver couldn't hear him, he uttered, "Love."